Chapter 92
At that, Seo-jung couldn’t hastily utter any words.
He thought he would feel relieved. He thought he would leave this place with a light expression, grateful that he could just pass it off as a mistake. But Cha Yoon was standing in front of him again. It was a complete reversal of his expectations.
“Please, I’m begging you…”
When no answer came, Cha Yoon, who seemed anxious, bit his lip and murmured once more as if pleading. At Cha Yoon’s face, which even looked desperate, Seo-jung nodded without realizing it.
“…Alright, then.”
The words escaped like a sigh. Cha Yoon didn’t miss those words that seemed like a whisper. Cha Yoon, who had been granted a final chance, exhaled the breath he had been holding like a relieved person.
At Seo-jung’s invitation to come in, Cha Yoon once again stepped into the house. Sitting at the dining table again, Cha Yoon couldn’t utter a word for quite a long time. He didn’t know if he would ever be given such time again. So he wanted to use the allowed time without regrets.
What should he say first? How should he say it? After pondering for a long time, he uttered his first words.
“I’m sorry.”
When an unexpected situation unfolded twice, cracks appeared in Seo-jung’s expression, which had been feigning calmness. Unable to give any answer to Cha Yoon’s words, the following story was enough to completely silence Seo-jung.
“For everything I’ve done wrong to you, hyung. From when I first woke up in the hospital until now, I now know how hurtful all my words must have been to you. I only realized it now, and all I can say is sorry… So I’m even more sorry.”
“…”
“I know this can’t be resolved with just a few words. But I still wanted to apologize. Whatever the reason, it would only be an excuse, so I won’t say anything more.”
“…”
“I’m sorry for hurting you.”
There was no response, but Cha Yoon didn’t mind. He moistened his lower lip with his tongue and spoke again.
“Hyung, do you know why I came here? I came because I was angry with you. I couldn’t understand what you were thinking. It was clear that you felt the same way as me since you accepted the kiss, but I couldn’t understand why you were avoiding contact.”
“…”
“Isn’t it funny? After acting like that all this time, I foolishly thought that just because we kissed once, since I liked you, you must like me too, that we now understood each other’s feelings.”
Like an idiot… Cha Yoon muttered quietly and smiled bitterly.
“Actually, after putting you to bed at dawn, I couldn’t sleep, so I looked around the house.”
At the word “house,” Seo-jung, who had been frozen without showing any reaction, flinched. He could guess what kind of story was coming.
“Yesterday, I couldn’t see anything but you, so I didn’t notice at all, but when I looked around slowly by myself, I started to notice my surroundings.”
Cha Yoon turned his gaze from Seo-jung, where it had been fixed all along. Everything from the toothbrushes of different colors hanging in the bathroom to the set of tableware in the kitchen, and the indoor slippers right in front of the shoe rack – everything was in pairs, as if coordinated.
“At first, I thought you might be living with someone else. Because there were signs of use, so they couldn’t be new.”
“…”
“But something felt strange.”
However, such thoughts began to fade with the objects he discovered next. What caught his eye were those things at the end of Cha Yoon’s current gaze. A thick coat that didn’t match the current season at all, hanging on one side of the living room sofa as if just taken off, and a travel magazine with a long-past date placed on the sofa table.
As if entranced, Cha Yoon flipped through the magazine and stopped at the only page that was half-folded. He saw a photo of a dazzling sunset over the sea and small writing below it.
‘The place to go with Seo-jung on this trip. I want to go soon, Seo-jung.’
There was no doubt about who had written this sentence. It was none other than his own handwriting.
Cha Yoon, who had been unable to take his eyes off the magazine for a long time, stood up from the sofa. He wanted to directly check something that particularly caught his eye. The photo albums of different colors on the bookshelf to the left of the living room. Cha Yoon pulled out the one on the far left.
The year was written on the front cover of the photo album. It was exactly 7 years ago from now. He slowly turned the cover. And what he found inside was the record of the past 7 years he had been so curious about.
20XX. 3. 13.
The first photo taken with the new camera. From now on, I’ll be your personal photographer for life. I like you, Ki Seo-jung.
20XX. 3. 19.
