#11
“…I can’t sleep.”
After sending Seung-oh off like that, Ui-jin was left alone in their quarters, tossing and turning restlessly. The bed where he had clung to Seung-oh like one body every day now felt as vast as the ocean, and the living room seemed unnecessarily spacious.
He suddenly missed those moments of being held in warm arms and comforted.
Ui-jin came out to the living room, sat on the sofa hugging his knees, and blinked. It was here that Seung-oh had asked him. It must have been something Seung-oh had thought about extensively. But Ui-jin had rejected him out of preemptive fear. Now he could almost see Seung-oh’s face that had been invisible at that moment due to temporary terror.
“I miss you…”
Perhaps Seung-oh was disappointed in him for running away saying he’d live alone. Though Seung-oh had said it was okay, wasn’t he secretly resenting him? Various complex thoughts and emotions surged.
The day he had seen Seung-oh off. The strange feeling when another Guide stood beside him seemed to further trigger Ui-jin’s guilt. Seung-oh, who had looked impressive to anyone, had hugged Ui-jin with all his might and patted his back.
‘Don’t worry too much. I’ll come back safely.’
‘…I’m sorry.’
‘What are you sorry for? Just eat well and sleep well.’
Even hugging tightly, the combat uniform was too thick to feel Seung-oh’s body heat. He could have said he’d follow him even now. But he couldn’t bring himself to speak. He was a coward.
Ui-jin sighed deeply and shook his head. The nights that had always seemed too short would now, mixed with self-blame and worry, stretch endlessly.
Ui-jin, who had dozed off on the sofa, headed to Do-hoon’s office as if by habit. Though he knew he was being a nuisance, when his mind was dominated by thoughts of Seung-oh, he naturally came here. He felt comfortable with Do-hoon, and distracting thoughts didn’t arise.
Unlike other trainer rooms, Do-hoon’s door, which had no special security device, could be opened by anyone. Through the gently opening door gap, Do-hoon was smiling as if he had been expecting Ui-jin.
“You’re a bit late today.”
“I was tossing and turning, unable to sleep.”
“Why couldn’t you sleep?”
Do-hoon immediately showed a worried expression at Ui-jin’s words. Ui-jin slightly smiled as he watched Do-hoon getting up to fill the coffee pot with water. He was thankful Do-hoon was there. If he had had no one to lean on mentally, he might have even attempted an unauthorized outing to find Seung-oh by now.
When a different scent than usual wafted as the tea steeped, Ui-jin quietly approached Do-hoon.
“It’s not black tea?”
“Since you said you couldn’t sleep, I think chamomile would be better today. It doesn’t have caffeine, so it’s good for insomnia.”
Ui-jin took a deep breath at the fragrant flower scent.
“I’m so thankful that at least you’re here, sir.”
Do-hoon, who was pouring hot water and dipping the tea bag in and out, looked up at Ui-jin. A somewhat bitter face. He still seemed to miss Seung-oh. Do-hoon, who had been silently observing Ui-jin, turned forward again.
“I’m not being of any help.”
“Don’t say that! I’m really grateful to you, sir. You even put up with all my whining…”
Do-hoon, who had casually picked up the fully steeped tea, went to the table and set down the cup. Then he grabbed Ui-jin’s thin wrist as he stood beside the chair. A warm body temperature that enveloped his hand. Do-hoon momentarily felt a heterogeneous sensation and got goosebumps.
“…You’d better drink the tea first.”
“Yes. I’ll enjoy it, sir.”
Ui-jin, who exhaled a big breath with his white cheeks puffed, smiled at the ripples spreading across the tea’s surface. Do-hoon watched the scene for a while and then hid his twitching fingers under his coat sleeve. It felt as if Ui-jin’s skin, which had just touched him, had seeped into the wrinkles of his hand.
“Seung-oh-ssi must be doing well.”
“I suppose. But I keep worrying.”
Do-hoon tilted his head to indicate he was listening to the story.
“Once I’ve made a decision, I should be able to stick with it persistently. Why do I feel regret?”
His lips, flushed from the heat of the tea, were red. Ui-jin pressed his warmed lips tightly, then began scratching the back of his hand with his fingernails. Noticing the reddened back of his hand, Do-hoon reached out and held it.
“…It means Ui-jin-ssi cares that much about Seung-oh-ssi.”
“But Seung-oh doesn’t even know I’m like this right now.”
That’s right. He might even disappear without ever knowing. Do-hoon swallowed words he couldn’t say aloud. Anyway, Seung-oh was destined to die in the abandoned ‘City.’ As long as Cheonum was there, that would be the case.
“When Seung-oh comes back, can we come together?”
“…Anytime.”
Do-hoon answered after a brief pause at Ui-jin’s question. Over his brightly smiling face appeared an image of Ui-jin wailing over Seung-oh’s death. Do-hoon pushed up the glasses he was wearing and raised the corners of his mouth.
