Chapter 102
Rafael’s eyes widened as he finally seemed to grasp the situation. Then he carefully said:
“Ah. I… I didn’t know you liked the Grand Duke. Maybe I shouldn’t have brought it up… Right. One might not know such things.”
Ruan looked at Rafael with eyes as if seeing something strange.
‘Why did that guy suddenly become uncharacteristically timid?’
Though it was really out of the blue, it seemed like he was trying to comfort in his own way… Ruan sighed and said:
“It’s fine. What good would it do for me to be comforted by Your Grace? Just go talk to your real partner before it’s too late. If the situation gets too tangled and becomes difficult to undo, it will be too late. Like me.”
Rafael, who had been making a complex expression at Ruan’s words, nodded and replied:
“Uh… Um. Right. Thanks.”
After that, Rafael, who seemed to be pondering something for a moment, leaned his upper body forward from the chair’s backrest and said while looking at Ruan:
“But you know.”
“Yes.”
Wondering what else he was going to ask, Ruan answered. Rafael, who had been looking intently at Ruan, asked:
“Are you scolding me right now?”
Why that question now…?
Ruan asked back at Rafael’s sudden remark:
“Is that important?”
“No. I’ve been cursed at a lot, but I think it’s the first time I’m being scolded…”
Ruan finally couldn’t help but sigh as he watched Rafael speak with an embarrassed face.
Come to think of it, although he was violent, out of his mind, and did really absurd things…
‘He was also a character with aspects of an unsocialized child.’
Of course, that didn’t mean he intended to defend the evil deeds he had committed. In the original story, Rafael was described as ‘a character who would do anything to gain power’ and committed countless evil deeds.
The fact that Rafael was now a Grand Duke meant that he had already carried out at least half of those evil deeds.
But… Remembering his early narrative that was constructed to be so abnormally unhappy just to make Louise a special and unique existence to him, Ruan’s feelings became complicated.
The impression of Rafael from the latter part of the story was so strong that he had forgotten, but come to think of it, this was the point when he wasn’t even twenty years old yet.
Thinking about it now, even his face with the long scar seemed to look younger.
“Hah…”
Ruan, who let out a long sigh, rubbed his face with his palm.
‘What am I… really doing?’
He felt abruptly exhausted.
‘I want to go home.’
But if he said home in the capital, it would be the mansion, and the Grand Duke and his fiancée would probably be there by now. He really didn’t want to go. But he couldn’t not go either…
Anyway, feeling like he needed to get out of here and think, Ruan, who had been breathing with his face buried in his palms for a moment, raised his head.
And he listed out the answers to what Rafael had asked earlier.
“You asked if the Grand Duke had taken the Emperor’s hand, right? The Grand Duke will only be in Reinke. He’s not interested at all in what happens outside of Reinke, so don’t try to drag him in and fight among yourselves.”
Rafael looked at Ruan with slightly dazed eyes. Judging that he had no more questions, Ruan said with a bow:
“If you’re done with your questions, I’ll be going now.”
He felt unbearably tired, and knowing that Rafael wasn’t the type to care about etiquette, he turned around to leave. But Rafael’s voice was heard from behind:
“Okay! I’ll contact Louise! You hang in there too!”
That voice made his feelings even more complicated.
As he closed the door and came out, someone waiting handed something to Ruan. It was the food he had prepared for the Grand Duke, which he thought he had lost when he was dragged away.
The warm food that had been giving off a delicious smell was now completely cold.
Looking at that food, Ruan recalled the time when he was heading to the mansion with it.
‘Until then, I was full of hope and affection, but how did it end up like this?’
To think that the mood could be so different as heaven and earth, even though he was heading to the same mansion with the same food.
If only he had been honest with his feelings a little earlier. If only he had talked with the Grand Duke a little earlier…
This wouldn’t have happened.
Even knowing the Grand Duke was going to get married, he still liked him so much that his lingering attachment was dripping… what should he do about this? As he stepped out of the building with a helpless smile, at that moment.
“It’s Ruan! Ruan is coming out!”
He encountered those who should have been waiting for him at the mansion originally.
* * *
From the moment he heard the news that his aide had been kidnapped, the Grand Duke couldn’t bear the anxiety.
His aide had disappeared.
The biggest threat to the Grand Duke, which came about as he got to know his aide, considered him a member of his group, and made him his mate, had become a reality.
And in the form of kidnapping, no less. Kidnapping meant that someone had intentionally taken him away, didn’t it? Didn’t that mean they might never send him back?
‘Could I never see my aide again like this?’
The Grand Duke felt like he couldn’t breathe. He opened his mouth to breathe consciously and set out to find his aide.
Based on the testimony obtained by the knight, he immediately began the search, but this place was not his territory that he knew perfectly. It was unfamiliar and far too complex. The search did not proceed as quickly and smoothly as the Grand Duke’s mind, which felt like it would go crazy with anxiety.
The Grand Duke had to feel a terrible sense of helplessness as he crossed the streets that were still so crowded even at this late hour. It was a muddy helplessness he hadn’t felt since he had become an adult and his powers were somewhat complete.
After losing his territory without even being able to lift a finger, the Grand Duke desperately worked to build up his strength. It was because he never wanted to experience that terrible helplessness and vulnerability again. As a result, by the time he became an adult, the Grand Duke had become a capable and strong ruler of his domain, fully aware of his own competence and strength.
