#172
What would become of my situation now? My physical body in that world had already died. No matter how remarkable Hyun Dowoon’s healing ability was, he couldn’t bring back a dead body. That was impossible even with my elixir.
If this were truly a game and I were just a character, I could be revived countless times. But I only had one life. Even though this was a world within a novel.
I remembered it clearly. My body, nearly torn in two with my neck crushed. Moreover, my soul had entered a body in an entirely different world, and there seemed to be no way to remedy this.
“I’m sorry. I probably can’t go back now.”
I don’t know what kind of causal relationship there was between my death and entering this body. However, one thing was certain. The worlds where these two and I lived had now become different.
I couldn’t understand how the two of them had come to this world. But I could feel it instinctively as soon as I saw them.
‘They’re different.’
The two were somehow different. It felt like seeing something unknown. Maybe it’s because, unlike me, they came to this world with their bodies intact.
I was certain intuitively. The two couldn’t stay here for long. They might have come to meet me, but we would soon have to part ways.
It was incredibly painful that my actions were the cause of this. If the two were suffering, it was all my fault. I hadn’t known before how fortunate it was to be able to live loving each other with our hearts in sync.
‘I guess I’m a fool.’
I only knew how to long for the peaceful life that was shattered after my family died, but I had no idea how to cultivate a life with loved ones.
It’s always the same pattern. Why do I always regret things when it’s almost over? If only I had realized earlier, or never realized at all, at least my heart would be at peace.
I felt sorry for the two who were suffering like this because they got involved with someone like me.
“What do you mean you can’t go back?” Hyun Dowoon asked, biting his lip.
“I came to meet you and take you back.”
“But isn’t that impossible?”
I muttered, hanging my head low. Hyun Dowoon’s transparent gaze was dazzling.
Hyun Dowoon grabbed both my arms tightly. Then he lowered his head to meet my eyes.
“Are you going to abandon me again?”
For a moment, it felt like my heart sank. I’m not sure which moment Hyun Dowoon is referring to. Looking back, except for when I gave them the rings, I had always easily ‘abandoned’ the two of them. I always had my own reasons, but in retrospect, it was no different from abandonment.
I bit my lip, at a loss for words. They’ll be disappointed in me this time too… but you can’t bring back someone who died in another world, right?
The current me is not even an unranked guide, just an ordinary human who can’t use mysterious items. Even if I could use items, the best I could hope for would be resurrection, but returning to the previous world was beyond imagination.
I reluctantly tried to nod slowly.
‘Again?’
Hyun Dowoon’s eyes were desperate. Don’t disappoint him, no, don’t abandon him. Seeing that look, I couldn’t find any words to make excuses.
Shin Haejun’s hands, which were holding me tightly, were trembling a little too.
‘If it were possible, I’d want to go back too.’
It’s not like I’m enjoying this situation. But no matter how I thought about it, I couldn’t bring myself to make such an excuse.
I don’t know what method they used, but the two of them crossed worlds just for me. How could I say such things to them? I wasn’t that shameless.
“I…”
As I opened my mouth, I could feel Shin Haejun’s body tensing up behind me.
“If possible, I want to go back too…! I don’t want to part!”
I clenched my fists and shouted. The corners of my eyes, which I had barely managed to keep dry, became hot again.
“I didn’t want to die like that! I ran away because I was upset and angry that you were trying to hide and deceive me about something important again… but in the end, I was planning to come back. I didn’t know I’d end up falling alone forever like that…. I didn’t want to die leaving you behind…”
No matter what I say, it’s nothing but excuses. But the two listened to me without interrupting.
“I want to return to my original body…. It’s okay even if it’s a world where nothing remains! I don’t want to part like this-!”
I shouted, trying not to cry pathetically. Suddenly, my face bumped into Hyun Dowoon’s chest. It was because he pulled me in strongly.
“It’s okay. It’s okay, Jaeha. That’s enough.”
I could feel Hyun Dowoon’s chest expanding and contracting greatly. He kept calling my name as if to comfort me. With the polite speech gone, I could feel his concerned heart a little better. Shin Haejun, who had been silently listening to me from behind, clung to my back a little more.
