A warm sensation enveloped me when I opened my eyes. Faintly, I could hear someone speaking, but I couldn’t really hear them clearly. As I slowly opened my eyes, a citrine radiance bore itself into my vision. I took a look around me, seeing it dyed in a velvet orange snow. Slowly, the velvet snow dispersed, and a striking pain spread across my back. I gritted my teeth as I let out a hiss, before I found that I was crouched on the ground, hugging my knees.
This headache was awful. As I gently rubbed my eyes, I heard someone speak to me. “…Are you alright?”
I lifted my head. In front of me stood a boy with silver hair and grey eyes, dressed in white clothes. The inside of my head was, as before, still a chaotic mess, but I gradually stood up. Taking a glance around me, I was left completely flabbergasted: It was currently dusk, violet and amber rays of light intersected and vanished amongst each other, and vibrant spherical clouds encircled us at all angles. The air was crisp and refreshing, but even just breathing normally felt like taking a stroll in a prairie after the rain let up.
C-Could it be…I’ve actually gone head-first and kicked the bucket?
I-Is this heaven?
Subconsciously, I took a gander below me, however I couldn’t see anything but a delicate misty fog that under it lay tiny circular auburn specks adorned amongst a vast azure with no end in sight. It was so mystical…elegant…and exquisite enough to steal one’s breath away. I squinted as I slowly bent down, discovering that I was standing on top of a cloud; I was left in speechless awe.
Great googly-moogly! I-I’m really in heaven!
What about Mom!? Dad!? Xiao Mei!? Yang Lu’s weird fugly ass!? The two bottles of Heineken I’d just bought…?
Just as I raised my head, I then saw something else well within in reach.
A wisp of brown hair landed softly onto my forehead.
I grasped at the brown strand with all my might and yanked it downward which caused a slightly sharp pain to throb on my scalp. This isn’t just any hair, it’s mine!
While I was still sitting there wide-eyed, mouth agape, and absentmindedly staring at the boy standing in front of me like a dunce, I could hear someone shouting from far off, “Next, Caro!” The boy responded to him, told me he’s heading off, and then departed.
In the split second he turned away, I blanked out for a full two seconds, and then I rubbed my eyes for a full ten.
I’m hallucinating, I’m absolutely hallucinating.
That Caro kid, he’s got wings growing out of his back! They were a pair and had a faint silvery-gray tint but completely unsymmetrical. The left moved effortlessly while the right hung limp at his side, barely holding on. Caro seemed a little excited because when he walked forward, his wings flapped extra fast, like an eager puppy trying to please its owner.
Since I was so focused on his wings, that striking pain returned to my back once again. I went and took a look at my back on instinct and, once again, was left mouth agape.
I reached out a quivering finger, and lightly brushed the feather behind me, feeling that it was warm. This was that warm sensation that enveloped me just a moment ago. I gave my back another wriggle, and the wing moved a bit with it.
Once again, I was speechless for a few seconds.
I then proceeded to completely crash out.
I-I-I-I-I-I-I’ve got ‘em too!?
I’ve got them too!
I’ve gone and grown wings too!
I sat down on the clouds, but my body toppled over to the left with a thump! My center of gravity was completely out of whack. I looked over my shoulder at my wings; The right one was fluttering on and on nonstop, but the left was completely still and made my back explode with pain whenever I pulled at it.
Right then, some person, no, some angel passed by me and rolled his eyes. “If you’re not going to move, at least get out of the way. There’s a whole line behind you, thanks.”
Another angel walked past as well, sneeringly going, “Take a look at Isar, he’s acting like he’s never seen a pair of wings before.”
One ahead of me laughed and went, “Isn’t he always acting like an idiot, how tacky.”
I leaned sideways, one wing still swinging to and fro, and stared at them, everything being completely lopsided.
Isar is my English name, but how did they know that?
Caro came running on over doltishly at that exact moment, smiling all the while as he said, “Isar, look, look! My wing’s repaired!”
I nodded lethargically. “Oh, so your wing’s…what? Your wing’s repaired!”
Caro spread both his arms and gave his wings a vigorous flap. “Yeah huh, Lord Tyrael is amazing. Only took one little swipe of his hand and the wing’s good as new!” If he’d rubbed his hands together and buzzed a bit, I swear he’d be a fly.
I swallowed hard, and in a low voice asked, “Then, that’s Lord Tyrael, right?”
Caro stopped flapping and frowned. His expression was the same as those two dumbass angels from before. “Did you get knocked out in Demon Realm? How could you forget Lord Tyrael, our heavenly gatekeeper, of all people? If your wings are busted, he’s the one who can fix them. Otherwise, you’re not getting back in!”
I nodded as I let out an ‘oh’. So that’s how it is…I’m like a country boy heading on off to the big city.
Heaven is apparently way more technically advanced than I’d thought.
Wings can be repaired, of all things.
I cleared my throat, lunged myself over to Caro, hung a paw right on his shoulder, and then started venting, “Bro, you gotta tell me how you kicked the bucket. Your best bro’s here was completely unfair! Not to mention, my girlfriend dumped me, my romantic rival played in my face, and then right after I got hit by a bus! And now, here I am in heaven…”
Before I could finish, Caro placed a hand on my forehead. “You’re being awfully stupid today, Dear Isar. ‘Death’ is a word for lesser creatures, those demons and titans. For the noble race of angels, there is no death, only a return to our origin.”
