Between broken words, Kalix pulled Alexander into his arms. He could feel every breath, every rise and fall of their chests pressed together. Even though he was the one on top, he clung like he was the one being held up.
It was too much—overwhelming, suffocating. He was drowning in Alexander, unable to breathe. His vision blurred. He kept kissing the damp corners of Alexander’s eyes, but Alexander turned his head away. The hand wrapped around his cock was slick with something thicker than lube now, the sticky sounds growing wetter.
“Hand—ah, fuck—hand, hand, shit—just, just—ngh—!”
At the urgent plea, Kalix sealed their mouths together and jerked his hand faster, smearing the fluid leaking down the shaft before palming the head in broad, firm strokes. The inner walls fluttered erratically, clamping down as Alexander came in his grip.
The pulse of Alexander’s release made Kalix thrust one last time, deep and grinding, before pulling out. He kissed Alexander urgently, fist flying over his own cock. The slick drag of Alexander’s cum between his fingers, the way it dripped down his wrist—it sent him over the edge with a choked gasp.
“Shit.”
Alexander’s breath was hot against his ear as he panted out the word. Kalix came with a shudder, barely catching the timing to pull back. The dizzying thrill of nearly failing only made it better—more layered, more real.
For a long moment, Kalix just lay there, catching his breath atop Alexander’s body. Then, like Alexander, he rubbed a hand over his own cum-smeared stomach.
“Shit… let’s clean our hands.”
Right. Kalix wanted to savor the afterglow, but the practical remark won out. He wiped their hands and the mess between them as best he could, then stole a glance at Alexander. The other man had grown strangely composed. Maybe it was the way his hands now rested neatly on his own stomach. When Kalix cautiously took one, Alexander’s eyes flickered open.
Still damp with lingering pleasure, those eyes made Kalix press a kiss to the corner without thinking. Alexander just watched him.
“I can’t believe it.”
Alexander’s voice was quiet, almost to himself.
“Shit… I can’t believe it.”
Kalix answered shyly.
“Me neither.”
He really couldn’t. Why had he resisted so long? All the time he’d wasted, all the ways he’d tormented Alexander—it felt like such a shame now. They’d been meant for this.
“Why are you crying?”
But apparently, he’d misunderstood. That wasn’t what Alexander had meant. And the way Alexander was looking at him now—it was embarrassing.
“I’m not crying now.”
“You are.”
Alexander turned his head to stare at him, and Kalix could only blink back, lost.
“I’m not.”
And he wasn’t—so why was Alexander—?
Then Alexander reached out and tapped beneath his eye. A tear spilled down his cheek. Kalix froze, bewildered. What just happened?
Alexander seemed just as stunned. He snatched his hand back, staring at Kalix with naked surprise. Kalix blinked, and another tear fell. He hastily covered his face.
“Shit, don’t rub it.”
Why? Why was he crying? He had no reason to—
“Shouldn’t I be the one crying? Why are you?”
Alexander’s voice held a trace of panic. Kalix wiped his eyes and looked at him. What he saw was a mess—tousled hair, a still-flushed face, that bewildered expression, and lower down, their bodies in disarray.
“Sorry for leaving marks. Does it hurt?”
His voice was utterly defeated as he reached out to trace the bite marks on Alexander’s shoulder. Alexander let out a dry laugh.
“Kid, I thought you weren’t scared of this stuff.”
“This is different.”
Alexander winced slightly, as if moving pained him, then cupped Kalix’s cheek.
“Shit… you look like bread soaked in milk.”
“What?”
Kalix had no idea what he meant.
“Not rye—soft white bread. Fluffy.”
Alexander poked his cheek. Kalix just stared as Alexander carefully, gently, wiped beneath his eyes with his thumb.
“Like jam’s about to ooze out.”
With that, he kneaded Kalix’s cheek, then nipped it lightly, as if taking a bite. Kalix could only stare, a strange sorrow rising in him. Why did Alexander keep saying things he didn’t understand?
“Ohh, there’s the jam.”
Another kiss to his tear-streaked eyelids. Kalix forced his eyes open, determined not to cry anymore.
