Chapter 30
“…Hyung-nim, is something wrong?”
“No.”
“It seems like there is.”
At Taeju’s suspicion, Jeonghyeok just puffed on his cigarette with a disgruntled face. When he tilted his head up, the blue sky was uselessly clear.
Actually, Taeju was right that something was wrong. He’d been in a cold war with Yuwon for two days already. They ate together, had conversations, and went to bed as usual, but crucially, there was no sex.
The one burning with frustration was Jeonghyeok. His insides were burning up from Yuwon’s ambiguous attitude.
When he kissed him, he did respond, but when he tried to go further, he would smile awkwardly and dodge his body. He’d rather put up fierce resistance so they could at least have a proper fight, but Yuwon didn’t do that either.
Even when he spoke curtly, he would answer obediently with “yes,” and when he held his hand, he would quietly offer his arm. Even when he hugged him roughly, he would just stand there stiffly like a wooden block without avoiding it. But then when he put his hand on his waist, only then would he awkwardly pull his hips back.
Taking a deep drag of his cigarette, Jeonghyeok exhaled deeply.
It was pathetic beyond measure. The sight of himself being helpless and floundering when his supposed boyfriend was avoiding the bedroom.
“Fuck, really.”
At the sudden profanity, Taeju flinched and spat out the cigarette he was holding. Jeonghyeok’s cold gaze turned to Taeju.
“What.”
Look at that massive build. Jeonghyeok looked at Taeju with a deeply furrowed face.
It was funny how this guy, who stood out wherever he went because of his fierce features and giant build, was still as stiff in front of him now as he was ten years ago. He had thought it might improve with time, but there was no sign of change at all.
When Jeonghyeok burst into a hollow laugh, Taeju spoke as if wronged.
“Are you doing this on purpose to scare me? If I did something wrong, just tell me straight up.”
“What do young people like these days?”
“Pardon?”
“Something that early twenties kids would like. Don’t you know anything?”
At the sudden question, Taeju scratched the back of his head and muttered.
“I’m well past thirty myself, so I don’t really know…”
When Jeonghyeok clicked his tongue, Taeju hurriedly continued.
“But if I had to choose, wouldn’t it be cash? After all, money is the best, isn’t it?”
That damn money.
Remembering Yuwon’s face insisting stubbornly that money matters between lovers should be kept clear, Jeonghyeok clenched his jaw.
“Except money.”
“Ah, except money.”
After thinking for a moment, Taeju continued with a puzzled face.
“But why are you asking that? It’s not like hyung-nim would give someone a gift.”
“Right.”
“Pardon?”
“Right, I’m giving a gift.”
At the quiet answer, Taeju’s mouth fell open. That was understandable since there was only one person his hyung-nim would give a gift to right now.
“Don’t tell me it’s for hyung-soo-nim?”
“Stop talking nonsense and just answer what I’m asking.”
“If it’s for a woman, probably something small and sparkly… no, wait. Then hyung-soo-nim is in her early twenties?!”
Because of Taeju’s loud exclamation, Jeonghyeok frowned deeply.
“Wow, I didn’t see hyung-nim as that type, but totally…”
“Totally what.”
The word ‘pervert’ almost slipped out, but Taeju barely suppressed that impulse.
“You’re capable.”
Looking at Taeju awkwardly giving him a thumbs up, Jeonghyeok dropped his cigarette and crushed it on the ground. The cigarette flame died weakly under his black shoe.
***
Even after returning to the office, Jeonghyeok pondered over what gift to give Yuwon. He wanted to give him something expensive and nice, but if he did that in this situation, they might end up having a proper fight.
Anyway, it was damn difficult.
After worrying all day, Jeonghyeok eventually bought a bunch of snacks at the mart in front of his house. No matter how much he racked his brain, he couldn’t think of anything else Yuwon liked besides these snacks.
Walking home with snacks clutched in both hands, he felt strangely nervous. When he opened the door and entered the house, Yuwon was standing in front of the entrance as always.
Yuwon opened his eyes wide in surprise and asked.
“What’s all this?”
“Snacks.”
To Yuwon, who had that expression of ‘who asked because they didn’t know it was snacks?’, Jeonghyeok handed over what he was holding. Yuwon, holding the colorful snack packages in his arms, still looked bewildered.
“You like these. Eat them.”
Jeonghyeok said while glancing at Yuwon who was standing there dumbfounded.
“What. Should I open them for you?”
“No. You should eat dinner first.”
