#058
“Don’t you think I like you enough?”
What on earth is wrong with him? At his words about wanting to look pitiful to gain more affection from me, I felt that Shin Haejun was strange, very strange indeed.
I had tried to gain affection through sympathy before. I tried hard but gave up after realizing that nobody would like me anyway.
But Shin Haejun has everything, doesn’t he?
Isn’t that kind of thinking for people like me who have no family, money, honor, or will?
‘If it’s likely to be a rampage due to trauma… what kind of trauma could it be?’
I fell into thought for a moment. Can someone who seems to have lived such a flawless life develop trauma? I really… hope it’s not trauma.
While I was pondering, Shin Haejun rubbed his cheek against my palm.
“What are you thinking about?”
“Hmm…”
Thoughts like what your trauma might be, why you’re so insecure.
But what if I hit a sensitive spot by saying it outright?
I decided not to probe further for now and shook my head.
“It’s nothing.”
“You seem to be worrying about something, what is it?”
He asked, gently shaking my hand, apparently seeing right through me.
If Shin Haejun has any wounds, I don’t want to touch them.
Maybe this kind of thinking isn’t appropriate as a lover. But even so, having someone easily pry into your wounds is… painful.
I should refrain from asking until he talks about it himself someday. I decided to change the subject.
“No, I came to visit because you’re sick.”
“How did you know I was sick?”
Shin Haejun asked sharply, his eyes flashing, as I spoke without thinking.
“I met the housekeeper just outside and heard from her.”
“You went out?”
His face showed puzzlement. It seemed he knew that I usually have everything delivered and never go out unless absolutely necessary.
“Ah, I had… a bit of business.”
“From the way you’re talking, it doesn’t seem like you just went nearby. Hospital? No, it’s not time for that yet. There’s still 2 weeks left.”
“Oh, yeah. It wasn’t that.”
“Don’t tell me the Center Director called you? To persuade you to join his team?”
Shin Haejun spoke in a sharp tone after thinking for a moment. Perhaps thanks to the guiding I did just before he went berserk, his voice was not just energetic but booming, as if he had fully recovered.
“Fuck, why does he keep messing with someone else’s lover…!”
He tried to jump up from the bed, fuming. I was startled and clung to his waist, sitting him back down.
“No, that’s not it…! I asked to see him first!”
It seemed like today wasn’t the day, so I was going to talk about it later, but it looks like that won’t work.
As soon as I spoke, Shin Haejun turned to look at me with an expressionless face.
“Why? Are you finally going to that team?”
“Well…”
“You’ve wanted to go all along, haven’t you?”
“No…!”
“What sweet talk did the Center Director use to keep making you do this?”
“That’s not it! Be quiet for a moment! I’m trying to explain. Why do you keep interrupting?”
Shin Haejun kept cutting me off as I tried to explain. Finally, I had to slap his back to get a chance to speak.
At my words, he crossed his arms and looked at me with a face that seemed to say, “Let’s hear what kind of story you have.”
“Haa… I didn’t come to fight when you’re sick. Just listen calmly. Okay?”
Now I feel bad for hitting him. I sighed and reached out to rub his back.
“It hurts.”
Shin Haejun pretended to be in pain and turned his back towards me so I could rub it better. He seemed to have realized that if he acts weak, my attitude becomes kinder.
“So why did you go to meet the Center Director?”
“Actually, I’ve been thinking about it. Yes, honestly, I wanted to go to Team 0 for my career and fulfillment. But it’s true that I was still concerned about you. So after much consideration, I decided to become independent.”
“What does that mean?”
A guide creating an independent team alone was impossible according to this world’s rules. So even the brilliant Hyun Dowoon and Shin Haejun couldn’t seem to draw a conclusion at once.
“I’m going to enter dungeons alone independently.”
“What? What are you talking about?”
Shin Haejun asked, furrowing his brows. His expression showed he truly couldn’t understand.
“You’ve seen me use special items and such in dungeons, right?”
“Yeah.”
“My constellation bestows such items upon me. In fact, this ability is much stronger than my guiding ability. So I can attack dungeons using items. The Center Director has already vouched for this part.”
“Now that you mention it, back then…”
Shin Haejun closed his mouth for a moment and fell into deep thought. He seemed to be recalling the items I used during the S-class Red Dungeon attack we entered together. Although I hadn’t produced any particularly notable items recently, Shin Haejun had witnessed my items sweeping away monsters at that time.
“Anyway, I’m an F-class guide. It’s difficult for me to guide anyone, and as you said, I have no intention of guiding the Center Director again. But I also don’t want to idly waste my abilities in your team.”
“Then…! You can use them in my team!”
