“How is it? Want me to change it?”
“……Uh, no.”
I leaned my back against the seat again and sat upright.
Inside my mouth, where Jun had stirred everything up, tingled as if I’d just received a numbing injection at the dentist. We’d kissed just as deeply inside the game before, but back then all I felt was pure ecstasy—none of this strange sensation or lemon taste.
There were limits to how fully a game could reproduce real-world sensations. Thinking about it made my ears burn hot enough to itch, so I gulped down the cold iced tea to cool myself off in a hurry.
“Then shall we go? Put your belt on.”
“Y-yeah.”
My tongue still felt numb, and the words didn’t come out properly. I should’ve asked why he suddenly kissed me like that, should’ve said something—but the timing had long passed.
Unless you were gay, getting kissed by another guy was supposed to feel repulsive. But maybe because I’d already gone through some conditioning in the game, I felt completely fine. Not only was there no aversion—the kiss with Jun had been soft and intoxicating.
My mind kept drifting in that direction, like we were progressing our physical closeness in real life. As if… as if Jun might be thinking of me as someone special.
Isn’t this seriously dangerous?
“Hyung.”
Maybe I hadn’t answered despite him calling several times, because Jun’s finger lightly tapped my cheek.
“You’re okay, right?”
“Huh? About what?”
“Today’s reward. Can we receive it at my place?”
“……Your place?”
Jun said the location itself didn’t matter, but he needed to stop by home. He said he needed to prepare something. I wasn’t even mentally prepared—what use were preparations?
“I’ve got a few more things to ask from you too. We’ll talk about the rest at home. For now, get some sleep. We might stay up late.”
“What……?”
As the speed of the car kept rising, I stopped asking questions and let Jun focus on driving. The car carrying the two of us sped freely along the quiet highway.
***
While I kept worrying about it, my eyes closed before I knew it. Well, I’d told him he could do whatever he wanted, so it should be fine. I was that guy’s master… and he was my…
“Wake up. We’re here.”
“Mmh?”
I’d expected him to wake me with a kiss, so thankfully he didn’t. Maybe he wasn’t that far gone.
Normally Jun parked in front of our real estate office, but for some reason today he parked in the underground garage. The parking lot was brightly lit even at dawn, so it didn’t feel late at all. Before getting out of the car, I checked the time—it was past 1 a.m.
As we got into the elevator, Jun pressed both the 7th floor and the 1st floor at the same time.
“Hyung. Are you hungry? Want to grab something? There’s nothing to eat at home.”
“I heard you’re good at buying tteokbokki. Go get that.”
“Okay. Go up first. The password is 248625.”
“248…… what?”
“Give me your hand.”
When I held out my palm, Jun traced a ‘♢’ shape counterclockwise on it and then split it through the middle.
“Just press it in a diamond shape. You’ve got it memorized now, right?”
“Ah……. Yeah.”
After he got off on the first floor, I saw him walking toward the building entrance. Judging by his response, he must’ve brought someone here before to eat tteokbokki—but who had he brought? That guy who stole the card back then? Or someone new?
But is it normal for me to even be curious about this?
I got off on the 7th floor and opened the door using the password he’d told me. This was only my second time entering his place. The wide living room stretched out before me—it felt spacious, yet at the same time strangely devoid of any warmth.
First, I turned on the living room lights and sat on the sofa. Maybe he cleaned often, because it felt like an empty house where no one lived. Then I got up and lowered the blinds on the large living room window in front of me. Someone outside might be able to see in.
Next, my eyes were drawn to the doors on the right side of the living room. The left side of the entrance hallway was neat in black and white, but the right side had warm wooden doors and a corridor. I knew it was rude, but I was curious. What exactly was behind that door? I approached it and turned the old-style doorknob.
Click.
As expected, it was locked.
“You know Jun wouldn’t like people going in there.”
Startled by the sudden voice, I turned around to see a slender man standing there. He looked quite young, with delicate features. And his clothes… were just underwear.
“Ah….”
It reminded me of the first time I ran an errand to buy condoms. Back then too, that man had been wearing nothing but a pair of panties. His face had been covered by a mask so I couldn’t see clearly, but the bleached yellow hair—there was no mistaking him. The guy who had gotten into the car with Jun in front of the hospital.
Ah.
For some reason, my mood sank instantly. First, I erased the thought that Jun might see me as someone special. I’d assumed I was the only one, but thinking about it carefully, there was no reason for him to be that way. I was just playing the ‘master’ role in our roleplay, and the man standing in front of me might be playing another role for him.
Maybe… he was playing the ‘lover.’
“That expression’s something else. Like you just saw something you shouldn’t have?”
The man stared at me for a moment, then muttered that he should take a shower and went into the bathroom.
I didn’t know what kind of expression I had on, but I didn’t want to face Jun like this. I’d gotten ahead of myself, and realizing that made me feel like an idiot.
I put my shoes back on and left. When I saw the elevator coming up, I turned toward the emergency stairs instead. If the elevator doors opened, I’d run into him—and I might give away the fantasies and assumptions I’d spun up on my own.
Even one kiss had my thoughts this tangled. If things went further than this, my mental circuits might completely break. Hands, back, self-pleasure—who knew what would come next? The uncertainty made me more anxious. I had a vague feeling that I wouldn’t be able to handle him.
I’m just playing the master role. I shouldn’t misunderstand.
Just one kiss from Jun earlier, and I was already acting like I was someone special to him. I didn’t know how to control my thoughts or suppress my emotions.
