There was no reason to refuse.
None at all…
***
It felt like all the blood drained from his body, and then his heart started pounding so hard it hurt. His heart always fluttered when he faced Cha-hyeon, but this—this was something entirely different.
Anger. Betrayal. Frustration. Sadness… He didn’t know what to call it. A tangled mess of emotions surged inside him, burning hot enough to make his head feel like it might burst.
It was something that had never happened before—something he’d never even imagined. At first, he hadn’t been sure what to make of it. But now… now he could admit it.
Cha-hyeon was being cruel to him.
The way he smoked that cigarette, so defiantly. That cold, disinterested look, even when Se-min showed concern. His complete indifference to a possible clue about his memory loss.
Se-min had tried—really tried—to understand, even as he kept hesitating. Maybe it still didn’t feel real yet. Maybe Cha-hyeon didn’t have the energy to face the gaps in his memory or search for answers. Maybe to someone already overwhelmed, this kind of pressure felt like too much. Se-min had told himself it was okay. After all, Hyung had to be the one hurting most.
But even so—
“Hmm… Sex guiding with Se-min?”
—that didn’t give him the right to treat Se-min like a joke.
Yes, Se-min had wanted to take things further. Yes, he’d thought about it. But the way Cha-hyeon had said it—like it was some twisted prank, like he was just waiting for Se-min to cry—left him feeling hollow. Especially coming from someone who used to treat him like a precious little brother.
Even without his memories, could he really change this much? Was this really the same Cha-hyeon Hyung he knew? He looked so different, so unfamiliar, that for a moment, Se-min honestly wondered if he was someone else entirely.
His head was on fire, and his chest felt numb. That’s when Se-min realized something about himself: when his emotions spiraled too far, defiance rose to take their place.
“You think I can’t? I can do sex guiding—with you.”
There was nothing stopping him. Nothing wrong with it. He was the one who’d always wanted more anyway.
But if he was honest… deep down, it wasn’t desire driving him. It was spite. He wanted to shatter that smug look on Cha-hyeon’s face—the assumption that Se-min would never go through with it. Even if it meant guiding this way with the man he liked, he wanted to land a blow. A bitter, self-sabotaging impulse.
“Wanna try?”
For the first time, Cha-hyeon’s face went blank.
Like he’d been blindsided. That dark, twisted thrill—so low it almost felt vile—briefly filled the emptiness inside Se-min. His lips trembled, but the corners curled into an even bolder smile.
Now his heart was pounding so hard it made his chest ache. He didn’t look away. He stared Cha-hyeon down, head-on. The tension crackled between them, thick enough to suffocate.
“Ha… haha…”
The one to break the standoff was Cha-hyeon, with a sudden, awkward laugh.
“Ah, Se-min-ah.”
He gave a small shake of his head, pressing a hand to his forehead. His eyes crinkled at the edges, and the corners of his mouth drooped in a kind of sad, helpless pout.
The sharp tension that had gripped the air just moments ago vanished. Everything slackened. The rebellious fire in Se-min’s eyes flickered out. His lips fell too.
It was… the same expression Cha-hyeon used to make. Back before the memory loss—back when Se-min knew him so well.
No. Whether he remembered or not, he was still the same person. So why had he just thought of the Cha-hyeon before as the “real” one?
Same person, right?
…Wait, what?
A strange throb pulsed in Se-min’s chest. He pressed a hand over his heart, frowning at the unfamiliar sensation—then bit down hard on the inside of his cheek.
But whatever pain he’d felt was pushed aside the moment Cha-hyeon moved again.
He leaned forward slightly, lowering his gaze to meet Se-min’s. His eyes dipped downward like he was even more upset now. That pout still hadn’t left his face.
“Sorry.”
Se-min’s eyes widened in shock. An apology? From him? The tension had already broken, but now this—this sudden shift from the man who’d just felt like a stranger—left Se-min completely lost.
“Are you mad?”
“…Huh? Oh, maybe… a little?”
The truth slipped out before he could stop it. Cha-hyeon let out a soft, amused breath between his teeth. For a second, Se-min thought he saw a smirk—but then Cha-hyeon’s brows pinched together, and his body swayed.
“Ah…”
“Hyung! A-Are you okay?”
Whatever resentment had lingered disappeared in an instant. Alarmed, Se-min reached out and grabbed Cha-hyeon’s arm.
Cha-hyeon glanced down at the hand clutching him, then slumped like warm, overcooked rice cake.
“Hyung? You’re not okay, are you? What’s wrong? Are you hurt?”