When he went to the kitchen, there was japchae and bean sprout soup set on the dining table. Jeonghyeok quietly watched Yuwon organizing the snacks at the end of the island.
“Kim Yuwon.”
He heard me. He could feel him pretending not to know while touching the snacks, ignoring his call.
“Yuwon-ah.”
When he approached and grabbed his wrist, only then did Yuwon turn his head. His black eyes shone clearly. Perhaps because he’d been suppressing his desire for two days, just making eye contact made his lower belly pull taut.
Perverted bastard. Is this really the time for this? Jeonghyeok continued self-deprecatingly.
“Stop avoiding me, will you?”
“When did I ever avoid…”
Jeonghyeok didn’t give him a chance to answer and wrapped his arms around Yuwon’s waist. The stiff Yuwon reflexively twisted his body.
“See. You are avoiding me.”
“It’s not like that.”
It wasn’t that kind of face. He was getting sick of this cold face he’d been showing for days. Before, he used to smile brightly all the time, but now he wouldn’t even show a faint smile. Today, at least, he wanted to end this uncomfortable cold war. Jeonghyeok resolved and firmly fixed Yuwon’s body in his direction.
“Tell me. How long are you going to keep this up?”
“……”
Yuwon couldn’t easily open his mouth. He just looked at Jeonghyeok intently, then repeatedly dropped his gaze downward.
It would have been better if he had gotten angry like fire, if he had said irritating things like ‘what the hell are you doing, you brat.’ Even in moments like this, Jeonghyeok being only gentle made him hate him.
For the past few days, he had deliberately avoided physical contact. It was childish, but that was the only way he could express his feelings.
No matter how much he thought about it, Jeonghyeok’s past bothered him. Every time he used his card, he wondered if those people had used this card too, and when he lay down on the bed to sleep, he wondered if those people had also lain on this bed. He had never felt such petty jealousy in his life. It was pitiful that he had to burn inside thinking about the ajeossi’s ex-lovers whose identities he didn’t even know.
But he didn’t want to reveal these feelings of his. Yuwon, who had been moving his lips, opened his mouth as if he had made up his mind.
“I was too disappointed.”
“About what.”
“I don’t know if ajeossi is used to dating like this, but I’m not. I hate dating like this, as if it’s charity.”
“Charity?”
Jeonghyeok took a deep breath as if absurd. Regardless, Yuwon, who had raised his eyes clearly, didn’t back down one step.
What on earth was he thinking with that tiny head of his? All he had to say was, what, charity?
“You seem to be seriously mistaken about something, but I’m not such a pushover bastard.”
Looking at the still distrustful eyes, Jeonghyeok spoke clearly.
“I don’t do this shit of keeping someone at home and even giving them my card to date.”
It was like saying outright that ‘you’re the first for something like this.’ But Yuwon’s eyes were still sharp.
“I don’t believe you.”
“Ha.”
At the firm tone, Jeonghyeok burst into a hollow laugh. This was the first time in his life he’d felt so wronged.
“Let me ask you something too.”
“……”
“Am I asking for something difficult? Is it such a hard request to just stay quietly at home?”
Staying quietly at home couldn’t be difficult. If anything, it was too comfortable, that was the problem. Yuwon pushed away Jeonghyeok who was pressed close to him and said.
“I’ve never lived like that. It’s awkward and uncomfortable.”
He was the one who was abandoned by his parents the moment he was born. Thanks to that, he grew up not knowing unconditional support or love. But now, was he supposed to expect his boyfriend to play the role of a parent?
“I’m scared that when this life ends someday, I’ll completely collapse, that’s what scares me…”
“That won’t happen.”
Jeonghyeok held Yuwon tightly and asked.
“Why do you think like that? Are you planning to date casually and leave when the time comes?”
At the pressing words, Yuwon shook his head violently. He had met someone he liked so much that his chest ached from jealousy, blinding him—there was no way he’d want to break up. He was just afraid of his first-ever romance and the separation he’d never experienced.
Jeonghyeok looked at Yuwon with unwavering eyes and said.
“Just lean on me and live.”
“……”
“It’s okay to do that.”
His assertive voice was full of conviction. Could he really trust him, to the point where he couldn’t even have the slightest doubt?
Before he could answer anything, their lips came together. Yuwon closed his eyes tightly and opened his mouth. Hot breath permeated deep into his throat.
Notes: Hyung-soo-nim (형수님) – Term for “sister-in-law” or the wife/girlfriend of one’s hyung, used by Taeju to refer to Yuwon
Author: Hyacinthus B
Hyacinthus
