-12-
“You see Oh Hangeul-ssi over there? Actually, it’s a bit ambiguous to call this superficial pretension, but there’s an atmosphere that each person gives off, you know. In Oh Hangeul-ssi’s case, he changes like a chameleon for each concept. He’s glamorous and has his own unique atmosphere. On the other hand, in Bunhong-ssi’s case,”
As the director’s explanation continued while pointing at the photos on the screen, Bunhong received such a huge shock that he could barely manage his expression even though he could see his own face reflected in the monitor glass beginning to distort.
“It feels like he instinctively knows how to kill himself. He doesn’t stand out, so even though he’s handsome, you can’t see his color. Ah, this isn’t meant in a bad way at all. Rather, it makes the clothes stand out, which is good from an advertiser’s perspective. That’s why I asked if you had modeling experience before.”
Upon hearing the last words, Bunhong’s face flushed hot due to the sudden shame that came over him.
For a celebrity to have no color was the worst thing you could say. It was also an evaluation he had heard like a daily routine during his past activities with BLACK, so he didn’t feel the director’s words as praise at all.
Even people who knew BLACK could barely remember that there was a member named Kim Bunhong, to the extent that his presence during his active period was faint.
“Kim Bunhong? Was there a kid like that in BLACK?”
Then after Hanbit joined, that changed to a different evaluation.
“Ah, that kid. Aren’t you talking about the one who looks similar to Lee Hanbit?”
They were just words, words, words.
However, no matter how hard he tried, when such evaluations continued without stopping, Kim Bunhong had to feel such great despair that it wasn’t simply about presence, but from some point on, he felt as if his actual self wasn’t alive but dead.
That’s right. During BLACK’s active period, he was always just Lee Hanbit’s shadow.
The director, who had been observing Kim Bunhong’s expression gradually hardening as time passed, asked:
“You’re not offended, are you?”
Instead of speaking honestly, what Bunhong chose was a lie that he wasn’t offended at all.
“…Thank you for the compliment.”
Just as he had always habitually hidden himself in front of other people in the past, he decided to do so this time too.
However, even though he spoke so skillfully, the corners of Bunhong’s mouth, where emotions he couldn’t quite sort out remained, trembled.
Filled with endless self-hatred, Bunhong couldn’t help but ask himself:
“What am I?”
Am I ultimately a being who can’t become anything? It was actually an expected ending. Yet it was sad. What did you think would be different if you could go back once more?
Before he knew it, the demon hiding in Bunhong’s heart appeared and began tormenting him.
“Honestly, someone like me…”
When he compared it to Oh Hangeul’s professional appearance he had seen earlier, Kim Bunhong was tormented because his own shooting results felt so insignificant.
“Just one regression can’t change everything.”
He wanted to run away from that place. Just as he always did when afraid, it seemed like everything would be resolved if he could just disappear to a place where no one could find Bunhong, so that this shame would fade away.
Just then, he could see the sky getting dark. It was a signal that it was time for the overall shooting itself to wrap up.
[I have something to do, so I’ll leave first.]
After sending a text to the number he had contacted earlier, Bunhong hid inside the changing room where he had changed clothes before shooting.
To hide his unsightly face that seemed ready to burst with various emotions, he needed his own space to hide for a while.
After hastily changing clothes, he took out his earphones to listen to music, but no matter how much he rummaged through his school bag, he couldn’t see his MP3 player anywhere – he must have left it somewhere.
He had lost it before he even had time to think about where he might have lost it. The thought that he had lost it forever made him sad, and he felt his eyes reddening.
Like that MP3 player, thinking that he hoped no one would be able to find him hiding there, Bunhong was left alone in the dark changing room as he had wished, and buried his face between his knees.
That’s when it happened. The door suddenly opened like before, and an unfamiliar voice was heard.
“What? That startled me.”
At the same time, light poured in, so Bunhong, who had been sniffling, looked up with curiosity.
“…”
Hangeul, who had been standing silently looking at Bunhong like that for a moment, opened his mouth.
“…What are you doing here.”
The heavy low tone echoed like an echo in the cramped space. The sunset was setting through the window positioned behind Hangeul.
Because he was backlit against the sun, Bunhong couldn’t see the expression of Hangeul standing in front of him, but the tenderness contained in his voice reached him clearly.
Was that why? Bunhong, who had been immersed in darkness, made a silent appeal that he would never have made if he were his usual self.
