Chapter 4. Wrath (14)
“I’m not blaming you, so don’t make such an expression. Isn’t everything God’s will? There’s nothing we can do about it. Just as no one knew such tragedy would suddenly arise, perhaps we might have ended our lives with even greater sorrow. Whatever choice we make, whatever path we walk, the day will come when we face new tragedy. So think of it as simply being unable to refuse the flow of grand destiny.”
“…Still, the fact that I committed a sin remains unchanged.”
The old woman smiled as if there was nothing to be done about it.
“Heaven will judge that as well. All you can do is ask for their forgiveness. Or, since you’ve already committed sin anyway, it wouldn’t be bad to go against Heaven’s will. Yes, if it’s going to break anyway… it wouldn’t be bad to swing it around recklessly. You might get lucky and cut something down.”
When he looked at her with a face asking what she meant, the old woman laughed heartily and changed the subject.
“Ah, seeing that house reminds me of something else. There was a young lady who set fire to the hearts of countless men with her outstanding appearance and eloquence. But one day she came to me with an anxious face, saying she thought she was with child…”
“So what happened?”
“What happened… She cried as if the world had ended. Wondering how she could receive customers when her belly would gradually grow. Like most, that child had nowhere to go if she was kicked out. While somehow hiding it and receiving customers, the child kept growing, and that girl, who fell in love feeling the small presence in her belly, eventually found a way to survive. She went to the men who had been her customers to gain sympathy, made deals, and eventually succeeded in setting up her own establishment. She was lucky. Being a madam isn’t something just anyone can do.”
The old woman clicked her tongue as if the taste was bitter and added,
“From when it was still in her belly, she named it after herself… Yes, Nelly. It was Nelly. She gave birth safely, raised her beautifully, brought in girls and did business prosperously—until then it was a rather successful life. Who would have known it would turn into poison?”
When she learned she was with child, it felt like the world had ended. But she succeeded in using that as an opportunity to set up a shop. It would have been good if it had ended there. Overnight she was branded a sinner, and for a madam, the weight of that sin was even heavier.
“That’s why it’s even more unknowable. Life is truly something where you can’t see even an inch ahead. Fortune brings misfortune, and misfortune turns into fortune—what can a mere human do about such a double-edged sword? Who knows? Perhaps today’s tragedy will become tomorrow’s comedy. There’s nothing to do but surrender to the fate that flows within God’s embrace.”
Whether Eckart was listening or not, the story continued. The lives of people who had lived on this street unfolded through the old woman’s mouth. Since the old woman had worked as a midwife or physician on this street, such content formed the main part, but ordinary daily life was mixed in as well.
“You’ve shown love to many people.”
“What they needed was an old person like me with age and experience. Since they trusted, followed, and helped this insignificant old woman, shouldn’t I give them everything I could?”
Having various conversations, they had walked quite far. The old woman, who had been calmly looking around after carefully folding away the emotions she had pulled out all at once, continued speaking.
“…Thanks to you, I was able to have a pleasant walk. To be given the opportunity to converse with someone like you—I’m quite lucky too.”
“I’m the one who gained much enlightenment.”
“Don’t take this old woman’s words to heart. After all, I’ve just lived a bit longer.”
“Not at all. Then… shall we head back?”
“No, no. After helping just one more person at the end, I’m thinking of leaving this place. Since there’s nothing I can do by staying here, I should go where people need me.”
“May I ask where you’re going?”
“There’s no particular destination. I plan to leave wherever my feet take me.”
“…I hope we can meet again.”
It was sincere. The fact that there was someone extending warm hands in this empire that was freezing cold was nothing short of a great blessing. If there were sinners like himself who caused wounds, shouldn’t there also be those who stitched up those wounds and cared for them until they healed?
At Eckart’s words, the old woman who had simply been wearing a good-natured smile raised her hand. Dry fingers that looked like leather stretched over bone joints pointed somewhere.
“If I may presumptuously give one last piece of advice. Go over there. Your path will be there.”
Where her finger pointed, a shabby stable stood alone. Eckart’s questioning voice followed.
