Eden barely ate his salad before setting down his fork. He wiped his spotless lips with a tissue and tried to turn his gaze outside again. I spoke to keep him from doing so.
“It’s already been almost a month since you showed up again. I think that’s not a short amount of time. A month is enough for the seasons to start changing. See how the weather’s getting less cold?”
I set my slice of pizza down on the plate and wiped my hands. Picking up my fork and aiming for the pasta, I tried to continue as naturally as possible.
“Don’t you think you should explain by now? Where and how you’ve been living all this time, why you disappeared, how you ended up becoming my stalker—things like that.”
But my efforts came to nothing because of Eden’s firmly shut mouth. Cowardly as ever, he chose silence. He was the one who made me happy, and he was the one who scratched that happiness.
With his eyes lowered so far his long lashes looked like they might stab the lenses of his glasses, he sipped his zero-calorie drink as if it were bitter coffee. The more calmly Eden acted, the further my mood sank—down, and lower still.
I hope the carbonation stings his tongue.
I harbored that petty little spite.
“I’m glad I didn’t buy you clothes. You really are a bad guy.”
***
I learned when I was seven that Cedric Beaufort—the man who came to see me whenever he seemed about to forget I existed—was my father. To put a line around the fact, he was the man who had provided the sperm used to make the human being that was me. Around that time, I was developing unusually fast, taking after him, and unlike my other friends, I’d begun to wonder why I didn’t have a dad.
One day, I knocked on the door of Mom’s office, went in, and started talking.
“Mom, you said this when you taught me the word deficiency, right? That I’m a child who doesn’t know deficiency. But I think I do know deficiency. Because I am deficiency.”
“Are you saying you want to change your name to ‘Deficiency’? When you say something, make sure the other person can understand you!”
“So, um, what Mom needs to understand is… do I have a dad too?”
“How very quick of you to ask. The fact that you never found that suspicious confirms that you truly don’t know deficiency. Anyway, to answer your question, I couldn’t have made a child by myself, so of course you do have one, but…”
Before giving me the exact answer, Mom tested me. It was a procedure to check whether I could really keep a secret. After proudly passing the test, I learned that Cedric Beaufort was my father, and at the same time, I was given the mission of never revealing it.
When I entered society, a few people whispered behind my back and tried to get confirmation from me, but I never once opened my mouth. In other words, I had spilled to Eden a secret I’d kept since I was seven.
But I received no reward in return. It wasn’t something I’d done while expecting a reward, and being comforted by him had been enough. Still, deep down, I was disappointed.
No matter what you say, I can keep it. I may look endlessly frivolous, but I believed you’d know I’m not actually like that.
After wandering aimlessly through Soho, I went to where Eden’s car was parked and told him the destination.
“Liam’s place.”
Even though I’d never once mentioned Liam Dalton’s name, Eden understood right away, like the stalker he was. Well, of course he’d know. He’d already investigated the people around me, and he’d even waited in front of Liam’s place before.
“Why there? Your place is closer from here.”
“Don’t bother if you don’t want to. I can take a taxi. Or call my manager.”
With a reluctant expression, he divided the paper bags between the trunk and the back seat before letting me in. I thought if he really hated it, he might even kidnap me and do whatever he wanted, but the car obediently headed toward central Manhattan.
Inside the car, where not even a common song played, it was quiet. Outside, which felt distant as if we were perfectly isolated from it, the sun was slowly lowering.
With the side of my head resting against the window, I turned back several weeks in my mind. Someone had yanked my hand while I was crossing a crosswalk, and when I looked back, Eden was there. It was the moment he appeared before me again after our disastrous reunion.
“Careful.”
After his low whisper, a rough engine noise roared. A car had run the light and sped noisily past, but I didn’t even have time to see it. While pedestrians glared at the car, pointed fingers, and hurled curses, I looked at Eden and crossed the street after him.
“Watch where you’re going.”
After giving that advice in a voice that briefly sounded gentle, Eden disappeared into the crowd. Belatedly, I looked around and opened and closed my fist. Even I didn’t know whether I wanted to shake off the warmth left in my hand or recall it.
He’d vanished like a passing connection, but it wasn’t long before he appeared in my sight again. Because he blended so naturally into my everyday life, like a scene that had always belonged there, I thought running into Eden was coincidence at first. I figured he must work near the exhibition hall and had moved close to my place. Guessing at a strangely perfect coincidence was more realistic than accusing someone of being a stalker.
It was about a week later that things started feeling genuinely suspicious. He appeared in my sight too often, and he looked far too free.
“Where were you going?”
“Somewhere.”
“So where?”
“Do I have to tell you that?”
The suspicion that he might not have a destination soon developed into the guess that I might be his purpose. If he was in my field of vision, then I was in his too, and if these weren’t accidental meetings, there had to be intention behind them.
That suspicion grew out of control, and the next day, I received a message that put a period on it.
