Tears that hadn’t fully subsided clung to every word he spoke. Shaking his head vigorously, he began guiding, checking over his body.
“Ha……”
Fortunately, Cha Jae-woo’s condition had improved drastically compared to earlier.
Ha ha, wasn’t it said that guiding with a bonded Guide has a stronger effect? Should this be considered a relief? Without a Guide, his condition would’ve deteriorated even faster.
It was a useless thought. It wasn’t perfect, but at least it was stable enough—not enough to cause any problems, meaning that as long as he was there, Cha Jae-woo wouldn’t go berserk. Only after stabilizing the waves to that point did he stop guiding.
“Haeyul.”
At that moment, the tension drained from his body, and his legs gave out. As if waiting for it, Cha Jae-woo caught him in his arms. It was almost ridiculous how, just moments ago, he had been on the verge of death, yet now he was easily lifting him up.
No, that wasn’t the funniest part.
There was something even more absurd.
“Cha Jae-woo.”
Still in his arms, he spoke quietly. His vision blurred, and a strong premonition surged that he was about to lose consciousness. He struggled desperately to stay awake.
“Mm.”
The gentle reply came back quickly. Slowly, he asked,
“Did you… imprint on me…?”
The fragile grip he barely managed to hold onto his consciousness felt as if it would snap at any moment. Cha Jae-woo hesitated for just a second but offered no answer. That alone was enough. If it wasn’t true, he would’ve said so immediately.
The realization made anger well up inside him.
“You should’ve told me. Why didn’t you say anything?”
As his voice grew louder, Cha Jae-woo patted his back and let out a heavy sigh.
“Why do you never say the important things! Why! Why do you only lie and always hide your true feelings!”
But he couldn’t calm down at all. It was infuriating. If Cha Jae-woo had just said something, they wouldn’t be in this situation. No, more than that—he wouldn’t have planned to die alone in the first place.
How could he even think about dying alone inside a gate? Just imagining Cha Jae-woo dying among the corpses of monsters in a sealed-off gate made his chest feel like it was about to explode.
“…Because I’d be a burden.”
The words finally spilling from Cha Jae-woo’s mouth flipped his insides upside down.
With a hand drained of strength, he weakly struck Cha Jae-woo’s shoulder again. His already frail arm dropped limply. He clenched his teeth, but he couldn’t stop the tears from falling.
“That’s… the clearest proof… that you love me more than anything else.”
It should have been obvious. If he had even a slight intention of holding onto him. If he truly didn’t want to hurt him anymore.
“My feelings… are they important to you?”
But Cha Jae-woo didn’t understand. He was so utterly clueless it was almost pitiful.
“Does it look like they’re not important? If it wasn’t important, why do you think I ran all the way here! If you’d just said something…! If you’d just given me a little certainty, I would’ve… long ago…!”
“……”
“You used me so easily when you didn’t mean it, but now that it’s real, you run away! How could you do that!”
“…I’m sorry.”
What was Cha Jae-woo even apologizing for? For not telling him? No, it was probably an apology for having used him. He was cowering in fear, and it made him feel all the more miserable and heartbroken.
“From now on, you don’t get to do anything as you please. This is your fault for imprinting on me, Cha Jae-woo. From now on… you’re going to stay by my side and live exactly the way I tell you to.”
He didn’t try to comfort him. No matter how much Cha Jae-woo loved him, the wounds he had suffered weren’t going to simply vanish.
But he didn’t want to push Cha Jae-woo away either.
He never wanted him to die.
“Why won’t you answer me?”
“…Is it really okay?”
“…If that’s what you want, then fine. But listen, I haven’t forgiven you. That’s why I’m going to keep you by my side. I’m going to make you suffer for a long, long time. So don’t you dare die. I’m not going to let you die.”
Don’t die. At the very least, not like this. Stay by my side. If you love me, then show it to me now. That’s what you should have done. Not run away like this.
There were so many things he wanted to say, but he kept them bottled up.
“…Yeah.”
Maybe he didn’t even need to say anything.
“Tell me you need me. Not for guiding. Tell me you want me because you love me. Say it.”
“…I…”
“…”
“I know I don’t deserve to, but… I love you.”
His face twisted painfully as he choked on a sob, wrapping his arms around Cha Jae-woo’s neck and breaking into tears again. The tears he had barely been holding back now streamed freely.
