Chapter 5. Haetae (1)
Let no man say when he is tempted, I am tempted of God: for God cannot be tempted with evil, neither tempteth he any man:
James 1:13
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A man with a cold impression that seemed like he would never hesitate even for an inch paced in front of the cathedral. The legs that had been striding forward decisively stopped for a moment, then he turned around repeatedly.
Instead of being expressionless, a shadow fell over the man who was revealing his conflict with his whole body.
“Captain? What are you doing here?”
At the voice calling him, Eckart raised his gaze and opened his tightly shut mouth.
“…Lef.”
His already low voice became even more hoarse, sounding like an animal’s growl. Lef frowned in puzzlement and asked.
“If you’re going to go in, then go in, or don’t—what are you doing here?”
“…What are you doing here yourself, Lieutenant?”
“I stopped by to offer a quick prayer before heading back. Asking Him to save this sinful lamb.”
Despite Lef’s fierce and suspicious nature, his faith was deep. That’s why he would follow God’s word without question or complaint.
Eckart glimpsed unwavering faith in God from Lef’s attitude of having no hesitation in capturing prostitutes or homosexuals. Because God’s word was right, he believed his actions in following it were also right. It was quite different from himself, who wavered about whether this path was truly correct.
“Didn’t the Captain also come to confess?”
“…I did.”
Lef’s gaze was full of puzzlement as he watched Eckart barely manage to answer.
“Are you perhaps afraid to confess your sins? If that’s the case, it’s… how should I put it… not like you, Captain…”
Lef scratched his chin.
“The person who wielded his sword so coldly on the battlefield, why are you being so stiff about this particular matter? I’ve been finding it strange all along… Well, you’ve always had such a rigid expression that I could never tell what you were thinking anyway.”
It’s not like it’s just been a day or two… Lef muttered and tilted his head as he stared at Eckart.
“Today you were especially like that. As if something unusual had happened.”
His gaze became even sharper. He narrowed his eyes as if trying to peer inside, but Eckart’s expression remained only cool. There wasn’t even an answer.
He returned to his usual sarcastic expression.
“Well, you’re human too, Captain, so you must be tired. I tend to forget sometimes. You don’t seem human at all… Hurry up and go rest. When it gets dark later, we’ll have to turn everything upside down again.”
“I’ll do that.”
Eckart turned around as if he had been waiting. Though he walked calmly at a steady pace, there seemed to be a hint that he wanted to escape this place.
Lef, who was about to enter the cathedral, suddenly called out as if remembering something.
“Oh, right. Captain!”
“What is it?”
“Haven’t there been any new tips about that guy? You know, the male prostitute called the angel of the back alleys or something.”
The moment he heard the nickname “angel of the back alleys,” Eckart’s body tensed up and stiffened. But it was so brief that it wasn’t easy to notice.
Eckart answered quietly with his back still turned.
“…There weren’t any.”
“Damn. Where the hell did he hide… I’m so curious about that face I can’t even sleep.”
Listening to Lef’s muttering, Eckart started walking again. Lef narrowed his eyes as he watched Eckart’s retreating figure.
“That’s strange… There’s definitely something there.”
As if trying to distance himself from the suspicion clinging to him, Eckart left the place with somewhat hurried steps and called for a carriage.
The carriage carrying him gradually moved toward more deserted areas. When it stopped, a quiet landscape with small houses scattered here and there spread out before them.
Getting out of the carriage, Eckart surveyed his surroundings. Though he felt no presence, he moved without lowering his guard and entered a certain building. Even after immediately locking the door, he stood by the window for a while, looking outside with caution.
Going up the stairs and unlocking the room door with a key, he saw a figure sitting leaning against the bed. Eckart’s gaze carefully swept down that back.
The hair covering the nape of the neck was very fine and delicate. Even in the dark room, his hair was brilliant. Below the hair, a white neck was faintly revealed, and the shoulders that moved slightly with each breath were slender.
However, the sharply angled shoulder line, the arms and hands where bone joints protruded, and the not-at-all-soft body line faintly visible through the white cloth garment indicated that this was a man. Looking at him like this, his build wasn’t particularly small either, and he wasn’t feminine at all.
