#48
Will they love me now too? Can we live as a true family? What if my parents now extend warm smiles and gentle hands to me, just like they do for hyung?
It didn’t take long for the expectations that had filled his young heart to shatter completely.
On the day Eunsol gathered his courage and clutched his stepmother’s skirt, he was slapped until the back of his hand turned red and was thrown down to the floor.
‘How dare you touch me with your filthy hands.’
Even now, those harsh words remained vivid in his memory.
After repeatedly expecting and being disappointed unilaterally, Eunsol learned one method: to not expect anything. If he didn’t expect, he wouldn’t be disappointed when his desires weren’t fulfilled.
There was also a good thing about living without expectations. The rare kindness that occasionally came his way made him feel like he was flying with happiness.
“Just do as you always do. Expectations are too much for me.”
Eunsol mumbled bitterly as he caressed the red marks on his palm. These were traces from last night when he had clenched his fists with all his might while enduring Hyun-oh’s pheromones.
Despite his short nails, he had applied so much pressure that the marks seemed likely to remain on his palm for a long time. Just like the bluish bruises scattered across his body.
Why had he hoped to see Hyun-oh by his side as soon as he opened his eyes? He should have been grateful just for Hyun-oh staying with him to suppress his heat cycle.
Eunsol carefully stroked his thin stomach.
A strange expectation blossomed in his heart.
“But a baby… would it be okay to hope for that?”
He wanted to have Hyun-oh’s child. Hyun-oh had said he didn’t want children, but if Eunsol gave birth to a baby that resembled him, perhaps his mind would change. If the baby took after Hyun-oh, it would surely have defined features and be beautiful, even as an infant.
And he wanted to give his child all the love he had never received.
He wished for his baby not to spend a childhood riddled with loneliness like he had, but to grow up feeling only the complete love of parents, with a face full of childlike laughter.
Then suddenly, a memory surfaced, and Eunsol’s face turned pale.
‘Just to be clear, I don’t want children. Contraception must be ensured.’
It was the cold voice that had pounded in his ears when Eunsol had stared, entranced, at clause 7 of the contract. The clause stating that if pregnancy occurred, all rights regarding the child would be entrusted to party A.
It felt as if he had basked briefly in the warm sunshine of expectation, only to be thrown under a winter downpour.
Eunsol did not have a body naturally conducive to pregnancy. Typically, the academic consensus was that higher pheromone levels and higher ranks increased the probability of pregnancy.
Still, he had briefly dreamed that miraculously, a baby might find its way into his womb.
But even if a miracle happened and he did conceive a child, Eunsol wouldn’t be able to properly fulfill the role of a parent. Everything depended on Hyun-oh’s wishes.
Moreover… Hyun-oh had insisted on contraception. It wasn’t written in the contract. The contract only included the section about rights to children.
Eunsol moved his gaze quickly, scanning the room.
The evidence of last night remained intact on the bed. The same was true for Eunsol’s body. Hyun-oh had left the bedroom at some point, and after Eunsol regained consciousness, he was alone on the disheveled bed.
What if Hyun-oh had gone to get contraceptive pills?
“Ugh…”
Eunsol abruptly got up from the bed as he imagined Hyun-oh offering him pills. But then he collapsed to the floor due to the sharp pain that shot through his lower back.
His knees, which hit the floor with a thud, stung. He could feel something that had been inside him flowing down his thighs.
But Eunsol didn’t have time to be consumed by pain. He felt he needed to hide his body somehow. He didn’t understand why he felt such fear.
Even though he knew well that he didn’t have the right to freely have a child, he was afraid that miraculously, life might have been conceived in his womb. He feared that this life might leave before it even properly settled, because of a small pill.
Eunsol crawled on the floor, turning his head to find a space where he could hide. At the end of his desperate gaze, he spotted the entrance to the dressing room connected to the bedroom.
Though he might appear normal at first glance, in reality, Eunsol was not in a normal state, either physically or mentally. He had nearly been forcibly violated by his husband’s half-brother, and then had his first intimate experience with Hyun-oh.
Experiencing such events in succession, each one enough to break one’s spirit, had thrown his immature mind into confusion. On top of that, family was the one thing Eunsol had always desired.
Despite knowing that pregnancy wasn’t easy, he couldn’t let go of that thread of possibility. And that possibility drove him into a corner.
“Lee Eunsol?”
Hyun-oh opened the bedroom door only to find an empty bed. As he called for Eunsol and scanned the room, he spotted a small figure collapsed in front of the door leading to the dressing room.
Quick footsteps led to Eunsol. Hyun-oh hadn’t been gone for long. His brow furrowed at the marks left all over Eunsol’s body.