“…I’m sorry. I’m sorry, Jaeha. I was wrong. I should have been honest and asked you to choose me, but I was too cowardly. I was afraid you’d go back to the original world…”
Shin Haejun kept whispering apologies in my ear. I bit my lip hard. That issue didn’t matter anymore. I was happy enough just to have met like this, even if only for a moment. Not wanting to hear Shin Haejun apologize anymore, I frantically poured out words of apology in return.
In the end, we apologized and stopped each other until we were exhausted. Finally, as I gasped for breath, Shin Haejun picked me up and carried me into the house.
Shin Haejun, who had put me down on the sofa, sat across from me with Hyun Dowoon.
“Can I… ask how you’ve been doing all this time?”
Hyun Dowoon was the first to ask about my recent situation. Well, we had been apart for quite a while, so it was natural to be curious about what had happened in the meantime.
I told them about how I found out about the secret that the two of them and Nine had created, what kind of worries I had after that, and how I escaped. And also about Ray’s mansion where I had been confined all along.
After listening to my story for a while, Hyun Dowoon and Shin Haejun told me in return about how much they had searched for me and what thoughts they had been living with.
“…I see.”
While feeling like all the loneliness of that time was being wiped away, I felt more and more distressed. I really didn’t want to be apart from these two. Meeting like this and seeing their faces, the feelings I had tried to forget were reviving bit by bit and felt like they would overflow.
“How did you come here?”
I asked about what I had been curious about all along. Even if it’s the same novel, strictly speaking, isn’t it like a different version of the world? It seems like a kind of dimension travel concept, and I was curious about how they crossed over.
“We came by tracing the remnants of your soul.”
“It’s said that the soul has some kind of trace tied to the world it was born in and formed connections with, like a thread of fate. We came by following that as a hint.”
Even after hearing the explanation, I still couldn’t understand what was what. Seeing my puzzled expression, Shin Haejun dismissed it cleanly.
“I don’t really understand, but well, Nine took care of it.”
Ah, Nine…. I opened my mouth briefly and nodded. Come to think of it, I wonder what happened to Nine. I was so curious but didn’t have the courage to ask.
Before, I had once speculated that the reason Nine didn’t want to send me back to the original world was for their own survival. If my guess was right, Nine might have disappeared when I fell into this world.
Of course, it might not be the case, but I was too scared to ask right away. I had thought Nine was so hateful, but still, I had relied on them all along like a companion. I had never once genuinely wished for Nine to disappear.
“Seeing that you two… crossed over like this, I wonder if I could… go back like this too?”
I swallowed hard and asked.
“Even though I’m no longer a guide now…. Even if you two get another pair guide… it’s okay…! I really want to go back…!”
It’s something I have to endure because of my own mistake, so it can’t be helped. But I desperately wanted to be with these two.
As I shouted that, Shin Haejun slightly furrowed his brow and asked me.
“Would you really leave me to be guided by another guide?”
Shin Haejun and I had already clashed big time over this issue once and everything had fallen apart.
Of course I don’t like it, but isn’t it better than never meeting again? I really don’t like it, but…
As I bit my lip hard, Hyun Dowoon sighed softly and said,
“Jaeha, you don’t have to give up anything.”
“What… do you mean?”
“We feel the same way about being willing to give up anything if it means we can be together.”
I tilted my head, still unable to understand Hyun Dowoon’s words, and he said with a bitter smile,
“Nine didn’t reveal the specific plan. However, my personal thought is… It would be best if Jaeha could return to his original body, but if that’s not possible because it’s already dead… I’ll retire so that I won’t need to be guided.”
“Is retirement… possible?”
I asked, bewildered. Wasn’t retirement for Awakened ones only possible when they suffered a major injury and became disabled, or when they reached retirement age?
“Wouldn’t it work if I lost my function as an Esper?”
You don’t mean you’re going to inflict a disability on yourself?
I stared blankly at Hyun Dowoon’s face, startled. Glancing to the side, I saw that Shin Haejun also had a calm face, as if it was something he had resolved to do.
“No way! That’s out of the question!”
These two have been putting up with my tantrums all this time, and even after my death, they came to find me like this. But inflicting harm on their bodies? I couldn’t demand such a sacrifice for my sake.
But I couldn’t say now that I would give up on them or abandon them either.
“There must be a way. I’ll find a way to fully resurrect myself!”
I declared, clenching my fists tightly.
Author: Hyacinthus B
Hyacinthus
