70.
#Condition
Dawoon, having changed into lighter clothes, took a deep breath and opened the door. Despite opening it, he couldn’t bring himself to step out. It was just stepping into the hallway, yet it felt so difficult. After taking another breath that made his chest heave, he forced himself to take a step.
He wished the distance to Hayun’s room was longer.
The mansion was already spacious enough to others, and even though it was just going from one room to another, it was quite a distance to walk. With each step closer, he felt his breath tightening.
Despite walking slowly, he arrived at Hayun’s door in an instant. He raised his hand to knock but hesitated again. Knowing too well what would happen once he entered, his body was already starting to stiffen.
He bit the inside of his lip hard. The stinging pain seemed to help him breathe a little easier.
What am I doing? Is this really the only way?
Even though he had cooled off with cold water, his mind was in chaos again. He didn’t have to comply with everything Hayun wanted. Refusal and escape were also options.
Escape…
He smiled bitterly at the word. Where would he escape to? He couldn’t answer this very practical question. Dawoon had no relatives on his mother’s side. His mother had grown up with a single mother, and even that grandmother had passed away before Dawoon was born. He had never heard of any other relatives.
Hayun and Haram were Dawoon’s only family, and this was his only home. He didn’t expect his grandfather to help him. If his grandfather ever found out about this, he might cast out Dawoon instead of Hayun, or even send him abroad, claiming he was a hindrance to Hayun’s future.
Abroad… That might not be so bad. If it weren’t for Haram.
He considered asking to be sent with Haram but swallowed a sigh. It was too difficult to ask anything of his grandfather. He was someone who barely even made eye contact with Dawoon. Moreover, he couldn’t explain the reason for wanting to be sent abroad.
If it were just himself being targeted, he might have considered ways to escape, even if it meant being hated. But if the truth came out, Hayun might also fall out of favor with their grandfather. Although Hayun was the official successor of Haedo Group, his position could be easily overturned with just a word from their grandfather. There were many people eyeing Hayun’s position.
Despite what Hayun was doing to him, Dawoon didn’t want Hayun’s standing in Haedo Group to diminish. After all, he was still his brother. He couldn’t become Hayun’s weakness. Moreover, if Hayun’s position worsened, the protective shield for the young Haram would disappear.
For the sake of Hayun’s position in Haedo Group and for Haram’s protection, this matter could never be made public.
No matter how much he pondered, he couldn’t find a clear answer. Moreover…
‘Isn’t it too much? My mother was alone until she died. And on her son’s birthday, they brought the mistress and her child.’
Hayun’s words shackled Dawoon’s entire body.
‘I can’t say he was a good father, but I never really resented him. Because he left me the gift of you.’
The father’s infidelity weighed down on Dawoon’s guilt.
‘I can’t give you to anyone. You’ve been mine from the beginning.’
Hayun was trying to fill the void created by their father with Dawoon’s existence. Even if it was their father’s fault, if Dawoon hadn’t existed, Hayun wouldn’t have been hurt. In the end, he felt it was all his fault.
Click. He flinched at the sound of the door opening. Looking up, he saw Hayun standing in front of him.
“If you’re here, why don’t you come in?”
Hearing the gentle voice, something welled up inside him, and he closed his eyes, taking a long breath. It used to be a voice he loved so much… It saddened him that it now held a different meaning.
“Come in.”
Hayun opened the door wider and stepped aside. Footsteps could be heard coming up the stairs. Thinking it wouldn’t be good for anyone to see him standing like this, Dawoon quickly entered Hayun’s room and closed the door. Hayun, who had been watching, smiled faintly.
“I thought you’d resist more.”
He muttered as if talking to himself. Dawoon looked up at him.
He was forcing this even though he thought there would be resistance. Jeong Hayun, who had never forced Dawoon to do anything he disliked before. That fact was sad.
As Dawoon just stared at him without saying anything, Hayun reached out and gently caressed Dawoon’s cheek. Just the touch of his fingertips seemed to freeze the blood in his body. He swallowed dryly and closed his eyes, then opened them again.
