“He’s oblivious.”
True. Kalix disliked Alexander’s outings and openly showed it, so Alexander’s other friends never brought up talk of going out in front of Kalix at least. But only Philip couldn’t understand and remained the same.
“Then does Dylan know too?”
“Probably.”
What about Jasper then? Actually, that was what he was most curious about. He probably didn’t know. Before the school year changed, they at least met while going back and forth for roll call checks since they shared rooms, but there was no opportunity for that now.
Moreover, as Kalix had already painfully experienced, the preparatory department and military studies department buildings were quite far apart, so unless it was on purpose, there was no occasion to meet. Alexander didn’t go out of his way to find Jasper, and Jasper wasn’t the type to do so either, so they probably hadn’t been meeting much recently.
But if he actually asked whether Jasper also didn’t know, and was asked why he was curious about that, he would have nothing to say. So he kept his mouth shut for now, when Jasper suddenly appeared in front of them. This kind of coincidence was not welcome at all.
“Jay, you’re awake.”
And at the sight of Alexander trying to approach Jasper, Kalix pulled Alexander back entirely to prevent him from going. Come to think of it, they could have met in the dining hall. While Alexander always had breakfast and dinner with Kalix, he usually spent lunch with his friends. He might have coincidentally met Jasper then. Perhaps that happened frequently.
Even if that weren’t the case, it was natural for greetings to be natural since he was his younger brother, but still, it was displeasing. At Jasper’s gaze that alternated between looking at him and Alexander, Kalix embraced Alexander’s waist and met that gaze directly.
Whatever feelings Jasper harbored toward Alexander, however long it had been going on, Jasper couldn’t possibly have heard the kind of words from Alexander that said “you’re mine.” But Kalix had heard it. Directly from Alexander. So Alexander was his, and there was no share for Jasper.
“I don’t like your brother.”
Kalix pulled Alexander along and moved without giving Jasper any chance to greet them.
“You don’t really need to like him.”
Alexander seemed unable to quite understand what Kalix was doing, but he was dragged along without any particular objection. At least his mood improved a little when he confirmed that Jasper left the dining hall immediately without eating. He knew Jasper didn’t have the courage to grab a tray and suggest eating together, but still, you never knew.
Now that Jasper was gone, he tried to have a cozy meal while chatting with Alexander, but once Alexander settled into his seat, he looked around as if searching for something. Was he looking for Jasper? That sight reminded him of the winter villa. The way he had gone to Jasper when he heard that the sick Jasper had gotten up, even though he was with Skylar.
If Alexander knew that Jasper had even skipped his meal, he would definitely worry. What was the big deal about a grown man missing one meal. But he absolutely hated the idea of Alexander knowing.
“Sasha.”
“Yeah.”
At the gaze that returned to him, Kalix said whatever came to mind to keep holding that gaze.
“You know the handkerchief you gave me? The one you gave me before.”
“When you were crying?”
Embarrassment rushed over him momentarily. He had cried then too. He cried yesterday too. Come to think of it, he had cried when they kissed too.
“I don’t usually cry much.”
“Right.”
It was frustrating because he didn’t seem to believe him at all. But Kalix really wasn’t the type to cry often. In the first place, he originally didn’t have major problems with emotional regulation. After getting his body back, there were quite a few problems, but anyway, he still didn’t cry. Even before meeting Alexander, when he was most anxious, he didn’t cry. Besides, his parents always said that Kalix didn’t cry much even when he was very young.
“Really.”
“Got it.”
He was about to get annoyed for a moment, asking why he wouldn’t believe him when he was talking, but Kalix forced it down. Kalix had resolved to always be kind to Alexander.
“Anyway, can I have that?”
“I gave that to you, what, a little over six months ago?”
It was a topic he had brought up randomly to divert attention from Jasper, so that was also somewhat embarrassing. He should have brought up a recent topic. Besides, after saying it, memories came flooding back. The Kalix of that time knew Alexander’s feelings but couldn’t endure it himself, so he wished for Alexander’s sacrifice. To hide his feelings and stay by his side. Because Kalix needed it.