Se-min’s eyes went wide with panic. He’d never seen his Hyung like this. Never seen him look so fragile. Was he suddenly in pain? Like one of those injuries that doesn’t show up right away, the kind that creeps in after a car accident…?
Cha-hyeon, now practically draped over Se-min, mumbled in a feeble voice.
“Sorry… I felt worse after clearing the Gate. Just… give me a moment.”
His body tensed slightly, like he was trying to straighten himself up. Feeling it, Se-min immediately wrapped his arms around him tighter.
“No, don’t. If it hurts, just stay like this. I’m sorry… I should’ve at least been doing radial guiding. I’m really sorry…”
“Mm…”
Cha-hyeon let out a faint, pained hum. And that was when it hit Se-min—ever since waking up, Cha-hyeon hadn’t even received a proper radial guiding. All he got after solo-clearing a never-before-seen Gate was a couple of booster ampules. He had to be running on empty. Flustered by guilt, Se-min quickly released his energy.
Cha-hyeon’s waves were razor-sharp and jagged, like shards of glass. Even as Se-min tried to smooth them out with his own energy, it was clear they wouldn’t settle easily. He couldn’t even imagine how painful it must’ve been. All he could do was hold him—stay close and offer what little contact guiding he could.
“Ah… It’s a little better… with you holding me like this.”
The words were barely audible, spoken in a dull, sickly voice. Hard to believe they were coming from the same man who, not even two hours ago, had scoffed, “That booster ampule made me feel worse. And you think holding hands is gonna fix this?”
But Se-min had completely forgotten about that. Overwhelmed with guilt, his brows furrowed so deeply it looked like permanent worry was carved into his face. Without a word, he pulled Cha-hyeon closer.
“I was hurting so much… I snapped. Didn’t have it in me to care about anyone else.”
His voice trailed off as he rested his forehead on Se-min’s shoulder. He inhaled, then slowly exhaled, his body going limp. Then, in a murmur laced with meaning, he said—
“I just… I wanted to get better quickly. I lashed out at the Guide who promised to protect me.”
“No, it’s okay. Really. When you’re in that much pain, it’s hard to care about anything else.”
Se-min took the excuse and swallowed it whole, heart aching with guilt. His hyung had lost his memories, his body was a wreck, and he was going through hell. And here Se-min was, pouting because the sick guy said something mean.
Feeling ashamed, Se-min pouted slightly and focused harder on the guiding. It was only light contact-based, but he channeled everything into it, hoping to ease even a fraction of Cha-hyeon’s pain.
Technically, it was still a hug—but Cha-hyeon was now latched onto him like a leech. Se-min’s touch was simple, clean—something between siblings. But Cha-hyeon’s arms were wrapped tight, and his hands… were anything but innocent.
His fingers crept along Se-min’s lower back, slipping under the outer layer of clothing and brushing against his spine. It was subtle—just enough to raise suspicion, but not quite enough to be sure. But Se-min barely noticed.
From the moment Cha-hyeon had hugged him back, he’d felt something pressing firmly against his lower belly—solid, unmoving, unmistakably there. Like a battery pack. Only it was far too large and too warm to ignore.
“Ngh…”
The pained sound hit Se-min’s ear directly, carried on a breathless whisper. Cha-hyeon had pressed his lips to Se-min’s shoulder, trying to muffle the sound, but it still slipped through. Se-min’s skin prickled with goosebumps.
“A-Are you okay…?”
Cha-hyeon didn’t answer. Instead, he let out a long, conflicted sigh. Se-min’s eyes trembled with worry.
The quiet rooftop garden only amplified the tension. And now that they were this close, he could feel it—Cha-hyeon’s body was burning up.
His energy was running wild, and now it was showing through his physical condition. And with Se-min’s guiding barely trickling out like droplets on parched earth, there was no telling how long it’d take to calm him down.
But if he offered anything stronger… Hyung would definitely say no.
…Wouldn’t he?
That thought gave Se-min pause. His eyes sharpened. Something clicked into place.
“I just… I wanted to get better quickly. I lashed out at the Guide who promised to protect me.”
The Guide who promised to protect me.
He didn’t know why Cha-hyeon had phrased it that way—but still, not long ago, they’d practically been having a standoff over sex guiding.
Gulp.
Se-min swallowed. Normally, he’d just get rejected. All he could do was watch from the sidelines, worrying helplessly. But now…
“…Hyung. When I said I could do it… I wasn’t kidding.”
The words came out haltingly, hesitantly. Indirect, but still unmistakable.
It was something he’d always wanted—but saying it aloud made his face burn. Se-min let out a small, awkward cough.
No response. Just the arms around him tightening even more.
