“What about you?”
But that was Kalix’s business. Alexander didn’t need to change rooms, yet he did. Why he did so was still unknown.
“What about me?”
Though they had changed rooms, they still left many of their belongings in their original rooms. Because of this, going back and forth between rooms was quite frequent, and this time was the same. Alexander asked while rummaging through drawers looking for something, then seemed to interpret it himself and answered.
“Jasper has gotten a bit loose now that he’s living with me, so the room is a bit messy, but what can I do. I raised him too permissively. I should have made him learn to clean up his room at least.”
Was Jasper originally bad at organizing? He couldn’t remember properly. He didn’t seem to have considered such things important in the first place. Besides, while Kalix was directly living with Jasper, he focused on avoiding looking at Jasper as much as possible.
“Since he’s my younger brother anyway, there’s nothing uncomfortable about it. Plus it’s on the second floor.”
He seemed to be saying it was easy to go outside.
“Where do you go?”
Though it was a temporary lull, he still wanted to know how to get out. He might suddenly develop determination one day.
“Secret.”
But Alexander, who could actually tell him, smiled and said briefly, then straightened his back that had been bent while rummaging through the drawer. Checking what he had found in his hand, it was a hair tie. Alexander turned his head toward Dylan.
“Dylan Hampton.”
“Yeah.”
Until just now, when Alexander and Kalix were talking, there had been no sign, but as soon as his name was called, an answer came immediately.
“I woke you up.”
“Yeah.”
But seeing that his eyes were still closed, it didn’t seem like he was actually awake. Alexander knew all this but still moved to leave the room again as if he had completed his mission anyway.
“No, hey, Alex.”
At Dylan’s sudden call, Alexander looked at Dylan again.
“What?”
“Skylar told you to tell me something yesterday.”
“What?”
“I don’t remember. Something to tell me.”
Dylan went back to sleep after finishing that sentence. It seemed like there was no real difference between saying that and not saying it, but Alexander looked quite used to it and had an expression of acceptance. Alexander was about to go outside again when he suddenly looked at Kalix.
“There’s still time left, so you should sleep a bit more too.”
Then when Alexander left the room, the room became quiet again. Nothing had been resolved and nothing would be resolved in the future, yet it was strangely peaceful.
* * *
“You came?”
“Yeah. Hello.”
Kalix, who answered briefly, looked straight ahead. Philosophy classes always involved discussions, so he had to talk with other people one way or another. Naturally he sat away from Jasper, but the problem with this class wasn’t that—it was the professor.
The philosophy professor, Marcel Edley, was one of the people he had slept with during the time when Kalix’s body was stolen. Moreover, he was Kalix’s advisor. At the beginning of the semester, advisors were supposed to give advice to their assigned students about future classes, and next week would be Kalix’s turn. The consolation, if it could be called that, was that unlike with Jasper, he hadn’t always been with Marcel, so there weren’t that many memories. Not that it mattered much.
“Kalix, they say you can slip out briefly when going to the temple.”
When he was forcing himself to listen to class with mixed and complicated feelings, he turned his gaze at the whispered voice and saw Bertram, who was sitting next to him, subtly gesture toward Owen with his eyes.
Since it was dangerous to meet one person for a long time, he didn’t make close friends, but inevitably there were people he kept meeting while attending classes. It seemed fine as long as they weren’t alone together. Avoiding being alone with Owen like that, somehow Bertram ended up in between.
“Kurt told me that when he went to the temple, he slipped out in the middle and bought alcohol.”
Though it could momentarily divert attention from Marcel’s class, it wasn’t a particularly interesting story. At the beginning of the semester, they went on outings, with different locations for each grade. But being able to choose locations was a story for other grades—freshmen had to go to the temple without exception. Naturally, not everyone liked it.
Perhaps because of this, everyone tried to figure out ways to slip out somehow, but it didn’t apply to Kalix. Of course, he absolutely didn’t want to go to the temple. There was someone there he had slept with too. Even if Kalix hadn’t been particularly devout originally, he hadn’t committed sacrilege either. Yet touching a priest. It was impossible.
But deviating from scheduled activities was too dangerous. If he didn’t attend scheduled classes or deviated from the set schedule, something else would always go wrong. He would get more deeply involved with people he already knew, or something would happen with people he didn’t know.
At least with scheduled events, he knew how to avoid them, but facing unknown situations was too dangerous.
“You can’t drink alcohol.”
