#080
“…What are you going to do?”
There are things that can’t be solved by human will alone. If that weren’t the case, I would have been able to turn back time long ago.
I slightly averted my gaze from Shin Haejun’s sad eyes. It was truly a difficult problem.
‘I still like Haejun.’
Even though I’m swayed by Hyun Dowoon too, I liked Shin Haejun. Although I felt betrayed, feelings of liking don’t disappear in an instant. As much as I wanted someone who always thought only of me, I liked Shin Haejun who expressed his love for me with his whole body.
But… if Shin Haejun continues to pair with Kim Sehyun, I think I’ll feel betrayed to an unbearable extent, just that much.
Rather than seeing that, or living with the anxiety of not knowing when Shin Haejun might die, it would be better to break up.
“Don’t cry…”
Shin Haejun probably didn’t have a good answer either. He kept dropping tears without being able to give a clear answer.
I stretched out my hand as far as I could and wiped away the tears that had fallen on Shin Haejun’s smooth cheek.
“Why do you think negatively first? We might be able to find a new guide in the meantime, or a new method might come up. Or rather, why don’t you let me guide you?”
Even as I said this, Shin Haejun’s expression remained dark. He probably knew it wasn’t a realistic answer. Above all, because he knew that I was reluctant to have others share skinship with Shin Haejun for guiding, finding a new guide was also a limited solution.
“Yeah… I’m a negative person, so I imagine bad things first. I think that even if I guide you, you won’t be able to endure it someday…”
“Don’t you like me anymore? I want to be with you no matter what happens, don’t you feel the same?”
Shin Haejun hunched his large body and whimpered. I stared at Shin Haejun’s face with a complicated expression as he held my hand and shook it like a child. Although I had said we should break up, I didn’t like seeing him cry, probably because I still liked him.
But I couldn’t say I liked him in this situation. I just kept my mouth shut and stared at his face until Shin Haejun slowly straightened up.
“I absolutely can’t let you go.”
“What?”
“I can do whatever you want. But breaking up is not an option.”
“Haejun.”
“I’ve even prepared myself for the possibility of dying from going berserk someday, and you want to break up? Do you fucking think I’ll stand for that?”
Unlike his usual self who would cling to me cutely or whine, Shin Haejun’s face had turned cold, like when I first met him.
He reached out with his left hand and touched my cheek. Then he took my hand with his other hand, placed it on his cheek, and said,
“Hyung, is your cheek cold because your clothes are thin? Right?”
It was clearly an attempt to change the subject. Then he turned his gaze behind me and smiled slightly.
“I thought you were making coffee. Let’s stop here since the Center Director is waiting.”
“Shin Haejun.”
When I called his name, he closed his eyes tightly once, then opened them and whispered in his usual whining tone. But the cold look in his eyes clearly showed his unspoken intention to stop here.
“Hyung, aren’t you tired from crying? Let’s have some coffee and go home quickly.”
I had no choice but to turn my head, glance at Hyun Dowoon standing there, and clench my fist.
We couldn’t continue this standoff with Hyun Dowoon waiting.
“I didn’t know before, but I heard it’s better not to drink coffee when taking medicine or supplements. Shin Haejun Esper gets coffee, and we get smoothies.”
Hyun Dowoon, who seemed to have noticed that we had finished our conversation, approached and handed us drinks while asking.
I blinked as I received the cool smoothie in a daze. Even though I had only cried for a short while, my eyes stung as if they were swollen.
“Oh my, did you cry?”
Hyun Dowoon clicked his tongue lightly, seeming to have noticed right away. When I lowered my head in embarrassment, he said, “Sometimes it’s good to cry,” and then stopped mentioning it.
“Ah, wait a moment.”
Then Hyun Dowoon approached Shin Haejun closely and whispered something. After that, the two of them moved a bit away and had a brief conversation.
I glanced at Hyun Dowoon and Shin Haejun, then lowered my head again and sipped the smoothie.
The smoothie that should have been sweet tasted too bitter, and I had to throw it away after just a few sips.
***
My head was in a daze until we arrived in front of the house. Every second, I alternated between thinking we should break up and we can’t break up like this.
Led by Shin Haejun, I absentmindedly came up to the house and stood in front of the door, only to realize it wasn’t my house but Shin Haejun’s.
“…Huh?”
I looked around, but it was definitely Shin Haejun’s house. I was sure because the door was open and I could clearly see inside, though I didn’t know why.
Moreover, Hyun Dowoon was standing next to us too.
“Huh?”
As I tilted my head in confusion, Shin Haejun gently pushed my back.
“Just go in for now.”
In a daze, I took off my shoes and entered, and Hyun Dowoon and Shin Haejun followed.
“So I even get to see inside Shin Haejun Esper’s house like this.”
“I hope the important thing you have to say isn’t anything serious.”
