Chapter 17
It would be nice if time flowed as quickly as the songs, but today time flowed particularly slowly. Yuwon checked the clock about once every ten minutes. It all stemmed from his desire to see ajeossi.
He read Jeonghyeok’s text message telling him to come home after work over and over until it was worn out. No matter how many times he read it, it made his heart soar each time.
“I’ll be leaving first.”
Having finished preparing to leave work earlier than usual, Yuwon left the restaurant, ignoring Boss Park’s grumbling voice.
He walked almost running down the downhill alley. The TV in the store had been saying all day that today’s weather was cold, but he didn’t feel the cold at all. Every time his heart pounded, heat rose up and he even felt a bit warm.
After taking the bus and getting off in front of the station, Yuwon hurried his steps toward Jeonghyeok’s officetel. Even while riding the elevator and pressing buttons, he couldn’t hide his excited mood and continued humming the tune he’d been humming since morning.
He didn’t forget to check his appearance in the mirror inside the elevator either. Though there was nothing different from usual, Yuwon carefully examined whether there was anything on his face and smoothed his hair several times. After all, he wanted to look even a little better to ajeossi.
With a ding, the elevator doors opened. Yuwon unnecessarily cleared his throat and approached Jeonghyeok’s house.
Come to think of it, in both previous visits to this house, he had never directly pressed the doorbell himself. Feeling somewhat awkward, he clenched and unclenched his hand once before firmly pressing the doorbell button.
A monotonous mechanical sound flowed and then suddenly cut off with a click. Soon after, he heard the sound of the front door’s lock being released.
“Ajeossi.”
As soon as he saw Jeonghyeok’s face through the crack in the door, Yuwon smiled brightly.
Passing by Jeonghyeok who stepped aside as if telling him to come in, Yuwon continued chattering while taking off his shoes at the entrance.
“The bulgogi I brought before is still in the refrigerator, right? Did you buy rice?”
Though it was late evening, seeing Jeonghyeok still in his suit made it obvious he hadn’t eaten. Fortunately, there was the bulgogi left uneaten from before, so it would be perfect to have dinner together using that as a side dish.
However, Yuwon, who had been walking toward the kitchen, had to stop. His waist was suddenly grabbed.
“Ajeossi?”
Before he could say anything more, lips immediately touched his nape. When he twisted his shoulders at the ticklish feeling, Jeonghyeok’s hands bound Yuwon’s torso even more forcefully.
“Please let go of this, ngh.”
“Why.”
When he glanced back and their eyes met, Jeonghyeok spoke as if it were natural.
“Isn’t this why you came?”
At Jeonghyeok’s question, Yuwon’s face became blank with shock as if he’d been hit on the head.
Isn’t this why you came? He wasn’t ignorant of what those words meant. He had learned exhaustively from him on the bed just a few steps away.
Of course, it would be a lie to say he hadn’t thought about it at all while rushing to Jeonghyeok’s house. But he hadn’t come here solely to do ‘that thing.’
Since the day they entwined bodies, Yuwon had thought of Jeonghyeok constantly. Whether he had eaten, where he was and what he was doing, whether he thought of him at all. It was the first time in his life he had been this curious about someone.
That’s why he had been so happy at Jeonghyeok’s words to come home. It wasn’t just me – ajeossi has similar feelings too. That’s what he had thought.
He thought they could have a simple dinner together, talk about what happened today, and spend time telling each other what they would do tomorrow.
But now it seemed ajeossi’s feelings weren’t like that. Yuwon pouted and muttered:
“…Let’s eat first.”
“Food? You haven’t eaten dinner yet?”
Jeonghyeok had already eaten with Taeju and come home. Since it was a bit late for dinner, he naturally thought Yuwon would have eaten too.
“What? Ajeossi, you already ate?”
Yuwon’s eyes turned sharp. Jeonghyeok tactfully refrained from answering, but Yuwon’s feelings were already hurt beyond repair.
“Ajeossi, are you really trash?”
“Hey, stop with that damn trash talk…”
“You’re only thinking about doing that with me right now.”
His thoroughly sullen face was full of disappointment. The look that treated him like a dirty pervert was a bonus.
Jeonghyeok let out a hollow laugh at the absurdity.
When he gave Yuwon his phone number last time, he had decided on their relationship in his own way. A relationship where they contacted each other regularly and occasionally had physical relations. That seemed just right.