Now the Grand Duke could solve and control most of the problems that arose in his territory without much difficulty. That always made the Grand Duke confident and at ease, and he was quite satisfied with that state.
After all, being able to control and eliminate all dangers meant being able to be at peace.
It was his aide who made such a Grand Duke feel helpless again. When he thought about not wanting to lose someone, he realized that keeping someone by his side was not a problem that even a great Grand Duke could perfectly control. The Grand Duke became a vulnerable being facing a problem he couldn’t solve, just like when he was a child.
So he had been so vigilantly wary of that vulnerability. But it had finally become a reality, weighing down on the Grand Duke at this moment.
The Grand Duke chased after traces of his aide in a truly, truly terrible mood.
When he finally arrived at the building where his aide was presumed to be.
And when he saw his aide walking out of that building.
The Grand Duke had to realize.
‘I really can’t live without that guy.’
If I lose him, my domain, my world will no longer be maintained.
It was a dizzying realization that he would have to live with the problem that had been troubling the Grand Duke on his way here for the rest of his life.
Then what should he do?
The other problems that had threatened him before could be brought under his control just by becoming strong enough to overcome anything. So that’s what he did. But this problem was not something he could control no matter how strong he became.
Then does that mean he has to continue living in this nauseating instability?
Knowing that such problems could arise every day, living in constant fear with a vulnerability he couldn’t control? Isn’t that too terrible?
The Grand Duke thought he was afraid for the first time in a very long time.
It was then that the aide noticed the Grand Duke. As always, it was a beat later than when the Grand Duke recognized him. That’s why the Grand Duke could fully feel the moment when he discovered him, just like always.
Warmth and light settled in the eyes that had been deeply immersed like a blue lake with no one to see it.
All the senses that had been vaguely relaxed focused entirely on the Grand Duke like a cat’s whiskers.
And then even his toes turned towards the Grand Duke.
The moment he saw that familiar sight.
The realization came like the scent of sunlight carried on a breeze brushing past the whiskers of a cat taking a light nap.
‘Ah.’
I see.
What he taught me wasn’t just the vulnerability I felt for the first time in a long time.
The Grand Duke learned something else from him as well.
That is… deep affection guarantees stability regardless of external threats.
‘I can’t control the situation of losing him.’
It would continue to be so in the future. Serious dangers would surely continue.
But.
If the Grand Duke loves him enough to try his best to find his aide no matter what happens, and if the aide loves him enough to try his best to return to the Grand Duke no matter what. If they both have faith that they will do so.
Couldn’t we gain a sense of stability that we would eventually meet again?
Just like this moment when the aide I thought I had lost is standing before me, looking at me.
The aide who had come closer was giving off a strong smell of dog and a stranger. Normally, he would have expressed displeasure at that first, but even that wasn’t important now.
The Grand Duke looked at his aide.
The aide, who seemed a bit surprised to see the Grand Duke, hesitated with a somewhat drained appearance, but eventually approached him. The Grand Duke faced all of those appearances clearly without missing a single thing.
“Your Grace. What brings you here? I heard that today…”
The Grand Duke had made truly many preparations for a ‘perfect courtship’. Really, to the point of thinking, do humans court this complicatedly? He had gathered so many preparatory items.
But at this moment, he didn’t have any of those preparatory items. They were all in the mansion he had left behind.
If anything, just one ring he had kept in his breast pocket.
Therefore, it could be said that this wasn’t the perfect timing for that perfect courtship.
But.
‘They said the moment you think you must convey that story is when you should court.’
Judging by the instincts of a capable hunter, this was undoubtedly that moment.
It had to be now. The Grand Duke had to convey his affection to him and seek affection from him now. He had to court his aide with all his heart.
The Grand Duke reached out to the one he hadn’t seen all day, the one he feared he might lose forever, and grasped the nape of his neck. The thin, pale neck fit in one hand.
Surprised by the suddenly narrowed distance, the aide’s eyes widened.
Satisfied with those eyes clearly recognizing him, the Grand Duke narrowed his eyes and recalled what the knights had said.
‘They said to convey honest feelings.’
They said to speak clearly, without possibility of misunderstanding, about what he means to me as he is.
The Grand Duke opened his mouth.
“You are the most important piece that makes up my domain. If you disappear, my domain will become absolutely incomplete.”
Was it sudden? The aide’s eyes widened.
“You are the being I trust the most. I’m not anxious even when showing my most vulnerable self by your side. You are a being who gives me peace just by being near. I thought eliminating danger was the only way to obtain peace, but when I’m with you, I feel at ease just by that alone.”
From Reinke to the capital, the Grand Duke believed without a doubt that the aide had felt it physically as well.
“Both you leaving my side and your body and mind being hurt were unbearable threats to me. I want you to be safe by my side. And I am in heat for you. I want to court you, and I want you to court me.”
After telling what he means to him, they said to talk about what he wants to do from now on.
So the Grand Duke spoke of the wish he had always harbored since getting to know him.
“As my pack, and as my mate, stay by my side continuously, until the end of my life.”
And the wish he had just obtained.
“Promise me that you will eventually return to me no matter what happens.”
And finally.
“I hear humans say this when conveying such feelings.”
He took out the ring, held it out to the aide, and said:
“Will you marry me?”
