“It’s not something I can control.”
Alexander obviously knew that too. Physical reactions were all like that. Moreover, Alexander’s behavior was the problem to begin with. He was inciting it himself. When Kalix wheedled and yet couldn’t quite grab that hand, only grabbing his sleeve, Alexander laughed as if he couldn’t help it.
“I told you you can’t go first.”
Alexander scolded as if reprimanding him, yet unavoidably filled with affection, very lightly touching Kalix’s nose tip.
“Unless we’re going to date.”
When Kalix avoided his gaze at that topic he’d been continuously concerned about, Alexander lifted Kalix’s chin to face him.
“Nothing to say?”
Yet his gaze was nothing but gentle, as if he had no intention of forcing anything. He knew what Alexander wanted. Perhaps, Kalix naturally wanted it too. But not now.
“Kiss me.”
At those words, Alexander answered as if he’d give in for now.
“That’s not bad either.”
Then their lips touched briefly again, but before they could touch deeply, Alexander withdrew again.
“And then?”
Kalix shook his head.
“See. Who’s the mean one?”
Alexander didn’t tease him further and this time kissed him deeply. Gently touching the flesh inside his mouth, sucking his tongue, lightly biting, tickling the root of his tongue, rubbing his palate once – all of it was dizzying.
“I like mean kids.”
Kalix didn’t even realize he had been laid down on the bed at some point. Through the brief separation, Kalix watched Alexander undo a couple buttons of his uniform that had been fastened up to his neck, breathing heavily.
“Can’t breathe?”
Kalix shook his head and tried to put his arms around Alexander again, but Alexander grabbed his hands to stop him.
“Just.”
It was a bit sad, but seeing those eyes that were nothing but kind, there was no chance to feel hurt about anything.
“Continue.”
At those words, Alexander leaned toward Kalix again and spoke slowly at just the distance where their lips brushed.
“CC, open your mouth.”
Kalix readily parted his lips slightly. When Alexander lowered his head, he immediately sucked the tongue that touched him eagerly, but Alexander pulled his lips away again.
“Slowly.”
Whenever Kalix tried to be even a little impatient, Alexander would withdraw his lips as if stopping him, and only when he finally followed slowly would he open his lips as if satisfied. Kalix tried not to be impatient and slowly followed Alexander as he wanted.
“It’s been quite some time, aren’t you going out to look around?”
When they separated from kissing, they’d attach again.
“Yeah. What about you?”
Even while briefly separating to talk, their breaths mixed again.
“Not particularly.”
Leisurely and mellow kisses, softer than usual without anxiety or impatience, continued endlessly.
* * *
Kalix couldn’t stop glancing and checking whenever someone came out of the military studies building. Alexander would come out soon too. Because Alexander had one more class than Kalix, Kalix had been waiting for Alexander in front of it since some point. Since they couldn’t meet during the day when lectures were going on anyway, this was the best way to meet even a little sooner. The more people came outside, the faster his heart beat.
Since Kalix had been waiting for him, Alexander always checked his surroundings when coming out of the building. As if expecting something. And when he spotted Kalix, his face immediately lit up with a smile. Moreover, remembering his steps that came straight over without hesitation, he couldn’t help but feel nervous.
“Excuse me.”
There were many people who stayed after class for assignments in any department, but basically the military studies department had the latest ending lectures due to practical training, so there were a few more people waiting in front besides Kalix. Hearing a sound from beside him, it seemed like the person they were waiting for had come out. When would Alexander come out?
“Excuse me.”
But at that voice heard nearby, Kalix finally realized it was directed at him. When he reflexively turned to check, some female student was standing in front of him.
“Hello. I’m Vivian Kin. I come here often because my sister is here, but I’m in the engineering department.”
Kalix’s family was quite closed-off to begin with, so he didn’t know many people except relatives. At least other family members seemed to know outsiders since they did social activities, but Kalix had only just come outside so he knew no one. So he didn’t know this person named Vivian who had just introduced herself at all.
“Yes, hello.”
When he greeted her first, Vivian looked up at Kalix.
“You’re Mr. Blackwood, right?”
“Yes.”
When he answered readily, wondering what business she might have, suddenly a bouquet was extended toward him. Though he accepted it for now, he felt uncomfortable. People often appeared in front of the military studies building to see Alexander. Alexander had no girlfriend now, and people who had been interested in Alexander would naturally pay attention to that news.
Although Alexander politely declined all such affections, sometimes gifts or letters were delivered through other people. Kalix had already experienced this once. It was a classmate from the same class who asked if he wasn’t close with senior Clifford from the military studies department and whether he could deliver a letter. Still, this case might be fortunate. Alexander hadn’t come out yet, and it was better than Alexander receiving it directly.
“Waiting in front like this, I became interested at some point. I’m not trying to make you uncomfortable, I just wanted you to know that. I wanted to try talking to you at least once.”
But at those words, he was flustered. So this bouquet was for him. This wasn’t the first time such a case happened. But it was such an unexpected place and situation that he couldn’t react quickly for a moment.
“I don’t mean a deep relationship, we could greet each other when we pass by in the future, right? We both know people in the military studies department, and we’ll be waiting in front in the future too.”
Kalix extended the bouquet he had inadvertently accepted back toward Vivian. Now he saw there was also a letter inside the bouquet. He really couldn’t accept something like this.
“I’m sorry but I think I have to return this.”
But instead of taking the bouquet back, Vivian just looked up at Kalix.
“Are you seeing someone?”
“Yes.”
Maybe he should think about it, but the answer came quickly. It didn’t feel like he was lying.
“Then you can give it to that person. Like I said, I’m fine with just greeting. I just spoke to you because I wanted to become friends. Please see it as a sign of friendship.”
Even if she asked him to see it that way, there was no way he could really see it like that.
“However,”
Still, before Kalix could say anything, Vivian pointed somewhere and spoke quickly.
“Excuse me. My sister is coming.”
Unable to chase after or grab a student he’d met for the first time today, as he looked at her retreating figure awkwardly, Vivian briefly turned her head after walking a few steps forward.
“See you again.”
Then as she quickly moved again, Kalix sighed. How should he handle this? After looking down at the bouquet for a moment and raising his head again, Kalix’s heart lurched for a moment. Alexander was there, having come out at some point. Alexander had been standing quietly with his arms crossed, then approached when his eyes met Kalix’s.
“Pretty.”
His voice pointing at the bouquet was simply flat. Then at those steps heading toward the dormitory, Kalix stood dazed for a moment before hurriedly following. Alexander was no different. This was how he always was.
When walking with Skylar, or with Deborah and Rosie, he always walked slowly for them, but when with Kalix he didn’t bother to do so. Since their strides were similar anyway, their pace matched without needing to adjust. So it was natural that he wasn’t checking Kalix’s speed while walking now.
Moreover, Alexander wasn’t particularly talkative to begin with. They met every day anyway, and even shared the same room. They had eaten together that morning too, so there wasn’t really any new topic. Alexander and Kalix weren’t the type to force new conversations, so Alexander having nothing particular to say now was no different from usual.
But even so, Kalix felt inexplicably anxious and kept watching Alexander’s mood for reasons he couldn’t clearly understand.
“Why aren’t you saying anything?”
His anxiety finally poured out in the form of words, but Alexander answered indifferently.
“I did say something. That you’re pretty.”
Kalix stopped dead in his tracks. But Alexander didn’t stop with him. Even though he had only stopped for a short while, the distance between them quickly widened. The farther apart they got, the more suffocated he felt, so Kalix moved his feet urgently again.
Author: Hyacinthus B
Hyacinthus
