Chapter 202
“I need to wash myself clean… wash away any impurities. So I can touch you.”
“I’ve decided to go to the college prep academy every day. I’m going to start preparing seriously for the college entrance exam.”
Eunseong changed the subject in response to Yoo Siwoon, who said he wanted to touch him with clean hands. Yoo Siwoon gave a light, empty laugh. He clenched and unclenched his fist, which had been stiff with tension.
“Study hard.”
“I was studying until just now. I came out because I heard you coming.”
“I see.”
“I’m going to study a bit more and then go to sleep. Good night… to you too.”
As Eunseong was about to awkwardly turn away after saying goodbye, pretending not to hear Yoo Siwoon’s hollow sigh, Yoo Siwoon spoke.
“When will I…”
“…”
“When will I be forgiven for the other half?”
“…”
“I’m good at waiting, at enduring, so I’ll try to be patient. But couldn’t you at least tell me roughly how long it will take?”
He was asking when they could return to how things were before. But a return to how things were before was impossible. Not because Yoo Siwoon had done something terribly wrong, not because he had deceived Eunseong. There was a more fundamental problem.
“Do you think that if I forgive you for the other half, you can kiss me?”
“Isn’t that how it works?”
“No, it’s not.”
“…Then why did you first…”
Yoo Siwoon asked with subtle resentment why Eunseong had kissed him first when he had gotten angry at Yoo Siwoon’s suggestion that they distance themselves, why he had allowed him to hold his hand affectionately and made him breakfast, why he had made an extravagant promise to buy him a ring when he asked for one, and whether such actions didn’t create misunderstandings.
“Because you wouldn’t shut up and couldn’t take a hint.”
“You kissed me to make me shut up?”
“Yes.”
“I’m innocent… I thought if you kissed me once, it meant I could do it again.”
Eunseong burst into laughter, like air escaping, at Yoo Siwoon’s claim that he was innocent.
“I know you’re innocent. That’s why you fell for that cult and believed I could have your baby.”
“…If you don’t want a child, if that’s what scares you, I’ll get surgery.”
Surprised eyes turned toward him. Yoo Siwoon was serious. If Yoo Siwoon had a vasectomy, it would be a simple matter, and after knowing that Eunseong strongly didn’t want a child, he had actually resolved to get a sterilization procedure. It wasn’t an important issue for him.
“It’s late. Go to sleep.”
Eunseong turned away from him. His retreating back and presence soon disappeared from Yoo Siwoon’s sight.
“Sigh…”
With a deep sigh from the depths of his stomach, he felt as if his body was sinking into the floor.
Yoo Siwoon limped into the bedroom with his crutch. He entered the dressing room, propped his crutch against the wall, and took off his jacket, shirt, pants, and underwear—everything he was wearing—put them in a garbage bag, and sealed it.
“…”
A kiss to make him shut up.
Judging by Eunseong’s avoidant behavior, it might take half a year, no, a year, or even decades.
He should just go to the penthouse. With Eunseong in front of him, he wanted to hold him even more. If he couldn’t see him, he wouldn’t have such torment. Should he be grateful that he was at least busy with work?
The scene of Eunseong subtly avoiding his lips kept flickering in his mind. Eunseong, who had been looking him in the eye, then backing away when he approached, keeping his distance to prevent a kiss, couldn’t have been more coy and annoying.
He would slip his hand away after Yoo Siwoon held it, and even hide his hands behind his back to avoid being held again. If that was how it was going to be, he should have prevented it from the beginning. He should have rejected his touch from the start.
No torture could compare to this. If Eunseong decided to end their relationship and go study abroad, Yoo Siwoon would have no justification to keep him.
After finishing his shower with a look of dismay, he came out and put on his underwear. He took out his training pants, pushed one leg in, and as he was pushing in the other leg, his body wobbled. Standing defenseless, Yoo Siwoon lost his balance and fell.
Due to the nerve damage, there were times when his body would stagger, unable to maintain balance, as if he had lost his motor skills.
He fell noisily, knocking down everything on the shelf.
“Sigh…”
Yoo Siwoon didn’t even try to get up. He sat down helplessly, letting the strength drain from his body. He didn’t have the energy to stand.
Sitting there in a daze, he finally reached out and grabbed the shelf. At that moment, his eyes met Eunseong’s, who had come running after hearing the loud noise of his fall, just as Yoo Siwoon was wriggling, as if trying to stand up while holding onto the shelf.
“What happened? Are you okay?”
“Uh… yes, I’m fine. I fell.”
Yoo Siwoon said awkwardly and hurriedly stood up. He pulled up the one side of his pants that had slipped down.