“Why, hic, why are you only realizing it now…”
If only he had known earlier. They could have found happiness so much sooner. He wouldn’t have left his side, and Cha Jae-woo wouldn’t have tried to leave this world.
‘I didn’t know… what this was.’
Cha Jae-woo’s voice echoed faintly. He knew now—these were his true feelings.
He wanted to yell at him, ask if he thought he was the only one who had no idea, but he couldn’t bring himself to say it. His lips refused to part, and the tears wouldn’t stop falling.
His blurred vision flickered, and Cha Jae-woo’s voice seemed to grow more and more distant. Now that he had heard the words—that Cha Jae-woo was alive and promised to stay by his side—he felt he could finally let go and rest.
“Haeyul.”
With that soft call from Cha Jae-woo, he finally lost consciousness.
***
When he opened his eyes, the ceiling of Cha Jae-woo’s house came into view. Strangely, he felt relieved. He never thought he would find peace waking up in this house again.
But it didn’t take long for unease to creep in. Cha Jae-woo was nowhere to be seen.
He almost rushed out of bed to find him but managed to hold himself back. It wasn’t just that he lacked the strength to rip off the IVs dangling from his arm—it was that he could feel Cha Jae-woo’s waves nearby.
“Cha Jae-woo!”
He called out for him from where he lay. Would he come just because he called? Anxiety bubbled up, but thankfully it was unfounded. The approaching waves told him Cha Jae-woo was drawing near.
“…I told you to stay close.”
The door opened, and Cha Jae-woo peeked his head in. The moment he saw his face, he spoke reproachfully, and Cha Jae-woo nodded obediently. Even so, he didn’t rush into the room.
That timid posture overlapped with the image of a lonely boy from long ago. Shoving away that lingering sadness, he reached out his hand.
“Come here.”
Cha Jae-woo hesitated only a beat before stepping closer. As if he hadn’t hesitated at all, he strode over and grabbed his hand without delay, letting him check his condition.
Fortunately, he was okay. A little more guiding, and he would surely be fine. Letting out a breath of relief, he lifted his head. Cha Jae-woo was staring at him intently.
“…Are you okay?”
The moment their eyes met, Cha Jae-woo asked. He probably wasn’t asking about himself, but about his own condition.
Or maybe not. Somehow, it didn’t feel that way. The way Cha Jae-woo couldn’t even stay in the room properly or get close suggested he wasn’t worried about his physical state, but about his heart.
Honestly, he wasn’t sure himself. He had been hurt too deeply to simply go back to loving Cha Jae-woo the way he had before. Even if Cha Jae-woo hadn’t known what it meant to have someone precious, even if he hadn’t known what it was to cherish someone, that didn’t erase what he had done. His wounds wouldn’t heal easily.
Still, he wanted to see Cha Jae-woo a little more. It wasn’t out of pity. Now that he was certain of Cha Jae-woo’s love, it was a small hope he was willing to invest in.
“Who knows. Will I be?”
He answered playfully as he monitored the steadily stabilizing waves and lay back down on the bed. His condition hadn’t fully recovered; fatigue tugged heavily at him.
‘I’ll do better.’
At that moment, Cha Jae-woo spoke through his heart. A slight smile tugged at his lips, and tears welled up again.
‘I’ll never hurt you again.’
Maybe it was another foolish decision. But still, he wanted to believe in Cha Jae-woo one more time.
“I’m going to sleep a little more.”
“Okay.”
He closed his eyes but didn’t let go of Cha Jae-woo’s hand. Only by holding onto it could he feel at ease.
Maybe Guides had some kind of imprint too? A silly thought crossed his mind. Maybe it was just an excuse for himself—for the him who still loved this person after everything.
He’s done such terrible things until now…
With thoughts that weren’t even funny, sleep slowly crept up on him. Half-asleep, he mumbled,
“Stay here.”
At some point, he found himself standing on the blurred line between dreams and reality.
“Yeah.”
That firm, certain answer, as if he would absolutely keep that promise, made him ridiculously happy.
“…I love you.”
He thought, just for a fleeting moment, that he hoped the day would come soon—when he could return those words to Cha Jae-woo without any hesitation.
Maybe just a little sooner.
[The End]
