“It’s okay. We can do it again.”
At those words that came with a kiss to his hair, Kalix hugged Alexander tightly.
“No. I want to date now.”
Even as he said this, Kalix felt Alexander patting him and thought about Alexander’s words. He really should do that. When summer vacation comes, everything will be okay, so then he should confess again, properly and prettily. It’s a mess now, but it won’t continue to be a mess forever.
“Well, that’s a given.”
And so, Kalix ended up sleeping in the same bed as Alexander. His tears had long since stopped, and even though they had both washed up and prepared for bed, they were reluctant to be apart. Since it was a single bed, Alexander had to press almost against the wall, and Kalix was crumpled up in Alexander’s arms, but it was still good. They could be closer together, hold each other more tightly. That made everything good.
* * *
Kalix reflexively grabbed onto something that felt like it was slipping away from beside his head, preventing it from leaving, and burrowed into that warmth. So warm. Then, with the pleasant warmth stroking his hair and the gentle kiss that briefly touched his forehead, he tried to fall back into sleep. But in the midst of such peace, this time the warmth touching his body disappeared entirely. Even though he seemed to have been sleeping quite deeply just moments ago, his eyes immediately opened.
“Sleep more.”
Alexander, who had been getting out of Kalix’s bed, saw that Kalix had woken up and pushed him back down, kissing his eyelids. Kalix just reached out his hand to wrap around Alexander’s waist.
“Training?”
“Yeah.”
“Why were you trying to leave without letting me see you?”
Shouldn’t he naturally wake him up? They had slept in the same bed, after all.
“I get scared when you’re not there when I wake up.”
And today especially so. After all that chaos yesterday, if Alexander hadn’t been there when he woke up, this time he might have really gone all the way to the training grounds to find him. Or maybe he would regret it upon waking? That didn’t seem likely though.
“Then you can just keep sleeping until meal time.”
Feeling the hand stroking his hair and gently caressing his earlobes, it seemed that wasn’t the case after all. It appeared he was simply being considerate so Kalix could sleep more.
“I’ll be in front of you by then anyway.”
“Still.”
Even so, he definitely didn’t like the idea of Alexander not being there when he woke up, so as he answered from within Alexander’s embracing arms, Alexander gently massaged Kalix’s shoulder.
“Is your body okay?”
“Why?”
“It seemed like you slept uncomfortably.”
Kalix shook his head. In fact, far from being stiff anywhere, he felt more refreshed than ever before.
“What about you?”
When he lightly grabbed Alexander’s arm, Alexander answered with a smile.
“I’m fine too.”
Wanting to see that smile, he stealthily lifted his head and their eyes met immediately. With the warm gaze directed at him and the gentle atmosphere, Kalix carefully placed a light kiss on that cheek.
He now knew that Alexander wouldn’t stop him when Kalix touched him, but he wasn’t sure if kisses were okay too. But this seemed to be fine as well. His mood immediately improved. Because they were dating. Kalix kissed the corner of his lips once more and said,
“Have a good trip.”
“Yeah.”
And at the sight of Alexander getting up from his spot, Kalix looked up at him while regrettably holding onto his hand.
“You know I like you, right?”
“Yeah.”
Is that it? The end?
“I’ll be back.”
But when Alexander then bent down to kiss the corner of Kalix’s eyes, all the disappointment disappeared.
“Keep sleeping.”
At the following words, Kalix nodded, and obediently sat on the bed watching Alexander roughly prepare and leave the room. Kalix stared at the door Alexander had left through, then lay back down on the bed. Even though it was the bed he always slept in, it somehow felt empty, so Kalix pulled the blanket close and hugged it tight. It seemed like Alexander’s scent still lingered there.
* * *
Actually, Kalix seemed to have a tendency to think about the world too much from his own perspective. It was always Kalix’s role to run away, yet even so, he wondered if Alexander might pretend not to know Kalix. But thinking about it, when Alexander had briefly vacated his room because of Kalix, he still greeted him properly every morning.
Still, Kalix couldn’t help but come out in front of the dormitory, wondering when Alexander might return. He just wanted to see him sooner. Kalix looked at his watch, then at the military studies students gradually coming in, then at people walking from a bit further away. Then he happened to see Edwin.
“Eddie, where’s Sasha?”
“Sasha?”
“Alex.”
When he said it again, Edwin looked around with a somewhat subtle expression.
“Kalix, you know Alex, right? But why him specifically?”
Kalix had been constantly following Alexander around, and though secretly, he had held his hand several times, so those who knew probably knew. Moreover, due to the Academy’s characteristics of restricted outings and being closed off, while it couldn’t compare to heterosexual relationships, same-sex relationships were also tacitly quite common.
Especially in cases where someone already had a fiancé, they would sometimes make lovers through the strange logic that if it was same-sex, it wasn’t cheating. Even Kalix knew of several pairs in his own dormitory who were particularly close together. Edwin, who had been there two years longer than Kalix, would know this even better, so Edwin didn’t seem to be talking about Kalix dating someone of the same sex.
“His looks?”
Kalix stared blankly at Edwin for a moment. Of course Alexander was handsome. But in reality, that had been a reason to be wary, not a reason to fall for him. There hadn’t been any good reason to begin with. He just liked him. He liked him even knowing it wasn’t allowed. Now that he had acknowledged it, he liked him even more.
“No.”
“Kalix, I know you won’t listen even if I tell you, but still, if possible—”
Just then, Alexander could be seen walking behind Edwin.
“Sasha’s here.”
Kalix left Edwin behind and immediately walked toward Alexander. Alexander, who had been coming while talking to someone beside him, saw Kalix and looked at him as if he hadn’t expected it, then said something to the person next to him and came straight to Kalix.
“Why were you outside?”
“To see when you’d come.”
“Stay in the room.”
Kalix looked at Alexander smiling at him, then lightly touched his sleeve. He suddenly became anxious. The memory of being rejected just yesterday flashed through his mind. As he reflexively pulled his hand away at that memory, Alexander took Kalix’s hand. It’s okay now. Only then did Kalix feel relieved and look at Alexander again.
“Sasha, who was that just now?”
“A friend.”
“What did you talk about?”
“Whether sleeping instead of eating breakfast would make him late for class.”
Kalix looked at Alexander intently. Alexander had never lied to Kalix from the beginning. Whatever he asked, Alexander answered everything. So it was the same now, but Kalix gripped their joined hands a bit tighter.
“Why do you talk when I’m not there?”
At Alexander’s gaze directed toward him as if gauging what he meant, Kalix continued,
“Sasha, you said so yourself. You told me not to talk to other people without you. But why do you talk to other people?”
“Ah, should I not talk either?”
“Yeah.”
It was an obvious thing to say.
“Okay. Got it.”
At that answer, which came as if it was nothing he couldn’t do, Kalix stuck close to Alexander as they entered the dining hall and suddenly looked around.
“Sasha, did Eddie know originally? That you like me.”
Come to think of it, after their first kiss, Alexander naturally assumed he and Kalix were dating while Kalix didn’t. Before that, they had never held hands or shown any particular signs. But thinking about it, even then Edwin had seemed to know who Alexander’s partner was.
“How could only he know.”
Still, Alexander didn’t seem to have particularly shown it. In the first place, knowing that Kalix would feel burdened or scared, Alexander had always been somewhat careful. Nevertheless, Alexander had been treating Kalix differently from others for quite some time now. So close friends might have already known.
“Philip didn’t know.”
Author: Hyacinthus B
Hyacinthus