I laughed, “No, no, before we died though, we were humans…right?”
Caro wagged a finger, “Dear Isar, we’re angels, all of Jehovah’s children are sacred and supreme. What’s a ‘human’? Never heard of it. Plus, how could they ever compare to us? You must’ve really taken a serious blow to the head, head back and rest for a bit.”
He’s never heard of humans? Sweat. Could it be that God still hadn’t created man yet?”
Hold on, Jehovah? What kind of name is that? It feels very familiar though…I’m sure I’ve seen it somewhere before.
As I gave it some thought, I realized something COMPLETELY wrong and bonked myself on the head, pissed off. What the FUCK!? This little shit’s gonna go and say something batshit like that about the almighty rulers of Earth!? You lil’ fuckass dimwit!, how about I beat your ass till you’re black and blue, and show you the REAL power of humans…
“Next, Isar!” A booming voice carried over.
My heart jumped. I finally turned my lopsided body around, raised my hand, and yelled out, “Here!!”
…Um, why is everyone staring at me? Even Caro’s staring…
I genuinely couldn’t give two shits about them, so I glided on by, and stood in front of the man who wore the most elegant clothes I’d ever seen. I craned my head to take a closer look. A Romanesque archway, stretching as far as the eye could see, so far in fact, that I couldn’t even see the apex. It lay dyed with violet rays, bringing about a dreamlike lustre. Intricate reliefs covered its twin pillars, carvings of angels spiraling upward, their wings and limbs entwined in ascent.
Holy shit, what a giant golden cudgel. (1)
Tyrael’s wings were twice as big compared to ours, and unlike Caro and I’s grey ones, his were humongous and white as snow, holding a blinding radiance in the afterglow of the sunset. His face was the kind that caused one to find themselves unable to look him straight in the eye. An angel that came from the elegance of the Divine Realm itself, making one feel an intense veneration towards him
His hair was a golden shade as well. Mine was too (2), but when you compared mine to his, wasn’t the pigment totally different? My hair resembled a fat log of [BEEP], whilst his resembled actual gold (24k at that!). Please tell me how that’s fair in the slightest.
Tyrael said, “Turn around.”
I did as told, whilst also thinking how that little dagger sheath around his waist was quite good looking as well. A light shone from behind me as warmth spread across my back, and my muscles tightened involuntarily. Tyrael spoke, “You’re good now. May Our Heavenly Emperor, Jehovah, be with you, Hallelujah.”
What a surprise! I chuckled, holding back a smile. Tyrael was just like a priest.
Before I could even take a third step away, Tyrael’s voice came again from behind me, “Isar, your sentence isn’t up yet, so you can’t go back to Seventh Heaven. Understand?”
I gave a half-hearted response and walked through the gates. Caro caught up, going in circles around me with a steady whup-whup-whup of wings. “Dear Isar, stop walking already. It’s such a bad look.”
The fuck do you expect me to do otherwise? Copy you and buzz around like a housefly, blanketing everyone in feathers?
As I thought that though, I’ve never actually tried flying before, and I couldn’t deny the itch in my heart. I twitched my wings ever so slightly. Behind me, under the now newly arrived moonlight, they spread, their shadow on the clouds both sacred and surreal. My feet slowly lifted off the ground as my shadow unfolded its wings in sync and began beating them, slowly, but with uncanny steadiness. My heart pounded. I could barely breathe.
Looking down at the clouds, the ocean, the scattered islands slipping farther and farther away, and up at the swirling, chaotic sky around me, this vast, boundless Heaven, my very human fear of heights surged to the surface. I froze midair: “Where are we going now?”
The angelic housefly buzzed over, one leg stretched straight out, the other tucked up, completely at ease. “I’m heading back to the First Heaven. You’re off to Second Heaven. Didn’t you hear Lord Tyrael? Your sentence isn’t up so you’re stuck there for now.”
I’m totally lost. The hell was a First and Second Heaven?
The Little Housefly That Could quite sympathetically said, “Dear Isar, please don’t tell me you’ve actually forgotten what the Nine Heavens are (3)?”
I nodded just like an obedient little puppy.
He stared at me, wide-eyed, mouth slightly agape, like he’d just seen me eat a cockroach. “Isar, even pigs have brains. How is it that you don’t? Did you eat one of those soul-wiping fruits or something?”
I forced out a laugh and could only nod. Not really anything else I can do, I’m a STEMy through and through. I wasn’t out here reading ‘The Bible’ or ‘The Divine Comedy’.
Caro felt sorry for me, so he gave me a detailed explanation. He was quite professional with it too, so much so that I could barely keep up. To explain it in my own words, it was pretty much like this: Heaven is divided into seven layers and governed by the seven archangels. The deeper you delve in, the more abstract and powerful the layer is. In other words, humans like you and I couldn’t comprehend it. However, the more outwards you go, the more materialized and weaker the layer is. In other words, humans like you and I could comprehend it.
