It was obvious Se-min had no idea how darkly Cha-hyeon had been watching him. Fidgeting as he settled in, Se-min smoothed the wrinkled blanket and kept sneaking glances at Cha-hyeon.
It was a look that seemed to ask why he wasn’t lying down. Playing cute. It was still early for him to sleep, but Cha-hyeon obediently chose to get into bed.
He moved to the side where Se-min had pushed a pillow and climbed onto the mattress. It sank deep under his weight, and beside him he felt another weight join.
Before lying back, Cha-hyeon adjusted the dimmer. The room’s brightness slowly fell until darkness pooled everywhere. Only the soft auxiliary light left just enough glow for them to barely make out each other’s faces.
From the right came a breathing made quiet by hyper-awareness of the person beside him. After seeing everything and doing everything, to be embarrassed just by lying together—Cha-hyeon could only find it curious.
“…Hoo.”
Curled up like a shrimp, Se-min seemed at last to make up his mind. With a bigger motion, he turned toward Cha-hyeon and pressed right up against him.
Guiding energy slipped out, soft as a feather’s teasing tickle. It carried a plush, velvety sensation laced with the wish that the other would always be happy.
He was practically dripping with how much he liked him. Did Sung Cha-hyeon really not know, or had he pretended not to? His mood, which had been climbing in a blissful arc, suddenly plunged—but soon enough, Cha-hyeon recovered a satisfied smile.
That’s why I had him first. I coveted him first, and I claimed his affection first.
As if to show off to someone unseen, Cha-hyeon drew Se-min into a face-to-face embrace. He felt the faint tremor of Se-min’s body.
Cha-hyeon drew a deep breath. Beneath the scents of shampoo and soap, the faint smell of skin made his chest stir.
There’s no reason I can’t take it further. He raised one arm. Startled by the sudden movement, Se-min awkwardly lifted his head—then, when Cha-hyeon offered his arm as a pillow, he rested on it, a bit stiffly.
The heartbeat of the person in his arms grew louder and louder. Cha-hyeon toyed with Se-min’s hair. After a while of those ticklish little gestures, his hand eased into a comfortable hold around him, as if simply embracing. Parked at an ambiguous spot, his hand wandered strangely slowly over the pajamas.
Se-min flinched and hunched his shoulders. Honestly, Cha-hyeon hadn’t been thinking anything in particular, but watching how sensitively Se-min reacted in his arms, his interest began to kindle. It felt like thirst.
His fingertips skimmed the side, separated by a single layer of cloth. If he lifted the pajama hem and slipped his hand inside, he’d immediately find the skin he’d touched and seen to his heart’s content last night. Ribs that sprang up each time he neared the peak, the belly hollowing tight beneath; and above that, nipples that had been pink would, under his mouthing, turn red and plump.
That long, deer-like neck flushing with arousal; a head thrown far back with cords standing out. He’d moan as if on the verge of tears through climax after climax, then—being a man too—his Adam’s apple would bob with gulps like he couldn’t catch his breath; it had delivered a base satisfaction akin to cruelty.
Those narrow, narrow inner walls. The feel of forcing his way into a tight space made wet by insistence alone. The way his cock was kneaded and milked, the pre-cum flicking into the air every time he drove in like he was striking dead center. The firm yet pliant grip of thighs locked around his waist.
The jolt of Guiding energy that surged in as violently as water from a burst dam, and the dense pleasure in that final spasm of release….
At some point, Cha-hyeon’s hand had gone still. Yet the heat blooming through his body and the sticky grip of the hand holding on to Se-min said plenty about what he was thinking.
The sound of a nervous gulp from Se-min felt unusually loud. In the room gone quiet with their focus on each other, it boomed like thunder, and the two of them were far too close.
With the slightest pretext, the trigger would be pulled and they’d end up rutting like animals—that was the air lingering between them. Flustered and creaking for a way out, Se-min finally made the first move.
“T-Today, maybe not!”
His voice cracked from how desperate he was, and the tension slackened a little. Maybe embarrassed by the voice break, Se-min cleared his throat softly and muttered, his face flushed scarlet.
“I still… hurt, so doing it again right away is, um… too hard. Looking at your wavelength, a hug should be enough to settle you. And I even took muscle-pain meds this morning, and because of you—going all the way to Paju—made it worse! …So be satisfied with this. I’m not doing any more. You ran the Gate however you wanted, so I said I’d do things my way too.”
For all that he babbled and put up such a bold front, the closer he came to the end, the more his eyes kept flicking to Cha-hyeon. Even then, rather than dwell on the pain of having taken a man for the first time, his attitude worried that maybe Guiding was truly needed and he was being selfish by refusing.