Besides, Kalix hadn’t even had his coming-of-age ceremony yet. Thinking of the coming-of-age ceremony made him feel sick again suddenly. The only person he had slept with before the coming-of-age ceremony was Jasper. But after the ceremony, he slept with many more people. Since the coming-of-age ceremony felt like a benchmark, he suddenly realized that time was approaching.
“I’ve already tried it.”
At those words, Marcel’s gaze came toward him, perhaps annoyed by the whispering. Kalix passed over that gaze as naturally as possible while writing small letters in his notebook telling them not to attract the professor’s attention. Then Bertram and Owen immediately became quiet.
Whether fortunately or unfortunately, Marcel’s voice no longer bothered him. What filled his head was the coming-of-age ceremony. Now, there was only a little more than a month left.
* * *
What to do. What should he do. It was only that thought continuously. Perhaps the reason he was peaceful for now was because it was before the coming-of-age ceremony. Of course, he had slept with Jasper before that, but still, Jasper was the only one before then. All the rest were after the coming-of-age ceremony. So if the coming-of-age ceremony was the turning point, then what to do.
What if what Kalix saw wasn’t reversing the past, but precognition? If Kalix would now directly follow those steps. If not that, the most likely possibility—if it was all delusion?
Until now, he had only thought that everything might be fantasy. But what if there was a reason for creating such fantasies? What if it was something Kalix unconsciously desired? So he created the delusion?
“Hello.”
At the sound that suddenly came, he reflexively looked up to see Alexander placing his meal tray in front of him and sitting down. After changing rooms, whenever they ran into each other in the cafeteria, Alexander would approach first.
Why? The thought he had just been having extended to Alexander as well. Come to think of it, why did Alexander care about Kalix so much? Taking his nonsense seriously, even changing rooms, and after that, always greeting him whenever they ran into each other. Suddenly becoming unpleasant, he immediately stood up from his seat, and Alexander looked at Kalix blankly.
“Is that all you’re eating?”
Looking at Kalix’s tray, who had been lost in thought since before entering the cafeteria and had barely eaten, Alexander asked, and Kalix said:
“Alexander Clifford.”
“Alex.”
Come to think of it, that was strange too. Kalix always called Alexander by his full name with the surname, or just the surname. When he did that, Alexander would always correct him, telling him to call him by his first name. Why did he particularly want to feel such intimacy?
“Like this.”
Maybe what Kalix had thought while looking at Owen was really right.
“I’d prefer if you didn’t act friendly.”
If someone got to know Kalix for a long time or became close within a certain distance, that person might become abnormal too. What if Alexander had become like that?
“Please keep your distance.”
To Kalix’s continued words, Alexander answered briefly:
“Whatever.”
Even that word that wasn’t quite a word, without adding anything else, made Kalix suddenly embarrassed, though he hadn’t completely shaken off his uneasiness.
“Kalix, sit down first. Eat something.”
Moreover, because Kalix was standing and Alexander was sitting, it seemed like more and more eyes were gathering on them. Kalix had no choice but to sit down while not letting go of his wariness.
“Do you want to eat with me that badly?”
It didn’t make sense. This was definitely—Alexander had definitely become strange too. Otherwise, Alexander wanted to be with Kalix too much.
“I have a girlfriend.”
“So what?”
Though it was news to him, having a girlfriend didn’t mean he couldn’t look elsewhere. Marcel, who had brought back anxiety to him just before, was like that too. Marcel definitely had a fiancée, but still slept with his student.
“I said I have a girlfriend.”
Still, Alexander continued calmly:
“Do you remember when I said I talked to you because of student council business while you were walking by the lake until roll call time?”
It wasn’t long ago and it was quite absurd, so of course he remembered.
“That student council member is my girlfriend.”
He thought she was a friend, but apparently she was his girlfriend. But that didn’t make all suspicions disappear immediately.
“We’ve been together for two years, friends before officially dating for one year. Skylar Colby. International Studies. She likes fruit and can’t eat spicy food well.”
The voice listing things about his girlfriend one by one was only peaceful, but somehow hearing that voice made his heart soften. Having a girlfriend doesn’t mean he can’t touch other people, but does he like her a lot?
“Then why are you hovering around?”
“Because I’m concerned.”
When Kalix’s expression, which had softened a bit at that answer, immediately hardened, Alexander said as usual, matter-of-factly:
“Not in that sense, it’s just hard to leave you alone.”
Author: Hyacinthus B
Hyacinthus
