-34-
The grief of not being acknowledged by anyone all this time and the despair of not knowing how to live in the future were tangled together, making his chest feel like it was being torn apart, so Chayeon couldn’t hide his despondent feelings and muttered to himself.
“What should I tell Mom……”
The first thing that came to mind was his parents’ faces. And his younger sister who hadn’t even entered elementary school yet came to mind next.
Thinking of his family who wished for his success more earnestly than he himself did, more than anyone else, Chayeon thought this was truly the end.
When going down any path, there comes a time when everyone must see their own end, and Han Chayeon thought that now was precisely that moment when he should stop.
Chayeon resolved that as soon as he left this bathroom, he would go straight to find the director and tell him he was really quitting this time.
That’s when it happened. Since Han Chayeon had very strong pride, he didn’t want to be caught crying, so he had been washing his face with cold water for a long time to cover his flushed face and was checking his condition in the mirror.
Just then, Duho, who happened to pass by and spot Chayeon, waved his hand and greeted him cheerfully, saying “Yo-“
‘Oh, the longest-serving trainee?’
Though they were the same age, their relationship had been awkward all along. There was an implicit hierarchy within the practice room, and there Han Chayeon was literally the longest-serving trainee, so to Duho, who had been there for less than a month, he was more like a senior figure as high as the sky rather than a friend.
‘……!’
At the words “longest-serving trainee,” sparks flew from Chayeon’s eyes, who had been trying to pass by without acknowledging him.
Contrary to the expectations of the teachers and other trainees who witnessed them later, it was Han Chayeon who threw the first punch in that fight.
Their so-called “dog fight,” where they beat each other for quite a while, was mediated by an ajumma who came to clean the bathroom on schedule, and concluded by a trainer who came running.
While standing with their hands raised as punishment in front of the practice room, Duho, still apparently not calmed down, picked a fight while huffing.
‘Han Chayeon, was it?! I really don’t like you. Why the hell is your name like that?’
Toward him, with a somewhat heavy heart, Chayeon answered:
‘That name you’re cursing…… My mom spent a ton of money to get it from a skilled fortune teller. So I’d do well in the future.’
Then Duho closed his mouth for the first time in front of Chayeon and just remained silent. Chayeon sighed deeply enough to make the ground cave in and said:
‘But I guess he wasn’t that skilled after all. Looking at my current state……’
‘What’s wrong with your current state?’
‘I’m just stupid and pathetic. I’ve been like this for 6 years now, so anyone would think that’s normal. Even I think I’m so pathetic that I feel like I’m going crazy. Really.’
Once his mouth opened, the lamentations he had been holding in all this time poured out non-stop.
Duho, who had been silently listening to those words, opened his mouth when Han Chayeon started crying again in front of him, watching quietly.
‘You just don’t want to be remembered as some mediocre trainee?’
‘That’s not it……’
‘I’ll remember it specially. Your name.’
Han Chayeon…… was it? Saying the name seemed a bit appealing, Duho grinned with a wound on his lip, and seeing that face, Chayeon began to laugh along with him. Then he lifted his leg and kicked Duho’s kneeling knee with a thud. Saying in a provocative tone that he knew what his laughing face looked like right now, calling it the ugliest in the world.
* * *
Perhaps because he had been struggling invisibly underwater for too long without any promise.
When he recently received a sudden phone call from AT Entertainment with the unilateral notification that his debut had been decided, it didn’t seem to make him that happy, Han Chayeon recalled that moment and traced back the emotions he felt then.
To the point where it seemed like a lie that something had been burning his heart so much, even when the moment he had so desperately wished and hoped for came, he was strangely indifferent about it.
There was once a time when he thought his life would suddenly turn 180 degrees once his debut was decided.
Really, if he were to debut, he thought heaven and earth would be turned upside down. But Chayeon’s daily life continued to flow the same as before, with nothing particularly different. Honestly, not much had changed.
When viewed objectively after excluding various emotions, it was just that his status had risen by about one level from being a trainee. Other than that, it was an extension of ordinary daily life where he still had to come to the practice room without rest to practice.
