31.
The experimental video that Kim Jun-young personally revealed through a press conference several years ago was almost unbearable to watch. In the video, Kim Jun-young was still a high school student with a youthful face who hadn’t even reached adulthood. Under the pretext of having no data on S-class Espers, Dr. An had trampled on this mere nineteen-year-old child in various cruel ways.
At that time, Dr. An was removed from his position after a veteran Esper learned of the facts and protested. However, because the authorities hushed up the issue claiming it was a matter of national prestige, Dr. An had been moving between various private research institutes, receiving substantial salaries until Kim Jun-young himself revealed the truth several years ago. Among those institutes, he had stayed the longest at the one funded by Choi Jae-won’s allowance—a steady five years.
“Hah…”
Lee Jung-hyuk momentarily lost all words at the sight of his junior boldly asking if there was a problem. It wasn’t because he was angry that someone who had done such things to Kim Jun-young could be brought back. Rather, it was because his junior’s terrible determination to willingly offer himself to this malicious person who would do anything to satisfy his thirst for knowledge and exploration sent a chill through his heart.
He hadn’t called this meeting just because he knew Dr. An had returned. He and Kim Jun-young had already discovered most of what Choi Jae-won was hiding.
Since Kim Jun-young had the authority to supervise all information and CCTV related to the Center’s security, it wasn’t difficult to discover that Choi Jae-won would disappear once a week to some place connected to the research lab when there were no missions. From then on, something felt off. Though it was regrettable for Ryu Ho-yeon, whose mother was the Research Director, neither he nor Kim Jun-young had many good memories related to the research lab.
Once they had identified the research lab as the main thread, the rest was straightforward. Lee Jung-hyuk himself had undergone various tests almost daily related to matching rate improvement experiments and primitive imprinting, so he was on relatively good terms with the current Chief Researcher who had taken over after Dr. An was expelled.
The Chief Researcher asked them to maintain confidentiality since other researchers didn’t know yet, and revealed everything about Dr. An’s return, his purpose, and who had requested his return.
He said that Choi Jae-won, an A-class Guide, voluntarily stepped onto the examination table each week to increase his matching rate with his pair and to increase his total guiding capacity. He added his personal observation that Choi Jae-won already seemed accustomed to receiving experiments.
“I understand why you’re so surprised and rushed here, but I have no intention of defending Dr. An’s past wrongs. If you’re thinking of revenge now, go ahead. But not until my experiments are finished.”
Unaware of Lee Jung-hyuk’s sinking feeling, the pale-faced Guide just smiled brightly. There was a strange madness permeating that smile.
“Don’t think so negatively, senior. You care about Ho-yeon hyung too, right?”
“…Choi Jae-won.”
“I’m going to become a Guide worthy of Ho-yeon hyung. So that no one can replace me, like that.”
Not as Kim Jun-young’s longtime lover or Ryu Ho-yeon’s familiar acquaintance, but simply as a Guide, Lee Jung-hyuk could understand Choi Jae-won’s feelings better than anyone. Just as Lee Jung-hyuk had insisted on becoming a combat-participating Guide despite everyone’s objections, Choi Jae-won had decided to lie on the examination table.
After being designated as an S-class Esper’s pair despite being only a B-class Guide due to having an acceptable matching rate, the mockery and insults that followed were somewhat bearable. What truly troubled him was the anxiety: “Am I, a mere B-class, holding back this brilliant person? Will a higher-ranked Guide suddenly appear and take my place?”
With the same heart that Lee Jung-hyuk had when he was twenty-one and twenty-four, silently yearning for Kim Jun-young, this junior before him was desperately in love with Ryu Ho-yeon.
“Please, I’m asking you. I’ll tell Ho-yeon hyung myself later, so please just wait until the experiments are over.”
He understood those feelings better than anyone. That anxiety. He knew it better than anyone.
“…No. I’m afraid I can’t do that. I’m sorry.”
“Senior!”
Because of this, Lee Jung-hyuk couldn’t grant the request of this twenty-one-year-old young Guide who was obsessively rushing toward self-destruction. If his only desire was to become an efficient pair, perhaps, but if he also hoped to win Ryu Ho-yeon’s heart, that was different.
“Ho-yeon is a very sensitive child. Pretending to be insensitive, pretending not to notice… Pretending not to be hurt, but in reality, he’s just pretending because he couldn’t bear reality otherwise.”