“Team 1 has a lot of members, doesn’t it? There are so many espers and guides that you can rotate during attacks. You even have members you send to lower-ranked dungeons besides the core team you lead directly. What would I do there?”
“The attack time would be faster…!”
I stared straight into Shin Haejun’s eyes. I can attack dungeons alone, so being with others would just be a waste of energy.
“I could potentially wipe out everything in one go, but having team members around would just get in the way. And since dungeons keep appearing anyway, it’s much more rational to just go to different dungeons separately and solve them.”
Shin Haejun seemed displeased with my words. But he didn’t argue, perhaps thinking my points weren’t wrong.
“I think I’ve already considered you a lot by not going to the Center Director’s team. To compromise our opinions, I’m in a situation where I have to take the thorny path of creating a new team.”
“So in the end… you’re leaving my team?”
“It’s not leaving. It’s no different from you ‘lending’ me to the Center Director in the first place. I’m currently unaffiliated.”
Saying this myself made me a bit sad, but I explained calmly to Shin Haejun without showing it. He then looked at my face closely and hugged me tightly.
“I’m sorry. I’ll stop insisting, so don’t make such a sad face.”
I thought I hadn’t shown it, but Shin Haejun seemed to have discovered something in my expression and patted my back.
It’s strange. Managing my expressions is a skill I’ve honed almost my entire life. Why does Shin Haejun always notice?
“…Anyway, the Center Director wants to add constellation abilities as a supplement to the current awakened ranking system. It means that even people who didn’t receive high ranks before, or even guides, could enter dungeons depending on their constellation abilities and skills.”
To be honest, I wonder if there’s anyone else among guides who could do this besides me. After all, my ability is more about inventory and game abilities rather than a real constellation power.
But what’s important is that it’s a plan that can persuade everyone. The low-ranked ability users who have been suppressed until now will support it.
“So? You’re going to be the first?”
“That’s the plan. Since there will be opposition if I say I’m creating a team, I’m going to invite awakened ones from relevant departments and teams who want to protest to a dungeon and show them me attacking alone.”
“Doing it alone is dangerous…!”
“I’m telling you, I can attack dungeons alone.”
His reaction was exactly the same as Hyun Dowoon’s. When I spoke calmly to Shin Haejun, who was looking at me with a worried face, he closed his mouth.
After staring at me blankly for a moment, he reached out and grasped my wrist tightly.
“I’m going in too.”
“That’s your choice.”
“If anything happens to you, I’ll step in. Is that okay?”
Although I don’t think anything will happen, I nodded quietly, understanding Shin Haejun’s concern to some extent.
Even though Shin Haejun is an S-class esper, I worry about him too.
“Thank you for accepting.”
I quietly expressed my gratitude to Shin Haejun and hugged him lightly. Honestly, I was planning to proceed no matter what even if he opposed until the end, but it’s more comfortable to seek understanding if possible.
“If people find out you’re the starting point for a new policy, it might get noisy again.”
He whispered quietly while stroking my back as I was in his arms. I was already a bit scared about that point. I wanted to avoid being the target of people’s glares anymore.
But I need to progress with the quest, and this time I’m stepping up for something good, not bad… Also… it might resolve to some extent the previous suspicion about whether I became Hyun Dowoon’s pair through some kind of lobbying, so it should be okay, right?
“Espers might look at you unfavorably. They might feel like their domain is being invaded. If anyone makes a fuss, I’ll dispense justice.”
Shin Haejun pointed out a part I hadn’t anticipated. His last words were so typical of him that it made me smile a little.
“If you feel even a little anxious or if your condition is strange, you must call me and go to the hospital. Got it? I know you don’t like this kind of worry, but…”
“Last time I felt stabbed, that’s why I reacted that way, but I don’t dislike you worrying about my illness itself. Thank you.”
He seemed to have become cautious because of the time I got angry. Honestly, what I said then was due to an inferiority complex…
I hugged Shin Haejun a little tighter and kissed his cheek.
***
As rumors began to spread about the new policy of also checking constellation parts when granting dungeon entry qualifications, the awakened community started to burn hot.
It swept through with the addition that they plan to register constellation information for all awakened ones, starting with the higher-ranked ones.
Agree, disagree, or moderate opinions saying to wait since it’s not an official announcement yet. Everyone started to take interest in this rumor with their own opinions, but unexpectedly, guides were the first to object.
“Complaints have come in from the guides.”
Lee Jina, the Guide Management Team Leader, visited the Center Director’s office to report to Hyun Dowoon.
“It shouldn’t be bad for the guides. Why?”
“Well…”
She made a slightly troubled expression.
Author: Hyacinthus B
Hyacinthus