To think he had mistaken such a man for a woman.
‘…I must have just judged by what I saw.’
And yet in his dream, he had a man’s body. Whether consciously or not, it must have been because he had inwardly noticed that Ronen wasn’t a woman.
It might have been that day they met at the cathedral. He remembered the moment when he heard the voice that was high-pitched but somewhat lower and heavier than a woman’s, he couldn’t accept it smoothly for a moment and was caught off guard. Gender didn’t matter anyway, and since the clothing suggested it, he had just assumed it was a woman and let it pass.
When his gaze rose again, the man slowly turned his head. Meeting his white, beautiful face and vivid green eyes that were distinct even in the darkness, once again his gender seemed completely unimportant.
Windows covered with old curtains, candles that had mostly melted away, several pieces of dusty and faded furniture, and stained wallpaper… Even in such a scene, he alone was noble and beautiful.
In the room where only a few candles barely gave off light, the two men looked at each other silently. Eckart was the first to speak.
“If you promise…”
Eckart’s eyes turned to Ronen’s wrist. The rope tied around Ronen’s wrist looked no different from what Eckart had seen, as if he had been like that all night.
“If you promise not to run away, I’ll untie you.”
Ronen, who had been staring up at Eckart, silently turned his head away. Eckart swallowed a troubled sigh. He wanted to untie him immediately and let him be comfortable, but if he did that, he seemed likely to rush out of the building and immediately grab any officer he could find.
He couldn’t understand Ronen’s attitude at all. In this situation where others were busily running away, why was he trying to get caught with his own feet?
He wished he would flee far away and never return.
“How long are you planning to keep me confined here?”
Eckart, who had been pressing his throbbing forehead, raised his head at the sudden voice. Still facing away from him, Ronen continued.
“If you hide me like this, you’ll be in danger.”
Eckart pressed his lips together tightly. If he was going to worry about his safety, why had he come in the first place? Why couldn’t he understand the heart of the one who had to lead Ronen to the execution platform with his own two hands?
“You should have just run away. Why… why did you come to me?”
A faint resentment tinged Eckart’s voice. Ronen, who had been sitting quietly with his back turned, muttered as if to himself.
“Even if I run away, you’ll chase after me again anyway… It’s better to die.”
Wherever he went, it would be hell just the same.
The latter words were spoken in a voice so quiet it was barely audible. It was impossible to see what expression Ronen was making. As Eckart couldn’t bring himself to answer and remained silent, Ronen, who had also kept his mouth shut, continued.
“To receive forgiveness for my sins, how long would I have to repent?”
Ronen turned his head to look at Eckart. His straight green eyes showed not a trace of the fear of one facing death, without any wavering. It was a detachment that couldn’t be seen as belonging to someone being chased by officers.
“Since I don’t have that time, I suppose I’ll end up falling to hell?”
Even at the moment he mentioned hell, Ronen’s gaze remained only transparent. They were the empty eyes of one who seemed to have accepted everything long ago, who had prepared for everything.
Eckart swallowed dry saliva. Even priests who believed they would be embraced by God weren’t completely peaceful when facing death. Fearing that moment when the flesh is abandoned and only the soul remains was a natural emotion for any human.
No matter how much one prepared for death and wielded a sword on the battlefield, in the final moment when they vividly felt their body being pierced, blood draining out, and their whole body growing cold, they all searched for God with terrified faces. Of course, there were often cases of feeling relieved or joyful about finally escaping life and being embraced by God, but being this calm while knowing one would fall to hell… he had never seen such a case.
When Eckart couldn’t give any answer and couldn’t hide his bewilderment, Ronen wore a slightly self-deprecating smile.
“…A male prostitute who believes in God, isn’t that funny?”
Ronen looked away and down at his own body as he spoke.
“When God Himself declared that prostitutes… especially catamites cannot enter His kingdom.”
A hollow sigh leaked through Ronen’s lips.
Author: Hyacinthus B
Hyacinthus
