#078
“You want to ride in my car?”
Shin Haejun asked Hyun Dowoon with a frown. Then, pointing at Hyun Dowoon’s intact car, he said,
“Why ride in my car when your car is right there?”
“I don’t want to make things difficult for Jaeha, but I also don’t want to send you two alone. That car… hmm.”
Hyun Dowoon briefly took out his phone and said something to someone, then waved his hand and teleported the car somewhere.
“Now the car is gone.”
“What did you just do…?”
I asked blankly in surprise, and Hyun Dowoon replied with a kind face.
“I can teleport within 10km, so I parked it in the parking lot where we came from earlier. I asked a Center employee to leave it in the Center parking lot since they can drive it to Seoul.”
He used his skill just because he didn’t like me riding alone in Shin Haejun’s car?
I blinked with my mouth wide open.
“What do you want to do?”
And surprisingly, Shin Haejun was the same. Although his face clearly showed his displeasure, he asked for my opinion first.
I was momentarily flustered but carefully suggested that Hyun Dowoon should come along.
“After going to such lengths… it doesn’t seem right to send him alone.”
“Alright.”
Shin Haejun nodded at my words. He still didn’t look pleased, but he didn’t seem to want to refuse my opinion.
‘He seems to be considering my feelings.’
I glanced at Shin Haejun. Unlike usual, he looked calm without his sharp energy.
It was strange that I didn’t feel any thoughts of wanting to worry about Shin Haejun’s feelings or trying to cheer him up like I would have before. After all the rush was over, I kept remembering the sensation of when he chose to save Kim Sehyun instead of me.
I thought I would maintain my feelings of liking him but not depend on people anymore, but I guess things don’t always go as planned. The fact that I believed Shin Haejun would naturally think of me first shows that. In the end, his own rampage was a higher priority than my safety. It’s natural for people to value themselves over their lovers, but I couldn’t help feeling disappointed.
Usually, I would have sat in the passenger seat and chatted with Shin Haejun, but this time I didn’t feel like it and also because Hyun Dowoon was there, I sat in the back. Shin Haejun flinched for a moment but pretended not to notice.
‘I’m not sure if this is right.’
As the car became quiet, I closed my eyes and fell into thought.
What do I want to do with Shin Haejun? Is it right to maintain a romantic relationship with him when trust has been broken again? He’s someone who said he likes me and we’ve shared feelings, but is it right to break up immediately?
I’ve always been indecisive, unable to make clear choices. These kinds of problems were even more difficult.
And I don’t know how to deal with Hyun Dowoon either.
Am I leading him on by being ambiguous when I have no intention of accepting his feelings?
‘I don’t know what to do with either of them.’
I was very disappointed in Shin Haejun, but if we broke up completely and he really went to Kim Sehyun, I felt like I would be overwhelmed with a sense of betrayal. Even if I tried to defend him by saying that saving Kim Sehyun was a reflexive action based on self-preservation and humanity…
‘If he breaks up with me and moves on, I’ll really have to kill him.’
I’m not just disappointed, but very, extremely, passionately, turnoff-level disappointed. But the fact that I get so angry just imagining it suggests that my feelings for him haven’t disappeared in an instant.
And with Hyun Dowoon… I kept remembering how I wanted to build a relationship with him carefully, like tending a garden. I recalled how he rushed to save me, how we share the same secret, and how he confessed with unprecedented affection.
I even wondered if I had been too perfectionist and held Hyun Dowoon to too high a standard.
‘I guess I’m a bad person…!’
Am I supposed to waver back and forth like this? I’m not a reed!
If I like one side, I should break up and go! Or be faithful to the current person! To be concerned about both, I must not be in my right mind.
I thought Kim Sehyun was strange for liking Shin Haejun while also caring about Hyun Dowoon, but now I was spitting in my own face.
“Are you in pain somewhere?”
“Huh?”
Suddenly, Hyun Dowoon spoke to me from the side. I opened my eyes in confusion, and he whispered with a slightly furrowed brow.
“You’ve been frowning. Are you hurt somewhere?”
“Ah, no!”
I frantically waved my hands. I couldn’t bring myself to say I was having such thoughts when he was worrying so sincerely.
Seeing his slightly furrowed face reminded me of the skinship we had in the dungeon to get coins. It was a very inappropriate thought to have in the car with Shin Haejun.
‘I’m trash!’
I berated myself internally and turned my gaze forward, feeling guilty towards Shin Haejun.
‘Gasp!’
And then I made eye contact with Shin Haejun, who was staring at me through the rearview mirror.
I was startled for a moment and tapped Shin Haejun’s shoulder.
“You should drive safely!”
