Still, maybe Jasper’s words might be right. If he had been truly normal from the beginning, he would have been pushed away when pushed. But even after being pushed away like that, Alexander stubbornly claimed the seat next to Kalix. How could such a person be ordinary?
But so what? Is that why he called him here now, to tell him something so obvious? Maybe Alexander has sides that Kalix doesn’t know. Even so, that doesn’t make Alexander’s staying by Kalix’s side meaningless.
What’s wrong with not losing things? It’s actually fortunate. In Kalix’s view, Alexander had a tendency to give away too calmly. Alexander handled Kalix when even Kalix couldn’t handle himself. Then Kalix will handle Alexander.
“Give him back. Don’t steal him away.”
Even if he can’t handle him, he has no intention of letting anyone else steal him.
“When did you ever have Sasha?”
Whatever problems Alexander has don’t matter. Kalix has more problems. Whether Alexander actually has problems and somehow fixes those problems, or just embraces them and lives with them, that’s for Kalix to figure out. He can’t give him to someone else for such a trivial reason. Not to anyone.
“You never had him.”
How could I give back my only person?
“Then how can I give him back? I didn’t steal anything from you.”
Kalix never stole Alexander from anyone. Alexander simply gave himself to Kalix. So he’s rightfully his. Kalix will never, never again let anyone steal what he has. He has even less intention of sharing with others.
My Sasha is mine alone. From now on too. My person, who can only love me.
“You haven’t slept with Sasha, have you?”
But the question that eventually came out contained a certainty that hadn’t been there before.
“You and I are the same. To Sasha.”
A moment of silence passed. Kalix knew very clearly that wasn’t the case. He was about to refute it, but before that, he heard footsteps.
“I heard you were here just now but disappeared, so I wondered where you were.”
It was Alexander’s voice. Since he had just heard the footsteps, he knew Alexander had just arrived. Kalix and Jasper’s gazes reflexively turned toward Alexander.
“What were you two doing?”
Alexander looked puzzled about why two people who weren’t even close—especially when Kalix had said he disliked Jasper—were together. And the distance of several steps. Kalix and Jasper instinctively knew what they were both waiting for.
For Alexander to approach. To them, not the other person. But Alexander just stood there, puzzled. In that stillness, Jasper suddenly lowered his head, then moved and left the spot. Alexander’s gaze naturally followed Jasper at that movement.
At that sight, Kalix couldn’t think of anything and just urgently grabbed Alexander. Alexander seemed like he would go to Jasper like that. Maybe he wouldn’t have. But he couldn’t leave such anxiety unresolved. Alexander had to come to him. Even if that hadn’t been Alexander’s first intention.
“Your brother started the fight first.”
When he said that right away, Alexander looked toward where Jasper had left.
“Jay did?”
At that sight, Kalix urgently grabbed Alexander’s hand and made him look at him. At Kalix, not somewhere else.
“Really.”
Actually, it was hard to believe. Jasper was so quiet and couldn’t speak well with people. So the fact that he had picked a fight with Kalix would definitely be questionable. But still, Alexander had to believe Kalix’s words. Alexander was the only one who always believed even the hardest-to-believe things.
“I believe you.”
At that readily given belief once again, Kalix finally felt somewhat relieved and lightly embraced Alexander’s waist. The hands wrapped around that waist were trembling weakly. Alexander seemed to feel it too, moving his hand to hold Kalix’s hands.
“Then don’t go to confirm with him.”
“Huh?”
Even at that voice filled with puzzlement, Kalix hugged Alexander tighter.
“Don’t go ask him. What he said. Just believe only my words.”
He disliked the idea of Alexander meeting Jasper itself, and if Jasper happened to tell a different story, he disliked that too. Alexander would believe Kalix’s story as the top priority, but still, he disliked it. He couldn’t bear Alexander doubting Kalix even a little.
“Got it.”
Alexander continued to pat him for a while so Kalix could feel at ease, then when Kalix seemed to have calmed down a bit, he lifted his head to make him look at himself.
“What did he say?”
At that gentle and caring voice, feelings of sorrow and injustice suddenly rose up.
“I was just waiting for you and he came over and picked a fight with me.”
Right after saying those words, Kalix immediately added,
“Don’t go scold him either.”
