Concerned and hard to leave alone, but not in that sense? Was he supposed to believe that now? He wanted to get away from there immediately.
“You’re in a difficult situation, you need help, and it’s natural to help someone who needs help.”
“That’s…”
But at that calm voice without any particular emotion mixed in, Kalix suddenly asked.
“Is that natural?”
“Of course?”
Alexander seemed puzzled instead. As if asking what else would be natural. Kalix had lost the ability to distinguish what was natural. But thinking about Alexander’s words, surely Kalix had thought that way before too. It was right that helping people who need help is natural, but now he had no room for even that one thing, so he couldn’t gauge it well.
“Do you believe what I say?”
“Yeah.”
“Why?”
Why believe it? It’s a story that anyone who heard it, even Kalix himself, wouldn’t want to believe or find believable.
“Because you told me.”
Even so, Alexander’s answer had no trace of complexity. Kalix had hoped for some additional explanation, but Alexander really seemed to have no other particular thoughts about it.
“What if I’m deceiving you?”
Even to that question, Alexander answered indifferently, as if it didn’t matter.
“So what if I’m deceived?”
Alexander continued with completely incomprehensible words.
“Wouldn’t that be okay?”
Is this also natural?
“Is there only one thing you’ll be deceived about in life? Even if you’re not deceived by me, there’ll definitely be times when you’re deceived by others. I don’t remember well, but you’ve probably already been deceived a few times.”
This didn’t seem like a natural way of thinking, but Alexander speaking was so calm that it seemed like this might be a natural way of thinking for other people. Do other people all think like this? How did the old Kalix used to think?
“And what’s wrong with being deceived a little? It’s just something that makes you feel bad and then it’s over.”
But it might not always be like that. What if someday you really get badly hurt? Still, that kind of thinking didn’t seem natural.
“Rather than being anxious about being deceived every time and suspecting everything, it’s better to just believe comfortably and if not, then feel a bit bad later and be done with it.”
Alexander really seemed to think that way, but Kalix couldn’t. Kalix couldn’t do that. What if he believed and then something went wrong? Kalix was already broken enough. He didn’t want to risk further damage.
“What good would it do you to deceive me about that?”
Alexander continued speaking.
“Then you can deceive me.”
Is this, is this kind of thing really natural? It shouldn’t be. It doesn’t seem right.
“I’ll forgive you.”
Even so, hearing those words, he wished Alexander was right. He wished that was really a natural thing. It wouldn’t make anything better, and it’s not like Kalix was deceiving Alexander anyway, but still.
“Is that natural too?”
“Yeah.”
Even for Kalix, who had difficulty easily distinguishing what was normal and what was abnormal, he could feel that wasn’t natural. But still, he found himself hoping that Alexander was right, without even realizing it.
* * *
Looking a bit more calmly, Alexander didn’t stick close to Jasper much. Maybe it really was a misunderstanding. Maybe it was because Kalix had become too sensitive and saw everything that way.
Thinking about it, that was true too. Even recalling memories, Jasper was shy around strangers. He usually went around alone, or together with Kalix. Sometimes he was with Hugo, but Hugo was almost always with Kalix, telling Kalix information about people and encouraging him to try something. It’s not like that now, but anyway it was like that then, so even then Hugo and Jasper didn’t spend that much time together.
It was the same now. Jasper was usually alone, and though he seemed to approach when he saw Alexander, Alexander wouldn’t approach first unless Jasper came over, even if he saw him. At most, they’d see each other when they went to their room since they shared one.
Maybe they really were just ordinary brothers, unusual only in that the younger brother relied on his older brother quite a bit. At least Alexander definitely seemed that way.
“Kalix?”
At the voice suddenly calling him, he turned his gaze to see Alexander and his girlfriend. He had learned through the dining hall conversation that Alexander had a girlfriend, but he had never seen them together before. But it wasn’t difficult to realize she was his girlfriend.
“Sky, this is Kalix. He rooms with my brother.”
“Ah, with Jasper?”
“Yeah.”
They had said they were originally friends, and the atmosphere of their conversation seemed quite comfortable.
“Hello.”
“Hello.”
He couldn’t ignore her smiling greeting, so he awkwardly returned it, and Alexander looked at Kalix.
“Where were you headed?”
“Going back in.”
