#082
“Ah, really… I need to decide how to handle saying we should break up… How do I terminate the mercenary contract?”
As I muttered quietly out of frustration, Nine suddenly spoke up.
: Why are you breaking up?
“What? Are you interfering with who I date now?”
: That’s not it, but you haven’t forgotten what happens if you break the mercenary contract, right?
(If you forgot, Yeonsu-nim is a… i..diot..)
“Ah! Aagh!”
Realizing what I had forgotten, I grabbed my head and screamed “Aaaah!” while shaking my phone vigorously to punish Nine, who calmly expressed their inner thoughts in parentheses.
“Jaeha-ssi, are you alright?”
“Lee Jaeha, are you okay?”
Perhaps because I had been whispering very quietly until now and suddenly screamed, two people quickly approached and pounded on the door. Feeling the door shake as if it might break under the strength of the S-class individuals, I hurriedly shouted:
“Ah, I just yelled because I almost fell!”
After saying that, I paced around again and racked my brain for what to ask Nine. There was quite a lot to ask, but I couldn’t stay holed up in the bathroom forever. It would be too strange to keep staying in here.
I decided to go out of the bathroom first and look for a natural opportunity to talk with Nine again. As I exited the bathroom, the two people were standing on either side of the door with their arms crossed, waiting for me to come out.
“Why, why are you here?”
When I asked in surprise, Shin Haejun sighed and said:
“You said you almost fell, so we were on standby in case you collapsed.”
Then he picked me up and carried me across the living room, setting me down on the sofa.
Seeing the serious faces of the two people, I felt strange, as if I had been perceived as someone with not only a mental illness but also a weak body.
However, more urgent than that was sorting out the things I had been curious about with Nine. There might still be answers I couldn’t hear this time, but it was important to check.
Even if I asked the same questions again, if I got different answers than before, I could confirm that I had twisted the situation a bit more. The very fact that Nine was telling me things they couldn’t answer before meant that Nine and ???, as well as my power, had grown a little more.
‘They say they’re in the middle of moving, so what should I do?’
Should I just leave them and go up to my place? If they make a fuss about not being able to let me go alone, I could go up together and tell them to handle it themselves… Hmm, what excuse could I use?
First, I’ll tell Shin Haejun to supervise the move properly. I’ll send Hyun Dowoon home for now. If something strange happens, Shin Haejun can come right away since he’s in the apartment below.
Having made up my mind, I looked up at the two people who were looking down at me with worried faces.
“You know…”
“I’m not going.”
As I started to speak to Hyun Dowoon first, he flatly refused.
“Since you just got back from the dungeon, don’t you think it would be good to go home for a bit?”
“I can’t because I’m worried. If I need anything, I’ll ask my secretary.”
“Even so, you should at least go home first! Then come back again. Wouldn’t that work?”
“How about you come to our place instead?”
Hyun Dowoon asked with a slight smile. I realized from his adamant attitude that he absolutely wouldn’t leave.
‘Then…’
This time I turned my gaze to Shin Haejun. He shook his head, saying, “No. I won’t.”
“Why are you both answering before I even say anything?”
I asked Hyun Dowoon and Shin Haejun, furrowing my brow. They both tilted their heads in unison. As I sat there with a sulky face, Hyun Dowoon chuckled softly, his shoulders shaking.
“It’s so obvious just looking at your face.”
“I’m great at managing my expressions!”
“I’m sorry, but not at all.”
And here I thought I was quick-witted and good at controlling my expressions! Anyway, now that it’s come to this, it’s going to be difficult to gently shake them off.
‘What should I do? I really need to talk with Nine.’
Although it was frustrating no matter how I thought about it, judging by their attitudes, I realized there was nothing I could do right away. I’d have to talk to these two first before talking to Nine.
After pondering, I decided it would be better to talk at home rather than here where many outsiders were moving about.
“I have something to say, but it’s a bit complicated here, so let’s go downstairs.”
When I said that, Shin Haejun glanced at the people coming and going to move the belongings, then got up from his seat.
While waiting for the elevator to go down, the thoughts running through my head were about how I should view these two people, and how to use the Love Coin rights.
‘First… I want to break up with Haejun.’
The faces of the two people who had said it was very strange and worrisome that I naturally thought of death came to mind. It struck something in my heart to realize that there were people worried about my mental health besides doctors and counselors. Because of that, I felt I needed to face my feelings more seriously.
My wavering between these two people might be coming from my tendency to only crave affection. It’s clearly not a good attitude to be concerned about everyone who says they like me.
