#170
[“This is the first time I’ve encountered such an amazing work. It’s my life’s masterpiece! Thank you so much for writing this. I really want to express my feelings to you, the author. Do you have a contracted publishing house? If not, I’d like to send you a gift card personally. I hope you’ll contact me.”]
Since there was nothing to do at the villa, I uploaded the next chapter out of boredom. It was more about finishing what I had written rather than organizing memories. Because of this, I scribbled down whatever I remembered, uploaded it, and then reclined in my chair.
The usually quiet message box lit up with the number 1. I opened it without much thought and was surprised to see a long, detailed appreciation post that felt like an analysis essay, filled with sincerity and affection.
‘Oh my.’
An appreciation post!
Perhaps because I had been constantly subjected to cyberbullying, I was always moved when I received good comments. But seeing such a heartfelt appreciation post was truly surprising.
Moreover, the parts about the characters, the setting, every aspect showed that this was genuinely from a reader who had read my writing. Because it wasn’t a novel but rather a recollection of memories, I had felt oddly embarrassed every time I received comments, but this appreciation post was so impressive that I forgot about that.
I momentarily forgot that I was currently in confinement and in a somewhat serious situation, and put my hand on my chest. My heart was pounding.
Maybe this is the feeling that made writers continue writing all this time. It was quite fulfilling and uplifting.
‘But… they want to send a gift. I wonder if a gift card would be okay?’
It wasn’t that I was feeling materialistic, as I wouldn’t have anywhere to use it right now anyway. But it was from a reader who had read my work so sincerely, so it felt a bit harsh to flatly refuse.
‘A gift card… It shouldn’t be a problem to receive just one, right?’
I finally hit reply and sent a message saying, ‘I’ll accept a small gift card if it’s not too much trouble.’
After waiting for a moment, a reply came quickly. It was another long message, profusely thanking me for accepting and apologizing if it might be burdensome, and so on.
‘It’s just my memories that I wrote down…’
I felt quite embarrassed receiving praises about how fresh, creative, and skillful my writing was. However, this reader seemed to be genuinely moved and satisfied, continuously praising me as an incredible writer and a god of writing.
“Oh, come on.”
How embarrassing. I felt my cheeks flush slightly as I shook my head. It’s really not to that extent. It seems that exaggeration is a basic condition for readers.
[“Then, if you could give me your number so I can send the gift card! As it’s precious personal information, I’ll make sure to delete it right after sending the gift card!”]
I read through the reader’s message once more, then replied with a new number. After that, I read the initial appreciation post again. It was pleasing and satisfying no matter how many times I read it.
And above all, there was a part that stuck in my mind.
[“I wonder if the author’s favorites are the team leader and the center chief? Somehow, I feel affection every time I see your descriptions of them.”]
It was just a two-line sentence, but it made me think a lot.
I thought I had tried to write about my experiences as objectively and in as much detail as possible. It was called a novel, but in reality, it was no different from filming a documentary. Everything was something that really happened, and all I did was express it in writing.
Yet, when read from another person’s perspective, it seemed to convey a different view.
‘They see affection…’
I sighed softly. Thinking of Shin Haejun and Hyun Dowoon made my feelings complicated. Maybe it’s because my last memory of them was feeling betrayed.
Honestly, my memories felt a bit hazy, so even the sense of betrayal I felt towards the two was vaguely recognized. Just like, ‘Such a thing happened,’ ‘I felt betrayed,’ that kind of level.
So I thought such emotions might show through in my writing, but seeing the reader’s impression that I purely cherished and loved the two made me feel a bit ambivalent.
‘Do I still like the two of them?’
To be honest, I thought I should forget my feelings for them since I’m living in a different world now. I didn’t feel love for the completely different Shin Haejun and Hyun Dowoon who are here. I partly wrote to organize my feelings, knowing we could never meet again.
But somehow, Shin Haejun appeared here. As if mocking my attempt to dismiss our love as a delusion.
It was quite a heavy feeling. However, at least it felt more real than the unconditional love that this world’s Shin Haejun and Hyun Dowoon gave me. I realized anew that I had diligently cultivated the affection I gave to Shin Haejun and Hyun Dowoon.