Even right before that, he had said to meet a good person, not to think about being used and to really meet a good person. Kalix had certainly wished for Alexander’s happiness even then, but in the end, it was himself who had used him. Yet Alexander still liked him, which made him grateful and sorry.
“I was sorry about that time.”
His voice naturally became gloomy. No matter how well he treated him, it didn’t seem like he could make up for that wrong. What if Alexander still had scars from it?
“You said you were sorry then too.”
But Alexander’s voice was actually calm.
“And I said it was okay then too.”
Kalix carefully checked that gaze. Alexander, who had been looking at Kalix quietly, slowly smiled when their eyes met.
“Whether it’s the handkerchief or whatever, take anything you want.”
It was a very casual tone. An equally ordinary voice, a natural smile. But in the end, everything was only familiar to Kalix. Alexander didn’t treat other people this way. Only Kalix.
“Not to that extent, that’s okay.”
Kalix barely answered while slightly lowering his gaze, then looked at Alexander’s hand holding the utensils. Large and straight, but actually soft and gentle hands. Kalix raised his gaze again. And at Alexander’s eyes that he met again, without even realizing it, Kalix smiled as if warmth was spreading.
If Alexander was there, he thought that such tickling days would become his daily life from now on too. Perhaps, probably.
* * *
Kalix pondered a little while sitting embraced by Alexander. It seemed like he had gotten a bit smaller after all. Rather than Alexander holding Kalix, he had just draped his arm over Kalix’s shoulder. Still, it roughly worked out as a pose.
Kalix slightly turned his head to look at Alexander. Alexander seemed to have been watching Kalix the whole time, as those green eyes immediately came into full view. At the always gentle color, Kalix naturally smiled, then soon asked.
“Sasha, are you very close with Benjamin Miller?”
Kalix these days was so curious about Alexander. Even though he said he liked him, Kalix didn’t know Alexander in detail. Until now, Kalix had lived being anxious about everything, not being able to care for others, let alone himself. It was Alexander who had cared for Kalix during that time.
Once he knew that, everything about Alexander became curious. Kalix only knew the visible parts of Alexander. Even though he had been to Alexander’s house and met all his family members. Besides, especially when he went to Clifford territory during summer vacation, his mental state had reached the absolute worst, so it was even more so.
At that time, looking at his family members, he had only managed to think they resembled Alexander, but thinking about it now, it would have been good if he had talked more. He could have heard many stories about Alexander’s childhood and other things.
“So-so.”
“Which department is he in?”
“Science department.”
“Was he a friend from preparatory school?”
“No. While drinking.”
He always tried to treat him kindly, but when such words came out, he became displeased again. Kalix just gently kissed Alexander’s chin. He knew it was okay to touch first, but he still became cautious.
“Will you go drinking again?”
“Should I not go?”
“Yeah.”
He didn’t like Alexander going out, he didn’t like Alexander going out without Kalix, and going out without Kalix and then sleeping in another room was the worst.
“Then I won’t go.”
At that voice that whispered while gently kissing his cheek, Kalix’s fingertips somehow grew a little hot. Kalix pretended not to know and held Alexander’s hand.
“Does Philip know we’re dating now?”
“I’m not sure.”
“Will you tell him?”
“Should I tell him?”
“Yeah.”
Kalix continued.
“And tell him not to flirt with you in front of me.”
Philip was particularly dense. Alexander’s friends all had that kind of aspect to begin with. They all had little interest in other people’s affairs and easily let everything slide.
“Got it.”
So wouldn’t it be good for Alexander too to have someone like Kalix who wanted to watch over everything about Alexander by his side?
“Sasha, do you have any classes with Rosie this time?”
And Kalix suddenly asked in continuation.
“Do I ask too many questions?”
When he glanced around, worried that he might be bothering him too much, Alexander smiled and held Kalix’s face with his hand, kissing him here and there.
Author: Hyacinthus B
Hyacinthus