“I’m never going to kill you, you know?”
Shin Haejun said that and then glared at Hyun Dowoon’s face through the mirror. He couldn’t say anything to me directly, but he seemed very annoyed at Hyun Dowoon for barging in and riding in the car.
“I was worried you were being disrespected because Shin Haejun Esper keeps calling you ‘you’, but I see he knows how to call you ‘hyung’ too. That’s a relief.”
And Hyun Dowoon very annoyingly mocked Shin Haejun. I could see Shin Haejun’s lips tightening.
‘No, are you picking a fight!’
I was alarmed and looked back and forth between Hyun Dowoon and Shin Haejun’s faces. Hyun Dowoon looked very nonchalant.
“I don’t see how it’s any business of an outsider how we address each other in our relationship.”
Shin Haejun retorted pointedly, and glanced at my face, perhaps wondering if he was irritating me. I wasn’t particularly bothered by Shin Haejun’s inconsistent way of addressing me as it wasn’t a new thing… but with my head being complicated, I just wished they wouldn’t fight today.
Above all, Hyun Dowoon was also acting a bit childishly, probably because he liked me. Despite being six years older than Shin Haejun, he kept picking fights. Although their relationship seemed to have worsened because of me, it seemed they didn’t like each other much to begin with.
“Hey, can we just go quietly?”
I pressed my temples and said to both of them. Instantly, the car became quiet again.
We were driving peacefully for a while when suddenly my phone rang. When I opened it to check, I saw a message from Hyun Dowoon sitting right next to me.
「Jaeha, have you thought about staying at my place for a while? The situation doesn’t seem good, and I think it would be better if I could be by your side to protect you at all times.」
After receiving this long message, I carefully looked at Hyun Dowoon sitting next to me.
I wondered why he sent a message when he was right next to me, but then I saw him glancing towards the front seat. It seemed he wanted to communicate quietly through messages because Shin Haejun would surely make a fuss.
「Is that really necessary? That’s a bit…」
「What if you suddenly can’t use items, or something happens while you’re sleeping? Jaeha, you’re powerless outside the dungeon.」
I bit my lip at Hyun Dowoon’s words. He wasn’t wrong. Unlike S-rank Espers who can sense presence, if a portal opened while I was sleeping, I could die just like that.
「But…」
What bothered me was Shin Haejun. I hadn’t clearly made up my mind, and if I stayed at Hyun Dowoon’s house in this situation, it would be nothing short of having a big fight with Shin Haejun and breaking up.
As I hesitated, Hyun Dowoon urged me once more to think about it during the ride.
“What are you two talking about?”
Suddenly, Shin Haejun’s voice came from the driver’s seat. It was a subtly angry voice.
“Huh? Uh…?”
“You two keep typing on your phones together, taking turns. Did you have something to talk about without me knowing?”
Realizing that Shin Haejun had noticed everything, I was startled, and Hyun Dowoon sighed and said,
“You must have felt that the anomaly earlier was targeting Jaeha. We don’t know why it happened, but there’s no guarantee it won’t happen again. So I was telling him to come to my house for a while to receive protection.”
“His lover lives right downstairs, why should he go to the Center Director’s house?”
Shin Haejun, who had been holding back, glared at Hyun Dowoon with a completely burst face.
“Then, are you thinking of taking Jaeha to Shin Haejun Esper’s house? You can’t be seriously considering that, right?”
Hyun Dowoon asked Shin Haejun with an equally cold voice. I looked at both of them and sighed, realizing we all thought of Kim Sehyun at the same time.
“Kim Sehyun won’t be coming back to my house.”
“What… do you mean?”
Shin Haejun declared without hesitation, then immediately asked me in a careful tone.
“I actually had something to say. If we come across a rest area while driving… would you like to stop and talk for a bit?”
I instinctively realized this was about our broken trust.
‘Today? Soon? He wants to talk?’
Am I ready to talk? Is the outcome of my relationship with Shin Haejun going to be decided today?
‘Outcome?’
Am I… already thinking about breaking up with Shin Haejun?
The hardest thing for me was to look into my own emotions. I fiddled with my fingers, worried about whether it was okay to have this conversation now.
“That sounds fine. Let’s stop for a quick meal as well.”
While I was too worried to speak, Hyun Dowoon spoke on my behalf. He seemed to think it would be better to have the conversation right away.
‘I can’t avoid it forever anyway.’
Whatever conversation we have, whatever conclusion we reach, the longer we drag it out, the more uncomfortable and painful it becomes for both parties.
I decided to face Shin Haejun quickly and reach a conclusion, so I nodded.
Author: Hyacinthus B
Hyacinthus
