Without even glancing back, Cha Jae-woo left the house. I couldn’t say a single word as I watched his retreating figure. What could I possibly say to someone who had already turned away, convinced that I would reject him?
He was right.
That day, I had indeed been hurt.
“Haa…”
But that was the only thing he got right.
Once again, Cha Jae-woo had completely misjudged the situation. Why did he keep assuming things about my condition on his own? I’m the one who can read others’ thoughts, not him!
“This is driving me crazy.”
As if he was afraid I might forget that.
A messy swirl of resentment and indignation was rising inside me.
***
There was a time when I was terrified of Cha Jae-woo. I was so desperate to run away that it was almost pitiful. I still vividly remember the chill that ran down my spine when I realized the person I drunkenly begged to run away from wasn’t Kim Geon-ung—it was Cha Jae-woo.
At that time, he had been angry. Maybe the reason I didn’t remember that day properly wasn’t just because I was drunk, but because I myself had wanted to erase it. Because the moment had been so terrifying.
However, as time passed, and as my fear of him gradually faded, the memories of that day slowly became clearer, especially around the time I resolved to return to his side.
If you asked whether the memories that resurfaced made me uncomfortable around Cha Jae-woo, I wouldn’t deny it. But fear wasn’t the only reason.
“Nn… Don’t, please, ngh.”
“Don’t say a single word.”
Cha Jae-woo’s words and actions had been cold from beginning to end, and he relentlessly touched my body. His long fingers played with my lips, fumbled over my chest, and roughly grasped my genitals.
Excited breaths kept leaking out, and I repeatedly tried to reject him. Because I didn’t think we were in a relationship where this should happen.
Yet every time I resisted, Cha Jae-woo left more traces of himself on me. Every place his hands passed bloomed painful bruises, and back then, all of it just hurt unbearably.
But looking back now, he hadn’t been rough. At the time, I had thought he was violating me, but it was really just his desperate attempt not to lose me, manifesting in his actions.
The hands that caressed my skin held no intent to harm; they were tender. Even as I climaxed several times in his hands and twisted my body in shame, it never truly hurt anywhere.
It was simply mortifying, something I thought of as horrendous. Cha Jae-woo didn’t stop at tormenting my genitals—he even gathered the semen and, without hesitation, pushed his fingers into the hole I had never imagined anyone entering.
Perhaps because the semen served as a lubricant, his fingers slid in easier than expected, but the sense of foreignness was overwhelming.
I had stiffened and cried, endlessly repeating how much I hated it. I wept so bitterly that it must have left a deep imprint on Cha Jae-woo’s mind as well.
“Ughk, ngh, no, it’s… ngh, I hate it…”
But the memories that remained with me were somewhat different.
Though his face had been cold, he hadn’t treated me roughly. Instead, it felt as if… as if he wanted to feel deeper inside me, as if he genuinely wanted to know me better. His fingers moved slowly, almost reverently.
Maybe that’s why, even as I thought I hated it, my insides trembled uncontrollably, greedily swallowing his fingers every time they moved in and out.
When one finger became familiar, he added another. Yet still, it didn’t hurt—only the sensation of something foreign was uncomfortable.
“Nngh, ah, it feels weird, ahn, what, nghk…”
“Stop squirming.”
“No, this isn’t, ngh, this isn’t right…!”
“Lim Haeyul.”
But even that didn’t last long.
At some point, an unfamiliar sensation began to make me squirm. Every time Cha Jae-woo’s fingers moved, a strange, ticklish feeling bloomed in my lower abdomen, leaving me at a complete loss.
Because of that, every time I writhed, my already erect cock swayed helplessly. Cha Jae-woo tightened his embrace from behind, continuously kissing my nape as he stirred his fingers deep inside.
I naturally thought Cha Jae-woo would insert his own cock into me next. Otherwise, there would be no reason to stir so deep inside me.
However, after stimulating the inside until my toes curled, Cha Jae-woo, who had been moving his erect cock along with the motion, withdrew his hand without hesitation as I came.
What he chose to do next was to wedge his own cock between my thighs.
He pressed my thighs together and rubbed himself between them. The scene of his veiny, swollen cock moving beneath my own limp, spent one was excessively obscene.
Even as I wished for Cha Jae-woo to let me go, even as I desperately wanted it all to be over quickly, I kept panting in excitement. The memory of trembling lips, trying to obey his order to say I loved him while on the verge of tears, was now vivid as ever.
“Haa…”
As I retraced those memories, a strained breath escaped me. My legs squirmed on their own, and it felt like blood was rushing to a single spot.
Contrary to what Cha Jae-woo might think, once the fear that had dominated me that day faded, all that remained was the raw imprint of pleasure. In that sense, his words about recalling how much I’d cried and suffered that day were meaningless.
The result of recalling everything was…
“What am I supposed to do now.”
All I was left with was an erect cock, standing expectantly.
I squeezed my eyes shut and curled into myself. It had already been well over an hour since Cha Jae-woo had left the house. I could have stopped him. I could have told him that none of that mattered, that back then he had been more than kind enough, and that it was all okay now.
But I didn’t, because deep down I felt that Cha Jae-woo wouldn’t believe me. After all, it was true that he had continued to indulge himself despite my protests. Given his current mindset, there was no way he wouldn’t think of it that way.
Even if I said I was fine now, it wouldn’t be enough for him to believe me. It would only sound like I was brushing everything under the rug.
That was what Cha Jae-woo had asked me in the first place: whether I could truly move on from it. After going through something like that, could I really be with him again as if nothing happened?
“If I thought I couldn’t, I wouldn’t have even tried.”
Cha Jae-woo really was treating me like a complete fool. Maybe it was understandable, considering how I had behaved all this time… No, actually, I couldn’t understand it at all. The real idiot here was Cha Jae-woo.
“…Damn it.”
Unable to hold back any longer, I grabbed my phone. Think it over? I already had. And all I’d been left with was a lonely, throbbing erection.
At this point, I had waited long enough. I had almost succeeded, and I couldn’t let today slip by like this. Cha Jae-woo had given me time to think, but really, this was giving him time to think too.
And for Cha Jae-woo, thinking was a luxury. He would only dredge up memories of his mistakes! I had absolutely no intention of giving him time for that.
I immediately opened the camera app and took a picture of my lower body. Even through my training pants, the outline of my erection was blatantly visible.
Without even registering the embarrassment, I sent the photo straight to Cha Jae-woo.
[After all that thinking, all I got was a boner. What are you gonna do about it?]
The raw, unfiltered message was sent exactly as it was to Cha Jae-woo. I lay there and slapped the mattress in frustration.
Stay calm. Yeah, stay calm.
I could understand where Cha Jae-woo was coming from. He had been doing his best for me. His method wasn’t wrong. It was just that my heart was moving too fast.
Taking it slow was fine. It hadn’t even been that long since I decided to stay by Cha Jae-woo’s side. I knew that saying I was fine with everything, already professing how much I liked him, might seem rash.
But that was just how I was. At least when it came to Cha Jae-woo, I had never been rational—past, present, or future.
So it was Cha Jae-woo who needed to adapt. Because I was going to keep being this way, and he would have to keep loving me like this.
“……”
However, it hadn’t even been long since I sent that reckless message when the shame I had pushed aside started to creep up.
…No, seriously, wasn’t it a bit much to send a boner pic just like that? I mean, I was still wearing clothes, so it should be okay… No, even so. That was a lot. Wouldn’t receiving something like that throw anyone off?
No matter how boldly I had acted, as time passed, my heart gradually settled. Like my erection slowly dying down, my recklessness was fading, and rationality was returning.
