#160
Nine narrowed his eyes and glared at Shin Haejun and Hyun Dowoon, as if measuring their desperation.
The faces of the two men turned pale when they heard they couldn’t go to where Jaeha was.
Think about it. When the world changed before, I could be by Yeonsoo’s side. You also completely forgot your memories and became different people. Even though there were new settings, your personalities from the first round would often emerge.
“Then… are you saying there’s some reason for the current situation?” Hope returned a little to Shin Haejun’s voice. He thought there must be a reason for Nine to explain things this way.
Whether it’s regression or whatever, it’s certain that Yeonsoo isn’t in this current world. But given that we’re in this state… it seems like the connection to this world hasn’t been severed either.
Indeed, just like the connection to another world held by Jaeha’s soul, there existed a connection to this world for Shin Haejun and Hyun Dowoon as well. Perhaps it should be called fate. It’s stubbornly remaining even though they’ve crossed over to another world.
“Can we trace it using that connection?” Shin Haejun asked hastily. He seemed to understand what Nine was trying to say.
That’s right. We need to trace along that connection. However, this is an extremely difficult process, so I might not be able to use my power for a while. It means you’ll have to search for Yeonsoo on your own.
“It doesn’t matter as long as we can meet Jaeha,” Hyun Dowoon said.
Although Nine’s power would be a great help if it were intact, they were confident they could find Jaeha even without it. Even if it meant groping in the dark with bare hands, they would eventually find Jaeha. They had to, or they couldn’t live.
Hearing Hyun Dowoon’s determination, Nine nodded and closed his eyes. Like Theseus following Ariadne’s thread to explore the labyrinth, they had to follow the thread attached to Jaeha’s soul.
***
“Is the medication working well?”
“No, my stomach feels queasy. I can’t eat anything because of the nausea.”
I answered the doctor honestly. In fact, because of the medication I recently started taking, my appetite had completely disappeared. Rather than just loss of appetite, I would vomit whenever I ate something due to constant nausea. It was a typical side effect of antipsychotic drugs.
“Are you still confused in your daily life? Do strange memories keep coming up?”
“No.”
“Then it doesn’t seem like the medication doesn’t suit you… It might be because Jaeha has only been taking the medication for a short time.”
It seemed true that psychiatric medications often don’t show immediate effects. However, I was certain that this medication didn’t suit me. Firstly, because I hadn’t answered the doctor’s questions honestly.
“Do you really think it’s working well? It doesn’t seem like it…”
“You need to take this medication for at least a month to know if it suits you or not.”
“I feel like I’ll die before then…”
I complained. Honestly, it felt unnecessary to keep taking it when I knew the problem wasn’t being solved at all.
The reason I started going to a psychiatrist was because my memory had serious errors.
Thinking my mother was dead when she was alive, losing memories from birth and recalling a completely different life.
Decisively, the biggest reason I came here was because I shouted “dungeon” when I saw a dark shadow between buildings. Besides that… there was also a minor incident where I told Hyun Dowoon to teleport home comfortably.
Because of these things, everyone was worried, and I ended up going to a psychiatrist. They said having two sets of memories like this was a dangerous situation in itself, and I needed to take medication and monitor my condition.
Because my memories were so specific and detailed, and because they kept popping up suddenly, the doctor seemed to be considering various serious illnesses. He said it was too long-term of a memory loss to be simple stress-induced delusion, and the newly emerging memories were too specific.
The doctor recommended hospitalization, but thanks to my insistence that I really didn’t want that, I ended up receiving outpatient treatment. It’s absurd that all these realistic sensations are illusions created by my brain, but since everyone can’t be wrong and I can’t be right, I came to the hospital obediently.
“Well then, let’s change the medication that might be causing nausea a bit, and check again in two weeks.”
“Yes, thank you…”
I greeted the doctor and went outside. Although the doctor was kind, I couldn’t help but feel dejected, thinking that I wouldn’t easily get better as long as I was lying.
But even now, I didn’t have the confidence to speak honestly for fear of being really hospitalized if I insisted that it was too vivid. If I were to be hospitalized for mental issues, my mom would probably faint. It absolutely must not be discovered.
Above all, Hyun Dowoon and Shin Haejun were very happy when I pretended to be a little more stable. After seeing that, I couldn’t bring myself to say that I hadn’t gotten better at all.
“How was it today? What did they say about the side effects of the medication?”
Hyun Dowoon, who had been sitting in a chair, stood up abruptly and approached me, asking. It wasn’t a common sight to see a devastatingly handsome man in a neat suit sitting in a hospital chair. Because of that, the eyes of everyone in the hospital were directed towards us.
I pulled my hat down a little more as I approached Hyun Dowoon.