[Don’t go home. Wait a little.]
I was certain the person who had sent the order was Eden. Circumstantially, it made sense, and my instincts pointed to the same person.
And my prediction was right. After I finished a magazine cover shoot and waited in front of the studio, Eden appeared before me.
“You listened well.”
“How do you know my phone number?”
“Your manager’s car is parked over there. Go now.”
After he said only what he wanted to say and left, I was left standing there blankly for a long time. The unbelievable reality that I had gained a stalker, and that stalker was Eden Reed, crashed over me, making it hard to come to my senses.
Unable to escape the confusion, I pretended not to see him for a while even when I did, and at the same time, I doubted whether this was reality. Back then, every night before bed, I searched online. Reasons people become stalkers, the psychology of stalkers, the likelihood that a stalker is sane, ways not to legally punish a stalker, and so on. I did my own thorough research.
After more than three weeks, I’d roughly adapted to having a stalker. It became natural for Eden or Eden’s car to enter my field of vision, and he had infiltrated even my thought system. My brain could no longer stop associating things with him, nor could my nerves stop being aware of him.
Ironically, the more the stalker’s presence swelled within the boundaries of my daily life, the looser my wariness became. Talking with him was now ordinary. I used him like a driver or personal assistant, bought him meals, and even acted on whims and got rides from him.
Anyone who found out about this situation would ask if I was insane. Could I honestly say I wasn’t? Honestly, even I sometimes think I’ve lost my mind.
Before long, the car entered the avenue where Liam lived. As we neared the condo, Eden found a parking spot and pulled over.
I only glanced at the paper bags in the back seat before shifting to get out. Just as I was about to leave the car empty-handed, Eden suddenly leaned his upper body toward me and brought his face right in front of mine. If he’d been an animal, I would’ve considered it an attack. No, even as a human, it was practically an attack.
Without realizing it, I pressed my lips together and swallowed hard. I rubbed my tense, anxious hand against my thigh. It went beyond a basic reaction born simply from surprise; I nearly hit him.
It was rather one-sided eye contact. I had to suffer the feeling of being trapped helplessly in Eden’s eyes. My ears rang, and it felt like I couldn’t breathe. Was I finally going to fall into the lake? I bore his innate emerald eyes like a fate. His eyes weren’t wet, and yet I was the one getting soaked.
Just as that unreal moisture was beginning to take form as sweat on my body, Eden drew back with a displeased expression.
“That’s strange. I thought you’d be bewitched.”
Had it lasted a little longer, I would have been. If he’d smiled prettily and poked my shoulder, I would have not only fallen for him but begged him to hurry and take me home. Eden giving up early was a tremendous relief for me.
The corners of his mouth twitched as if they might or might not relax into a smile, then he unlocked the car. Just then, I saw Liam walking over from a distance.
“I’m going.”
I gave a light farewell and got out of the car. Liam, who spotted me standing there while brushing off my wrinkled leather jacket, tried to hide his face with the book in his hand. Before he could pretend not to know me, I quickly approached and slung an arm around his shoulders.
“I knew you’d welcome me passionately.”
“Who welcomed who?”
“You welcomed me.”
“You’re pathologically positive sometimes.”
Better than being negative.
Thinking however I pleased, I pressed close enough to Liam that I might bite his ear and whispered:
“Put your arm around my waist. I’ll give you a hundred dollars.”
I was aware that I was doing something childish. That was why I said it in a voice as tiny as an ant, not wanting to get caught.
“Do I look broke to you? What is this crazy bullshit?”
“It’s not hard.”
“That’s not the point…”
“I’m planning to see Noah soon. I’ll let you join us.”
Liam, who had been grimacing and trying to shake me off, changed his attitude as easily as flipping his hand. Soon, his arm skillfully wrapped around my waist and held me. To anyone who didn’t know this was completely intentional, we would have looked like a close couple.
“Why are you doing this?”
It was Eden who answered Liam’s curiosity. A horn blared from the car. At the loud sound like something bursting, I looked around and saw the road was quiet, with nothing blocking Eden’s car.
I almost felt better because he’d taken the bait so readily, but unexpectedly, the man beyond the car window wasn’t looking at me. Seeing him with his head slightly lowered, fiddling with his phone, and sensing his distinctive composure, I became displeased.
“Let’s go.”
When I wrapped my arm around Liam’s shoulders and moved forward, the horn blared again. The sound was loud enough to make my ears ring, but I stopped without even glancing at the car. If I faced Eden’s calm expression, it would ruin my mood.
Unlike me, who was stiff from controlling my movements, Liam freely turned his head and glanced at the car.
“Someone you know?”
“Have you been going to a book club lately? Are you trying to become a bookstore owner instead of a club owner?”
I tried to shift the topic to the book in Liam’s hand. Last time it had been a pretty decent classic, but apparently now he was reading a self-help book with a boring title.
“Who is it? A friend? Your manager?”
such interesting folks