As Hyun Dowoon spoke good-naturedly, Shin Haejun, clearly showing his displeasure, guided Hyun Dowoon and me to the living room.
‘…Huh?’
As I sat uncomfortably on the living room sofa, Shin Haejun disappeared somewhere, saying he would ask the housekeeper to bring us something to drink.
And during that time, I saw people wearing hats coming and going down the corridor. They were carrying packing boxes and moving luggage, clearly looking like they were moving house.
“Drinks will be brought soon.”
As I half-listened to Shin Haejun who had reappeared, I suddenly couldn’t contain my curiosity and asked,
“Are you moving?”
“Yeah.”
“…You’re moving suddenly?”
When I asked again in surprise, Shin Haejun smiled wryly.
“Seems like you’re curious after all.”
It’s funny to be curious after saying we should break up… but I was really curious. If he’s moving, is he going far away?
‘Then if we really break up, I won’t see him again…’
Although I was the one who suggested breaking up first, thinking about that made me feel a bit bitter. I nodded while hiding my gloomy feelings.
“There’s a house a bit closer to the Center. I’m moving there.”
“Why so suddenly?”
“It’s something I already ordered as soon as we came out of the dungeon. I have no intention of maintaining the contract with Kim Sehyun anymore, nor do I plan to live with him.”
“So you’re really… going to break the pair with Kim Sehyun?”
When I asked blankly, Shin Haejun nodded. Then he said he would vacate this house and let Kim Sehyun go his own way. He also mentioned that although he hadn’t talked to Kim Sehyun about terminating the pair contract yet, it was something he would take care of soon.
“If Kim Sehyun is going to leave, why are you vacating this house?”
I thought that he must really be rich to have another house, and above all, I asked why he was moving when he had a perfectly good house, to which Shin Haejun sighed briefly.
“I don’t want to come to a house where I lived with Kim Sehyun.”
“Huh?”
“It’s better to be together to protect you from possible attacks at any time, and even if we live separately, I need to be able to come anytime… but I don’t want to call you to a house where I lived with Kim Sehyun.”
At these unexpected words, I blinked and covered my mouth. The thought ‘He really does like me’ crossed my mind, along with… ‘What should I really do?’
‘He really seems to be thinking of terminating the pair.’
I felt both happy and desperate. After suggesting we break up, what if Shin Haejun really dies? They said guiding was particularly important for him because his power was overflowing but unstable…
Is another person going to die because of me?
As my mind was going blank, suddenly a hand grabbed mine. When I looked up blankly, Shin Haejun and Hyun Dowoon were each holding one of my hands and staring at me.
Shin Haejun, after examining my expression, sighed and said,
“This is my choice. It has nothing to do with you, hyung. I can’t forgive myself for saving Kim Sehyun then, and I decided this because I think that moment will keep coming back to me if I stay by his side as a pair.”
“…Shin Haejun.”
“Whatever you think about this, the decision has already been made.”
I moved my lips and then dropped my head. Seeing him speak so firmly, it seemed impossible to persuade him any further.
‘What if he really dies.’
He almost went berserk last time…
An Esper’s rampage leads to their own death and, depending on their power, can also cause damage to the surroundings. I couldn’t let Shin Haejun die bearing the dishonor of killing multiple people.
“Well, first. Jaeha. I’ve been thinking… As long as I’m an Esper, there will be times when I have to enter dungeons without you. And given my position, I can’t always take you with me. So that means I can’t protect you 24 hours a day.”
“What?”
“So, I thought a two-shift system would be good. Honestly, as long as I have feelings for Jaeha, I can never like Shin Haejun Esper… but for now, it’s one of the best means to prevent anything from happening to Jaeha in the current situation.”
When I asked in surprise, Hyun Dowoon continued his explanation. So, it seemed he was saying that to protect me, he had to cooperate with Shin Haejun, even if reluctantly.
“There’s no need for that!”
“No, I think it’s necessary. That portal that only tried to attack Jaeha, you felt it too, right? That it wasn’t an ordinary occurrence.”
“That’s…”
I fiddled with my fingers and bit my lip.
“What are you talking about without me? I can protect hyung well, you know?”
“No, Shin Haejun Esper doesn’t even understand why these things are happening to Jaeha in the first place, right?”
“What do you mean… Coincidence… Hyung, it’s not a coincidence?”
Shin Haejun turned to me with a confused face and asked.
I looked at Hyun Dowoon for a moment. Why is he talking like this in front of Shin Haejun?
“Of course it’s not a coincidence. Jaeha might receive countless death threats.”
“That… Then are you saying someone artificially opened that portal earlier?”
“Yes.”
“Who would dare to do such a thing…!”
To the enraged Shin Haejun, Hyun Dowoon spoke in a calm voice.
“The author who created us.”
Author: Hyacinthus B
Hyacinthus