But looking at his reaction now, Yuwon seemed to want something more. Affection. That’s probably what it was.
Jeonghyeok turned Yuwon’s body toward him and asked:
“Yeah, you’re right. Right now I’m only thinking about laying you down. Is that not okay?”
He had experienced this kind of situation several times in his life. The other person complaining that all they did when they met was sleep together, and himself having no intention of appeasing them. When such situations repeated several times, they would naturally grow distant and eventually break up.
Romance fundamentally required affection as its foundation. It wasn’t just about entwining bodies – only when combined with caring for and loving the other person and the greed of not wanting to part could it truly be called romance.
As he aged, Jeonghyeok had vaguely realized: I’m someone who can’t have romantic relationships.
His nature itself didn’t know how to settle somewhere. He didn’t have promiscuous sex with multiple partners simultaneously, but he also didn’t give his heart to one person for long periods. He spent time with people who matched his interests at the time and soon parted ways – that’s how he had lived.
Kim Yuwon would be no different. He would messily entangle bodies with him in bed too, and someday when that got tiresome, they would naturally grow distant.
So this kind of emotional fighting wasn’t necessary. He just needed to tell him this is the kind of person I am, and if you don’t like it, leave.
“I want to do other things with ajeossi too.”
But Yuwon’s gentle voice was shattering Jeonghyeok’s firm conviction.
“I told you before. I want to eat together and drink together. I’m serious about that.”
The small lips moved busily. Jeonghyeok fixed his gaze on Yuwon’s moving lips.
“Let’s eat together and drink together. Let’s watch movies together and take walks together.”
“I don’t know about those things.”
“What’s there not to know? You just do it. After doing everything I want… we can do what ajeossi wants too.”
Yuwon naturally hugged Jeonghyeok’s waist with his characteristic swaying gesture.
Is it starting again? Jeonghyeok squeezed his eyes shut at Yuwon’s fox-like behavior that helplessly scattered his composure.
Just as he tensed his body thinking a hand might slip between his legs like last time, a low voice was heard:
“I’m actually an orphan.”
“……”
“I was abandoned right after birth and grew up in an orphanage. I grew up not knowing my parents’ faces.”
At the sudden confession, Jeonghyeok stiffened a bit. His heart grew heavy wondering why he was sharing such secrets with him, whether he had already given that much affection.
The melancholy look he had glimpsed might be connected to his past. Thinking that made him feel a bit solemn. No matter how heartless he was, he wasn’t a monster completely devoid of emotion. Feeling sympathy that the young guy must have suffered quite a bit was an inevitable course.
“The kids who shared the same room kept changing. When I got attached, they’d leave, and leave again… So it was hard to give my heart to someone. Because they’d leave anyway.”
The quietly resonating voice carried traces of years. It was unsuited to his young age.
Yuwon had always been forced to live beyond his years. You have to be mature. You can’t cry even when sad. You can’t want anything either. He had lived his whole life that way, with deprivation being natural.
Even when the teacher he had followed so much left, and when a child he had barely become close to was adopted, he bit his lips tightly and endured the emptiness. At some point, he stopped having any expectations of the people around him. He thought that was how it should be.
But this time.
“But ajeossi is different. I keep wanting to give you my heart.”
“……”
“Can’t you do the same for me?”
Saying this, Yuwon lifted his head. A bright light shone from his clear eyes. The kind of light rarely found in worn-down people.
“I don’t want much. Just… please treat me a little warmly.”
Having finished speaking, Yuwon gently rested his cheek against Jeonghyeok’s chest. Thump thump, the low sound of his heartbeat echoed in his ears. It was somehow a comforting sound.
Even with such a cold expression, the man’s broad embrace was very warm. Warm enough to want to fall asleep like this.
“I like you.”
Yuwon confessed his feelings in a whisper. Once he said it out loud, the next part was easy. I like you. I like ajeossi so much. He quietly murmured the words he had buried deep in his heart.
Jeonghyeok said nothing, but that was okay. He knew that not pushing him away was no different from receiving an answer.
As he burrowed deeper into the embrace, Jeonghyeok’s thick hand gently patted Yuwon’s back as he let out a quiet breath.
A ticklish haze rose from his stomach. It was the beginning of first love.
Author: Hyacinthus B
Hyacinthus
