# 02. Prologue. Being Drunk is an Excuse (2)
It was a good day. Although a chilly, sharp wind was blowing, winter was naturally cold, and the sky was clear, making for a sunny day. Yeojun was sitting in a café after being out of the house for several days. His mood was quite good as he sipped his coffee and looked at the pretty scenery beyond the window. It was considerably refreshing compared to how dark things had been during the past few days of seclusion.
The reason he had been confined in darkness was, of course, because of the issue of divorce with his wife. Though it was something he had anticipated for some time, when the moment to actually put an end to it came, reality seemed different from what he’d imagined. He didn’t think it was because he still had lingering feelings for Dogyeong, even small ones. Seeing that he felt neither hatred nor resentment when looking at her face, it was clear that the opposite emotion, affection, didn’t exist either. It just seemed regrettable that despite going through with the marriage that everyone had opposed, and despite his constant efforts to show they were living well, things had ended up this way. Since getting married at twenty-nine and enlisting in the military shortly after, wasting nearly two years, until now, nothing had gone right. It felt like the weight of all that time was crashing down at once because of this situation. Well, whatever the case, it was probably regret about his own inadequacies.
“Did you wait long?”
A woman who had just entered the café approached Yeojun’s table and asked as she sat down across from him. With looks that drew some attention, she was Dogyeong. The café was relatively quiet, so she didn’t attract too much attention. Yeojun shook his head in response and gazed at her. Indeed, he felt nothing. How did we end up like this? It seems like we really liked each other a lot at one time.
“I’ll do whatever you want.”
Dogyeong ordered her coffee and brought it back. As she moistened her lips with a sip, Yeojun spoke. Dogyeong showed no particular reaction. Since the answer had been predetermined from the start, Yeojun’s response was merely a light confirmation.
“I’ll accommodate most things, so let’s not make a fuss by hiring lawyers.”
“I feel the same way. Even though things have turned out like this, I don’t have any bad feelings towards you.”
“Right. And about the timing of the divorce application, I think I need to discuss it with the company.”
At Yeojun’s mention of needing to consult with the company, Dogyeong remained silent for a moment. Even without speaking it out loud, it was easy to guess that she seemed eager. Having recently met someone with whom she had good feelings, and wanting to escape this barren and meaningless marriage, Dogyeong must also be wanting to settle everything as quickly as possible now that the end was approaching. Though he sensed her impatience from her silence, Yeojun didn’t show it. And Dogyeong, considering the nature of their profession, judged Yeojun’s words to be correct and eventually nodded in agreement.
* * *
“What are you doing here?”
After the doorbell rang, Yeojun opened the door not long after and reacted with surprise at seeing Euntae standing there. Though he had seen him yesterday and the day before, today, like those days, Euntae’s visit was unexpected. There shouldn’t be any special schedule for him before the official schedule for the project whose script he had received was set, yet Euntae was visiting needlessly like this. It had been almost daily since Yeojun told him about the divorce.
He didn’t do anything special when he came. They just ate together or exchanged a few meaningless words. Sometimes he would just sprawl on the sofa without saying anything and then leave. Yeojun wondered if there was something he wanted, but Euntae had never once cast a suggestive glance or tried to create a certain kind of atmosphere. But we’re not close enough to casually visit each other every day like this. He also wondered if the problem was with himself for always letting him be, but it seemed strange to kick someone out without a reason.
“Have you been drinking?”
“No.”
“Don’t lie.”
“Just a little beer.”
“That’s basically a soft drink,” Euntae joked as he naturally stepped inside the entrance. Then he casually took off his jumper, tossed it onto the sofa, and headed to the kitchen. He said that his mouth felt chalky from the alcohol, so he needed to eat some ramen.
“Hyung, do you have ramen?”
“No.”
“Don’t lie.”
“I’m serious. You ate all three that were left last time.”
