Chapter 166
As soon as Mitchell arrived home, he threw himself onto the couch where Geon-woo was lying. Geon-woo, pinned underneath, let out a soft laugh.
“You’re back quickly?”
“I could have been faster. Your car is heavy. We should change it.”
Today, Geon-woo had driven Mitchell’s car, and Mitchell had driven Geon-woo’s. Wondering how soon after changing cars Mitchell was suggesting this again, Geon-woo shook his head and immediately refused.
“No. Just when I’m getting used to it, you want to change again. I’m fine with it, so it’s okay. And you’re the one driving something too fast. Oh, right. Thanks to you, I had an early start today. People were staring so much, tsk. Thank you for making me the center of attention.”
He was talking about the sports car. Geon-woo, trapped under Mitchell, stretched out both hands and pinched Mitchell’s firm buttocks hard. As he playfully complained, Mitchell, who had been hovering over Geon-woo, relaxed his body and crushed Geon-woo beneath him. Pressing down firmly, he opened his mouth.
“So what did you want to tell me?”
Mitchell had been thinking about what Geon-woo wanted to say the entire way home. He wondered if it might be what he had been waiting for all along. Like a confession, perhaps. Or maybe Geon-woo would directly explain why he hadn’t confessed. Either way, Mitchell would have welcomed it.
There was a reason for thinking this. Geon-woo had been very disappointed about not being able to attend the family event held today. Maybe he was finally ready to end their ambiguous relationship and naturally be absorbed into the Cronenwirth family. That’s what this conversation was about, right?
If just a small spark was ignited, he would be the one to pull the trigger. He could tell Geon-woo that he thought about him much more than Geon-woo thought about Mitchell. He could even promise to say “I love you” for the rest of their lives.
When Geon-woo sat up straight, Mitchell also sat down right next to him. Although the silence lengthened, Mitchell waited for Geon-woo. And finally, Geon-woo opened his mouth.
“I met someone today.”
Geon-woo picked up his phone lying next to him and fiddled with it. There was no sign of the excitement one might expect before a confession; instead, he looked anxious, like someone who had committed a crime.
“There was this man who said he was sorry to you and left this number. He didn’t explain why he was apologizing or who he was.”
Geon-woo bit his lower lip as he finished speaking. When he turned the phone to show Mitchell, Mitchell’s face went pale and subtly cracked. There was no doubt Mitchell recognized the number.
“Do you know where this person is now?”
His voice was flat. It was as calm as a machine reciting a warning message, but it resonated like an intuitive sense of crisis.
“I don’t know. I asked for his contact information or where he was staying, but he just gave me this number and left.”
The question “Could that person possibly be your biological father?” rose to Geon-woo’s throat. To calm Mitchell, who was glaring at the phone as if he wanted to tear it apart, Geon-woo took his hand. Perhaps because of this, Mitchell’s body, which had been as stiff as a statue, turned towards Geon-woo.
“Where did you meet him?”
“In a public parking lot near the filming location.”
“How did he know you were an acquaintance of mine?”
“I think it was because of your car. That sports car. He seemed to know it was your car.”
Mitchell closed his eyes for a moment as if lost in thought, then opened them again.
“Did he say anything else? Besides that he was sorry?”
“No. Other than that…”
“…I see.”
“Hey… why don’t you try calling?”
“Who is this person?”
“Huh?”
“Who do you think it is, that you’re telling me to call?”
Mitchell wasn’t angry at all. Geon-woo didn’t think he was angry either. He hadn’t raised his voice or made his expression fierce, but for some reason, he felt distant. Geon-woo ended up laughing.
“You’re right.”
“Nothing else happened?”
In fact, there was one more person he had encountered besides that man. But it didn’t seem important enough or the right situation to mention it now, so he didn’t bring it up.
“No, nothing.”
“…Geon-woo, I’m sorry, but I don’t have an appetite, so you’ll have to eat dinner alone. I ate a lot at the event. I’m going to go rest first.”
It was an awkward lie. In his messages, he had said they would eat a delicious dinner together, but now he was saying he had no appetite. But understanding Mitchell’s feelings to some extent, Geon-woo just nodded.
“I’d rather you didn’t go out alone. I’ll order food for you.”
Mitchell said as he stood up. His eyes looking down at Geon-woo were gentle but somehow dry.
“…Okay.”
Geon-woo had no intention of directly provoking Mitchell, who was so disturbed that he was skipping a meal. He planned to order food first and then coax Mitchell into eating together.
