93.
When watching Choi Jae-won blindly rummaging through traces, not realizing his hands had become covered in wounds from sifting through the remnants of the already sunken “Ryu Ho-yeon,” completely contradictory emotions would shake his mind into chaos.
The impulse to stand before Choi Jae-won, who still couldn’t forget Ryu Ho-yeon, and aggressively declare that he was the person Choi Jae-won was looking for, versus the instinctive fear he felt toward Choi Jae-won who unconsciously frowned at the glimpses of bumpy skin that weren’t fully covered.
He wavered, lost between being Won and being Ryu Ho-yeon.
Although hesitating due to lukewarm fear had never been his nature, deep love and fear of loss drove Ryu Ho-yeon into a strange emotional state he had never experienced before.
Under the magically beautiful night sky that Choi Jae-won had given him, Ryu Ho-yeon would sometimes offer foolish prayers. That Choi Jae-won would never return to Korea, that he would love Ryu Ho-yeon forever, that he would remain permanently before his eyes.
It was easier to pray without any guilt precisely because he knew it would never come true.
After learning that the diamond he had forgotten he’d lost was actually here, and that the person who had sold it was the benefactor who had saved him when he collapsed, he just wanted to run away without thinking.
Because regardless of whether he feared it or not, it was only a matter of time before Choi Jae-won realized that this wretched, mangy colt-like “Won,” who was no longer an S-class Esper and not at all beautiful, was in fact “Ryu Ho-yeon.”
But when it came down to it, his feet wouldn’t leave Choi Jae-won’s side. Even though he knew he could communicate directly with Grant in English and didn’t particularly need Choi Jae-won as an interpreter, he orbited around him like the moon circling the Earth.
One moment he wanted to know immediately how Choi Jae-won would react upon learning the truth, the next he wished he would never find out.
Would he be angry? Disappointed? Or… would he finally be freed from the ghost of that terribly long first love?
Although he was clearly agonizing about this confusion until his head felt like it would explode, why on earth…
“Ho-yeon, is it delicious?”
“Ah, well…”
“What? Is it not good? Should I have them bring something else?”
When he came to his senses, things had somehow turned out like this. Choi Jae-won, who used to brush off Ryu Ho-yeon’s arm with disgust whenever they accidentally touched, was now smiling contentedly as if just watching Ryu Ho-yeon eat was enough to fill his own stomach, and brought another piece of well-ripened mango to his lips.
“…No. It’s delicious.”
He awkwardly shook his head and parted his lips slightly. He never had a particularly large mouth to begin with, but due to his injuries, even swallowing a small piece of cut fruit was difficult as the muscles in his face would pull with the slightest movement.
Choi Jae-won gently caressed the scars around his mouth, saying he must have been in a lot of pain.
“I’m sorry. For not finding you sooner.”
“Umm…”
Strictly speaking, since he was the one who had been in hiding while having his memory perfectly intact, it was rather embarrassing to accept that apology.
He avoided answering and just chewed the fruit in his mouth. Choi Jae-won found this endearing and smiled contentedly again.
‘If I had known it would be like this, I should have just looked for him from the beginning…’
No matter how much his appearance had changed, no matter how diminished his abilities had become, just the fact that he was Ryu Ho-yeon was enough for him to receive Choi Jae-won’s affection, which still shone down strongly like a midsummer sun. Suddenly, he felt more regretful about the past years. Regret, now of all times. Now.
He had scared himself unnecessarily, even though no one had ever confirmed Choi Jae-won’s change of heart.
Perhaps it was because… more than anyone else, Ryu Ho-yeon himself couldn’t accept his changed appearance or lost abilities.
“Don’t worry about anything now. What’s there to worry about when hyung is here?”
“…”
Yes, he’s right. There’s nothing to worry about now. Everything is just fine.
Somehow Ryu Ho-yeon had survived. And Choi Jae-won still loved Ryu Ho-yeon, who had maintained nothing of his original self except for the fact that he survived. And no dungeons or monsters had appeared in this world.
Everything was good, really incredibly good…
“Right, Ho-yeon?”
Why was this guy suddenly perpetrating the ridiculous scam that Ryu Ho-yeon was younger than him?
“…Yes.”
Because those sparkling eyes were so expectantly waiting for an answer, Ryu Ho-yeon quickly swallowed the mushy fruit and nodded in agreement.