Anyway, he absolutely disliked Alexander meeting Jasper.
“I don’t usually scold Jasper anyway.”
“Why don’t you scold him? His personality is like that.”
Maybe his personality was like that because he didn’t get scolded. The more he thought about it, the more annoyed he became. Even while saying such things, Jasper couldn’t properly make eye contact. He was the one talking nonsense, yet anyone watching would surely think Kalix was bullying Jasper.
“I didn’t bully him. He bullied me.”
Could it have looked that way to Alexander too? He knew it wasn’t the case, but still felt wronged. It wasn’t his fault that Jasper was small and he was big. It wasn’t Kalix’s fault that Jasper looked weak as if he couldn’t eat properly and Kalix looked somewhat healthy.
“What on earth did he say?”
When he just kept his mouth shut, Alexander gently tickled the corners of his mouth as if telling him to speak. When he still didn’t open his mouth, Alexander said they should get his things first, asking him to tell him later, and started walking. Kalix stuck close behind him and followed Alexander’s steps.
* * *
“Won’t you tell me?”
Upon arriving at the room, at that coaxing voice, Kalix burrowed into Alexander’s embrace. Feeling the familiar warmth that embraced him, Kalix tried his best not to act petulant.
“He asked if you and I were dating, and when I said yes, he told us to break up.”
“Jay did?”
It seemed he had failed. Since it had come to this, he decided to just act petulant.
“Don’t you believe what I’m saying?”
“No. Of course I believe you.”
Alexander definitely showed signs of having a younger sibling. He was very skilled at coaxing. That made it even more dislikeable. Because he could guess who else he might have coaxed like this until now. It would have been much better if he had just been a stern older brother.
“Why would he do that?”
Kalix lifted his head from within that embrace to look at Alexander.
“I’m not curious, so don’t go ask him.”
“Okay.”
He was upset. That really wasn’t something that should be taken for granted. Even though Alexander was Jasper’s family, that didn’t mean it was natural for him to accept everything about Jasper. Alexander was merely Jasper’s family. Just because Jasper had no friends didn’t mean he had to play the role of a friend, and just because he didn’t get along with their father didn’t mean he had to play that role either.
That wasn’t something natural, but truly remarkable. The fact that he had been doing so all this time, that was truly remarkable. Not just anyone could do that. He disliked everything that made Alexander suffer.
“I’m sorry.”
At Alexander’s words that eventually came out, Kalix looked at Alexander with puzzlement.
“Why?”
Why was Alexander sorry?
“My younger brother seems to have hurt you.”
At that answer, Kalix quietly looked at Alexander. Had Alexander been like this before? Taking responsibility for Jasper instead. There must have been more times like this. Alexander didn’t need to be responsible for such things.
“Don’t apologize to me for things that aren’t your fault.”
He really didn’t want to hear such things. In the first place, Kalix had countless wrongs he had committed but never apologized for. Even so, Alexander had never once wanted an apology from Kalix. Kalix was the same way. Kalix no longer wanted any apologies from Alexander.
“Sasha, you never need to apologize to me for anything from now on.”
Then he didn’t know what to say. As he stayed still like that, Alexander suddenly rubbed the corners of Kalix’s eyes.
“Why are you crying again?”
But Kalix wasn’t crying, and Alexander already knew that too.
“I’m not crying. I’m just upset.”
Alexander might have been indifferent from the beginning. Maybe he originally didn’t get hurt easily, maybe he was originally strong. Maybe not. But in any case, that wasn’t a reason for anyone to take Alexander for granted.
All the words he had said to Jasper earlier weren’t directed at Jasper. They were words he had said to Kalix, to himself. All the words Jasper had said weren’t directed at Kalix either. They were directed at Jasper himself. Knowing that was the hardest thing to acknowledge. Understanding Jasper. Feeling like he knew why he did it, already knowing.
Kalix was holding onto Alexander. Because he couldn’t do without him. Kalix had had plenty of opportunities. Even now he had many. Many opportunities where he didn’t have to depend only on Alexander. He could make friends, maybe even try talking to his family. Even if Cyrus was difficult, maybe his parents would be okay.
Author: Hyacinthus B
Hyacinthus