Geon-woo was okay with not hearing Mitchell’s inner thoughts in detail. It was enough for him to fill in Mitchell’s torn parts. He believed it was possible in any form. There was also an arrogance that Mitchell couldn’t do anything without him. In nicer terms, it was faith.
Mitchell kissed Geon-woo’s forehead before going upstairs. After ordering Geon-woo’s favorite food, he went straight to the bathroom in the bedroom and took a shower. He stood under the lukewarm water pouring over his head for quite a long time. Like the ambiguous temperature of the water flowing down his body, his heart was neither hot nor cold. He didn’t know how long he had spent under the water.
When he came out, the delivered food had already arrived.
“Mitchell, want to try eating a little?”
Geon-woo brought one of the dishes and waved it in front of Mitchell. He tempted him with a careful smile, but Mitchell only ate Geon-woo’s lips once.
“Sorry. I don’t have an appetite.”
After sending Geon-woo downstairs, Mitchell dried his hair, put on his underwear, wandered around the room for a while, and then lay down on the bed. He closed his eyes, but sleep didn’t come. He repeatedly sat up at the edge of the bed and then stood up.
The clock that caught his eye by chance showed that it had just passed midnight. How had so much time passed without him realizing?
Shaking his head, he went downstairs. He needed to find Geon-woo.
***
After finishing my meal, I looked up at the second floor where Mitchell would be. Even after cleaning up, brushing my teeth, and memorizing dozens of pages of script, there was no sign of Mitchell. I wondered if he had just fallen asleep, but when I tried to go to the bedroom, I couldn’t take a step. It seemed like I should give Mitchell time to think alone.
Mitchell hadn’t overcome his childhood trauma even until he became an adult. It was natural for his head to be in turmoil now that the person who was essentially the cause of his trauma had appeared.
I thought I could be a pillar of support for Mitchell in his struggle. I believed I was a valuable existence to him, but as time passed, my confidence decreased. Seeing that Mitchell hadn’t come to find me yet, it seems there are things I can do and things I can’t. Bitterly.
I sprawled on the couch for a long time, reading through the script that wasn’t really registering in my eyes. There was a bedroom on the first floor where I could sleep, but I couldn’t sleep there.
It would be like I was avoiding Mitchell. It would be okay if I fell asleep on the living room couch while reading the script, so I didn’t move.
Hah, but it’s already 9 o’clock.
Mitchell had gone upstairs around 5 o’clock, so we had been apart for 4 hours already. Even though we were in the same house, I hadn’t seen, heard, or touched Mitchell for a whole 4 hours.
“…”
Let’s wait for now. Mitchell wouldn’t be sleeping at this hour.
“…”
It’s 10 o’clock. Is 10 o’clock still early evening…? Let’s wait a little longer.
“…”
It’s 11 o’clock. My mouth is dry, and my chest feels tight and stuffy. The withdrawal symptoms that had disappeared have reappeared. Before I got close to Mitchell, I often felt like this because my reckless obsession with him wasn’t resolved. These were the symptoms from when I couldn’t properly have Mitchell.
“…”
12 o’clock.
Wait a minute. Is that clock correct?
I checked my phone clock once more, not trusting the wall clock, and then despaired. It really was midnight.
It seems Mitchell had fallen asleep without me. To think he would use that big bed alone, leaving this cute me behind. He’s truly a cold-hearted bastard. I knew the shock was big, but I didn’t expect him to abandon me completely. It was unexpected.
I’ve given him enough time to think alone, so is it okay to go up now?
I put down the script that wasn’t registering in my eyes and closed my eyes. Just as I was calmly recalling what to say, I heard a sound.
It was a sign of movement from the second floor. Mitchell was coming to me.
Right, Mitchell wouldn’t sleep alone without me.
But for some reason, I didn’t want to get up. I hadn’t organized my thoughts on how to comfort him. I had so much I wanted to say to Mitchell. So I was afraid I might make a mistake if I tried to offer clumsy comfort. I kept my mouth shut and didn’t open my eyes.
Even when Mitchell touched me, I pretended to be asleep. I thought he would hug me and take me to the bedroom, but he just held my hand without doing anything else. Then he lay down next to me and tried to sleep.
The couch was wide, but the area we occupied was narrow. Mitchell hugged me tightly. He pulled up a blanket that had fallen under the couch to cover us, then turned off the living room lights with the remote control. It looked like he was planning to sleep like this.
Should I pretend to wake up now? But because of what Mitchell quietly said in my ear, I couldn’t.
“I love you.”
