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Oh Hangeul simply just wanted to tell Kim Bunhong that. That day, he had seen his terrible loneliness. That he just wanted to embrace him.
Even though Hangeul didn’t particularly mind talking about his inner feelings when necessary, he couldn’t honestly confess just that truth, so at their last meeting he had offered a different proposal instead.
……”If there’s a next time. If we meet again, if the opportunity arises, let’s make music together too.”
He wanted to be together for no reason, but he couldn’t think of another excuse to cover up that feeling, so he had proposed it. As a result, he was rejected anyway.
Hangeul arrived at his studio as soon as all his schedules ended, just like any other day, and held his mouse while quickly flipping through the songs he had made on the monitor.
In the process, he saw a song about love that he had left unfinished in the past. No matter how much he thought about it, he couldn’t see any answer, so it was a song he had originally planned to leave incomplete. To be honest, he needed to write lyrics but shamefully couldn’t write even a single character – it held painful memories.
He stopped moving his fingers there. After listening to the melody that flowed out silently for the first time in a while, Hangeul muttered to himself as if displeased.
“Love, love. That damn love.”
Suddenly feeling a presence, he turned around, but there was no one there.
However, Hangeul saw it. The afterimage from the day Bunhong had stopped by Hangeul’s studio. In his memory, the corners of the mouth that praised Hangeul’s self-composed song as really good had been twitching.
‘……Really, he has no talent for lying.’
He recalled how Bunhong had tried not to speak honestly even while crying tears full of sorrow. Just like at their meeting in the dressing room, this time too Hangeul had easily seen through Bunhong’s clumsy lies.
Setting aside other perfectly fine songs and playing an unfinished song for him was nothing more than Hangeul’s simple whim.
He didn’t want to admit that while cursing love or breakup songs as tiresome in front of others, saying they were everywhere in the world, he had actually been craving those emotions in a corner of his heart for a lifetime. It just so happened that a boy who had sparked his interest after a long time was right in front of him, so he had played a prank.
Like this, it had been simple curiosity at first. It wasn’t that he didn’t respect the choice to debut as an idol, but he wondered if there hadn’t been a better plan. He felt sorry that he didn’t dream of something more brilliant.
‘For instance……, being with me.’
He had been watching with interest all along, with the expectation that contact might come someday. Because for a path chosen out of need for money, his attitude toward his dream seemed quite serious.
‘What. Again…… he lied.’
On the day they appeared together on a music show, in the waiting room, Bunhong, who seemed unable to meet Hangeul’s eyes, hesitantly lowered his head. The face that had been full of embarrassment suddenly changed after going on stage.
As if he had become a different person.
“Ah, please love me……”
Hangeul, who had secretly hidden behind the stage to watch Bunhong’s appearance so as not to be noticed, was certain. The earnest, dream-like gaze that had watched him singing with clenched fists was definitely not false.
“……so I can escape from this hell.”
His appearance dyed in red lighting was literally beautiful like a blooming flower. Even Hangeul was stimulated enough to think he should work harder on OORA’s stage that would come after, thinking it was cool.
Even though it wasn’t himself on stage, Hangeul was so immersed that he didn’t immediately notice someone tapping his shoulder from the side. Only after the rising excitement had subsided a little did the words the other person had said reach his ears.
The person who had spoken to him was the director in charge of most of the lighting used in music shows.
That’s why he was acquainted with Hangeul too.
“I think this is the first time I’ve seen you, Hangeul, watching another singer’s stage?”
“He’s family from our company. He just debuted, and he’s from a junior group…… please take good care of him.”
He should have acted like a proper senior, but regret flooded Hangeul’s heart for speaking as if making excuses in a flustered way, like someone who had committed a crime. The director also seemed to sense something strange and tilted his head while asking him.
“But why is your expression like that? It must have been quite impressive?”
“Does it look that way? You’re right. It was really good.”
He couldn’t see what expression he had been pointed out for having, but he was definitely making a dazed face. So much so that he felt fortunate to be standing in a blind spot where cameras weren’t rolling. Hangeul, who had been so completely captivated, only belatedly had doubts.