It’s true that I had feelings strong enough to think I should date Shin Haejun, but in my current state, I don’t think I can date him in a healthy way. Honestly, I think I might have hastily decided to date him before calmly facing Shin Haejun, partly due to the unilateral sense of betrayal I felt towards Hyun Dowoon.
Above all, the fact that I still want to die even though I have someone I like is an unfair thing to do to the other person. As Hyun Dowoon said, it’s more correct and healthy to think of my health first, take care of myself as a priority, and then form relationships with others.
The same goes for my relationship with Hyun Dowoon. Right now, when I can’t even distinguish how I want to act or how to respond to others, dating anyone would only have a negative influence. The current me seems to have lost the ability to react appropriately, either overreacting or becoming too dejected.
I thought that at least when my heart is a bit more stable, and I can simply say I like someone without overthinking, it would be right to confess again after that.
‘But I can’t completely end the mercenary relationship.’
It would be troublesome for the other party, not good for me either, and I don’t intend to cut off my relationship with the two of them completely, so I think it’s best to maintain it as is.
Honestly, I wonder if I’m being selfish… That’s why I was planning to give them a choice. To maintain the mercenary relationship formally, but tell them they don’t have to be involved with me.
And since I’ve explained the mercenary system in a roundabout way… I needed to think properly about the physical contact aspect too.
Having physical contact with the two of them was certainly… good. To the point where I was worried if the purpose was being distorted.
But I felt I needed to clearly establish that it was physical contact for enhancement purposes, without any accompanying affection. Above all, in a state where I’m not dating anyone, I needed to make it clear that I was in a position to freely guide.
‘I can’t leave Shin Haejun as he is without Kim Sehyun.’
Even if we break up, I couldn’t not guide Shin Haejun. Although I didn’t want to terminate the pair contract, I couldn’t leave Shin Haejun to die from going berserk like this.
Above all, I had to take responsibility for twisting the fate of the two people who should have smoothly fallen in love with Kim Sehyun. I don’t know what I did to make the two of them like me, but whatever actions I took to get through this must have changed the two of them.
“Come in.”
I guided the two into the house. Maybe it was because of the shadows cast on their faces as the entrance light flickered on and off, but they both looked tired. It might have been an optical illusion, but honestly, they had reason to be tired. Even for S-class espers, they had gone through a lot in one day, enough to accumulate mental fatigue.
I was worried if it was okay to bring up what I was going to say next in this state, but putting it off day after day wouldn’t be good for either of us. Even though I was worried about how to persuade Shin Haejun to break up, I decided to face it head-on.
I walked in front of the two and spoke to Shin Haejun first.
“Let’s talk. Director, please wait a little longer. That’s the study over there, could you wait there for a bit?”
“I will.”
Even to my ears, it was a gloomy voice, so Hyun Dowoon seemed to have guessed it would be an unpleasant conversation. Instead of adding words, he immediately vacated the spot.
“…I don’t want to talk.”
Shin Haejun muttered abruptly, as if he knew what I was going to say. Since I had already expressed my intention to break up before, he could probably guess that I was going to say it again.
His sulky appearance as he sat there, looking upset, seemed even younger than usual, which made me feel a bit concerned. Of course, that didn’t change my mind.
“Avoiding it won’t solve anything.”
“…You still like me, don’t you? Why do we have to break up when we like each other?”
“Yes, I still like you. But continuing to date is no longer feasible.”
“Why?”
Shin Haejun reached out and grabbed my wrist. Then, pressing his forehead to my palm, he whispered:
“We like each other, so why? Why is it so complicated?”
Hearing those words made me feel a bit bitter too. I don’t know how to make Shin Haejun understand these feelings that seem so complicated to me as well. But I felt that I had to do this for my own sake.
“Is it because I’ve done a lot wrong? I won’t do it again. I know I’m lacking. I know I’m not reliable. But still, but still…”
“Haejun, you letting go of my hand… yes, I won’t deny that it influenced my decision. But regardless of that, I need to break up with you.”
“Why…?”
“The current me is not in a situation to date anyone. When I can’t even take care of myself, how can I have a healthy relationship with you? To be honest, I know that my condition is very unstable. In this state, we’ll only end up hurting each other and having a stagnant relationship.”
At my words, Shin Haejun bit his lip hard. Seeing his lips stained with blood, I opened my eyes wide in slight surprise. He licked the blood once with his tongue and asked in a gloomy voice:
“Then if I receive treatment diligently… and get better. Will you date me again?”
Author: Hyacinthus B
Hyacinthus
