“Huff… cough.”
The vision flickered between pitch black and blurry. Fortunately, Cha Jae-woo did not attack immediately and hesitated for a moment, indicating a trace of rationality remained.
This allowed him to somehow enter Cha Jae-woo’s embrace. However, the challenge was that Cha Jae-woo’s chaotic energy became even more overwhelming up close.
“Ugh…”
This was incomparable to when guiding Jung Hyun-soo during his first berserk episode.
Although Cha Jae-woo had not yet gone berserk, the pain was far greater than when guiding Jung Hyun-soo. He tried to resolve the situation within the available mana but failed. It was already too late.
“Cha Jae-woo, ha, Cha Jae-woo…! Try to, ugh, focus!”
What if he could not stabilize him?
Anxiety gripped the mind. If that happened, he would die too. Ironically, that was not the primary concern. The thought of Cha Jae-woo dying was unbearable.
Darkness clouded the vision. The mana inserted into Cha Jae-woo’s body was quickly consumed by an inky blackness.
“It’s okay… It’s okay.”
Whispering words of reassurance, whether to Cha Jae-woo or to himself, he continued to infuse mana.
Even if it drained his energy, he was grateful for the ability to guide. Without it, he would be helpless in this situation.
The darkness slowly began to clear. Faintly, the familiar distorted energy of Cha Jae-woo started to take shape.
Just holding him was not enough. Realizing this, he desperately sought Cha Jae-woo’s lips.
If possible, he wanted to shed all clothes and cling to him, but feared that any separation might cause Cha Jae-woo to be consumed by darkness.
He pressed his cold lips against Cha Jae-woo’s. As their saliva mixed, the situation improved more than just holding him.
If only he had done this sooner. Regret washed over him, but it was useless now.
He should have paid more attention to Cha Jae-woo, tried to understand why he was acting this way, and checked for symptoms earlier. Maybe then, it would not have come to this.
Tears streamed down his face. The fear that Cha Jae-woo might die, that he might not be able to stabilize him, was overwhelming.
‘No.’
A young voice echoed in his mind. Simultaneously, Cha Jae-woo struggled as if trying to push him away.
Why was he doing this? Why was he trying to push him away? Whatever the reason, he could not let it happen. With a sudden surge of strength, he clung to Cha Jae-woo, determined not to let him go.
If he let go, Cha Jae-woo would die. And he would die too. So, he could not let go.
‘Go away. Don’t come…’
“……!”
The young voice spoke again, pleading. It was not Cha Jae-woo’s voice, but that of a child, crying.
Where was this voice coming from? Whose voice was it? The confusion deepened as the child’s voice continued.
‘No. Go away, Mom. Dad… go away.’
Suddenly, the darkness lifted, and a vision appeared—a gate similar to the one they were in. A young Cha Jae-woo, trembling in the arms of a man and a woman, his parents, who lay lifeless. Cha Jae-woo had killed them.
‘No… I didn’t mean to. I, I didn’t do it…’
Cha Jae-woo looked directly into my eyes, shaking his head as if he had just discovered me. I struggled to keep us both from collapsing, tears streaming down my face.
My breath caught, and a wave of pain surged through me. Whether this was an accurate depiction of the past didn’t matter. What was clear was that this moment was deeply ingrained in Cha Jae-woo’s memory.
He remembered being left alone in the gate, his parents’ lifeless bodies growing cold around him.
‘It wasn’t me… I didn’t mean to…’
“No, Cha Jae-woo, it’s not your fault,” I whispered, nodding in agreement, even though I knew this was just an illusion. Cha Jae-woo was not to blame. Who could fault him for this?
‘But… I killed them…’
Tears flowed endlessly down the child’s face, and my heart felt like it was crumbling.
I approached the child, my body moving as if drawn into the vision. I hugged the young Cha Jae-woo without hesitation, feeling his feverish body press against mine.
Only then did he burst into tears, his small frame shaking with sobs. This tiny Cha Jae-woo seemed so fragile in this horrifying place.
“It’s not your fault…”
That was all I could say. Cha Jae-woo cried incessantly, and I kept patting his back, trying to soothe him.
Seeing him cry so helplessly broke my heart. All I could do was pat his back and whisper words of comfort, which felt so inadequate.
Fortunately, Cha Jae-woo’s trembling body began to calm down. He seemed to have passed out from exhaustion, as no sound came from him.
Should I wake him? I wondered briefly, but not for long.
“……Lim Haeyul!”
“Huff!”
The child in my arms transformed back into an adult. The tear-stained face was gone, replaced by a distressed expression, but his eyes were clearly alive.
“Cha Jae-woo…”
Tears welled up in my eyes, overflowing. I had held back my tears in front of the child, but now they poured out. Cha Jae-woo looked bewildered.
I belatedly punched his shoulder. The chaotic energy had subsided, and the darkness that had been about to consume him was gone.
“What were you thinking?!”
I shouted, not bothering to wipe away my tears. Cha Jae-woo looked at me in disbelief. His expression said it all—confusion, shock, worry, fear. I felt his emotions resonate through me and swung my fist again.
“You idiot! Were you trying to die like this?!”
My punches wouldn’t hurt him, but he stood still, silently taking them. He furrowed his brows and shook his head.
“Why… why did you come here?”
He didn’t deny it. That made me even sadder, and my tears fell harder.
Cha Jae-woo looked helpless, his hands twitching as if he wanted to reach out but couldn’t. His genuine concern was evident, unlike the act he had put on before.
I finally understood Cha Jae-woo’s feelings. Why did it have to be this way? If only I had realized sooner, or if I had trusted him…
“Don’t cry. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have… This place is dangerous… Haeyul, are you hurt? Did I—”
“You didn’t do anything! You just stood there!”
I cut him off, shouting. I couldn’t let him think he had hurt me. His worried expression reminded me of the young Cha Jae-woo I had just seen.
Cha Jae-woo looked slightly relieved. I wiped away my tears and hugged him tightly.
He stiffened in surprise, but I didn’t care. I focused my mind and began guiding again. I could spare a little more energy; it wouldn’t kill me.
“Don’t…”
“I’m doing this. Don’t say anything.”
