Yeojun, who had finished his cigarette, picked up a can of beer and spoke. Thinking he might be about to talk about his situation, Euntae silently took a sip of beer without commenting.
“Enduring through whatever happened, suppressing whatever I wanted to do. When I was young, I endured to keep what I had, but now it feels like I’m enduring to find what I’ve lost.”
“You’re still young to be saying ‘when I was young.'”
He couldn’t let this point slide. Though he’d be a year older when the new year dawned in a couple of days, it was still hard to tolerate someone in their mid-thirties talking like an old man. Yeojun just smiled without any particular reaction, saying, “Is that so?” Looking at it as Euntae pointed out, he was indeed still young. Quite young, actually. But somehow, he felt like he had aged dramatically from the age of 29. Was it because his prime had passed, or was it because his prime had come and gone too quickly?
“When my wife told me she liked Seungju, I felt like a fool.”
The relationship between Yoon Dogyeong and Han Seungju wasn’t just a rumor but fact? It was true? Though he had been speculating it might be true to some extent, hearing confirmation was still somewhat surprising. There was certainly a difference between vague speculation and confirmed fact. Wait, so knowing this, he still agreed to appear in a project where Han Seungju is the lead? Though work shouldn’t involve personal feelings, this seemed a bit harsh. Of course, for Yeojun, that wasn’t the important point right now.
“She had already gone off seeking her freedom, while I was stuck in a house that had been in ruins for a long time, unable to even think of taking a step out. How foolish.”
The time he had foolishly endured to climb up had all collapsed at once, and the time he had foolishly endured, believing he could rise again, had repeatedly scattered in vain. And when even his marriage, which had seemed like his final line of defense, ended somewhat emptily, he felt deflated. He wondered if it might have been better to let go of the relationship earlier, but that made it worse. It seemed like his own foolishness had brought the situation to this point. He feared failure. And as he kept failing despite that fear, people’s gazes became more frightening, and he didn’t want to add the label of divorce.
“Working hard isn’t always the best. You have to work smartly.”
Euntae’s words were pointing out that Yeojun hadn’t been clever, but they didn’t sound bad.
“But working hard isn’t a bad thing either.”
Because he was saying it wasn’t foolishness but hard work.
“I like that you’re a fool, hyung. It makes it fun to tease you.”
But Park Euntae couldn’t resist itchiness, so he always ruined the moment like this. Well, Yeojun didn’t want the conversation to get heavier either. Though he had shared some of his inner thoughts, he didn’t want to hold onto Euntae and lament his situation. This level of lightness was just right. Share it and let it go. He felt lighter because Euntae wasn’t being serious. He wondered if this was why he ended up telling this guy various things.
“Should I tell Director Sangwoo a bit later?”
Sangwoo referred to the CEO of Ocean Entertainment. After thinking for a moment, Euntae slowly nodded.
“Probably for the best? There’s already chaos because of Baek Gyeonhui.”
Baek Gyeonhui was like the flagship actor of Ocean Entertainment, and the “chaos” referred to the series of events that occurred when this flagship actor came out with his male lover. Thanks to that, the company was in an uproar, and Yeojun found it difficult to add the story of his divorce.
“Gyeonhui is lucky. Living however he wants.”
“That hyung should be a bit more considerate of others.”
“He seems to fear nothing in this world.”
Even though the world has improved, coming out? It seemed amazing, but also enviable.
“You should live however you want too, hyung. Well, want to start with a kiss with me?”
“Why would kissing you be on my list of things I want to do?”
“I want to, so I slipped it into your list.”
When Euntae added, “It’s good manners to pretend not to notice these things,” Yeojun couldn’t help but chuckle. However, the laughter didn’t last long as he was reminded of how Euntae hadn’t pretended not to notice that time.
Yeojun stood up from his seat. He seemed to be heading home. Euntae picked up his can, saying he still had beer left. He intended to drink quickly and follow. But he couldn’t. As Yeojun passed by Euntae’s side, he suddenly stopped, grabbed Euntae’s chin to make him look up, then leaned down and overlapped their lips.
