Chapter 180
“So I was afraid. Afraid that you would find me creepy.”
“…”
“Which is what ended up happening anyway.”
His voice grew progressively quieter until Eunseong had to press his ear against the door to hear. He furrowed his brow, trying to catch what Yoo Siwoon was saying. A whispered voice came through.
“…I should have protected you.”
“…”
“From myself.”
The more endearing and beautiful Eunseong seemed to him, the more Yoo Siwoon’s level of disgust toward them soared. He was disgusted by his family who tried to do such things to this kind and beautiful child; he shuddered at the thought and cringed even when such imaginings merely flashed through his mind. And he had promised himself that he would somehow stop it, protect Eunseong.
Eunseong must have felt similarly to how he had felt. Undoubtedly, Eunseong considered all of Yoo Siwoon’s actions no different from those despicable acts. The thought that all his confessions of love must have sounded like appeals of shameless and abnormal emotions to Eunseong made Yoo Siwoon feel as though his heart would burst.
“I’m sorry…”
Eunseong, who was sitting with his ear against the door, felt as if the ground beneath him had fallen away. His heart sank as he waited for a long time for Yoo Siwoon’s next words, but no further sound came. Even the faint presence he had sensed was gone.
“…”
He gently opened the door. The broad back that had been leaning against the door was gone, with only a package left in front.
Yoo Siwoon was nowhere to be seen.
As if he had never been there at all.
Director Nam, who had brought food on a tray, knocked on Eunseong’s door. For some reason, Eunseong opened the door immediately without checking who it was. Though he still kept his door locked, he wasn’t as sharply defensive as before.
“May I come in?”
“…I already ate something earlier.”
“What did you say? You haven’t eaten again? That’s why I brought this. I’m busy with company work these days, so it’s hard to act as your caretaker. Don’t worry me about your eating habits.”
“…”
Aware of Yoo Siwoon sitting on the living room sofa, Director Nam tried to maintain the conversation with a slightly raised voice, acting as if everything was normal. Eunseong gave him a disapproving look but opened the door wider.
Yoo Siwoon’s figure briefly flashed over his shoulder, but Eunseong hurriedly avoided looking at him.
He didn’t want to see him. If he saw him, if he saw his face, he feared he might keep looking, might not be able to take his eyes off him. He was afraid he might ask what their first conversation had been about.
While scolding him for not being honest from the beginning, saying that if he had told him, no matter how crazy it sounded, things wouldn’t have gotten this bad, getting angry at him again and again, and then Yoo Siwoon would apologize and ask for forgiveness…
And then gradually he would come to understand that he couldn’t blame Yoo Siwoon for his origins in this crazy household, and might eventually accept that Yoo Siwoon had no choice from the beginning.
But, even so, this wasn’t an issue that could be understood and overlooked in that way.
Director Nam entered Eunseong’s room and closed the door. He handed Eunseong an envelope he had concealed inside his jacket. Eunseong looked at him questioningly.
Director Nam whispered in a lowered tone.
“You know the CEO will be going on a business trip to Washington soon, right?”
“So?”
“That’s your opportunity. To leave this place. These are your new identification documents, so keep them safe. No one must find out.”
“…”
Currently, the safest place to store documents in this house was Eunseong’s room, where Yoo Siwoon couldn’t enter freely.
Eunseong lowered his gaze to the envelope he had received. There was something inside. He checked the contents: a passport with his photo but an unfamiliar name, a plane ticket to Auckland booked under that name, bundles of cash sufficient to pass through immigration without being flagged, and a SIM chip for immediate use in a foreign country.
Director Nam didn’t provide additional explanations about the contents of the envelope.
“There will be a major trial. An internal whistleblower will provide important testimony, so we can include you in their witness protection program as a relative. When the CEO goes on his business trip, you’ll take a ship to Japan and then board a plane to Auckland.”
“Auckland… New Zealand?”
“You’ll stay with a host family in Auckland until you finish school. Don’t worry about visas or living expenses. After graduating, you’ll live independently. You can go wherever you want freely. Just don’t come back to Korea. If you must return, wait at least ten, no, twenty years…”
“…”
“Live with your new identity, forget everything that happened here.”