“The medication changed a bit.”
He approached the desk to set the next appointment date, and continued to follow me until we left the hospital and went to the pharmacy to get the medication.
“You don’t have to do this. You’re busy, aren’t you?”
As a businessman, Hyun Dowoon was one of the busiest people. But I kept feeling nervous because he was following me around at a time when he should still be at the company. Since I started going to the hospital, Hyun Dowoon had been staying by my side almost obsessively.
I already knew that he liked me. It was impossible not to know when honey was dripping from his eyes like that.
But isn’t it a bit much for someone with their own work to act so extremely as if I’m all they can see? Like a robot whose top priority is to care for me, look after me, and give me love.
Of course, I’m grateful that he’s doing this for me. However, I didn’t want to see him throw away all the other important things in his life and go all-in on me.
‘This is why I end up hiding things.’
It’s a bit better now. When I started desperately acting like the original Jaeha, sensing the atmosphere, he started taking me home and going to the company. For me, who didn’t want to see Hyun Dowoon’s company go completely bankrupt, it was a huge relief.
“Jaeha, I think I’ll be late today… Is that okay?”
“Please go home today too. Honestly, nothing’s going to happen.”
I tried to persuade Hyun Dowoon, swallowing a sigh. Nothing particularly changes just because he’s by my side at night. My problem is confusion of memories, not suicidal impulses.
“I’ve been sticking too close to you, haven’t I? I’m sorry if it was annoying.”
Hyun Dowoon whispered softly after examining my face. It’s not like that… I was just worried.
“It’s not like that…”
“Since the day you said you lost your memory… how should I put it, I felt like you became a bit colder. Like your mind is somewhere else even when you’re here…”
“I might have spaced out often, but not to that extent… Anyway, you say I became cold towards you. That can’t be.”
I poured out words to reassure Hyun Dowoon. However, inwardly, I agreed with his words to some extent. Somehow, I was feeling my time with Hyun Dowoon superficially. If I had to say, it felt like there was a gap between the Hyun Dowoon in my mind and the real one. Because of that, I couldn’t fully focus on him.
“It feels like a gap has formed between us. That’s probably why Shin Haejun… keeps being able to interfere.”
“…Hyung.”
It wasn’t just Hyun Dowoon who was sticking close to me. Two people were staying at my house simultaneously. When these two tall men entered my small, ordinary studio apartment, it felt cramped.
I could understand why he thought that way. Although I’m not without moral sense, for some reason I believed I was dating both Hyun Dowoon and Shin Haejun simultaneously. When I first mentioned this, Hyun Dowoon was dumbfounded, and Shin Haejun was delighted as if he had gained an opportunity.
In reality, I wasn’t dating anyone, and I had apparently reached some stage between a crush and a relationship with Hyun Dowoon. Because of this, Hyun Dowoon couldn’t believe that my heart had split in two.
Maybe he kept trying to be by my side and cling to me because he felt anxious about this situation.
“There’s no gap. I’m thinking about it carefully enough…”
“In the end, I hope only I remain in Jaeha’s heart.”
I could fully understand that Hyun Dowoon was going crazy and jumping up and down, given that he had been suddenly half-kicked out of his crush’s heart as if struck by lightning.
I answered Hyun Dowoon, “I’ll think about it hard.” I couldn’t bring myself to say that I would choose only Hyun Dowoon and not Shin Haejun.
Not getting the answer he wanted until the end, Hyun Dowoon dropped me off in front of my house with a bitter smile.
“See you tomorrow.”
Because I had insisted that he go home, Hyun Dowoon greeted me with eyes overflowing with regret. I nodded and quickly glanced up at the house window. The lights were on, so it seemed Shin Haejun had come home.
‘I should kick him out too, to be fair.’
Thinking that, I went up to the house and as soon as I opened the front door, Shin Haejun lifted me up and spun me around once.
“Wh-what!”
I smacked his shoulder in surprise, and he clicked his tongue.
“I’m going to tell auntie. You keep hitting me.”
“Ugh…”
I pouted my lips in dissatisfaction. He always uses the fact that my mom is weak to Shin Haejun, the young master of the house where she works.
“Let’s have a party.”
“What? Suddenly? What party?”
“A party to celebrate your leave of absence.”
Shin Haejun handed me a certificate of leave of absence. I had applied for a leave of absence because I couldn’t possibly continue the semester with no memories, and it seemed he had gone to the school to confirm it.
“Even though it can all be confirmed online, why… Hey, what’s this!”
“Tsk, ‘hey’?”
“No, ah, are you crazy?”
I screamed when I saw the document.
Author: Hyacinthus B
Hyacinthus
