“Why? Why can’t I?”
After longing to return home, I was greeted with shocking news as soon as I arrived. Cha Jae-woo told me not to come to the field anymore.
“You don’t need to come.”
Although no major issues occurred today, one never knows what might happen. It’s common sense to prepare for emergencies, but Cha Jae-woo seemed unconcerned.
“What if something happens? Like today…!”
“There are other Guides.”
“But they barely did any guiding!”
“This is enough.”
His response left me speechless. Cha Jae-woo and I guided as soon as we returned home. His condition wasn’t bad, but it didn’t seem like the guiding had much effect. I couldn’t tell for sure since I didn’t see his condition after he returned from the gate twice, but it seemed like he was only slightly calmed down.
It felt more like we stopped because this was the limit, rather than agreeing that this was sufficient. If that’s the case, I need to be in the field even more. What if a situation arises that can’t be handled by that level of guiding?
“The guiding wasn’t enough. I saw your condition while guiding!”
My raised voice wouldn’t subside, filled with the conviction that he was wrong. This made Cha Jae-woo’s gaze turn cold.
I flinched, but managed to compose myself. I couldn’t back down on this.
“Even so, you’re not helpful.”
His words were so sharp and cold that they stung. I could feel my lips trembling.
“Why would you say that….”
It was hurtful to hear that after trying my best. Not helpful? I was the one who stabilized his condition, so how could he say that?
“Haah….”
Cha Jae-woo sighed deeply. I was the one who wanted to sigh, but he beat me to it.
“Fine, your guiding is much better.”
However, his following words made me quickly forget my sullen mood. Hearing Cha Jae-woo acknowledge me made my spirits soar.
“But, why….”
“Did you forget what you did today?”
I did shout that I liked him and was jealous of other Guides guiding him.
But was that really a problem?
Guides often experience such emotional issues. It’s common for Guides to develop feelings for Espers, and Kim Sol had even warned me about it. Since I am practically Cha Jae-woo’s exclusive Guide, it seemed like a natural side effect. Everyone would understand, so why was it an issue?
“That was because of the side effects….”
“You thought you liked me because of the side effects and were going to guide me right there, didn’t you?”
“…….”
“Forgetting that you’re different from other Guides.”
“…….”
“Am I wrong?”
It was a question that left me speechless.
In that moment, if I had faced Cha Jae-woo and he had been unconscious, I would have guided him without a second thought. The idea that I shouldn’t do it wouldn’t have crossed my mind, and even if it had, I would have thought it was a necessary choice.
‘…Damn side effects.’
Reflecting on today’s events, I realized I was too easily swayed by the emotions caused by the side effects. I’m not sure if everyone who develops feelings for someone experiences this, or if it’s just me…
Anyway, everyone must have seen me guiding. That means all the effort to cut ties with the Guide Association and hide was for nothing.
“That’s why it’s not okay.”
Thanks to his unusually long explanation, I understood why Cha Jae-woo made that decision. But I still couldn’t bring myself to nod in agreement. I kept thinking, what if something happens?
“…I’ll be careful.”
In the end, instead of agreeing with Cha Jae-woo, I offered an alternative.
“You?”
Of course, Cha Jae-woo wasn’t easily convinced. If I couldn’t even trust myself, how could he trust me?
I understood, but the sting in my nose was unavoidable. I had let my emotions get the better of me, failing to gain Cha Jae-woo’s trust, and now I was doing the same thing again.
“…Understood.”
In the end, I had to nod. I should have just agreed from the start. Arguing only made me feel worse.
‘It must be nice to be an Esper. They don’t have to deal with all this emotional stuff like Guides do.’
It might be a bit cynical, but honestly, it feels like nature has given Espers too much. While they have the risk of going berserk, Guides are created to prevent that.
Moreover, the more a Guide guides, the more they become attached to the Esper, making it unbearable to be without them. It’s unfair to Guides.
As a Guide, it feels increasingly unfair that my feelings for Cha Jae-woo grow stronger each day, while he feels nothing. It’s the height of unfairness, and there’s no one to complain to.
“Then, I’ll go in….”
All my energy was drained. Along with it, my motivation for everything vanished.
I trudged away, thinking that it would have been better if I hadn’t become a Guide. I knew too much now.
“Lim Haeyul.”
I stopped in my tracks. Cha Jae-woo had called my name.
Was there more to discuss? I didn’t think so. With a sigh, I turned around, even though I didn’t want to. I couldn’t ignore him after he called me.
“I’m saying this because I’m worried about you.”
I hadn’t expected much. After saying no, he wouldn’t suddenly change his mind, and whatever he said next wouldn’t be pleasant to hear. But Cha Jae-woo’s words surprised me. They were completely unexpected, leaving me speechless.
“Worried?”
Worried. He said he was worried about me.
Cha Jae-woo was worried about me.
Shocked by his unexpected concern, I found myself stepping closer to him. He frowned slightly and let out a short sigh before speaking.
“I told you, it’s better if no one knows about your guiding.”
I quickly nodded. He had said that revealing my guiding abilities could make me a global research subject, and it was better to keep it hidden. Cha Jae-woo had said that, not anyone else.
He had been worried about me then, and he still was.
“You’re right. You said that.”
I felt foolish for being upset over something he said out of concern. I smiled and nodded several times before bowing my head.
“I’m sorry. I was being stubborn even though you were thinking of me….”
“…….”
“But I was really worried. I won’t push to go with you anymore.”
“…….”
“But in return! You mustn’t overexert yourself. You really need to be careful, okay?”
“…….”
“Okay? You understand, right?”
“……Yes.”
My cheeks hurt from smiling so hard. I tried to suppress my grin, but it was impossible. I gave up and just smiled. Cha Jae-woo wouldn’t mind.
“Then, get some rest. I’ll head in now.”
“Okay.”
Unlike before, my steps were light as I turned to leave. How could my mood change so quickly?
But it made sense. Knowing that someone cares about you and has your best interests at heart feels good, side effects or not.
‘Anyway, he only seems bad on the surface.’
The more I thought about it, the more I realized that Cha Jae-woo is actually a good person. People just misunderstand him. He’s so stoic and quiet that others misinterpret his demeanor. And those Espers who suffered at his hands must have done something wrong to deserve it.
My admiration for Cha Jae-woo continued as I returned to my room. Before I knew it, I was humming a tune to myself.
* * *
Even after Lim Haeyul returned to his room, Cha Jae-woo remained in the same spot. He could hear the faint humming from afar, which continued even after the door closed.
“Tsk.”
Cha Jae-woo’s face contorted as he clicked his tongue in annoyance.
Lim Haeyul was incredibly foolish. How could someone so naive possess such unique guiding abilities that others lacked? Was it a gift bestowed only upon him?
Cha Jae-woo rubbed his face and looked at his hands. The echoes of desperate screams still lingered in his ears.
He must have been the same.
A cold smile twisted Cha Jae-woo’s lips. His expression had turned icy, far beyond anything Lim Haeyul could imagine.
He slowly closed and opened his eyes. His once-drowsy gaze now gleamed with a sharp, predatory intensity. He moved sluggishly, eventually retreating to his room.
A heavy thud echoed as the door shut.
An eerie silence enveloped the entire space.