“Hyung, is this a green light?”
It was literally just a kiss. The sensation of two lips pressing together was moist and soft, but there was no parting or entanglement of tongues. It wasn’t the place for something so intense and prolonged anyway. After their lips separated, Euntae, who had been looking up at Yeojun with his head raised for quite some time, asked. Though he hadn’t clarified if he himself had any intention of turning on a light.
“It means eat and sleep.”
“Wow. How can you say that with a straight face? I’m really surprised.”
Yeojun started walking again, and Euntae quickly followed.
“You’re just finding out now that I’m this kind of person?”
“You’re really a bad son of a—”
“What?”
“Nothing. I was just saying you’d be good at playing the role of a bad guy.”
“Then get me such a role.”
“I will definitely bring you one. As a complete bastard.”
“Why do I feel like you’re actually calling me a bastard?”
“Come on. It’s just your imagination.”
“Anyway, just go now.”
“But is that okay from earlier?”
“You’re not going to leave, are you?”
“Can an actor just kiss someone on the street like that? I mean, you’re still Seo Yeojun.”
“People aren’t as interested in others’ business as you think, and even if they see me, they won’t recognize… just go, will you?”
“Hyung, work harder. An entertainer who can kiss on the street without being recognized? That’s a bit sad.”
Yeojun, who was about to say more, closed his mouth. It seemed that no matter what he said, Euntae had no intention of leaving easily.
* * *
“Hyung, I’m curious about something.”
“Don’t be curious.”
In a dark bedroom where the only light came through the slightly open door, Yeojun, who was lying on the bed with a languid body trying to sleep, answered firmly to Euntae’s words coming from behind him. The time was already past 2 AM. Euntae, who hadn’t left by the time they returned from the convenience store to home, had finally settled in Yeojun’s house. He said he couldn’t drive because he had been drinking. It was a ridiculous excuse. He could have called a substitute driver or taken a taxi. Yeojun was about to ask if he should give him taxi fare but decided against it. Anyway, that’s how a second round started at home, and after drinking moderately, the night deepened to the point where they ended up in the same bed.
“Aren’t you being too cold to me?”
“Want to sleep on the floor?”
“Sleep well, hyung.”
At Yeojun’s words, Euntae quickly closed his mouth. Though he seemed to tease and provoke, Euntae strangely obeyed well.
And how much time had passed? His eyes had been closed for a while, and he had been feeling drowsy for some time. But strangely, he couldn’t fall into sleep. It felt like he was precariously hanging at the edge, just about to plunge into the swamp of sleep. The excessive silence made him sensitive. The occasional sound of breathing held his ankle. He couldn’t even move his body slightly. It was because the rustling sound would seem too loud. It was clear that Euntae wasn’t sleeping either. Though he had heard that Euntae had few sleeping habits and once asleep, he slept like the dead, so the quieter it was, the deeper he might be sleeping, but somehow Yeojun just knew.
Thinking this silence was awkward, strange, uncomfortable, he suddenly heard a rustling sound. Just as Yeojun was about to get up from his place, he felt warmth behind his back.
“Hyung, I’m curious about something.”
Euntae seemed soft but was actually, or rather quite, stubborn and persistent.
“Have you ever done it with a man?”
He had been wondering what Euntae was so curious about. Given Euntae’s personality, he thought it wouldn’t be something serious or heavy, but this was unexpected. And he wasn’t sure when such a thought had taken hold, but it oddly felt like the mood was being broken. He didn’t want to get into a pointless argument, so as usual, he thought to rebuke Euntae and get out of the situation. But before he could open his mouth, Euntae’s heavy arm wrapped around Yeojun’s waist, embracing him firmly like a restraint. Though Yeojun was over 180cm tall, Euntae had an even better physique than him. It was only a few centimeters taller, but anyway, having such a big guy hold him firmly made him feel an additional heaviness.
Author: Hyacinthus B
Hyacinthus
