#56
As always on school days, Choi Hyun-oh would contact me when I arrived at the bus stop around the same time in the morning. The content was always the same. He would ask if I planned to take the bus that was coming now, and our timing had never been off.
We would take the same bus to school, attend morning classes, have lunch at the school cafeteria with a few close classmates who had the same lectures that day, and while Choi Hyun-oh smoked, I would chat with him to pass the time before moving on to the next lecture.
Today, too, similar times passed without fail. The only difference was that I was on edge all morning, focusing on the potential vibration that might come from the phone in my pocket.
My phone, which rarely received or sent messages, was usually quiet, but I had never paid so much attention to its silence as I did today.
Moreover, since today’s classes were only general education subjects, it seemed easier to get lost in thought. To make matters worse, today’s lecture topic in “Gender Education for Korea City University Students” was “Dating with Mutual Respect.”
For me, who kept thinking about a certain person, it was like throwing firewood onto the fire. Although I tried not to pay attention as much as I had decided to distance myself first, I eventually couldn’t resist and sneakily checked my phone.
There were no messages. It seemed my feeling that there had been no vibration wasn’t mistaken. I put the phone back in my pocket, pressing my lips together a bit bitterly.
Saheon hyung had left around 4 AM, so about nine hours had passed. Where had hyung gone? As I pondered which countries might be about a nine-hour trip away, I concluded that he could have arrived in just about any country by now.
My mood became even gloomier than before checking my phone. I had to create reasons for Saheon hyung’s lack of response by adding various conditions.
Even if he left at 4 AM, there would be travel time to the airport, and time needed to prepare for the flight. Hyung had sent me a message around 6 AM, so seven hours….
Anxiously calculating the time, I let out a silent sigh. Come to think of it, I hadn’t heard where hyung was going.
He didn’t even tell me…. Once my mind started thinking negatively, everything looked skewed. I found it unpleasant that I was concerned about a reply when I had sent a message first saying we should distance ourselves, so I was about to turn off my phone completely.
When I pressed and held the power button, a red button appeared. I was about to move my hand, but at the last moment, I changed my mind. If hyung tried to contact me and the phone was off, he might think I had left without saying anything again.
Finishing my self-rationalization that it was for hyung’s sake, not mine, I decided to be satisfied with putting the phone on “Do Not Disturb” mode. However, making my rationalization seem pointless, there was no contact until the end of the lecture.
I knew he was working, but somehow it felt like I had lost my place to return to. After the lecture ended, Yoo Do-jin said he had something to do with the physical education students and left, while Choi Hyun-oh and I naturally headed to the bus stop.
Unlike me, bundled up in a fleece-lined hoodie and padded jacket, Choi Hyun-oh was just wearing a jacket. Shivering with his hands in his pockets the whole way, Choi Hyun-oh grumbled in dissatisfaction.
“It’s freezing to death. It’s almost April, how long do we have to wear padded jackets? They say the cherry blossoms are about to bloom, but I think snow will fall first at this rate.”
With my mind on the weight of the phone in my padded jacket pocket, I nodded vaguely in agreement. Choi Hyun-oh, who had hurriedly entered the bus stop booth, looked at my bulging bag and asked.
“Isn’t that heavy?”
“Yeah…”
I rubbed the wide strap of the bag with my thumb. The bag was stuffed full of clothes I had packed haphazardly. Choi Hyun-oh, carefully observing the bag with its zipper stretched taut, asked.
“What did you pack so much for? Are you going to sleep rough?”
“Ah, just… I’m planning to go home today.”
I mumbled vaguely, but Choi Hyun-oh just opened his eyes wide, showing no particular sign of suspicion.
“Oh, really? Ah, right. Since tomorrow’s a day off, it would be nice to rest over the weekend.”
Just then, a biting wind blew, ruffling our hair. Choi Hyun-oh’s bleached hair, looking especially disheveled today, fluttered. Shrinking his shoulders and letting out a dying groan, Choi Hyun-oh asked.
“Are you going straight there? Then we can’t take the same bus today.”
“I guess… Ah, I need to catch that one!”
Lost in thought, I ran towards the red bus that was about to pass by. I heard Choi Hyun-oh saying goodbye behind me. I waved my hand big and wide before getting on the bus.
It was a bus I had taken by recalling memories of coming to play near Hanshidae with friends during my school days. I absentmindedly let about three stops pass before checking my map app. Fortunately, it was correct.
