When he pressed down on the neck, he could feel the pulse thumping steadily beneath his fingers. Even though it was pounding now, he knew just a little more pressure would snap it in an instant.
Even knowing that this hand could steal his breath away, Lee Haru remained still. He simply stared at him with unreadable eyes.
Eventually, the strength drained from his hand.
The fact that Lee Haru showed no anger even after discovering the truth about him was almost eerie. He had deceived him.
He had approached Lee Haru wearing the face of the man he loved, whispered sweet manipulations into his ear, and cornered him until he attempted suicide.
And yet, Lee Haru looked at him like someone who did not even know how to resent.
“Why did you stay silent after you found out?”
When had he realized? From the moment things began to feel off? Was it after surviving death that whatever spell had blinded him finally broke?
Fragmented thoughts swirled in his head. The silence from Lee Haru was eating him alive.
It felt like he was being told he was not even worth being angry at, and he clenched his jaw so tightly the muscles at his temple bulged.
“……I don’t know. Maybe I just needed time to make sense of my own feelings.”
Lee Haru’s response, when it finally came, was ambiguous. As if he himself was still lost, confusion flickered through his eyes like a passing shadow.
“I am exhausted. Exhausted from living a life swayed by a hopeless, never-ending one-sided love. It felt like I was running on a hamster wheel, endlessly, until I collapsed.”
He looked genuinely worn down. Hong Seong-jun’s fingers twitched at the sight. Now that Lee Haru knew the truth, he couldn’t bring himself to treat him recklessly.
Today, more than ever, those shoulders seemed so small. He wanted to reach out and gently touch them. But it was something he had never done before, and the gesture felt impossibly unfamiliar.
“Esper Hong Seong-jun, do you like me?”
“…What?”
“If you didn’t, you wouldn’t have kept approaching me while wearing the face of the person I love, would you?”
Just as he was gathering the courage to reach out, the calm voice cut through his thoughts like a blade.
The face that asked if he liked him was painfully sincere. A flush began to spread from the base of his neck.
There had certainly been a time when he wanted to confess. After falling for Lee Haru at first sight, he had lingered nearby, waiting for the right moment.
“I’m kind of busy right now.”
“…Could you move? You’re blocking the way.”
“What was your name again?”
But Lee Haru had always been cold to everyone but Kang Min. As an S-rank Esper himself, he thought he at least deserved to be remembered. Yet each time he approached, Lee Haru treated him like a stranger.
The moment he realized that the look Lee Haru gave a pebble on the roadside was no different from the one he gave him, he began to resent the man he had once adored.
Why did he make me fall for him, only to make me suffer like this? He had wished, then, that Lee Haru would feel the same agony.
The fact that he could transform into others was a secret only he knew.
Given the nature of his ability and how it invited surveillance and restriction, he kept it hidden.
“E-Esper… Kang Min… Have you eaten yet?”
The day he first approached Lee Haru as Kang Min, he had felt both rapture and despair.
That face, usually so frigid in front of him, transformed into someone completely lovesick whenever he looked at Kang Min.
Even though he knew that gaze was not truly meant for him, he still liked it. And he hated it just as much. He began treating Lee Haru more harshly.
He wanted Lee Haru to move on from Kang Min, to finally see the one who had always been circling close by.
“……I like you.”
What he had never anticipated was just how deep Lee Haru’s feelings for Kang Min truly were. No matter what he did, Lee Haru loved Kang Min.
Even when ordered to do something outrageous—like engage in sex Guiding with strangers—he obeyed without question.
It was only after his suicide attempt that the rot festering inside him became visible. Lee Haru was not the only one blinded by love.
He, too, had gone mad for it. At some point, even calling it “love” had begun to feel wrong.
Some say love makes the world seem more beautiful—but for him, the moment he fell for Lee Haru, his life turned into hell.
“……”
His lips parted. He did not know if he should tell Haru that he loved him even now.
Stupidly, he was afraid. There was a world of difference between Lee Haru suspecting he had feelings and him outright confessing them.
“I want to meet someone who actually loves me now…”
It was not he who broke the silence—it was Lee Haru.
