“I think this must be a dream.”
I must be having a terrible nightmare. I muttered to myself as I headed to the playground. Since I’ve met both Hee-ae and Cho-yeon, does that mean only In-sae is left? As soon as I thought of In-sae, a male student with gray hair stuck to my side.
“Shi-dan. It’s not a dream.”
“Mmm, it’s In-sae.”
I know. Just let me be in denial.
I never requested individual meetings with these three, so why do I keep ending up alone with them? In-sae quietly walked beside me, matching my pace.
For a while, we didn’t say anything. The headache gradually subsided. I was going to go to the nurse’s office if it got worse, but fortunately it didn’t. In-sae glanced at me and asked.
“Does your head hurt?”
“No. It doesn’t hurt. I’m really fine.”
“You look like it hurts. Do you have a fever? Your face is red.”
“You know me well. I can’t hide anything from you. But it’s getting better now, so I’m okay.”
I answered while stopping In-sae from dragging me to the nurse’s office. In-sae let go of my wrist that he had grabbed while checking my complexion. I rubbed the wrist where In-sae’s hand had touched.
“My face is red because I’m flustered.”
“Is there something to be flustered about?”
I sat down on a playground bench. A cool breeze blew.
“Yeah, there were several surprising things.”
In-sae showed curiosity. I said quietly.
“You know what you said you’d tell me after school today? I think I know now.”
“That’s good.”
In-sae answered indifferently. I tried to make eye contact with In-sae but gave up. I can’t make eye contact right now.
“That’s your only reaction? I’m saying I know everything, your feelings, and everyone else’s feelings too.”
“Shi-dan, what?”
In-sae turned around urgently, as if surprised. Did you think I would answer cluelessly like ‘Of course we’re friends!’? In-sae walked over with big strides.
“That person is me, I found out unexpectedly.”
“Congrats on finally knowing. You finally got it right.”
“Don’t I get a prize for getting the right answer?”
I asked in a deliberately playful voice. In-sae smiled slightly.
“What should I give you? The prize is me.”
I was flustered for a moment and moved far away from In-sae. I raised both hands and answered.
“I can’t accept a person. So, I can’t accept it in any other sense either.”
“Are you rejecting me?”
I flinched at In-sae’s question. Rejection, that’s right. I had to reject In-sae’s feelings. Because I’ve only thought of In-sae as a friend.
“I’m sorry. I’m an inadequate person, and there’s nothing about me to like. And you’ve only been a close friend to me, nothing more.”
“Shi-dan, do you like the ocean?”
In-sae said something out of the blue. The ocean all of a sudden, what a random topic. I let out an incredulous laugh and answered.
“Right now I’m saying I don’t like you, that you were just a friend to me, I’m rejecting you, and you ask that question? …Fine, I’ll answer. I like it.”
“What about waves? Do you like waves too?”
“Waves? I like them. So why are you asking questions like this? That question had nothing to do with what we were talking about.”
I said in a voice almost about to cry. In-sae pointed to himself with his finger and asked.
“You said I resembled waves. You like waves but you hate me who resembles waves?”
I burst out laughing for a moment. It’s really an absurd claim. In-sae didn’t give up and said again.
“I resemble waves. So like me too.”
“What kind of logic is that? In-sae, I neither dislike nor like you. I have no feelings for you other than friendship.”
Even In-sae is persisting without easily accepting rejection, why is this happening? I spoke in a sharper voice than before, but In-sae spoke without backing down.
“The other kids confessed too, what did you answer? I don’t think they just left after you rejected them either.”
I wondered whether to lie, then gave up.
“Did the rumors spread to the entire neighborhood, or are you just quick-witted? Right, they all didn’t accept it easily.”
“I thought so.”
“You’re too quick-witted, you strangely know the school layout well too, what kind of kid are you?”
“I know the school layout because I saw another kid make a map.”
“What kind of kid is that? Is he a spy?”
In-sae shrugged and shook his head, not knowing either. Someone figured out the school layout and even made a map? Whoever it is, that’s impressive dedication.
“Shi-dan, I said I’m awkward. Keep being conscious of me. I just need to make you like me.”
How are all three of them like this? In the end, I gave up trying to persuade him further.
“Fine, try it.”
“Okay, I’ll try.”
In-sae pressed his forehead against mine and rubbed his face, then pulled away again. For a moment, my vision spun. I stood up abruptly while covering my face.
“I’m going now. I’m going to organize my thoughts alone.”
***
I tried 99 methods to figure out whether this was a dream or reality by myself. And I seriously wondered if my memory was wrong. It’s not a dream, it’s reality, and my memory is fine too. I entered the classroom 5 minutes before lunch break ended.