Home, practice room, home, practice room…… Han Chayeon’s routine was similarly unchanged from before, and what he ate or wore didn’t change particularly either. For weight control, he had to eat chicken breast and wear tattered clothes to practice, just like before.
Moreover, it wasn’t like he had started earning income…… he thought, but when he saw the money printed in the bankbook he received from Jeong Ido along with the brief words “You’ve worked hard all this time” as a signing bonus, Chayeon finally realized it.
Like waking up from a long nightmare, reality was suddenly recognized and goosebumps rose all over his body.
“Ah……”
At least this time there wouldn’t be a debut that gets cancelled or falls through…… thinking this, strength left his legs.
But that didn’t mean his doubts were completely resolved, so Han Chayeon, who had been examining the contract for a while, this time called the company’s accounting team to ask.
“But why are you giving me such a large amount?”
Then he learned a new fact. AT Entertainment was planning one project this time, which was to conduct a small-scale program called <Trainee Survival> within the company before debuting new rookies. What they gave Han Chayeon in advance was a modest appearance fee.
There was only one line of officially decided fact: ‘—The name of the group to debut this time is BLACK, and it will consist of a total of 5 members.’
Only 4 members had been confirmed through internal meetings, and they planned to select one more member from the existing trainees. So in other words, it wasn’t Han Chayeon who had to go through the survival show.
“So I’m included among the 4 confirmed debut members.”
Unable to believe it, after repeatedly confirming and hanging up the phone in a dazed state, Han Chayeon immediately went to find that guy Duho.
Duho at that time was hiding in an invisible corner inside the company, diligently consuming sodium, which Chayeon thought was the most detestable harmful ingredient for the body.
He saw something wriggling behind the beverage vending machine in the break room inside the company, but was about to pass by without thinking when something seemed strange, so Han Chayeon turned his steps back to that place and happened to discover Duho diligently peeling and eating sausages.
“……”
Toward Chayeon who was looking at him with coldly frozen eyes, Duho just opened his eyes wide with innocent pupils, his cheeks puffed up like a hamster storing food in its cheek pouches, and shouted:
“Kyu?”
There was even a pile of empty shells behind Duho, as if he had already finished one whole package. Seeing that, Chayeon said in disbelief:
“You…… as far as I know, didn’t you say you were dieting? I think the trainer pointed it out recently. To do it.”
Was that so? Hearing Chayeon’s words, it seemed like he had vaguely heard something similar while passing by, so Duho searched his memory and thought carefully.
But listening with one ear and letting it out the other was his specialty, and no matter how hard he tried to remember, all that remained in his blank mind was the unconscious desire of being ‘hungry.’
So the excuse Duho came up with after racking his brains for a while was this:
“I’m eating it up before going into intensive management. Like a bear going into hibernation.”
At those words, Chayeon frowned and asked back:
“Intensive management?”
“I’m talking about debut.”
You, me, the kid from abroad, and Jeong Ido too. That’s a total of 4 people, they said. Duho, who had efficiently stuffed the last sausage into his mouth, continued speaking indifferently.
“Oh, I heard there’s going to be one more person. But that hasn’t been decided yet, right?”
Unlike Chayeon, Duho seemed to have called to check who was confirmed as members first.
Thinking he probably checked if the name ‘Han Chayeon’ was on the list before his own name, Chayeon, feeling more generous, decided to overlook Duho’s transgression just this once.
“Then they’ll probably pick from Class A, right? Classes B and C only have kids who joined recently……”
Yawn. Even to Chayeon’s question, Duho opened his mouth wide and yawned as if still uninterested, then answered carelessly:
“Probably.”
Actually, he was sleepy because he was full. With eyelids that had become incredibly heavy, Duho began to nod off while sitting in the chair.
What kids are in Class A…… Now Chayeon, who had regained some composure, began to rack his brains busily.
“The remaining one member…… I wonder who will be chosen.”
Author: Hyacinthus B
Hyacinthus