So pretty much it all amounts to looking down on mankind.
God’s throne lies in the up-up-upmost level, and two sit by him on opposite sides. To the left, our Uncle Jesus; To the right, the most amazing seraph in all of Heaven, whose name I still had yet to learn. Standing before Jesus was a nine-tiered angel legion, who were totally out of this world. The nine-tiered angel legion was one and the same with Heaven, which meant the deeper you were, then the closer you were with God, the more incredible you were, and you existed as pure light. Lower-ranked angels received God’s revelations through their angelic superiors. And in addition, through their own self struggles and persevering spirits, they could crawl through the ranks tier by tier. And the benefits: The higher the rank, the higher the pay.
Angel classification was more troublesome though. There’s three classes in total: the highest is called the Sacred Rank and was divided into Seraphs, Intelligences, and Thrones; the middle is called the Son’s Rank and was divided into Dominions, Virtues, and Powers; and the lowest was called the Holy Spirit Rank and was divided into Principalities, Confidants (4), and Angels.
And the unlucky angel I was currently possessing, Isar, and the little housefly too, were both Powers, the sixth in rank.
Powers are the firstborn that God created, well, mass-produced. During times of war with Demons, these flock of kids were well worthy of being Heaven’s small frontline defense, so they always stayed within the First and Second Heaven and took full responsibility on their mission of protecting Father God from the demonic invaders. However, since they were constantly in contact with the forces of darkness, their wings would often get smeared a bit with ash, and even more so, a wave of them had brought about a number of the Fallen. Because of this, nearly every angel held some level of prejudice towards Powers.
I was seriously bummed. It’s true, even in death, the heavens will strike you down. I didn’t get even a sliver of retribution even though I became an angel! I just had to accept it as a hard and thankless job, accept my wings never being neither fully black or white, and just grin and bear at everyone looking down on me. Heaven, tell me, is being dashingly handsome such a sin?
But now, I finally remember just who Jehovah is. As a matter of fact, he’s Jesus’ old man, our creator, God himself. In our youthful generation, not knowing who Jehovah was was one thing, but not knowing who Satan is will get everyone to look down on you. It’s said there are seven Lords of the Demon Realm. The top dog being Lucifer, King of the Damned.
In shoujo manga, Lucifer is always drop-dead gorgeous, the epitome of evil and allure, light and darkness merged into one, effortlessly breaking the hearts of every maiden over and over, and still walking off with the entire female fanbase. In video games, he’s usually the final boss with over 10,000 HP, and ridiculously overpowered. Guys challenge him again and again, die again and again, and never even get past phase one.
Perhaps the reason I was called back to heaven was to bring about Satan’s downfall and become a legendary hero that brings great honor to my entire bloodline! Heheheh.
So I turned to Caro and asked, “Hey, hey, Caro, when do we get a chance to head on down to Hell and get a peek at Lord Lucifer?”
Caro frowned, “What does Hell and His Highness Lucifer have to do with each other? If you say you need to meet with him, then you can go and do so. He barely leaves the Sanctum these days. Seeing him is about as easy as seeing our Lord God.
My eyes went completely wide. “H-Hold on! Lucifer isn’t the Demon King!? How can that be possible…?”
Caro replied, “Shut your crow’s mouth! (5) Aside from God himself, His Highness Lucifer is the utmost flawless Seraph of all, and you really called him the Demon King~~~ I’m going to tell His Highness Raphael what you just said. Get ready to be locked up for another few hundred more years!”
I’m left speechless.
Could it be…that I transmigrated to a fairly ancient time period?
In fact, at this point in time, Lucifer still has yet to fall, and even more so is still the Right Hand of God—The most beautiful and incredulous seraph. Shit. By the time he falls, I’ll be an air dried corpse…
Forcing a smile, I ask, “I see…then at least let me know, what was I sentenced for?”
Caro said, “Because, because you and His Highness Metatron…umm…” he started, then suddenly let out a loud “Wah!” and pointed toward the sky. “Wow! Look! Over there! Look~~~!”
I followed the direction of his finger. Nothing but a jet black nothingness.
I stopped looking and was ready to interrogate him on what the hell I’m supposed to be staring at, but he was already far off into the distance, a teeny tiny black speck.
TL Notes:
- He’s specifically talking about Son Wukong’s Ruyi Jingu Bang from Journey to The West. The Nyoi Bo in Dragon Ball that Goku uses is directly inspired by this.
- This is an error from TLZY, Isar has brown hair as he stated earlier, or maybe he’s just colorblind lol.
- Another error, there’s actually only seven heavens, not nine.
- Confidants were created directly by TLZY and are not part of Abrahamic mythology, in the later Eternal version, outside of one minor mention, they were removed. Their name in the original Chinese is 谋天使
- ‘Crow’s mouth’ (乌鸦嘴) is a Chinese term referring to someone bringing about misfortune by speaking of bad/pessimistic things outloud. Essentially, think of it as a way of telling someone not to jinx things by saying it. I thought initially of using something like “Don’t jinx him” or similar, but it just felt funnier to leave it as is and add a TL note.