The journey home was long. It required one transfer and took two hours by bus alone. At first, I listened to music and checked if there was still no contact from Saheon hyung, but by the time the songs in my playlist had gone around once, I was feeling drowsy.
Eventually, I dozed off on the village bus after transferring, but miraculously managed to wake up at the stop in front of our house. I hurriedly got off like a chicken with its tail on fire, and a cold wind blew fiercely as if telling me to wake up.
Although I hadn’t lived with Saheon hyung for that long, it felt like I was returning after a very long time. I walked up the familiar path that felt somewhat new.
The apartment I had lived in since birth began to appear in the distance. I quickened my pace a bit more. I could feel my cheeks, not protected by heavy clothing, turning red from the cold.
I entered the passcode on the old front door that showed traces of time, and pressed the familiar floor number. The elevator quickly brought me to my destination. As the doors opened, the familiar scene with even the musty dust smell appeared.
Out of habit, I looked at the neighboring apartment. It was an action I had been doing even before realizing my one-sided crush on Saheon hyung. The elevator doors closed, bringing complete silence, but I heard no sound.
Looking at the window above the stairs, I saw that the sunset was already falling. After staring at the neighboring front door for a while, I quickly moved towards our house as a chill came over me. At this time, my parents probably wouldn’t be home.
My guess was right. When I entered after pressing the somewhat unfamiliar passcode, only a quiet stillness greeted me.
It seemed both my parents hadn’t returned from work yet. After neatly placing my padded jacket on the sofa, I naturally headed to the kitchen. I was suddenly very hungry.
The clock attached to the living room wall pointed to 6:30 PM. The bus ride alone took two hours, and considering travel time, it had easily been a three-hour commute. I unconsciously clicked my tongue. Shaking my head, I decided to prepare dinner in place of my parents who would be returning from work.
Opening the refrigerator, I found it full of kimchi but no other side dishes. There were no leftover soups or dishes on the gas range either. Rummaging through the sparse refrigerator compartments, I found some vegetables and decided to make a simple curry.
Our family always kept curry powder on hand, and that hadn’t changed even while I was living with Saheon hyung.
I chopped the leftover vegetables into large pieces, took out meat from the freezer and stir-fried it, then poured in the harder vegetables first over the browned meat. As I filled a pot with curry powder mixed in water, a question suddenly crossed my mind about whether there was rice at home.
“Smart, smart… Lee Cheongmyeong…”
Muttering self-praise, I opened the rice cooker. Fortunately, it was full. Checking the time, it seemed to be rice cooked this morning.
After stirring the vegetables once to prevent them from sticking, I lowered the heat. Now it seemed I just had to wait for it to boil. Having finished cooking, I naturally headed to the living room. I turned on the TV, watched a rerun of a variety show, and even peeled and ate tangerines that were on the table. This moment felt incredibly comfortable.
So this is why they say it’s comfortable to visit your parents’ home.
It was an almost unconscious thought that passed by. I briefly reflected on what had just crossed my mind. Something about the words seemed strange.
My contemplation, while munching on tangerines, didn’t last long. I heard the sound of someone entering the passcode at the front door.
I put down the tangerine I was eating and scurried towards the entrance. I heard my mother’s welcoming voice.
“Whose shoes… Oh my, Cheongmyeong. Son, you’re here? What’s the occasion?”
Mother looked at me with a genuinely surprised face. Thinking back, I hadn’t contacted them to say I was coming. Having barged in unannounced, I smiled awkwardly and gave the same excuse I had given to Choi Hyun-oh.
“I have no classes tomorrow… So I thought I’d sleep here tonight.”
“You should have called ahead. I would have bought something delicious. Where’s Saheon?”
Mother naturally asked about Saheon hyung. I, who could never say ‘He seems to have gone a bit strange. We had sex last night, but hyung did some perverted acts like a sexual deviant, so I decided to distance myself for a while’ even if my lips were torn, smiled awkwardly and made up an excuse.
“He’s on a flight.”
“I suppose he would be. Why did I ask such an obvious question? Did you make curry? It smells delicious.”
“Yeah. I’m making it now.”
The curry had reduced a bit more than before. Since I was in the kitchen anyway, I stirred it once to prevent it from sticking. Mother waved her hands, stopping me.
“You’ve come to stay overnight after so long, why are you making curry? I’ll tell your dad to buy meat on his way home. Ah, should we invite the neighbor auntie too? She’s been saying she misses you.”
“But I already made it…”
“Curry always tastes better the next day. Just finish cooking it and put it on the balcony. Ah, are you very hungry?”