‘But that’s strange. Why is he using his voice like that?’
He felt it had clearly changed from Bunhong’s singing method that had deeply impressed him after hearing it at the audition venue in the past. Maybe it was because it was unaccompanied, but when he sang that song, Bunhong’s voice’s unique gentle charm had been revealed well without embellishment,
……whereas the Bunhong on stage that Hangeul saw today had his throat full of tension, and it looked somewhat difficult for him to handle the song.
‘It would be terrible if he gets vocal cord nodules from pushing himself like that.’
Since Hangeul also receives consistent vocal training, he was even more worried about Bunhong like that.
However, killing one’s own voice for team harmony within an idol group was a common occurrence. So it was outside the realm of meddling that Hangeul could do.
‘Still, can’t I do at least this much? As a senior?’
Since he had received a signed CD along with greetings, couldn’t he cheer him on saying congratulations on his first debut stage? In doing so, that might naturally become an opportunity for them to get close again, Hangeul quickly calculated.
‘No. Acting like a senior in this situation would be even more ridiculous.’
Actually, even though he had pretended to be fine in front of others, honestly there was still resentment left in Hangeul’s heart. That’s why it was difficult for him to swallow his pride and approach first toward the back that had turned away and ignored him.
While pondering like this for a while, the director looked at Hangeul’s expression and asked with a laugh if he had become a fan.
Right! Hangeul clapped his palms together to make a sound.
“Simply…… fan feelings, right?”
Since he wanted to approach but it was difficult to approach. If he secretly cheered as just a nearby fan rather than a senior, couldn’t he catch two birds with one stone? Hangeul thought, and decided to put it into practice.
He searched the internet and bought a water globe that he liked. The reason he chose that as a gift was too simple.
It was because he felt the boy chasing stars inside the glass sphere, which he saw through the product preview photo, was somehow similar to Bunhong.
“Even their appearance is similar.”
Hangeul, who received the delivered package, checked the item and kept muttering that it was cute.
……”Should I just buy one for myself too? Then would it be couple items?” He even had such amusing fantasies.
Before putting it in a package to wrap it, he first carefully wrapped the contents with crumpled newspaper in case it might break. Then Hangeul began to rack his brain about how to deliver this to Bunhong.
‘Since I’m a fan, I should deliver it separately.’
‘Fan’ was a magic word. It was perfect for smoothing over the excuse that he actually didn’t have the courage to go and give it directly. In the end, Hangeul went to BLACK’s manager separately and asked him to deliver this instead.
“Hyung. Thank you so much. You’re totally awesome!”
“It’s not even a difficult task.”
After that, BLACK’s manager, who readily accepted Hangeul’s request to hide his identity, laughed and asked if Christmas had already come.
Hangeul, who had achieved his intended goal much more easily than expected, smiled proudly for a moment, then lowered the corners of his mouth after remembering something he had almost forgotten. Hangeul hurriedly snatched back the package that was in the manager’s arms.
“Ah! Sorry. Please wait just a moment……!”
A gift must always be accompanied by a letter, and he had almost forgotten that.
Hangeul, who carefully chose letter paper, realized that he hadn’t yet decided what content to write here.
‘It’s not even writing a song, so why is this so difficult?’
The process so far having felt easy must have been just a preliminary quest in gaming terms.
Otherwise, there was no way cold sweat would be forming on his back when he hadn’t even written a single character yet. He pondered for a while with his pen placed over his protruding lips. Both his cheeks puffed up.
Only after several minutes passed without being able to do anything did Hangeul finally start scribbling something on the paper as if he had made up his mind.
* * *
Originally, Hangeul was born with bad handwriting. So he had to make tremendous effort to hold a pen and write characters neatly and orderly. ……Just hoping that your day would be peaceful.
The sincerity that finally came out was just that one thing, making all the words he had gathered inside seem meaningless. But as if that was the right answer, his mind, which had been endlessly confused, became surprisingly clear.
“I’m a fan. I hope you’ll always be filled with good things.”
That’s right. It was just one sentence, but he had wanted to convey that one word like that.
Author: Hyacinthus B
Hyacinthus