Eunseong’s eyes were on the wound on his abdomen. It was the first time he had seen his bare skin and the wound directly. Yoo Siwoon sheepishly picked up a shirt.
Eunseong was hesitating, with a look that suggested he was unsure whether to help or not. Once he had been brazen enough to peek at Yoo Siwoon’s naked body, but now he was hesitating in front of Yoo Siwoon’s unclothed form.
As he was about to put on the shirt after straightening it, Yoo Siwoon suddenly stopped and said to Eunseong:
“Can you help me for a moment?”
“…What?”
“Just for a moment.”
Yoo Siwoon held out the shirt as if asking Eunseong to dress him. After hesitating briefly, Eunseong approached.
He took the shirt from him, spread out the bottom to shape it, and put it over Yoo Siwoon’s head as if dressing him. Even while standing close, Eunseong was deliberately averting his gaze, trying not to look at Yoo Siwoon’s bare upper body.
“…”
“…”
A conscious silence flowed between them. Yoo Siwoon seemed to know what Eunseong was thinking. They were thinking the same thing. Eunseong was keeping in mind what Yoo Siwoon had said earlier.
He pushed one arm into the sleeve of the shirt Eunseong had put over his head, then the other arm, finishing dressing.
“Thank you.”
Eunseong, who had been deliberately looking elsewhere, slowly moved his eyes to Yoo Siwoon’s neatly shirted chest, shoulders, and then to his face.
Their eyes met.
“If your intention was to make me shut up, it would have been better if you had just told me to be quiet.”
“…”
“If you didn’t intend to make me so troubled.”
Yoo Siwoon was subtly blaming Eunseong. Just when he had finally given up, finally let go, the only appropriate action for Yoo Siwoon to let Eunseong go was death.
He stared intently at Eunseong, as if to say he wouldn’t let him go so easily like this.
Behind Eunseong was a wall blocking his way, and in front stood Yoo Siwoon. Eunseong felt trapped between them.
The rough, wolf-like movement that climbed up Yoo Siwoon’s neck looked like a large beast itself. The warm scent of the man reached Eunseong’s nostrils.
Until recently, just smelling this scent would make Eunseong convulse with nausea. Now that same scent warmly enveloped him. It made his heart pound.
Eunseong exhaled quickly with a hiss, fearing that Yoo Siwoon might hear the sound.
“But if you say no… I won’t do it. I’ll wait. Until your heart is ready.”
“…”
“Waiting will be hard, but I’m good at enduring.”
“…”
“I’ll wait.”
Even so, Yoo Siwoon could wait. If it was a problem that could be resolved by waiting, he could do it as much as needed. He could wait even if it took years. As long as Eunseong didn’t leave him, he could wait even if it took decades.
“Don’t wait.”
Yoo Siwoon’s brow froze pale, having expected Eunseong to give some hopeful answer.
“…What?”
“Don’t wait, I said.”
“…But I want to wait. I can wait.”
Yoo Siwoon’s voice cracked roughly at the unexpected response.
“I don’t think I can do it.”
“…Do what?”
“With you… kissing you, and… sleeping with you. Doing that, I don’t think I can do it.”
“…”
Yoo Siwoon’s chest rose and fell steeply, as if in shock. His breathing also wavered unsteadily, as if surprised. The more his breath roughened, the more the wolf in his body writhed with it.
“Why?”
“…”
“Can I… ask why you think you can’t?”
His voice, seeking permission even though he had already asked, trembled to the point of being disconcerting.
“…Do you dislike me?”
“…”
“Because I’ve only told you lies? Because I’m a liar? Or… because I’m a crazy cultist? I don’t believe in that, what I believe, what I know is that we… that we.”
“Have a marital bond?”
Eunseong raised his eyes to him. Yoo Siwoon’s pupils shook in confusion. Eunseong was looking at him fiercely, as if confronting him. No matter what Eunseong said, Yoo Siwoon’s belief remained unchanged. Even if Eunseong recoiled from it, that fact was immutable to him.
“…Yes, a marital bond.”
Yoo Siwoon spoke with terrible consistency.
That they had a marital bond. That Eunseong was his beloved wife.
Blinking his eyes, which had been staring directly at Yoo Siwoon, Eunseong asked:
“What if I didn’t have that mark? Would you still think we had a marital bond?”
“…”
“Without that… we’re not in a marital bond. I’m nothing… and certainly not the mate you’ve waited for all your life. If some other kid had that mark, then that kid would be your mate. That kid would be the person you’ve been waiting for.”
“…”
“It might not be me.”
Author: Hyacinthus B
Hyacinthus