He was going back in after receiving counseling. Naturally, it was counseling with Marcel, his academic advisor. He had been nervous the whole time, but surprisingly nothing happened. He wondered if it was natural since he hadn’t had his coming-of-age ceremony yet, but it made him more worried about what would happen after the ceremony.
While you could request more counseling sessions, there was also a basic required number. Freshmen had to have three, so there were still two more left. The remaining two were after the coming-of-age ceremony.
Fortunately, basically all the people Kalix had touched weren’t originally interested in Kalix. Most of the time, Kalix had approached first. Marcel was the same. He only regarded Kalix as a student, but Kalix kept pushing by applying for counseling sessions.
So if he didn’t do that, maybe if he just didn’t do that, it might be okay. But maybe this time the situation would unfold differently. In a worse way.
“There’s not much time left before roll call.”
At Alexander’s words as he checked his wristwatch, Skylar turned her head toward Alexander and suddenly said as if she had discovered something.
“Rosie’s over there.”
As Alexander naturally followed that gaze, Skylar smiled.
“You don’t need to walk me back today. I’ll go with Rosie.”
“You don’t need me?”
At that question, Skylar’s gaze met Alexander’s again. As her tied hair swayed from turning her head, Kalix suddenly looked at that hair. He could see a hair tie. It was the hair tie Alexander had taken from the drawer a few days ago. The same blue color as Skylar’s eyes.
“I’ll walk her back with you.”
Along with those words, Alexander gently touched Skylar’s elbow briefly and let go. At that signal, Skylar naturally smiled while looking at Alexander, then said to Kalix.
“See you next time.”
When he nodded in understanding, Alexander and Skylar soon walked side by side. Unlike other couples he met at the academy, they didn’t hold hands or link arms. It was more of a comfortable atmosphere, which was why when Kalix first saw Skylar, he had mistaken her for a friend rather than Alexander’s girlfriend.
Besides, when he occasionally encountered Alexander, there were usually friends by his side, never a girlfriend. So while he knew Alexander had a girlfriend, he hadn’t really felt it unconsciously. But seeing them directly, it felt somewhat unfamiliar.
The clearly slower pace than usual and the relaxed, comfortable atmosphere seemed to be because they trusted each other. Like they really liked each other a lot.
* * *
Kalix encountered Alexander on his way up to the room where he actually lived, after having roll call checked in his original room. Alexander blocked Kalix’s path and stared at him for a moment.
“Something happened to you.”
“Nothing happened.”
Kalix said immediately and looked at Alexander. Come to think of it, whenever Alexander happened to meet Kalix while coming and going, he would always observe Kalix’s condition.
“Are you really not interested in me?”
The wariness that had decreased a bit after seeing him with his girlfriend surged up again.
“The person you saw today is my girlfriend.”
But hearing that calm voice, he became puzzled instead.
“Then are you like this with just anyone?”
“Like what?”
The attitude of showing no trace of suspicion even after hearing Kalix’s ridiculous words, and even saying it was okay to outright deceive him. Kalix and Alexander had no previous contact. That meant they were strangers. Did Alexander originally believe everything any stranger said to him?
“You’re going to get scammed like that.”
That was his first impression. And it seemed like he had probably already been scammed several times. But Alexander answered without any sign of being offended.
“Maybe. But somehow it’ll work out, won’t it?”
When he didn’t answer because it didn’t seem like it would work out somehow, Alexander continued on his own.
“It’s the good thing about being a second son.”
“What is?”
Unable to follow that way of thinking that just skipped several steps to the conclusion, he asked, and Alexander answered.
“If I were the eldest son inheriting the family, I’d have to be suspicious of people and all that. But I’m not, so it’s nice to live comfortably.”
Actually, since Kalix was also a second son, he understood to some degree. If not for the unexpected disaster, Kalix probably would have been similar until now too. Still, Kalix hadn’t gone around saying outright that it was okay whether people deceived him or not like Alexander did.
“Did you tell anyone else about me?”
That’s what suddenly came to mind. Was he paying attention to Kalix because he needed something to tell others? People from his family didn’t usually attend places like the academy where they interacted with many others. So he had known for a long time that somewhat closed-off rumors had spread. But the story that Kalix, the only one from that family who was somewhat visible to people, had gone crazy would be good entertainment.
“I don’t know anyone you know. At most Jasper or Dylan?”
Author: Hyacinthus B
Hyacinthus
