“Uh… do you want something to drink?”
“I’m fine.”
The awkwardness in the room only deepened. Jae-ha fidgeted, his eyes fixed on the back of Hae-hyun’s head.
He used to be able to lighten the mood more easily, but now he couldn’t even get a word out. He kept turning things over in his mind, wondering how he could say something that would make Hae-hyun feel better, but time just slipped away in silence.
Why is this suddenly so hard?
Jae-ha held back a sigh, and his gaze landed on the stuffed animals in the corner of the room. The plushies he’d clawed from arcade machines clung to the backrest of the couch, just like always.
…Wait. Didn’t I knock those down before? Did Hae-hyun pick them up and put them back while cleaning? A little confused, he brushed it aside. Not important right now.
“Take the plushies too.”
The fox plush had been won by Hae-hyun, so technically it was his. At Jae-ha’s words, Hae-hyun lifted his head. His eyes flicked to the fox and dog plushies, sitting side by side as if inseparable. After staring at them for a moment, he shook his head lightly.
“No, sunbae, you keep them.”
“…Alright.”
He’s not leaving them behind because he thinks they’ll just end up in the trash, is he? Isn’t that a bit much? The thought stung, and Jae-ha answered curtly. Deep down, though, he was already making a pitiful promise to himself: even if those dolls turned filthy and ragged, they’d stay in his house forever.
Hae-hyun went back to work, neatly packing the last of his things until every single belonging was out of Jae-ha’s place before the sun went down. The four big bags he’d brought were now stuffed to bursting.
“I’ll leave the groceries. Make yourself something, okay? Don’t just live on chicken breast. Noodles are easy enough.”
He really sounded like he was leaving for good. A pang of loneliness hit, but Jae-ha only nodded.
“Yeah… I’ll try.”
Not that he had any intention of cooking. He’d already thought up the excuse—asking Hae-hyun to help with meals. With a fridge full of food, he’d have plenty of chances to call him back.
“Want me to walk you home? You’ve got way too much stuff.”
It was his last clingy attempt. Sure, he wanted to spend more time with him, but even aside from that, it looked like a struggle for Hae-hyun to haul everything by himself.
“No, I’ll just grab a taxi.”
Smart as ever, his puppy didn’t leave him any room. With that firm answer, Jae-ha had no choice but to walk him as far as the elevator. That too had taken plenty of stubborn insisting, since Hae-hyun had told him not to bother coming out into the cold.
The distance from the front door to the elevator was painfully short—just a few steps and they were there.
Jae-ha, reluctant to let go, watched as Hae-hyun pressed the button. Their classes didn’t overlap. Their departments didn’t overlap. Even their daily routines didn’t. Once Hae-hyun left this place, there’d be no chance of running into him again unless Jae-ha put in the effort.
Maybe I should just join the Guardian Agency. At least then I’d see him regularly. …No, that’s after graduation. He still has at least two years left.
Should I just ask him not to go?
If I said, stay a little longer, I don’t want to let you go yet, would he give in? Hae-hyun could be prickly, but he was soft with people he was close to. If Jae-ha begged, maybe he’d stay. Then he could keep living with him.
At least until he started liking him back.
“…Too much?”
Jae-ha gave a bitter laugh. He couldn’t even think of an excuse for why. What could he say? Because I like you? Because I want you to like me? Might as well hang a banner at the campus gate announcing he was going to court Ju Hae-hyun.
No matter how he tried, there was no good reason to stop him. He almost wished for another spirit to appear—anything to justify it. Maybe he should stop by a funeral home, or a run-down abandoned house…. His gloomy expression must have worried Hae-hyun, because his face turned serious too.
“Sunbae, aren’t you sleep-deprived? Rest after I leave.”
“No, I’ve slept plenty.”
The elevator was nearly there. Today of all days, it felt unbearably fast.
No helping it. The one who loves more always loses. I’ll just have to work harder.
Still, there was hope. At least Hae-hyun didn’t dislike him. Back at Myeongheoseong, he’d acted suspicious enough, like someone already wavering. He’d even shown signs of jealousy. He’d asked if Jae-ha liked someone—proof he wasn’t completely uninterested. …Probably.
Hae-hyun seemed to notice Jae-ha’s clingy gaze. His polished eyes met his, and he gave a faint smile.
“I’m really fine, sunbae.”
But I’m not fine at all. Jae-ha bit back the words. With a ding, the doors slid open. Hae-hyun bowed slightly before stepping inside. ‘First floor,’ came the calm announcement. In the end, Jae-ha seemed to be the only one who felt reluctant.
Despite all his pep talks to himself, watching Hae-hyun actually leave sent a wave of panic through him. Once the doors closed, once he vanished, it felt like everything would truly end—like a cord would snap, like his last chance would slip away.
“Hae-hyun. Remember when I asked if you liked me?”
That was why the words spilled out.
“…Wh-what?”
Caught completely off guard, Hae-hyun froze. He even forgot to press the ‘close’ button, his wide eyes snapping toward Jae-ha.
“Sorry. I shouldn’t have asked like that.”
It wasn’t something he’d planned to say. It was as if his mouth had taken on a life of its own, spilling words he hadn’t prepared. And now that it was out, there was no way to take it back.
“I was hoping for a certain answer, but it wasn’t what I expected. Guess I got mad. Childish, huh.”
Jae-ha dropped his gaze, too embarrassed to meet his eyes.
“It’s just… because I like you too much.”
“…What?”
“…Sorry.”
And with that final apology, the elevator doors shut. Jae-ha never lifted his head.
He only turned back much later—long enough for the elevator to have gone up and down at least five times—before finally walking into his apartment, now completely empty.
***
“Oh! Jae-ha hyung! Feeling better?”
“Hyung’s here?”
“Oppa, are you okay?”
The moment he walked into the business department’s bar, dressed casually, a chorus of greetings exploded. Startled, Jae-ha waved his hands and smiled faintly.
“I couldn’t help yesterday, so I came to pitch in today.”
“Come on, you didn’t have to! You should be resting.”
“Yeah, just sit for now.”
They treated him like a fragile patient, ushering him to a table like he was precious cargo. Any time he tried to get up, they scolded him, insisting that staying put was helping, and handed him drinks and snacks instead. Before he knew it, he was being pampered like royalty, sipping a drink with nothing to do. He scratched his cheek awkwardly. He really had come to help… but it felt like he was just making more work for them.
He’d come because he wanted to keep himself busy, but with nothing to do, his instincts kicked in. He did what he’d been doing at home every ten seconds—checked his phone.
Opening the chat window, the unread mark still stared back at him.
[Me]
Did you get home okay?
That was two hours ago.
Never before had Hae-hyun taken this long to reply. Jae-ha sighed and rubbed his forehead, staring miserably at the lone message he’d sent.
…So this is rejection? A no?
Even asking himself, he couldn’t quite believe it. With a bitter laugh, he waved down a junior and asked for a bottle of soju.
The junior returned looking worried—should he really be drinking like this?—but handed it over. Jae-ha grabbed it and drank straight from the bottle, without even bothering with food. The fact that it tasted sweet meant his head was really messed up.
“Because I liked you too much.”
Bang!
All of a sudden, Jae-ha slammed his fist on the table. A nearby junior, startled, rushed over asking what was wrong. Jae-ha brushed it off with a lame excuse about his hand slipping, then downed another shot. He couldn’t stay sober through this—too humiliating.
