Chapter 57
“By the way, it’s a shame. I should have waited a bit and eaten now. I ate earlier for nothing.”
“For once, you did something I like. Well done. Keep doing that in the future.”
Perhaps that’s why Cha Yoon, who would normally have given a pointed look right away, praised Jung Soo-ho in a gentle voice.
“Are you two going to eat something delicious then?”
“No. We’re just going to eat something simple from what we have.”
“Come on, don’t do that. Ask Cha Yoon to cook for you, Seo-jung. I saw yesterday that Cha Yoon is really good at cooking. He quickly made porridge in the morning. I was surprised by that. He’s totally a domestic man.”
Jung Soo-ho praised Cha Yoon, waving his thumb. He seemed to want to repay Cha Yoon for complimenting him, but Cha Yoon himself hesitated. It was because of the unexpected mention of the porridge.
He didn’t dislike it. It was a topic he was going to bring up anyway. The fact that it came from someone else’s mouth rather than him mentioning it first made it seem less like he was showing off.
Cha Yoon turned his eyes towards Seo-jung. He was curious about Ki Seo-jung’s reaction to finding out that the porridge he ate the day before was made by him.
Would he be very surprised? Or would he be grateful? Maybe he’d be fidgety from feeling sorry for ignoring him all this time even after eating the porridge. Cha Yoon’s heart swelled with expectation as he let his imagination run wild for a moment. It was then that his eyes fell on Seo-jung’s face.
“…I can’t trouble Cha Yoon because of me.”
“Ah, that’s right. It might be a bit troublesome for Cha Yoon.”
But contrary to expectations, Seo-jung didn’t look surprised, grateful, or flustered with apology. The color of his eyes had darkened a shade from just before, and the corners of his mouth trembled slightly as if he was clenching his lips tightly. That was all.
His expression, whose meaning was unclear, seemed as if he was holding something back, and for some reason Cha Yoon thought of the word “sadness” in place of that something. Sadness. It was an emotion he hadn’t even considered.
He was about to ask why, what made him make that expression, when a nearby notification sound stopped Cha Yoon. It was Seo-jung’s.
! Please move to the Talking Room right now
After checking the screen, Seo-jung waved his phone.
“I got a call to the Talking Room, so I think I need to go.”
“Don’t you need to eat? What are you going to do if you’re hungry?”
“It’s okay. If I’m still hungry when I get back, I’ll eat then.”
“Thanks for worrying.” Seo-jung said kindly, turning his gaze towards Cha Yoon.
“Cha Yoon, I’m sorry. I guess I’ll have to eat separately. Let’s eat together next time instead.”
Seo-jung said this with his characteristic smile, an apology and suggestion devoid of any real sincerity. Cha Yoon was seen furrowing and then relaxing his brow at those words. It was the expression he often made when he was thinking.
“Don’t forget to send me what I asked for.”
Cha Yoon, who had been quiet for a moment, spoke up with a slightly more relaxed face. He was talking about the schedule. Soo-ho raised a question mark over his head at Cha Yoon’s out-of-context words. But Seo-jung nodded without any further explanation.
“Send it right now. Don’t put it off and end up not sending it.”
“Okay. I’ll send it to you as I leave.”
Cha Yoon wore a satisfied expression, having gotten the answer he wanted.
“I’ll be going then. Rest well.”
With Soo-ho’s send-off of “Okay!” and waving hands, Seo-jung went outside.
There was a heavy sound of the gate closing behind him, but Seo-jung didn’t move from his spot. For a long time, he stared at his phone screen. The bright light from the screen fell on his face. Only the cursor above where it said “Recipient” blinked and moved.
And then his fingers, which seemed like they would never move, began to move. Each time his fingers touched and left the screen, numbers filled the empty space one by one. With the number ‘3’ as the last, Seo-jung’s hand completely stopped. The empty “Recipient” space was filled with eleven digits.
It was a number that had long been erased from the phone, but Seo-jung still remembered it clearly. Well, it was a sequence of numbers he could never forget for the rest of his life.
Seo-jung’s finger, which had been hovering in the air for a while, pressed the ‘Send’ button. After confirming that a blue message bubble had appeared, he couldn’t take his eyes off the screen for some time after that.
As he climbed up a somewhat steep hill, he soon arrived at the Talking Room building. Seo-jung quietly entered.
“Seo-jung, you’re here?”
“Yes. Hello, writer.”
“Just sit over there and look at the camera like you usually do.”
After exchanging greetings with the writer in charge, Seo-jung sat in the provided chair. Soon, with the sound of the slate, filming began.
The interview wasn’t very long. It was natural since he had been out from morning till night.
“Seo-jung, we’ll end the interview here.”
“Yes, thank you for your hard work.”
Seo-jung replied softly with a smile and then left the Talking Room. Unlike inside, his expression was complex after closing the outer door.
He slowly began to walk. His steps, slower than usual, seemed to reflect his state of mind.