“My path, you mean…”
“What you were looking for. Or what you wanted. Or what will change you… Whatever it is, it will guide you in some direction. Old people sometimes develop remarkable powers of observation. Of course, if it means nothing to you, this too would be nothing but nonsense.”
With that, the old woman who had turned around muttered as if putting down a burden.
“Now that my work here is all finished, I should leave.”
“Was I the last person you said you would help?”
At Eckart’s question, the old woman only slightly turned her head to look at him. She answered in an ambiguous tone that seemed knowing yet unknowing.
“Who knows.”
The old woman who had been chuckling turned her back to him again and said,
“Don’t forget. Whatever choice you make, whatever results that choice brings, it’s all right. Good and bad are merely human standards; before God, all is meaningless. In the end, everything will flow according to God’s will.”
Eckart, who had been watching her retreating figure as she moved away with slow and quiet steps, turned his head to look at the stable.
“Good and bad are merely human standards…”
Eckart, who had approached the shabby stable that seemed to have been left empty and unmanaged for a long time, slowly exhaled and stepped inside. The floor creaked and sagged. With each step he took, the warped wood continuously made noise.
A musty smell stung his nose, showing how long it had been abandoned. Old straw piles were roughly stacked here and there. What on earth could be in such a place? Eckart, who had unconsciously frowned, soon discovered something and stopped abruptly.
His wide-open eyes trembled like a candle in the wind.
Someone emerged from behind the straw pile. The face was familiar—wearing thin cloth clothes on this cold day with a dirty blanket thrown over them. Unusually white and clean skin, light green eyes that revealed their presence brilliantly even in the darkness.
“…Ronen?”
Eckart unconsciously called the name, then stepped back in surprise at his own action. He felt like he was dreaming. Was it really Ronen? He was confused and couldn’t believe it. From the moment he faced him, his heart beat rapidly and his vision swayed.
This was someone he desperately wanted to see yet least wanted to see. While feeling relieved that he was safe like this, he was also enveloped in anxiety that someone might discover him. The longing and fear he had been suppressing mixed together in complete chaos.
Fortunately, there seemed to be no one around… But that was strange too. What was Ronen, who had always been with the Grand Duke, doing here alone?
As if revealing his complex inner state, a voice that trembled unlike himself flowed out.
“Why are you here…”
He tried to look around, wondering if perhaps he had just missed the Grand Duke or a carriage, but his head wouldn’t move as if frozen. He could only look at Ronen. It was when Eckart, who had swallowed dry saliva with difficulty, was about to open his mouth again.
“You’ve finally come.”
Ronen, who had been standing as if hiding his form in the dark shadows, slowly walked out. He gradually emerged from the shadows starting from his toes. Color was gradually added, becoming clearer.
When Ronen finally stood completely under the light, Eckart slowly closed his mouth that had been open. In contrast, his eyes grew wider and his bright blue pupils trembled precariously.
The hair that fluttered briefly over the dirty blanket pulled down to his shoulders pierced into his eyes.
Ronen’s mysterious lips moved again.
“…The angel of death who will lead me to hell.”
There was even an elegance that didn’t suit this place at all. It was a nobility like an angel who had personally descended to a dirty place.
Ronen looked at him with an ambiguous face that seemed expressionless yet smiling, lightly pushing back his shortened platinum hair.
His heart sank with a start. While not understanding how the situation was unfolding, he clearly realized with beast-like instinct that nothing could be more terrible than this. Everything was at its worst. The reality he had most wanted to avoid had suddenly come crashing before his eyes.
He tried to step back to flee even now, but his body wouldn’t budge. While he fought against invisible ominousness, Ronen approached step by step.
“We finally meet. It was so difficult. I never knew meeting you would be this hard.”
The blanket covering his shoulders slipped down. Thin cloth clothes unsuited to the weather were revealed. The body glimpsed through them was flat and nimble. The prominent Adam’s apple, the moderately broad and angular shoulders, the protruding tendons on the back of the hand gripping the blanket… they were clearly those of a man.
Author: Hyacinthus B
Hyacinthus