“Yu Shi-dan, what’s the occasion that you’re coming separately from those two?”
“Is that such an amazing thing? You really.”
I answered as if nothing was wrong and sat down in my seat. Hee-ae looked at me, then smiled affectionately and waved his hand. The feelings I had barely calmed down earlier stirred up again.
Why does Hee-ae look fine when I was flustered and did all sorts of things? I greeted Hee-ae as usual and asked Lee Seung.
“Lee Seung, when is next week’s fan club activity?”
“Next week we’re going on a field trip. You’re so scatterbrained.”
“Cho-yeon, did you change your name?”
I called Lee Seung, but Cho-yeon answered instead. Cho-yeon, who was sitting behind me, got up and came to my side. How about we keep some distance?
“You make a fuss whether I tell you or not.”
That’s strange. He’s not making an angry expression but smiling. Why are you smiling? Cho-yeon smiled and lowered his head. Then he made eye contact with me. I avoided his gaze and changed the subject.
“The field trip is 2 days and 1 night, right?”
“They said we’re going to an amusement park.”
They must have money. How long has it been since we came back from the first semester field trip? Such a nice school. The class president and Lee Seung exchanged glances, then clapped loudly. I’m the expert at clapping, want to learn from me?
“Right. Yu Shi-dan, you remember, don’t you?”
“Remember what?”
“Our memories.”
“What did you do with Lee Seung?”
Hee-ae, you always call me ‘Shi-dan’ but now you’re saying ‘you,’ it feels really cold. What would I have done with him? What memories?
“Lee Seung, I don’t have any memories with you. Did you mix me up with someone else?”
“But we have such beautiful memories.”
“What memories? Make them with me.”
Hee-ae pounced on me eagerly. I carefully observed Lee Seung’s expression. He makes that face when he’s joking around. As I was looking at Lee Seung, Hee-ae just grabbed my face and turned it toward himself.
I was a little surprised when Hee-ae’s hand touched my face. But I brushed it off as nothing again and protested.
“I don’t have any beautiful memories with Lee Seung. For reference, I have plenty of hellish memories.”
“Don’t you remember from the first semester? For the second semester field trip recreation, we decided to send you out. And make you wear a skirt too.”
“Goodbye.”
I kicked away from my seat and ran out of the classroom. And I was caught by In-sae, who happened to be entering the classroom. It’s almost a hugging position. I escaped from In-sae’s arms and ran to the front door.
“I won’t do it.”
I’m leaving to find my happiness!
I tried to open the front door and go outside, but this time I ran into the Five Great Kings. I obediently stepped aside.
The Five Great Kings looked at me with unfriendly eyes and entered the classroom. Cho-yeon grabbed me and sent me back to my seat.
“I said I won’t do it? I’m just going to sit quietly like a flower and watch the recreation while clapping?”
“You can just stand on stage quietly like a flower.”
Today, Hee-ae’s cheerful voice feels scary. When I tried to get up again, In-sae pressed down on my shoulder and made me sit back down. Is this a new form of torture?
“If you can’t convince me, it’s over. You’ll never be able to convince me.”
I crossed my arms and made a firm decision. I absolutely won’t give in.
“We already knew you were doing it though? For reference, Hee-ae suggested making you wear something open on the sides.”
“Hee-ae?”
Shock, horror, terror – true story. The back of my head tingles. Hee-ae smiled innocently as if he knew nothing. In-sae, who had been watching quietly, said indifferently.
“I don’t want to send Shi-dan out in front.”
“In-sae says so.”
I have an ally.
“But I didn’t say not to dress him up.”
My ally disappeared.
“Anyway, that’s what was decided. I said no, I said Yu Shi-dan didn’t say that, but the kids didn’t believe me.”
The class president made excuses.
“There was no one else but Shi-dan. No matter how much we looked, there was no one.”
“Fine, I got it.”
In-sae said weakly. It’s the first time I’ve heard In-sae’s voice like that. It must have been really hard. I finally surrendered and changed the subject.
“How are we going to assign rooms for the field trip?”
“Of course you have to share a room with us.”
Hee-ae said as if it was obvious. Is it okay for you to share a room with me?
“Han Cho-yeon-nim said he didn’t want to share a room with the Five Great Kings-nim. You’ve been talking with him lately, right? I’m jealous.”
Seon-yoon came forward and explained.
“This time, you can share a room with Han Cho-yeon-nim instead of me.”
You’re telling me to share a room with the three people who like me, that makes so much sense. I lowered my voice and asked In-sae.
“You want to share a room with me?”
Author: Hyacinthus B
Hyacinthus