“…”
“You can do it, Eunseong. Just like when you ran away twice without any plans, you’ll run away again.”
Director Nam explained the specific plan, but Eunseong stared blankly at the documents in his hand as if hearing someone else’s story.
Interpreting Eunseong’s silent hesitation as fear, Director Nam tried to ease his tension with jokes, saying not to worry, that it was just another place where people lived, and that it would be safer than here. However, his efforts seemed ineffective as Eunseong’s frozen expression remained unchanged.
“Do you understand what I’m saying?”
“When the ahjussi goes on his business trip… I should leave here without him knowing, right? Because that’s the only opportunity.”
“Since the CEO can’t enter this room, keeping these here is the best option, which is why I’m giving them to you in advance. Still, hide them well. Pack whatever you need. It’s in two days.”
Director Nam patted Eunseong’s back as if to encourage him and turned to leave.
After he left, Eunseong folded the envelope in half and wandered around the room, ultimately unable to hide it anywhere and tucked it under his pillow.
Escape, separation from Yoo Siwoon, was becoming a reality.
Leaving this place. Leaving Yoo Siwoon. Abandoning Yoo Siwoon. Never seeing him again.
“I think we’re more than lovers.”
“…More than lovers?”
“I think we have a marital bond.”
A marital bond.
Those words, which had once seemed unbreakable, now felt utterly empty.
This was the end. This was the pitiful conclusion to the bond he had promised.
“…”
Eunseong instinctively knew that if he left like this, everything would end. For some reason, he felt a wave of weakness, as if all strength was draining from his body.
Despite the fact that he would be escaping from the brainwashed lies and wrong beliefs surrounding him, starting a new life free from the unfair interventions that had controlled his life since birth, he didn’t feel particularly happy. He didn’t feel unburdened. His chest felt strangely constricted and suffocating.
Thump, thump, Eunseong beat his chest with his fist. The anger that continued to coil inside him wouldn’t unravel, tangling within him, and something heavy seemed to settle in his chest as if he had indigestion.
“Ugh… uh!”
Eunseong continued to hit his chest. He struck it harder and harder, as if trying to calm the discomfort that made his complexion turn pale blue.
It was a pain he wanted to vomit out, even if he had to stir his throat with his fingers. Eunseong tried to forcibly induce nausea. The frustration of wanting to throw up but having nothing come out rose to the top of his head.
As he was hitting his chest hard enough to bruise, there was a knock and the door opened.
“May I come in?”
It was Yoo Siwoon.
Eunseong didn’t answer. He lowered his hand that had been thumping his chest and unconsciously glanced back at the envelope hidden under the pillow.
Taking Eunseong’s lack of response as permission, Yoo Siwoon slowly opened the door.
He was holding a disassembled part of a telescope. It was the one that had been placed below the window in his study.
“I’ll set it up in your room.”
Yoo Siwoon spoke kindly, not knowing that Eunseong was planning to escape, planning to leave him. Despite having suffered such cruelty, he was still trying hard to exchange even a few words, to make contact and meet his gaze.
Eunseong should have said he didn’t need it, but the words wouldn’t come out. Not noticing Eunseong’s pale face, Yoo Siwoon moved the telescope into the room. He began assembling it by the window, as if he had moved a large canvas.
He had taught Eunseong how to find the Big Dipper in summer and the middle point of Cassiopeia’s W in winter. When teaching Eunseong anything, Yoo Siwoon tried to explain accurately and in detail, kindly and affectionately, and never once showed impatience.
For a worried Eunseong, he had stayed up all night to take pictures of a bird and send them to him, and though he had used tongs, he had placed a wet cloth on Eunseong’s forehead when he was sick.
He had been so careful not to touch, knowing the danger they posed to each other if they made contact, knowing they would inevitably respond to each other.
Trying not to love, trying to forever avoid the fact that they had been waiting for each other their entire lives.
Then he should have endured until the end. He should have pretended not to know until the end.
“You might be able to see better from here than from my study.”
Yoo Siwoon’s voice was unusually excited about moving something he cherished and valued into Eunseong’s room.
“I’ll give you a book so you can try finding other constellations too. If you’re not sure, just ask me.”
“…”
“You’ll be able to find them well on your own.”
Author: Hyacinthus B
Hyacinthus