It was when he stood in front of the gate to enter the X House after walking down the slope. Someone opened the gate and came out, a step faster than Seo-jung.
Seo-jung hesitated and took half a step back when he saw the face of the person coming out. It was Cha Yoon, the face he wanted to avoid most at this moment. He too seemed surprised to face Seo-jung, his eyes widening for a moment.
“Is your interview over? I’m going to do mine now.”
Cha Yoon waved his phone screen, just as Seo-jung had done in the living room. Seo-jung briefly turned his eyes to the bright screen.
“Are you going to sleep as soon as you get to the room?”
“……”
“I’ll be back from my interview soon, so don’t sleep and wait up. Got it?”
Cha Yoon said, putting his phone that had served its purpose into his pocket. Although Seo-jung was clear-headed despite his complicated feelings, he had no intention of listening to Cha Yoon, so he didn’t respond.
“…Well then, I’ll be going.”
However Cha Yoon interpreted the silence, he cleared his throat unnecessarily and then threw out a word before passing by Seo-jung.
Even as the presence faded away, Ki Seo-jung entered the house without looking back once.
To think that Cha Yoon was next in line for the interview. He hadn’t expected to meet at the gate, but it was rather fortunate. He didn’t want to have a long conversation with him in this state of mind.
Seo-jung, who entered through the gate, headed straight to the second floor. Even after entering the room, his tangled state of mind didn’t improve.
Seo-jung stood still, slowly scanning his surroundings. The room alone was quiet and dim. After standing there for a while, he soon moved to the bathroom.
Not long after entering the shower booth, water fell from the showerhead. As the water poured over his head, Seo-jung recalled once again what happened in the Talking Room.
It was when the interview was reaching its midpoint that he became aware of something he had never thought strange before.
‘Did you often clash with Cha Yoon in the past?’
‘No. We argued a little at first when we didn’t know each other’s personalities…’
‘Seo-jung?’
‘Ah yes, I’m sorry. I got distracted for a moment…. I’ll answer again. When Cha Yoon and I were younger…’
Seo-jung, barely regaining his senses, continued the story. But his mind was so confused that he couldn’t even recall what answers he had given. It was because he realized a fact he hadn’t been aware of at all.
He tried to recall one by one the questions he had received in the interview today. How was carpooling with Cha Yoon, what did you talk about with Cha Yoon in the garden. Cha Yoon, Cha Yoon…
Seo-jung blinked his eyelids, heavy with water droplets, and held his breath. Only then did he realize. The fact that the subject of all the questions was Cha Yoon.
Thinking about it, it wasn’t just this time. Most of the questions he had received since moving in were filled with content about Cha Yoon, just like today.
For the past 7 days, he could have made excuses that it was possible because Shin Da-bin wasn’t in the X House. But not anymore. It didn’t make sense that he was still being asked questions about Cha Yoon even though Shin Da-bin had officially moved in.
It was a dating program, not some other kind of show. To be more involved with a male contestant than his ex-girlfriend who appeared on the show together. How would it look to others? Seo-jung, lost in futile imagination, rubbed his face with one hand. The water droplets that had gathered on his eyelashes fell with a splash following his touch.
There was no need to blame anyone; it takes two to tango. He should have just ignored whatever Cha Yoon did. It was none other than himself who kept failing to let go of lingering feelings and swayed back and forth as Cha Yoon swayed him.
Even tonight was like that. He could have just not reacted whether Cha Yoon threw an unreasonable tantrum or not. If Cha Yoon became quiet out of disappointment, it would have been the best thing for him.
However, when the situation actually arose, Seo-jung once again pretended to give in and sent the work schedule. He listened to Cha Yoon’s words. As if he had no choice, as if it was an unavoidable situation, like that.
But if no one else, Ki Seo-jung himself knew. That all of those were just excuses. Seo-jung felt anxious that Cha Yoon might give up like this. That’s right. Seo-jung was anxious. Afraid that he might really be completely cut off from Cha Yoon. So he kept recalling Cha Yoon’s image, ruminating, caring.
So this was no one’s fault but his own. Seo-jung clenched his fist. Soon, his hard nails dug into his palm, spreading a dull pain.
It would be a lie to say he didn’t regret the eight nights he had acted impulsively, swept up in Cha Yoon’s actions and his own emotions.
However, no matter what he did, he couldn’t change the past. He had already realized this fact sufficiently through the past 6 months. So what mattered was what came next.
Seo-jung recalled the day he broke up with Cha Yoon. Just remembering it felt like a huge rock was placed on his heart, making it stiff and hard to breathe. If he was going to be shaken like this, he wouldn’t have said goodbye, wouldn’t have left Cha Yoon like that.
So he had to stop. He couldn’t be swayed any more than this.
Seo-jung, who had been clenching his fist tightly, stretched out his hand towards the faucet. The water stream that had been falling heavily stopped in an instant.
