#038
10 o’clock. Jiwoon spotted Yechan standing in front of the annex building with his bag slung over his shoulder and immediately grabbed his wrist. Jiwoon went straight up to the second floor of the annex and took out a key to open the music room door.
“Where did you get the key?”
It was a key given to him by a girl from the choir who he had briefly dated last year.
There’s no security system there. It’s just a cheap piano. He couldn’t remember the face of the girl who had laughed while saying that.
Even when she was there during Jiwoon’s second year as a third-year student, and even after she graduated, Jiwoon had never had a use for the key. The only reason he had bothered to find and bring it was because of Yechan.
“Someone gave it to me.”
As the heavy, soundproofed music room door closed, Jiwoon clicked it locked. In the pitch darkness, Jiwoon turned on his phone’s flashlight to check inside.
The empty music room was completely dark with blackout curtains drawn. Jiwoon stripped off Yechan’s bag and pushed him toward the long music room bench.
Yechan lay down obediently and pulled Jiwoon down to slowly press their lips together. The kiss continued for a long time even after the bell rang, signaling the start of the third-years’ final evening self-study session.
* * *
On Saturday, Jiwoon filled his entire day with dining out and shopping with his parents.
It was the first day in a long time that he had looked closely at his mother’s face. His mother had become even more beautiful. His father was still nagging as usual, but he still patted Jiwoon’s back encouragingly about his life as a senior.
The house that had been empty was filled with people. Thinking about how it would be empty again soon, Jiwoon shook off the warm feelings and sat down at his desk.
The child who used to feel proud and fulfilled from brief moments of satisfaction was no longer there. In the room, there was only the fully grown Jiwoon, just himself.
I’m thirsty. After solving math problems for a while, Jiwoon headed to the living room. His mother, who was sitting on the sofa drinking whiskey and watching TV, spoke to him.
“Son, what can I get you?”
“I’m going to drink water.”
“Is studying hard?”
“No.”
His mother in her nightgown nodded knowingly and looked at her phone. From her expression as she typed messages, Jiwoon could easily guess who she was texting. Probably her boyfriend.
Jiwoon opened the refrigerator, took out a whole bottle of water, and headed to his room.
Me: Yechan
The reply came immediately.
Seo Yechan: Yes, hyung
Me: How long are you going to use formal speech
Seo Yechan: Until I die…… ?
Me: ã…‹ã…‹ã…‹ã…‹ã…‹ã…‹ã…‹ã…‹
Yechan had particular difficulty with informal speech. It seemed to be because of his characteristically upright and measured personality. Even though Jiwoon had told him several times that he could speak casually, he continued to use formal speech as if that was more comfortable for him. When Jiwoon left it alone, this is what happened.
Jiwoon closed the problem book he had finished and sent messages to Yechan.
Me: I miss you
Seo Yechan: Me too
Greed suddenly surged up from inside him. Jiwoon suppressed that feeling in his chest and breathed out repeatedly.
His heart kept expanding and contracting on its own. Thinking that his restless heart was getting a bit tired, Jiwoon drank a full cup of water before checking his messages again.
Seo Yechan: (photo)
The photo showed Yechan’s face wearing glasses. Jiwoon was about to immediately press the save button but hesitated. For the first time, he thought that someday he might have to delete all of Yechan’s photos.
But even though he had that thought, his finger had already pressed save.
Seo Yechan: You’ll send me a photo in reply too, right hyung?
Jiwoon roughly selected one of the photos he had taken before. It was one that Choi Min had taken during the sports festival, saying the t-shirt color suited him. His expression while biting a lollipop looked sullen.
Me: (photo)
Seo Yechan: Wow
Seo Yechan: Like a swallow with water in its mouth
Me: ?
Seo Yechan: ã…Žã…Ž
Seo Yechan: Study hard hyung, fighting
Me: Yeah
Yechan, who had immediately saved Jiwoon’s photo, recalled Jiwoon running around the field on sports festival day. Yechan’s face was beaming with smiles as he refocused on his math problems.
The next day, despite his scratchy throat and throbbing head, Jiwoon didn’t skip his morning exercise. And not long after arriving at school, he regretted having exercised.
After lunch, his condition rapidly deteriorated and he started running a fever. It seemed he had caught a summer cold at the tail end of summer, the kind that supposedly even dogs don’t catch.
Me: I caught a cold, don’t come near me
Seo Yechan: Are you okay hyung?
Me: I’m not okay, go home alone
Seo Yechan: ã… ã… ã… ã… Okay
Seo Yechan: Do you have medicine hyung? Don’t you need to go to the hospital?
Me: Early dismissal
Seo Yechan: Take medicine and rest well
Me: ㅇㅇ
After getting his early dismissal slip, Jiwoon called his mother as he left school. His mother was on another call.
Just because his parents had come to Korea didn’t mean they weren’t working. Thinking of his parents who would be busily running around here and there, Jiwoon soon called a taxi. His destination was a nearby hospital.
Only after going to the hospital and getting an IV drip did his fever go down. When he returned home and lay down on his bed, his phone rang. It was his mother.
“I caught a cold and left school early. I went to the hospital and came home. I’m going to sleep now so…… don’t wake me up.”
As soon as Jiwoon answered, he stated his business and hung up. Then he immediately fell asleep.
The cold was severe. Even with Jiwoon suffering from such a severe cold, his parents each left the country again on Wednesday and Thursday respectively.
I’ll tell the housekeeper to prepare some good food for you. To the faint voice he heard, Jiwoon just answered that he understood. On Wednesday when his mother left, samgyetang was on the dining table, and on Thursday when his father left, fish stew was served.