If he revealed that he had only lost his memory for a very brief time and now remembered everything completely, this outrageous scam of Choi Jae-won’s would end immediately. But he simply couldn’t do it.
He didn’t know how to honestly confess everything that had happened without hurting the feelings of his precious boyfriend who had searched for him without forgetting him for a moment in nearly ten years.
What should he say? That he had his memory intact but hid for three years because he wasn’t sure whether Choi Jae-won’s feelings would change upon seeing how he had changed? That if Choi Jae-won hadn’t found him first, he might never have gone looking for him?
Though it’s certainly hindsight, now that things had turned out this way, even he couldn’t understand why he had engaged in such foolish thinking and pointless effort. To clearly state, without beating around the bush, that it was simply because he couldn’t trust him.
“Wow…”
“…”
“I’m so happy right now. This isn’t a dream, is it? It can’t be a dream.”
“…”
“Ryu Ho-yeon is right in front of me now. A living Ryu Ho-yeon…”
To such a straightforward and loyal lover, Ryu Ho-yeon simply couldn’t do it.
Instead of butchering his heart with a few words that would make him face reality, Ryu Ho-yeon raised his hand, still covered in scars, and gently caressed the face that was immersed in a dreamy happiness.
In the past, at times like this, a subtle guiding would have flowed in like a stream, but now he felt nothing. The numb fingertips, with even the fingerprints all disfigured, only conveyed a pleasantly warm body temperature.
“…It’s not a dream.”
“…”
“…So please stop crying, Mr. Choi Jae-won.”
A cascade of smiles bloomed once more at the corner of Choi Jae-won’s lips. A few more drops of tears that flowed habitually wouldn’t matter. No, what would be a few streams of tears?
If they were tears flowing from excessive joy, tears newly formed in reverence for Ryu Ho-yeon, Choi Jae-won would only be glad.
Choi Jae-won buried his face deeply in the palm of his lover who was no longer an Esper, and silently mouthed the words “I love you” over and over.
Even that was consideration born from blind affection. To Ryu Ho-yeon, who hadn’t yet regained his memory, Choi Jae-won was still just a client he had met recently. Someone so unfamiliar that it was awkward to be alone with him.
So even Choi Jae-won’s feelings, which would occasionally burst forth overwhelmingly, would still be a burden to Ryu Ho-yeon. Knowing this well, Choi Jae-won comforted himself by murmuring his confession silently in this way. Without doing even this much, he simply couldn’t endure.
Ryu Ho-yeon wanted to respond right away that he felt the same way about those excessive feelings, but it wasn’t the right time yet. Instead of saying “I love you,” Ryu Ho-yeon conveyed his gratitude.
“Thank you.”
Thank you for not forgetting me, thank you for searching for me for so long. Thank you for still recognizing me as myself even though I’ve changed beyond recognition. I love you too.
Whether Choi Jae-won noticed all those messages compressed into just those two words, he wasn’t sure.
* * *
In a world that has avoided destruction, generous miracles occasionally occur.
“Here it is, young master. I’ve investigated as thoroughly as possible about his whereabouts during this time.”
“Good work.”
In Choi Jae-won’s case, the very existence of Ryu Ho-yeon—who was still alive and well despite having lost his memory—was precisely such a miracle.
Sitting beside Ryu Ho-yeon, whom he didn’t want to leave for even a moment, Choi Jae-won received the report on Ryu Ho-yeon’s recent activities that he had ordered from his subordinate. Ryu Ho-yeon had been nodding off since after dinner, apparently tired, and had been completely in dreamland for quite some time already.
Even with memory loss, his bodily habits remained the same—Ryu Ho-yeon, who slept with a wheezing sound, would kick off the blanket about once every ten minutes no matter how many times it was replaced. He still had the habit of not sleeping well with someone nearby. With Choi Jae-won right next to him, his eyebrows kept furrowing as if uncomfortable.
Though only about half of his eyebrows remained due to makeup marks and large scars as if cut by something sharp, the way they moved was exactly the same as before.
After taking out the document envelope and carefully reading from the first page, Choi Jae-won asked what seemed to be the most important question first, as if it had just occurred to him.
“Oh, by any chance, was there someone he was dating?”
Based on his observations over the past few days, it seemed absolutely impossible, but still, better to be sure. If there had been someone, he was fully prepared to make them cease to exist immediately.
Author: Hyacinthus B
Hyacinthus