“I ate a lot of tangerines… I think I’ll be fine.”
If I had to choose between curry and meat, the latter was overwhelmingly better. Even though I ate a lot of meat at hyung’s house, there was a different kind of comfort at our home. It felt somehow warmer and more affectionate.
Mother instructed father to buy meat on his way home from work, and soon after, she contacted the neighbors. Auntie immediately rang our doorbell. Auntie’s face, which I hadn’t seen in a few weeks, was full of joy.
“Cheongmyeong, it’s been a while. Oh my, are you getting along well with Saheon?”
Auntie, who had hugged me tightly, greeted me familiarly. It felt a bit strange and dazed that everyone naturally asked me about Saheon hyung. I, who couldn’t possibly tell Auntie that not only had our relationship developed into a sexual one, but hyung had also done perverted acts in front of me, answered briefly.
“…Yes.”
“Shall I make you a cup of tea?”
“Yes, yes, thank you. Cheongmyeong, come sit down too.”
It was a scene I had often seen since childhood. Auntie and mother would sit at the kitchen table with tea and some snacks, chatting for a long time. I used to play with my brothers, then go to mother’s side to get sweet snacks.
If there was any difference in this familiar scene, it was that I was no longer the small child shorter than mother’s sitting height, and that I now sat in a chair as an equal.
“Cheongmyeong’s dad said he’s buying meat. If you haven’t had dinner, please stay and eat.”
“We had a late lunch so we’re not hungry yet, but since Cheongmyeong is here, we’ll eat a little. We can’t eat much though.”
“Dad said he’d be here after 8 anyway. Please stay and eat.”
“Well, if you insist.”
I quickly looked at the living room clock at the time mother mentioned. It had been over twelve hours since I had last been in contact with hyung. I felt unpleasantly damp all over, as if I had been doused with cold water.
I fumbled around my pocket area, then realized the familiar sensation wasn’t there. It seemed I had put my phone in my padded jacket pocket. I quietly got up, trying not to disturb mother and auntie’s trivial conversation, and headed for the sofa.
I took out my phone from the neatly folded pocket and pressed the power button to check if there were any messages. The screen was black. After pressing the power button firmly a few times, I remembered that the battery had been quite low since I finished listening to music on the bus.
But there should have been about 30% left. I grumbled softly, needlessly pressing the power button again. It seemed the cold had drained the battery faster. I went to my room and took out a spare charger to connect it. The charging icon appeared, indicating it was charging normally, unlike last time when the phone had died.
Just then, I heard the doorbell ring. I looked at the door, holding my phone. Mother got up and went towards the intercom.
“I think your uncle is here.”
“Huh? He went mountain climbing with his old classmates today?”
“Then who could it be? Oh? Is it Saheon?”
I could feel my heart drop at the name mother mentioned. My heart, which had stopped for a moment, started beating fiercely as if trying to make up for its mistake. Strangely, my head felt white and flushed.
“Kwon Saheon? Why would he come here without saying anything…”
As auntie muttered in dissatisfaction, mother laughed softly and headed to the entrance. I faintly heard the sound of the door opening. I crept out of the room like someone who had heard a ghost had arrived.
“Captain Kwon, what brings you here? Is today the day everyone visits without notice?”
“Hello.”
Saheon hyung’s voice was heard more clearly. After finishing his somewhat hurried but polite greeting, Saheon hyung strode into the house. I, standing in front of the room door, froze as I came face to face with Saheon hyung.
Upon discovering me, hyung approached without hesitation. With his expression gone, his originally cold face was fully revealed. My shoulders hunched slightly under the overwhelming aura from his tall stature.
I felt like a herbivore in front of a predator. He was surely going to be angry. I greeted hyung with my lips tightly pressed, half instinctively shrinking back, half wondering why hyung was acting on his own. However, what Saheon hyung did was something I had never expected.
My body was pulled in and bumped against his solid frame. Saheon hyung, who hugged me tightly, seemed like someone who didn’t care at all about auntie and mother’s reactions. Rather, it was I who froze in embarrassment.
Hugging me so tightly I could barely breathe, hyung said nothing. I glanced sidelong at auntie and mother’s reactions. Auntie, who had been watching Saheon hyung enter with her chair pulled out, shouted angrily.
“Hey, Kwon Saheon. You show your face after a year and come here first instead of our house? Whose son are you!”
Author: Hyacinthus B
Hyacinthus