The voice was barely audible, but with his enhanced hearing, there was no way he could have missed it.
Lee Haru had changed. It was not just a personality shift—something fundamental had shifted within him.
The way he spoke of finding new love made him seem like a completely different person. The Lee Haru he knew used to treat Kang Min as his entire universe.
Had everything he had seen so far been real? Now, Lee Haru could look at Kang Min without flinching.
In fact, there had been more tension lately whenever Lee Haru was with Yu Je-hyun than with Kang Min.
“So that was it? The reason you got closer to Yu Je-hyun?”
At last, things started to make sense. Lee Haru had kept his distance not just from him, but from Yu Je-hyun as well.
He had only approached Yu Je-hyun because he was ordered to. Otherwise, he treated him like he did not even exist.
If Lee Haru opened his heart to Yu Je-hyun because Yu Je-hyun had quietly shown his affection… then did that mean there was still a chance for him too?
Lee Haru did not seem particularly bothered by the fact that he had approached him all this time disguised as Kang Min.
“At first, it wasn’t like that. But the more Yu Je-hyun was kind to me… I mean, I am only human. Maybe it is natural for someone to start feeling something for a person who treats them well.”
At Lee Haru’s follow-up, a wave of certainty washed over him. The way he spoke, as though he had truly let go of his feelings for Kang Min, filled him—foolishly—with hope.
“……I can be good to you too.”
“What was that?”
The words spilled out before he could stop them. It seemed Lee Haru had not fully caught what he said. Lacking the courage to repeat himself, Hong Seong-jun turned away.
He had only stopped by briefly. If he lingered too long, it would raise suspicion. He had to get back.
“Make sure you eat properly. I will be back soon.”
“W-Wait, hold on…!”
He heard Lee Haru calling after him, trying to stop him, but he deliberately kept walking. If Lee Haru saw his face now—flushed so red he could feel the heat without even looking in a mirror—he would want to crawl into a hole.
***
“Did he really leave…?”
After Hong Seong-jun disappeared like a gust of wind, Lee Haru stood silently in front of the tightly shut door for a long while.
He could not detect any trace of an S-rank Esper’s presence, so he remained cautious. Only when his legs started aching did he finally head back to the kitchen.
The table was still covered with untouched dishes. Earlier, he had felt like he was going to die and had wolfed down nothing but some bread and milk.
Now that the bothersome visitor was gone, he was ready to eat properly.
Who knew binge-reading random novels would actually come in handy like this?
Truthfully, at first, he had been at a loss for how to act. He was not a good liar, and the idea of pretending had made him anxious. But once the moment came, the words just flowed.
Maybe I actually have a knack for acting.
Judging by Hong Seong-jun’s reaction, the performance had gone better than expected. It was not just blind confidence—he had seen the tips of his ears flushed bright red when he suddenly turned away.
Feeling more relaxed now, he tossed a few pre-packaged meals into the microwave and set the timer.
Mr. Lee Haru, how did I do? Pretty convincing, right? Still giving me the silent treatment?
He wanted to share this small victory with the real Lee Haru. Rubbing the surface of the ring, he tried speaking to him—but no voice came, no matter how long he waited.
I said my heart could move for someone who treats me well. So… no more choking, right?
He had not shown it earlier, but when Hong Seong-jun’s hand wrapped around his neck, his knees nearly buckled. After being strangled so many times, even the sensation of a hand near his throat sent his body into a panic.
Thank god for healing potions.
It was one of the most convenient things in this world—no matter how bad the wound, just apply a healing potion and you were instantly good as new.
Though maybe that is exactly why those bastards handle me so roughly.
Sometimes he wondered—if wounds took as long to heal as they did in the world he came from, would they have treated his body with a bit more care? But everything had its pros and cons.
“Time to eat.”
Right then, the microwave dinged. He grabbed a set of disposable chopsticks and dug in, devouring the food like a man starved.
And then, out of nowhere, Yu Je-hyun came to mind.
Normally, eating something delicious just made him crave the next good thing. But this time, what surfaced was the image of Yu Je-hyun’s face—smiling warmly, enjoying the food he had made.
I miss Yu Jehyun, pls reunite soon😔🖐🏻