Unfortunately, he hadn’t kept a medicine box in the bedroom, so he had been searching the house for ointment that would be effective for bruises. Since he rarely used a medicine box, he had no idea where the servants kept it. The large window outside showed the night view.
It was the dead of night when most people would be asleep. He didn’t want to wake up anyone, whether secretary or servant, who was surely sleeping, just to ask about the location of the medicine box, so he had wasted some time looking for it himself.
But he couldn’t understand why Eunsol was suddenly acting this way. When Hyun-oh had gotten up from the bed, Eunsol had been sound asleep, like someone who had done hard labor.
It wouldn’t be an exaggeration to call it labor, as it was clearly a difficult experience for Eunsol, who had been driven to the point of passing out during his first experience.
From the moment Eunsol heard footsteps, he tried to move more quickly toward the dressing room. Well, he was probably trying to increase his speed, but from Hyun-oh’s perspective, it looked like he was just struggling on the floor.
Despite the pain that must have been shooting through his lower back and bottom with even the slightest movement, Eunsol stubbornly headed for the dressing room. Hyun-oh wondered if Eunsol might be going to get clothes because he didn’t like being naked.
“I was planning to bathe you and then put pajamas on you.”
Hyun-oh knelt on one knee and spoke in a low voice. That’s when Eunsol’s movement stopped. With his head bowed deeply, Eunsol hesitantly tried to get up from the floor.
He couldn’t fully stand; he only managed to push his upper body up by pressing his palms against the bedroom floor. Hyun-oh lowered his head to examine Eunsol’s complexion.
Eunsol maintained his position with his forehead directed toward the floor, as if making eye contact with Hyun-oh would be disastrous.
Seeing his pale face smeared with tears, Hyun-oh brushed back his hair. Anyone witnessing this situation might misunderstand and think Hyun-oh was intimidating Eunsol, given how terrified he appeared.
“What’s the problem? Are you still not feeling well?”
Judging by Eunsol’s pheromones, his heat cycle had definitely ended. Hyun-oh planned to call the doctor as soon as day broke to have Eunsol properly examined.
When Hyun-oh entered the bedroom, he had driven out not only Kim Myungjun and the doctor but also the other servants from the house. He found the presence of anyone else in the place he shared with Eunsol unpleasant.
Because of this, the spacious house was now enveloped in silence except for the sounds of Hyun-oh and Eunsol moving.
“…I’m fine.”
When Hyun-oh asked if he wasn’t feeling well, the answer that came back was that he was fine. …As always, it was an insincere response. Anyone could see that Eunsol was not in good condition.
Not only his physical state but also his psychological state seemed greatly diminished.
Eunsol always seemed intimidated when standing before him, but now he looked like someone who had committed a grave mistake and didn’t know what to do.
Hyun-oh’s eyes narrowed slightly. It seemed like Eunsol wanted to hide something from him, but it didn’t look like he would easily open up.
“Let’s get you up for now. I’ll help support you.”
However, they couldn’t continue this standoff. Eunsol needed absolute rest. Even now, his face was flushed. If Hyun-oh were to place his hand on Eunsol’s forehead, he’d surely feel a heat that would scorch his palm.
“No, I…”
Hyun-oh looked down at his hand. It was the hand that Eunsol had just pushed away.
Only then did Eunsol raise his bowed head and tremble his large eyes uncontrollably. Though it was Hyun-oh whose hand had been pushed away, it was as if Hyun-oh had shoved Eunsol, given how much more pained Eunsol looked.
“I-I’m sorry. What am I doing…”
Even when Hyun-oh had turned Eunsol around and roughly pushed into him yesterday, Eunsol had desperately endured the force applied to him rather than pushing Hyun-oh away.
Now, Hyun-oh wasn’t even forcing himself on Eunsol. He had remained still then, but now he was rejecting a hand offered in support, which momentarily didn’t make sense.
“…Let’s move you first.”
Hyun-oh’s voice deepened. This time, Eunsol didn’t resist Hyun-oh’s touch and meekly accepted it. Hyun-oh placed his hands under Eunsol’s shoulder blades and the back of his knees, lifting him up.
Eunsol’s body was lifted lightly and placed on the bed. Then, noticing the mess on the bed sheets, Hyun-oh narrowed his eyes and brought a blanket that was draped over the sofa, spreading it widely on the bed.
“Lean back against the pillow and sit. Until I’ve filled the bathtub.”
After finding the ointment, he had planned to bathe Eunsol in the filled tub. He needed to clean out what had filled Eunsol’s insides. If it was a small amount, it wouldn’t matter, but a large amount could cause abdominal pain if left alone, though not as severe as for a beta male.
Author: Hyacinthus B
Hyacinthus