Hayun’s hand, which had been cupping his cheek, moved down to his jawline and then to his nape. Dawoon reflexively raised his hand to grab Hayun’s wrist. Hayun tilted his head slightly at this action.
Now?
His eyes seemed to be asking that. But he was wrong. Dawoon wasn’t trying to stop him.
“I have a condition.”
“A condition?”
Dawoon looked straight at him again. If he couldn’t avoid it anyway, he had to choose the lesser evil.
“I won’t avoid it. I won’t refuse either.”
Hearing Dawoon’s unwavering voice, Hayun’s lips curled up slightly in a faint smile. He wouldn’t let him escape anyway. Dawoon was certain of this as he saw his smile.
“But don’t leave any visible marks.”
Hayun chuckled as if this was such a trivial condition. It might be nothing to him, but it was important to Dawoon. As the weather would soon get warmer, it would be difficult to hide with clothes. It wasn’t about his friends at school suspecting something. There was someone he absolutely didn’t want to find out. That one person must never know about this until the day he died.
“Never let Haram find out. Keep him in the dark forever. If by any chance Haram were to know…”
Dawoon’s eyes dropped from Hayun’s face to the floor. It was something that could never be accepted or forgiven. If Haram were to find out, he would truly want to die.
He was still young, at an age where he didn’t understand, so they could hide and deceive him. Maybe this terrible thing would end before Haram grew old enough to notice something. Maybe it would naturally stop when Hayun got married. So maybe he just had to endure for a few years.
Hayun’s obsession with him wasn’t normal. He must know that too, if he wasn’t a fool. Being the most rational person, he would probably sort it out himself over time, dismissing it as a temporary amusement.
So until then… Haram must never find out.
Hayun, who had been quietly observing Dawoon, grabbed his arm and gently pulled him closer. Not resisting, Dawoon was drawn in, ending up nestled against Hayun’s chest.
“Is that all?”
Hayun’s low voice came from above his head. Dawoon took a long breath and nodded. This was the best compromise he could make anyway.
“Alright.”
Hayun briefly replied, then grabbed Dawoon’s chin and lifted his face. The intense gaze that seemed like it could bore holes in his face made his mouth go dry. Hayun tilted his head and slowly closed the distance between them. Dawoon reflexively raised his hand to push against Hayun’s chest but then clenched his fist and lowered his arm. He had learned through a few experiences that silently complying was the quickest way to end it.
As he felt Hayun’s breath on his face, their lips met. The heat invading his mouth was so vivid that it drove him crazy.
He repeatedly told himself it was okay, that this was nothing, that fortunately, being a man, there was no risk of unexpected pregnancy, and that with time, all of this could be forgotten.
However, when Hayun grabbed Dawoon’s tongue and sucked hard, there was a slight pain, and it felt like the last thread barely holding everything together snapped. Without realizing it, he pushed against Hayun’s chest with both hands, and Hayun grabbed his wrists.
As their lips parted, a suppressed moan escaped.
“You don’t need to force yourself to hold back. But that doesn’t mean I’m going to back off.”
Hayun’s lips brushed against Dawoon’s with each whisper. The sensation was so strange that he had to resist the urge to push him away and run.
Don’t hold back, he says. Dawoon let out a bitter laugh at the contradictory statement. What was the point if Hayun would do as he pleased regardless of any resistance? He didn’t want to waste energy unnecessarily. That was all.
As Dawoon stood silently, Hayun grabbed the hem of his shirt and pulled it over his head in one swift motion. It happened so quickly that Dawoon didn’t have time to be surprised. His fists trembled as he resisted the urge to cover himself.
“There’s nothing to be afraid of. I won’t hurt you.”
Hayun caressed Dawoon’s bare skin gently and carefully, like a tender whisper. When Hayun’s lips touched his neck, Dawoon’s body stiffened, but unlike before, they left only a light touch before his tongue traced along his neckline.
Contrary to his feelings, his body was burning up wherever Hayun’s fingertips touched. That was even more distressing.
It’s impossible not to get hurt.
It wasn’t his body that was gradually accumulating wounds and aching. Dawoon’s heart was slowly and quietly sinking into darkness.