‘It would be nice if I could remember what my last moment was like, and under what circumstances I fell into this world.’
While I was thinking, a gift card was sent to my phone. It was for shaved ice and chicken.
“I can’t eat it anyway.”
To appease the reader who was apologizing profusely in another long message for giving such a modest gift, I sent a thank you message and turned off the phone screen.
***
Perhaps because I was alone, time passed very slowly at the villa.
Meanwhile, I sprawled on the living room sofa and scoured the news. It was to check if Shin Haejun wasn’t causing widespread trouble even after receiving my warning. I searched while eating grapes I had washed and taken from the refrigerator, but there were no notable follow-up articles.
Fortunately, it seems my message had worked. Thank goodness. I didn’t want to see Shin Haejun, who used to save humanity, become an enemy of humanity in another world.
Relatively reassured that nothing had happened, I dozed off, and when I came to my senses, it was already getting dark outside.
‘Ah, I need to eat dinner…’
I got up slowly from the sofa. And contrary to what I thought, I approached the window instead of the kitchen.
After fully pulling back the gently swaying curtains, I could clearly see the sky turning dusky as I looked out the window. While sticking to the window and looking outside, I suddenly impulsively grabbed the window handle.
‘Huh? This works?’
It was a sliding window, and when I thoughtlessly grabbed the handle and pushed, the window opened with a whoosh.
“…Am I stupid?”
I remembered the back view of the secretary who had coolly imprisoned me and ran away earlier. Wait, did they lock the front door without securing the windows?
Above all, this window couldn’t be locked from the outside. If I hadn’t thought to look outside, I would have naturally believed I was imprisoned and done nothing, but isn’t this too sloppy for imprisonment?
‘Should this even be called imprisonment….’
After sighing in disbelief, I found and put on my shoes, and as I went out through the open window, fresh air brushed my nose.
I hadn’t noticed earlier because I was in a hurry to get in, but the garden was beautifully maintained. Walking along what seemed to be a well-maintained walking path helped refresh my mood.
Somehow, it felt like the first time I had been truly left alone in the real sense. As I walked, I kept thinking about Shin Haejun and Hyun Dowoon. I also thought about why Shin Haejun had appeared in this world.
‘He must have followed me, right?’
Given that he abruptly demanded my release, it was all too clear that Shin Haejun’s goal was me.
If I could quickly recover my memories, I would know exactly what I wanted to do.
My last memory was tainted with anger and a sense of betrayal over Shin Haejun, Hyun Dowoon, and Nine blocking the path back to the home I had long yearned for. Yet, strangely, when I thought of Shin Haejun now, I didn’t feel angry.
‘Thinking about it now, I guess I was… a bit irrational.’
Was this what the doctor always meant when he said I shouldn’t depend on anyone?
I had depended too much on the two of them from the moment I defined them as the people I loved. I thought they would understand my feelings without me saying anything, and naturally believed they would always make choices for my benefit.
Maybe it’s because my body has changed, but now I can think from a slightly more detached perspective. I had already decided not to go back anyway, so why did I go so far as to leave? It would have been better to have a serious conversation with the two of them instead.
‘Huh? I left?’
As I was walking and lost in thought, suddenly something flashed through my mind.
I remembered the moment when I voluntarily left the two of them.
“That’s right… I left on my own.”
I blinked and muttered. I had been so deep in thought that I didn’t even notice I had already returned to the entrance of the villa.
Although a new memory had surfaced, I still couldn’t understand why I had fallen into this world. Feeling slightly disappointed, I moved to re-enter through the window.
And the moment I opened the window with a clatter, I felt my back suddenly brighten. When I turned my head, I saw that the streetlights set up around the garden had automatically turned on.
The bright lights, and the benches and garden.
In an instant, I recalled the moment of being imprisoned in a large mansion. And sequentially, the memories after that came back as well.
I opened and closed my mouth, then slid down to sit on the spot. Unlike before when I could view things rationally, as the emotions I had felt moment by moment flashed by, my body trembled.
And the moment of death too.
Author: Hyacinthus B
Hyacinthus