I left the building and walked toward the main road. While I was walking, Jun called me. I hit decline and turned my phone off completely.
I felt embarrassed for getting ahead of myself. If he broke free from his impotence, I wouldn’t need to play the master anymore. That was the extent of my role. I needed to draw that line—but strangely, I felt resentful toward him, and I didn’t want to see him right now.
Since it was dawn, the only way back was by taxi. But at this hour, taxi fare and a motel fee would probably cost about the same, so I went into a nearby motel. I wanted to lie down immediately. To quiet these feelings, it felt like I needed to fall asleep without thinking about anything.
I took the key from the counter and went into the room. The moment I opened the door and stepped inside, exhaustion and emotional fatigue washed over me, and I collapsed onto the bed. My thoughts tangled together in a pitch-black mess, leaving no gaps. My head throbbed so much I thought I wouldn’t be able to sleep—but thankfully, I drifted off.
***
The dress shoes inside the store shone under the lights. Without the lighting, they’d just be black shoes, but just as a position makes a person, the setting changed the object too.
I pointed to one pair and sat down, and the clerk brought it over behind me. The shoes I’d seen earlier were placed on the floor. As expected, they were identical to the ones in the shoe closet.
“Hyunsoo, here to buy shoes?”
At the voice from beside me, I stopped bending down and straightened up again. A familiar face entered my field of view—Namgung Bin, one of the people who had sold off my debt as collateral. To be precise, it had been his father, but still.
I’d heard Namgung Bin was the same age as me. Despite his pleasant face, he came from a completely different background—someone who had already climbed to the top of the food chain. The title of being an “illegitimate child” might’ve sounded messy, but Namgung Bin always seemed bright. Like the shoes under those lights.
Without answering, I put the shoes on and stood up. Since they were custom-fitted, they hugged my feet perfectly—no worry about blisters on my heels. It was a shame; if my heels got scraped from wearing new shoes, my owner would probably like that. He might even lick my heels with his tongue. Until they bled.
“These shoes aren’t that great.”
“That’s none of your business.”
I called the clerk over and handed my card to them.
Namgung Bin wasn’t the type to pester people. The last time we’d spoken privately had been quite a while ago. One day, he’d come and gone from the mansion where I stayed, exchanging light conversation with my owner before leaving.
It hadn’t been because he was curious about how I was doing—he’d clearly come to propose another ‘product.’ Because while talking with Namgung Bin, my owner had glanced at me and slightly shaken his head. Ever since I fell into debt, they’d known every detail of my movements. Before leaving the mansion, Namgung Bin had whispered into my ear.
[I opened an office in the building where you used to stay. Want to come visit?]
I’d stared at him blankly, though it was hard to hide my momentary surprise. I’d hoped it was just a passing comment… because I planned to ignore it like I was doing now—but he didn’t look like he intended to let it go.
I took the shoes and walked toward the parking lot. Behind me was the bodyguard assigned by the house, and behind him came Namgung Bin. Calling him a bodyguard wasn’t quite right—he was more like a watcher. If I tried to go somewhere else, he’d step in front of me and block my path. Even now, when I turned away from the parking lot and started walking toward Namgung Bin, the guard stopped me.
“You need to head back.”
“I just need to talk for a moment. You know that person too, right?”
The guard glanced at Namgung Bin and obediently stepped aside. Namgung Bin pointed toward a small café next to the parking lot and suggested we go in. We entered and sat side by side by the window. The guard stood outside where he could see us, staring in.
“That must feel suffocating.”
“I’m used to it. ……But why do you keep bothering me? If there’s debt left, talk to that person.”
I ordered a drink but didn’t touch it, just fished out the ice and put it into my mouth.
“There is some left. But that’s not under my jurisdiction.”
Maybe because it was Saturday, couples and crowds of people passed by outside. Watching them move freely through the glass made me feel like I was trapped inside a cage. Though, to be fair, I really was living like I was confined.
“Want to make a deal with me?”
“I got sold off because of my father’s gambling debt, and now you want me to play another disgusting game?”
I kept chewing only the ice. When the crushed ice melted and slid down my throat, my mouth felt empty again. I popped another piece into my mouth.
“Don’t you want to see Seomun Jun?”
I rolled the ice slowly in my mouth before biting down hard.
“No.”
“If I get you out, will you go to Seomun Jun?”
“I said no.”
Making sure the guard outside couldn’t see, Namgung Bin slipped a small phone into my hand.
“My number’s in there. Contact me if you need it. People’s hearts aren’t as unchanging as bamboo, you know.”
I tried to put it back on the table, saying I didn’t need it—but my eyes met the guard’s. Whatever I did would reach my owner’s ears. Which meant something that might’ve earned me a slap would instead get me punched.
I placed the phone inside the shoe box. Seeing that, Namgung Bin smiled in satisfaction.
“I’ll get going first. Your guard’s looking at me like he wants to kill me. Try to contact me soon. I can only help if Seomun Jun wants you too. I need to get something out of it for fairness’ sake, right?”
“…….”
“In the meantime, I’ll look for a replacement product for you. Oh, and if you get caught, you know what to do, right? Drop it in water. It’s an old model—one touch of water and it dies immediately.”
As Namgung Bin stood up and left, the guard watched him suspiciously.
Only after he was gone did I finally take a sip of my drink. It was sweet. Was I really allowed to taste this kind of sweetness again?
I was thirsty. After two years, maybe that was only natural.