Ki Seo-jung is pretty even when studying. When is he ever not pretty?
20XX. 3. 23.
The first and last meal Seo-jung cooked. From now on, Ki Seo-jung will only eat meals I cook.
└ Was it that bad?
└ Yes.
└ Our Yoon who doesn’t know what a white lie is…
└ Haha, I like you
20XX. 3. 26.
Seo-jung sleeping looks like an angel
The photo album was full of pictures of Ki Seo-jung or both of them together. And below each photo was a brief memo. Most of them were written by him.
As he turned the pages of the photo album with his fingertips, his heart sank heavily. Nevertheless, Cha Yoon continued to trace their memories without stopping. And not long after, Cha Yoon’s hand suddenly stopped.
20XX. 4. 16.
100-day anniversary date
Ki Seo-jung I love you love you love you
It wasn’t because of the image of the two of them embracing each other, nor because of the first appearance of the word “love” in the photo album. It was because of the familiar background in the photo where the two were standing together.
It was darker than the scenery he knew, perhaps because it was close to nighttime, but the cherry blossoms blooming under the yellow streetlights were clearly visible.
‘…Song Joo-ah.’
At the same time, he remembered Song Joo-ah, who had once come to his house, rummaged around, and asked if she could take a photo. His own voice, easily saying she could do as she pleased, overlapped in his mind.
Cha Yoon couldn’t do anything for a long time. Because he clearly remembered who Song Joo-ah’s first date partner was.
What must Ki Seo-jung have thought when he arrived there with Song Joo-ah? Was he angry? Sad? Did he feel empty? He remembered himself getting angry at Seo-jung when he returned, not knowing at all how he must have felt after finishing that date. It was maddening.
After berating himself for a while, calling himself a mindless bastard and a selfish jerk who only cared about his own feelings, Cha Yoon finally came to his senses and started flipping through the photo album again.
As he sat in the living room, retracing their time together, he had reached the last volume. Unlike the others that were densely filled, the seventh photo album was barely filled with even ten pages.
Despite skimming through seven years of records, unlike the previous day, nothing came to mind. No matter how many times he tried to remember something, anything, it was the same. It felt as strange as looking at someone else with the same face as him.
With a heavy heart, as he was about to close the photo album, one photo particularly caught his eye. Cha Yoon pulled out a single photo from the plastic sleeve. It was in the very last page of the photo album.
20XX. 1. 3
Seo-jung diligently planning our 7th anniversary trip.
He’s trying to act nonchalant but his excitement is so obvious, it’s adorably killing me
As written in the caption, the photo showed Ki Seo-jung intently looking at a magazine he was holding. That’s when Cha Yoon’s gaze, which had been fixed on the photo, began to move. He turned his head to look at the table.
On the table was the magazine he had just been looking at, spread open. It was the same one that Seo-jung in the photo was examining.
He knew. The fact that Ki Seo-jung had been carrying the memories for both of them alone. His heart ached thinking about the time he must have endured alone. So he hoped that Seo-jung had no feelings left, that staying in this house was just out of habit, that it held no meaning for him.
But when he directly faced what he had only vaguely thought about, the emotions he felt the day before seemed as small as dust. A wave much larger than that comparison washed over his entire body. He could barely breathe due to the pity he felt for Seo-jung.
Ki Seo-jung still trapped in there unable to escape, himself unable to remember anything, and the fact that effort alone couldn’t solve this. All these things mixed together and filled Cha Yoon’s mind.
After panting for a long time, Cha Yoon finally came to his senses. Rubbing his face as if washing it dry, Cha Yoon slowly caressed the photo in his hand. For a very long time, like that.
“So I realized that you’ve been living here… alone all this time since then. Because with your personality, there’s no way you would have left traces of your ex-lover in a space you share with a new person.”
“…”
“I’m sorry for looking around without permission. But I don’t regret it. If I had missed it this time, I probably would have lived my whole life without knowing.”
That was Cha Yoon’s sincere truth without even a speck of lie. It was painful like tearing flesh, but still, he was grateful. Grateful that he didn’t miss seeing Seo-jung enduring the pain alone.