‘If he can come back alive.’
At Do-hoon’s warm answer, Ui-jin was already excited as if Seung-oh had returned with national glory.
“But there’s one thing I’d like to ask.”
“Yes! What is it?”
Do-hoon didn’t exactly understand the emotion called love. Having never received it or given it, perhaps it was natural. So he was curious about the expressions and tone Ui-jin made whenever he thought about Seung-oh, the changes in his warming ear tips. It was different from the curiosity he had for Ui-jin.
“What does it mean to like someone?”
“Pardon?”
“Whenever you talk about Seung-oh-ssi, you look, how should I say, very happy.”
“…Ah, is that so?”
As if caught showing something he shouldn’t, Ui-jin opened his eyes wide and his ears burned even more. Even if he tried to hide it, it showed. Do-hoon nodded slightly.
“Oh my, you must have dated too, sir!”
“…Hmm.”
“No way, with that handsome face, a motssol? Impossible.”
“Motssol…?”
When Do-hoon repeated Ui-jin’s word, Ui-jin burst into laughter, closing his large eyes. For someone who seemed to know everything, he had unexpectedly innocent aspects. Do-hoon looked at Ui-jin, not understanding.
“How could nobody have taken such an excellent teacher? That’s shocking.”
“Well, I didn’t have much time… and I didn’t particularly think about such things,”
“Should I try to find someone for you? How many unmarried teachers are there in our center? Being a Seoul native, I don’t have connections at other centers.”
Ui-jin, who was now briefing on all the staff members in the center without a trace of his previous gloominess, seemed to be enjoying himself in his own way.
“How about Teacher Kim who takes care of the new Espers? His personality is a bit nasty, but he’s very caring. When I was crying once because training was hard, he even brought me chocolate! Ah, but is there an age gap between you two?”
His chattering voice wasn’t unpleasant to hear. Do-hoon, who was about to say it was enough, momentarily closed his mouth and decided to let Ui-jin do as he pleased.
“I don’t mind age differences.”
“Really? Well, since you’re a teacher I like, I should introduce you to someone worthy! Just wait a moment!”
Ui-jin even took out his mobile phone and pored over his contacts. Do-hoon realized he was laughing spontaneously and hurriedly fixed his expression.
“What type do you like, sir?”
At Ui-jin’s question, Do-hoon smiled as if embarrassed.
“I don’t have such preferences.”
“Come on, there’s no one without preferences.”
Ui-jin, who had been searching his contacts, looked at Do-hoon while holding his phone. Do-hoon stared at Ui-jin who was looking at him, then slowly opened his mouth.
“…Bright,”
Ui-jin was bright. Perhaps because he was so bright, it was very obvious when he was burning up inside.
“Honest with their emotions,”
And he found it difficult to hide things. He was a clear person with definite likes and dislikes.
“Shorter than me,”
“Wow, this is more specific than I expected?”
“…And I’d like their eyes to be dark brown.”
At Do-hoon’s last words, Ui-jin held his chin with a thoughtful expression. Do-hoon’s gaze, observing the various emotional changes, remained unwavering on Ui-jin.
“Hmm! It’s difficult, but I’ll try my best to find someone! Did you know my nickname is Seoul Cupid?”
Ui-jin, who had been poking Do-hoon with his elbow, drank the lukewarm chamomile and got up from his seat. As he tried to ease his depression by talking about anything, the training time had approached.
“Sir, could you go easy on me during training today?”
“That’s not within my authority.”
Ui-jin, who had been following Do-hoon who was heading to the training room with his clipboard, whined and stuck close beside him.
“That’s a lie. You’re the one who designs the programs.”
“Haha. But you shouldn’t forget that I’m someone who has to report on the training.”
The two walked side by side, continuing to laugh even as they entered the training room. Of course, Cheonum was undoubtedly detecting the voice he was making right now, but in front of Ui-jin, even someone like Cheonum wouldn’t touch him. Do-hoon forgot his duty with such a meager expectation. It was a moment when both Ui-jin and Do-hoon could forget everything and laugh, if only briefly.
In his own space, Cheonum listened to the voices of Do-hoon and Ui-jin and smirked. His thin mouth corners raised as if mocking their conversation. It was a new discovery about Do-hoon, who usually didn’t show much emotional change. Trivial jokes and endless laughter. These were only unfamiliar to Cheonum.
“It seems he’s forgotten his duty while playing with a youngster. A loyal servant who doesn’t listen…”
His smiling face turned cold.
“It won’t be long before it’s time to straighten out his lax mind.”
Do-hoon enjoyed the moments with Ui-jin so much that he forgot his position. Unlike his past, which was only dark and gloomy, it was like lying under the sun and basking in the sunshine. That’s why “moderation” didn’t work. He kept crossing the boundaries he had drawn. Even though he could clearly guess what results that would bring.
Author: Hyacinthus B
Hyacinthus