To a man completely enveloped in dazzling light whose form couldn’t even be seen properly,
“I lost something…”
He opened his mouth without knowing.
“So I’m sad. No, something got in my eye.”
Even though Bunhong was stuttering his words in a way that should have been frustrating, Hangeul didn’t rush him at all and just listened silently.
“…”
“It’s not like I’m crying for some other real reason. Ah, I don’t know how to explain this…”
Bunhong, who had been continuously making excuses, suddenly found himself ridiculous for trying so desperately even in such a moment, and stopped his hurried words.
“Ugh…”
Then, as if it had been waiting, the tears he had been holding back began to leak out. Still, Hangeul said nothing and just watched Bunhong like that.
“…”
Bunhong finally gave up and hung his head low.
“I’m just… crying for no particular reason.”
While saying that to Hangeul outwardly, the truth of Kim Bunhong’s hidden feelings wasn’t actually that.
I’m sad. This was Bunhong’s true feelings.
Not only with Hangeul, but when talking with other people, cleverly hiding part of the truth within lies had been Bunhong’s conversational method up until now.
However, even without saying it, he earnestly hoped deep down that the other person would understand him at least once.
Someday, hoping that someone would notice his signals hidden like morse code, he had always deceived the people around him like that.
Hangeul answered as if it were nothing and closed the door.
“It must have been something you treasured.”
Since he heard the sound of the door closing with a thud, he thought that like others had done, Hangeul too had left him alone while crying.
Hangeul’s reaction wasn’t much different from other people who had dealt with Bunhong until now. It was exactly the reaction Bunhong had expected, so he wasn’t greatly disappointed either.
Thinking he was happy to be alone, Bunhong forced the corners of his mouth up.
However, even after that, the presence didn’t disappear for quite a while.
“…?”
Bunhong, who raised his head at the strangeness, stared at the person who remained by his side without leaving, with a completely distorted face.
The door had closed, but the other person hadn’t left yet, so in the end, Hangeul had invaded Bunhong’s space.
As the sun was gradually setting, watching Hangeul’s shadow that began to appear below approaching him, Bunhong began sniffling again.
This time, not because of the sun shining, but due to the tears gathered in his eyes, in Bunhong’s blurry vision where he couldn’t see clearly, Hangeul’s face that began to faintly appear within it was definitely smiling.
Hangeul approached Bunhong first, sharing his own story.
“I also lost something I treasured recently.”
“…”
“It’s a watch. It’s my mother’s keepsake.”
Sniffle. Because his runny nose was gradually flowing out, Bunhong had no choice but to speak while sniffling.
“A… watch…?”
Then Hangeul soothed Bunhong with a voice as if comforting a small child.
“Yes. It was a watch I treasured… but I ended up losing it.”
That whispering voice felt so tender that his whole body seemed to melt, and hearing those words, Bunhong couldn’t even think to wipe the teardrops that began flowing down around his eyes, and stared blankly at Hangeul.
“…”
Hangeul made eye contact with Bunhong like that and approached with big steps, asking:
“So I’m sad, will you hug me?”
While saying with words to hug him, even though Bunhong hadn’t answered yet, Hangeul stretched out his hands and arbitrarily pulled Bunhong into his arms.
Embraced in Hangeul’s arms without resistance, Bunhong began trembling violently.
The tears that had initially just flowed silently gradually grew stronger, as if they had properly burst due to someone’s unexpected comfort that came suddenly at an unexpected moment.
Like a river overflowing when a dam bursts, he eventually began sobbing out loud.
“Hng…”
* * *
He remained embraced like that for quite a while, his back shaking.
Hangeul didn’t offer even a single word of comfort to the crying Bunhong. Without any series of gestures like patting him, just the two arms that held him firmly as if sharing body temperature didn’t move at all.
The two remained embraced like that for quite a while, until hiccups came from the exhausted Bunhong who had finished crying.
“Hic…!”
Even after stopping his tears, very slight panting remained for a while. Only then, becoming conscious of Hangeul’s soft ear touching his cheek, Bunhong wriggled slightly to escape from his embrace and thought:
“This is a bit embarrassing…”
His embarrassment was brief, and as if he had been watching all along, Hangeul’s voice whispering to him softly brought inexplicable stability, making him stop moving.
Author: Hyacinthus B
Hyacinthus