“Shit, your eyes are really red.”
Now Alexander was pressing beneath them with his thumbs.
“Like a donut with jam peeking through the bread. Wait, is that a donut?”
“Why do you keep saying things I don’t get?”
Post-sex cuddling and pillow talk were supposed to be important—but Alexander just kept spouting nonsense. Yet when Kalix looked up, Alexander’s gaze was dead serious.
“I’m saying you’re beautiful.”
The words hit him like a physical blow. Alexander had never said anything like that before. Not about appearances—maybe about his heart? Kalix didn’t know what exactly Alexander found beautiful, but if it pleased him, that was enough. He stole another glance, nervous, before saying what he had to say.
“When I was with you just now…”
This, at least, he needed to voice.
“I didn’t think about anything else.”
It was true. Alexander probably knew it already—Kalix had been too clumsy, too desperate, for it to be anything but raw. But hearing it straight from his lips was different.
Kalix had seen only Alexander. No past, no ghosts—just him. And now, he couldn’t unsee it. Alexander was his, utterly and completely.
“I could tell.”
He didn’t expect any particular reaction, but at that detached response, Kalix said it clearly once more.
“I’m always like that. When I’m with you, I don’t think of anything else.”
“Really?”
“Yeah.”
Kalix answered quietly and closed his eyes, leaning his cheek against Alexander’s hand.
“So, Sasha.”
Kalix loved Alexander so much that now, as long as he could just be by Alexander’s side, he didn’t need to be okay. What about Alexander?
“Even if there’s someone more pitiful than me, you have to keep staying with me.”
He knew Alexander loved him, but couldn’t he love someone else too? That wouldn’t be strange. Everyone does that. Alexander was truly special, but at the same time he lived an ordinary daily life like other people. Still, I want you to only look at me.
“You talked about that with Jay.”
Receiving that gentle touch stroking his eyebrows, he actually wasn’t anxious. Even knowing Alexander could love someone else, it didn’t feel particularly real. Sasha cherishes me this much. There won’t be anyone who can receive more of this affection than me. Because I’ll make sure of that.
“No.”
When he answered quietly, Alexander playfully scolded him by gently touching Kalix’s nose.
“Lying is bad.”
When he opened his eyes again at that tone, Alexander softly kissed the tip of the nose he had touched.
“CC, I don’t like you because I pity you.”
Kalix quietly looked at Alexander. Any reason was fine. Either way, Alexander liked Kalix. Beyond that, he had come to love him.
“I like you because you’re pretty.”
He had just let it pass earlier, but hearing him say those words again made anxiety slowly rise. Kalix wasn’t pretty. And if you were talking about a pretty person, that would obviously be Jasper to anyone. Obviously. Suddenly impatience arose in his heart that had been calm until now.
“I’m not pretty.”
But even at Kalix’s words filled with anxiety, Alexander carefully traced Kalix’s face with his fingertips as if handling extremely fragile and delicate glass.
“Who says that? In my eyes, you’re the prettiest.”
His eyes must be strange.
“Sasha, will your eyes stay strange in the future too? They will, right?”
At the pleading voice, Alexander looked at Kalix as if bewildered.
“Yeah. There’s no one as pretty as you to me.”
Yet at the answer that came out as if he couldn’t help it, Kalix looked at Alexander for a moment, then shyly kissed his cheek. Whether he called him pretty or whatever, if Alexander liked it and saw Kalix that way, that was enough.
“There’s never been anyone until now, and there never will be in the future. No one but you.”
Kalix looked at Alexander with slightly heated eyes. Alexander was really so cool. Once more—wouldn’t that be okay? He thought he understood a little now. If they did it once more, he felt like he could do well. Besides, although Alexander seemed to have a hard time, they had rested while talking, so he thought it would be okay now.
“CC, no.”
But perhaps noticing Kalix’s gaze, at that firm voice, Kalix instead snuggled close beside him and hugged Alexander. Alexander naturally embraced such a Kalix. My kind and caring Alexander. My Sasha. My one and only lover.
Author: Hyacinthus B
Hyacinthus