Despite Yeojun’s words, Euntae started rummaging through the cabinets, saying, “There has to be some.” And then he found a new pack of ramen from a location even the homeowner didn’t know about and asked, “Do you want some too, hyung?” Was he thick-skinned or just shameless?
Seated at the table, Yeojun silently watched Euntae, who was busy preparing to cook ramen. He had already asked Euntae why he kept coming over. The answer was simple. Euntae said it was because Yeojun’s house was closer to the company than his own. When he just came to eat, he was too hungry to wait until he got home, so he ate at Yeojun’s. Occasionally, he would even stay over, reasoning that it was convenient for commuting since it was close to the company. In a way, it sounded absurd. Even if his home was far, it would only be a difference of thirty minutes to an hour, and he wouldn’t starve to death in that time, and Yeojun thought that if it were him, he would go to his own home to sleep even if the commute was a bit tiring. It seemed like an excuse, but there wasn’t anything concrete to pin down, and since Euntae was so natural about it, it was hard to say anything.
“Is it good?”
“Yes.”
“The soup is hot, right?”
“Yes.”
“Is it cold outside?”
“Yes.”
“Did you have a lot of work today too?”
“Yes.”
“Do you feel sorry for me?”
“Yes.”
By the time he realized what happened, it was already too late. Euntae, who had just put ramen in his mouth, froze with his chopsticks and, unable to move in the heavy silence, slowly bit through the noodles with his teeth and lifted his head to look at Yeojun. Yeojun was sitting comfortably with his back against the chair backrest. His face was even smiling. That’s why it was unnerving.
“Get out. Now.”
Yeojun was merciless in kicking Euntae out.
“Hyung! Hyung! Yeojun hyung!”
Euntae desperately knocked on the firmly and cruelly closed door, calling for Yeojun. Naturally, beyond the door was nothing but silence, and the coldly chilled door didn’t budge at all. He also tried pressing the doorbell several times, but there was no response. Though he knew the password and could enter, it would be almost like forced trespassing in this situation, so he couldn’t do it. And Yeojun would probably pick up the phone and call 112 the moment he did that. Maybe the double lock was already engaged, so entering the password would be useless anyway.
“Hyung! That’s not it! Listen to me, hyung! Hyung! Hyung!”
As soon as Yeojun told him to leave, he got up from his seat and grabbed Euntae by the scruff of his neck without warning and dragged him out. Though he looked thin on the outside, standing over 180cm tall and maintaining regular exercise, Yeojun was quite strong. Moreover, being caught off guard and flustered by his verbal mistake, Euntae had no chance to defend himself or resist. After being quickly kicked out, the door slammed shut with a bang. Euntae immediately turned around and clung to the door, but it was already closed.
He had said that wasn’t it and that Yeojun should listen to him, but after saying it, he realized he wasn’t sure what “that” wasn’t. No matter how he tried to explain or make excuses, the core was what Yeojun had asked, wasn’t it? He didn’t really think Yeojun was pitiable, but considering all the vague and ambiguous feelings he had while observing Yeojun these past few days, that might be one way to express it. Being concerned, feeling sorry for him, and thinking he might be lonely or desolate if left alone. Then worrying that he might fall into depression or have negative thoughts. All these thoughts were possible because he saw Yeojun’s situation as unfortunate. So even without saying it explicitly, he had been deliberately visiting his house to ensure he wasn’t alone. But it’s a situation that warrants concern, right? When someone beside you is going through emotional difficulties, it’s natural to want to be there for them.
“Hyung! Yeojun hyung. Hyung…”
Euntae, who had been desperately knocking on the door and calling out for Yeojun, gradually quieted down. The strength in his hand knocking on the door gradually diminished, and his voice calling Yeojun became less frequent. It wasn’t because of the time of night and the awareness of neighbors. Nor was it because the closed door was too solid. It was because he had reached a certain realization.
We’re not close enough for such concern to be natural. So from Yeojun’s perspective, could it seem like he’s receiving pity even from someone of this level?
Author: Hyacinthus B
Hyacinthus
