As Euntae stepped out of the building, the cold air wrapped around him. It was chilly, but the crispness felt refreshing, clearing his mind. When he reached his car in the outdoor parking lot, he saw a familiar face—Euntae.
“You don’t have any special schedule, so why wait for me? Are you that free?”
“Can’t I just be happy to see you? Does it have to be something else?”
“Neither happy nor anything.”
Euntae tossed the car keys to Yeojun, not toward the driver’s seat but the passenger side. Yeojun, always prickly with him, was at least consistently so, and Euntae didn’t mind. He got into the driver’s seat without complaint, shivering exaggeratedly at the icy air inside the car. “It’s cold! So cold!”
“Going home?”
“No.”
“Then where?”
“To see someone I like.”
Euntae’s hand hesitated on the ignition. He forced a laugh, asking again if Yeojun was really going to meet someone he liked.
“Yes, someone I really like.”
Yeojun’s teasing made Euntae wonder if he was being deliberately difficult. Why would he do that? But it bothered him more than it should have.
“Haneul. Haneul’s picking me up.”
Yeojun added after a silence. Euntae finally caught on. “Oh, is Haneul coming today?” He tried to act natural, but he wasn’t very good at lying or acting. For a moment, he thought, Why are you sulking when I said I’m going to see someone I like? But seeing Euntae flustered unexpectedly, Yeojun smirked.
“Manager Kim sure is determined to debut you. You don’t even know the first thing about acting.”
“That’s why I need you to talk him out of it. He’s getting more persistent.”
“What’s in it for me if I do?”
Yeojun almost blurted out, So you can leave without a care? but held back.
Their destination was Dogyeong’s place. Since it was a famous apartment complex, Euntae had no trouble finding the way. As they stopped at a red light, he glanced at Yeojun, who looked surprisingly cheerful for someone about to meet his soon-to-be ex-wife. Maybe it was because Haneul would be there. Yeojun adored his son. It was natural for a parent to love their child, but Yeojun was especially doting. Euntae wondered how custody would work after the divorce. Yeojun wouldn’t give up easily. He hoped Yeojun could spend as much time as possible with Haneul.
“Is it okay to leave work so early?”
Yeojun asked. It was getting dark, but since it was winter, the sun set early. Still, it was earlier than usual.
“I didn’t leave work.”
“You have something else to do?”
“I’m driving right now. Isn’t performing my duties for you considered work?”
Yeojun chuckled at Euntae’s joking response. “You said you didn’t have anything else to do, so you were leaving early. No one stopped you?”
It was a lie. Euntae didn’t have any scheduled tasks, but Hyunho, who had an all-night shoot with his actor, had asked Euntae to tag along. Euntae had made up an excuse about having something important to do. When Hyunho asked what it was, Euntae had said it was something he couldn’t talk about. He didn’t expect Hyunho to buy it, but surprisingly, he let Euntae go without a fuss. It was like a father playing along, knowing the truth.
“You’re overthinking.”
Yeojun, who had been staring out the window, suddenly spoke.
“What is?”
“Whether to pretend to believe you or not.”
“Is it that obvious?”
“Extremely. You’re hopeless.”
“Wow, that’s harsh.”
“Didn’t you say you wanted to learn from me?”
Yeojun innocently replied, “Did I?” Euntae insisted he had, but Yeojun just said he must have misremembered. This guy is really getting on my nerves.
“Euntae, what do you want to do?”
Yeojun abruptly asked while Euntae was thinking of a retort. Euntae, who had almost missed the question, replied, “Hmm?” before realizing what Yeojun meant. “Ah…”
“I don’t know. I’ll be 27 the day after tomorrow. I thought I’d have an answer by now, but I’m still figuring it out.”
It was a surprisingly serious answer. Euntae tried to sound casual, but he was being honest. It wasn’t easy to admit that he was turning 27 with no dreams, hopes, or clear plans. Yeojun could tell he was being sincere. Despite his usual antics, Euntae knew when to joke and when to be serious.
Yeojun, who had been looking out the window, shifted his gaze slightly forward. He wanted to look at Euntae but held back, afraid it would be too obvious. Euntae had been casually coming and going from his house for a while now, but there was still distance between them. They had shared a bed twice, touching each other intimately, but Yeojun had never felt close to him. And when he had overheard Euntae talking with Hyunho in the elevator earlier, he had felt it even more keenly—the sides of Euntae he didn’t know, the conversations he wasn’t part of. It struck him how little he knew about Euntae, and the unfamiliarity made him hesitate to pretend otherwise.
“So that’s why you’re going? Traveling?”
“Well, something like that. They say traveling broadens your horizons. I don’t expect to suddenly see the world differently, but maybe after some hardship, I’ll appreciate things more.”
“Yeah, you need some hardship.”
“What? Do I need more here?”
“You said it yourself—you need some hardship.”
“Well, there’s a difference between me saying it and someone else saying it.”
“So when are you leaving?”
Yeojun cut off Euntae’s protest and asked. Euntae, who had been answering smoothly, fell silent and focused on driving. Hyunho had said “now,” so it would be soon. Yeojun, unable to contain his curiosity, turned to look at Euntae. The car stopped at a red light, and Euntae’s gaze met his. An indescribable silence settled between them, and Yeojun, though he didn’t show it, felt a little flustered. Euntae was nine years younger, but when he looked at Yeojun like this—calm, unreadable—it unsettled him. His indifferent gaze didn’t seem to fit someone so young.
“Why? Would you prefer if I left quickly?”
Yeojun almost said, Yes, just leave, but held back. It didn’t feel right either way.
“If hyung tells me to leave quickly, I’ll leave quickly.”
It was an ambiguous answer—joking, yet serious; shifting responsibility, yet giving Yeojun the choice.
“……If I told you not to go, would you stay?”
Yeojun regretted the words as soon as they left his mouth. It sounded like he cared. But he was also curious about the answer, so he waited.
“No. I’m going.”
Yeojun was so annoyed he wanted to punch him—if Euntae weren’t driving.
***
Dogyeong’s Apartment
“Daddy!”
Yeojun and Euntae sat on a bench in the garden, waiting for Haneul. Before long, Haneul spotted Yeojun and ran toward him, shouting in excitement. Yeojun naturally crouched to hug him, but Haneul rushed past and clung to Euntae’s legs. He must have only seen Yeojun from afar and realized Euntae was there too as he got closer.
“Haneul, did you miss Uncle?”
“Uncle! Uncle!”
“Haneul, have you been good?”
Euntae had only known Haneul for about four years—since he was born while Euntae was in the military—but it felt much longer. Yeojun watched as Euntae greeted Haneul warmly, kneeling on one knee. His eyes betrayed a hint of jealousy. Well, Dad is always there, and Uncle is someone he sees occasionally, so maybe he’s just more excited to see Uncle, he rationalized, but it still stung.
“Haneul, Daddy’s upset. You like Uncle more than Daddy.”
Euntae glanced at Yeojun and said to Haneul, “Your dad’s narrow-minded.”
Yeojun shot Euntae an annoyed look. He usually acted indifferent and dry, but his emotions were on full display now—vulnerable, almost childlike. Euntae found it endearing. Yeojun was usually reserved, but when it came to Haneul, he was spontaneous and open. Maybe that’s why Euntae enjoyed provoking him in these moments.
“Daddy’s just narrow-minded.”
Euntae stood behind Haneul, holding his arms as they took a step toward Yeojun. Haneul added, “Mommy said so. Daddy’s narrow-minded.”
Author: Hyacinthus B
Hyacinthus