Barely eating, Jiwoon would just attend classes at school and return home, then fall asleep again while looking at books. He was completely out of it.
Even when the weekend came, his cough didn’t stop. Lying in bed roughly memorizing vocabulary, Jiwoon soon lay back down on his bed. His head throbbed painfully.
It was now the end of August. The end of the terrible summer was approaching.
Seo Yechan: Are you okay hyung?
Seo Yechan: I have something to give you but you seemed to be sleeping so I left it with the security guard
Seo Yechan: Don’t be sick
Jiwoon slept like that for three straight hours. When he woke up and checked his messages, there were accumulated messages from Yechan sent at intervals.
After roughly washing his face, Jiwoon got up unsteadily and headed to the lobby. Even while receiving the bag from the kindly greeting security guard and heading home, his stomach kept churning. The flutter that kept rising no matter how much he tried to suppress it was frustrating.
“Ah……”
In the bag that Yechan had left for him were cold medicine, vitamins, red ginseng, chocolate, and several cases of candy that Jiwoon used to enjoy eating.
And a white note caught his eye.
[To Jiwoon hyung.
I’m worried because you’re alone after your parents left. Are you okay? Don’t be sick.
Be careful of the air conditioning breeze, and remember to bring a jacket when you go out. Take your vitamins properly too.
I put in things I wanted to give to hyung, and only the things that worked best for me among the things hyung gave me before.
You know we’re very similar, right hyung? That’s probably why we get along so well. I’m not the only one who thinks that, right?
Anyway, I hope they work for hyung who’s similar to me too. Get better soon.
Oh, this isn’t the letter I promised to write. I’ll definitely write you a letter next time.
From Yechan, Jiwoon hyung’s dongsaeng.]
It was too much stimulation for a brain that had just woken up from sleep.
Jiwoon muttered a quiet curse. Fuck. His parents hadn’t taken care of his cold, but his unrequited love, whom he hadn’t even expected anything from, was taking care of him.
His eyes grew hot. Instead of crying, Jiwoon forced himself to chew and swallow the candy.
He didn’t contact Yechan. Right now, both his body and mind were excessively weakened. If he made a wrong move, he felt like he might cross the line with Yechan.
He can’t find out. Only after Jiwoon had downed the vitamins and red ginseng that Yechan had given him did he collapse onto his bed.
* * *
Me: Someone to go home with me
Seo Yechan: Me
Seo Yechan: Are you all better hyung? Are you okay?
Me: Yeah
Seo Yechan: That’s a relief
It was the first time meeting Yechan in ten days. After evening self-study ended, Jiwoon stopped by the bathroom to fix his hair and clothes before going down to the main entrance.
Yechan was looking at his phone while wearing his backpack, standing in the spot where Jiwoon usually stood. Seeing Yechan waiting for him made him feel satisfied but also a bit anxious.
“Hyung. Are you really okay?”
To Yechan who widened his eyes and asked as soon as he saw him, Jiwoon tilted his head slightly and answered.
“Yes, oppa. Thanks to you.”
At Jiwoon’s words, Yechan bit his lower lip firmly.
“I told you not to do that.”
“Why are you like that when you like it.”
Even though he had heard that Jiwoon was better, Yechan still looked at him with concern. Jiwoon seemed to have lost a little weight. Yechan placed the back of his hand on Jiwoon’s chin and then withdrew it.
“Anyway, it’s good that you’re all better. What a relief.”
“I ate everything you gave me.”
“Good job.”
Yechan smiled as if he was truly happy and stroked Jiwoon’s hair a couple of times.
Even that light contact made his stomach churn. Jiwoon swallowed dry saliva and looked up at the sky. The night sky at the end of August was surprisingly cloudless.
“Hyung, did you also hear about me and Cha Yewon?”
Jiwoon, who had been staring at something twinkling in the distance that could have been a satellite or a star, turned his head at Yechan’s words.
“Roughly. She said she wouldn’t take you even if you were given to her.”
“Ah…… Right.”
“What exactly did she say.”
Yechan carefully explained the story. Yechan’s tone as he spoke like he was telling on someone was sulky.
“So you decided to remain friends?”
Only after hearing about connection rather than disconnection did Jiwoon respond with a feigned indifferent attitude. Yechan nodded.
“But I really don’t know where she found such tutoring. I also looked everywhere and chose an academy. That tutor said they’re not taking any more students, so it would be difficult to take classes together. But anyway, it’s helpful enough as it is, so I’m going to try to make good use of it.”
“Yeah?”
“Yes. It’s nice because there’s no pressure since our tracks are different. Actually, it was a bit awkward to talk about this stuff with Taehyun and Minho…… I think it’s a good connection.”
“It’s good if it helps.”
Jiwoon responded roughly while suppressing his bitter feelings. The Yewon in Yechan’s story really seemed to have no feelings for Yechan.
But he couldn’t know what the reality actually was. Jiwoon remembered several people who had pretended like that while pursuing a relationship with him.
Don’t overreact. He was being wary of Yewon. The heart he needed to control just sank heavily, wrapped in familiar helplessness.
Jiwoon put his hands in his pants pockets and walked while looking at the night sky again. His body, which hadn’t fully recovered, felt a bit sluggish. The heart inside that body had been wearing away for a very long time.
Soon Jiwoon lowered his head and gazed at Yechan’s clear profile for a long time. It was a grave he had dug himself. So no matter how bitter and painful it was, he also had to be the one to close the coffin door and come out.
For the first time, Jiwoon felt relieved that he would soon be leaving school.
Author: Hyacinthus B
Hyacinthus