Cha-hyeon forgot the situation and could only be genuinely impressed. It was the awe that comes from witnessing the steadfast conviction of someone foolish.
How could someone hold such blind, obedient affection for just one person?
“Aha. Is this a punishment for Hyung?”
With a small snort, Cha-hyeon tightened the arm around him. Even under the soft light, he could see the rims of Se-min’s ears steadily reddening.
Mischief stirring, Cha-hyeon exhaled gloomily through his nose and lowered his head, feigning pity. The corners of Se-min’s eyes twitched and narrowed, but his stance stayed firm.
“Even if you act pitiful, no.”
“…Mm….”
“Tsk, no.”
Even as he clicked his tongue and pretended to be brash, the sound of a dry swallow was plain. The impulse to shove between his legs right now had already eased thanks to the teasing, but, pointlessly, Cha-hyeon kept worrying the thread of the talk.
He strangled a laugh that almost slipped out and, putting on a gloomy air, asked:
“Even if Hyung really apologizes, still no?”
“…Isn’t being sorry a given? Whether you’re sorry or not doesn’t have anything to do with this….”
Hesitating as if something still didn’t sit right with his own logic, Se-min mumbled out his stance. Because it was, in fact, reasonable, Cha-hyeon had to clamp down again on a laugh that nearly burst free.
Maybe it was because he acted as cute as a newborn pup, or because—even while reading the room—he didn’t hold back what needed saying. Either way, Cha-hyeon kept wanting to poke at the man in front of him for no good reason, all the way to the end.
“Mm, but Se-min….”
From the face that had been performing pitifulness, his expression slowly, very slowly drained away. It had been a joke, yes, but he’d based it on what was truly in his heart and now he’d noticed.
If I were the Sung Cha-hyeon with intact memories, would you have refused me to the end?
Cha-hyeon’s eyes cooled. The buoyant mood that had been floating up sank down, acrid as ash after a burn. Yet within the pitch-black crumble, a bright ember writhed—one from which a blue jealousy could leap up at any time.
That blind, pure affection of yours was for Sung Cha-hyeon. For the Sung Cha-hyeon with complete memories—the one Ji Se-min knew. I, sharing the same shell with parts missing, merely ended up taking it for myself.
Se-min says Sung Cha-hyeon and me are the same person, but that’s not truly so. If he had to choose one, hadn’t it seared me to realize Ji Se-min would never choose me….
…But there’s no such thing as something that’s 100% certain.
“What about me?”
Se-min looked over at him, who’d gone quiet. A beat late, Cha-hyeon lifted the corner of his mouth and said something he hadn’t planned.
“Se-min. The truth is, I’m hurting.”
“…Huh?”
As if he’d never been cheeky a moment ago, Se-min’s expression crumbled in an instant into worry. The emotions writhing in vivid blue settled a little.
But it wasn’t a feeling that would dissipate with just this bit of concern. Cha-hyeon wanted proof. His stubbornness toward someone he might never meet again had likely twisted into possessiveness.
“You’re hurt? Where? Why?”
Just as expected, at the claim that he was hurting, Se-min jerked upright. A base, low satisfaction began to unfurl. Cheek on the pillow, Cha-hyeon looked up at him.
Under that direct gaze, worry slowly ebbed from Se-min’s face, and in its place a blush took hold. Ah, you like this angle? Fully aware of his own looks and their effect, Cha-hyeon shamelessly kept up the seduction.
Face reddening, Se-min gulped and awkwardly turned his eyes away. That mean little satisfaction deepened a shade.
“Because of the wavelength energy… it hurts.”
In contrast to the jealousy bubbling inside, Cha-hyeon’s voice came out plaintive. It was a wistful claim strong enough to topple someone like Se-min, who gave him blind devotion.
“Really?”
Sure enough, Se-min believed him at once. Looking again at his wavelength, his worry grew noticeably heavier.
Just as he said, it was a sharpness that would ease if he stayed in contact with his pair guide. For the Sung Cha-hyeon who’d maintained that damned chastity even with a pair partner at his side, a booster ampoule alone would’ve fixed it right away.
But me, wanting proof—I chose neither method. You’re my Guide. Whenever I want, you should give me Guiding.
“I’ve gotten so used to holding back I didn’t realize it before…. Sorry. For whining that it hurts this much.”
He lowered his eyes so his long lashes threw shadows, then looked back up at Se-min. With his cheeks flushed all over, as if making up his mind, Se-min swallowed again. Cha-hyeon waited, quiet.
“…If we don’t put it in… doing it with my mouth, is that okay too?”