“Suddenly, why are you saying this…”
“When Han-seo said he was going to Park Woo-jun. Have you ever thought about why Ho-yeon let him go without trying to stop him even once?”
“…”
This time, it was Choi Jae-won who was at a loss for words. He had never thought about it. To him, Lee Han-seo and Ryu Ho-yeon’s separation was simply an opportunity and luck that would never come again. He had no time to consider the reasons behind this opportunity and luck.
“Those painful experiments you’re receiving, Han-seo received them from the time he was first assigned as Ho-yeon’s provisional pair. He was barely eighteen then. Ho-yeon watched as his first-ever peer friend begged and cried, pleading to be saved, saying it hurt, saying he wanted to go home… all because of him.”
Since the matching rate between an Esper and a Guide was ultimately a matter of how far the Guide could follow the Esper’s wavelength, the pain of attempting to increase the matching rate was allocated solely to the Guide. At that time, the matching rate between Lee Han-seo and Ryu Ho-yeon was barely reaching 30 percent. Naturally, the lower the matching rate, the greater the pain imposed on the Guide, and it goes without saying that this was too much pain for a child who had just entered elementary school to endure.
“Every month when Han-seo came, he would hear all those sounds from outside the lab. Because Han-seo would pretend not to be in pain in front of him, would only pretend to be okay. He said he needed to know everything this way. He would pretend to be deceived if Han-seo wanted, but he still needed to know.”
Lee Jung-hyuk continued slowly in a subdued voice. Choi Jae-won realized for the first time that the brilliant life of his cousin, which he had only ever thought of as enviable, might not have been so brilliant after all.
People naturally long for what they don’t have and tend to dismiss the misfortunes of those who possess what they lack. In Choi Jae-won’s case, it was simply the rightful position as Ryu Ho-yeon’s pair and the supreme guiding ability that no one else could match.
“And after Han-seo left the Center… he would come to me or Jun-young hyung, unable to cry, just in despair. That young child. He said because of him, his mother was suffering and Han-seo was in such pain, so if it was going to be like this, he shouldn’t have been born. It would have been better not to be born. He didn’t understand why he only hurt the people around him. But, but he said it was so painful that he still didn’t want to die, that he still wanted to be with his mother and Han-seo.”
Strangely, though no one was scolding him, Choi Jae-won felt as if he had been thoroughly beaten with words. No, perhaps he would have felt better if he had actually been beaten.
“A child begging for forgiveness for wanting to live couldn’t even cry. Saying he didn’t even have the right to cry. Yes, I understand how desperate you are, Choi Jae-won. But… but if you truly think of Ho-yeon, if your love for him is sincere, shouldn’t you at least avoid making him feel more indebted for his life?”
Ryu Ho-yeon’s extremely narrow range of relationships stemmed from a similar context. In fact, even though he was living in hiding, his extraordinary appearance meant that many people who didn’t even know he was an Esper approached him wanting to be friends. However, already believing that his very existence was a major inconvenience to everyone, Ryu Ho-yeon censored himself daily and obsessively tried to control every element to ensure that no one he knew suffered any discomfort or harm because of him. Eventually, he gave up on forming relationships with others altogether.
His mother the Research Director, a few senior researchers, Lee Han-seo, Kim Jun-young, Lee Jung-hyuk, Park Woo-jun, Lee Hyesu, and Choi Jae-won. Choi Jae-won, whom he met at twenty-five, was such a close-ranked acquaintance to Ryu Ho-yeon.
There are no secrets in this world that can be hidden forever. That was the truth of the world that Lee Jung-hyuk, now in his mid-thirties, had come to realize. Moreover, since Ryu Ho-yeon was already suspicious of Choi Jae-won’s behavior, it was only a matter of time before the truth was revealed. So it had to stop now. If Ryu Ho-yeon found out what pain and sacrifice Choi Jae-won had endured under the pretext of helping him… it was obvious that Ryu Ho-yeon’s sensitive nerves, which were sharper than anyone despite his pretense of dullness, would collapse under the strain.
“And already…”
“…”
“Ho-yeon went to meet Dr. An directly.”
“Senior!!”
“No more. No more, really.”
Lee Jung-hyuk firmly declared. His attitude was as thorough as that of a judge reading a verdict.
