Flip Side v1c5

This much? Even in his completely absent state of mind, the question arose naturally. If an ordinary person were acting like this, wouldn’t you wonder if something was wrong with them? Moreover, the force pinning his body against the wall was quite strong, making his ribcage hurt from the pressure. He was physically suffocating, his face scrunching up. When he lightly touched Alexander’s arm, Alexander looked at Kalix.

“Compared to dying, it’s nothing.”

Even as he said this, Alexander released Kalix.

“Until you die, live with some sense.”

He didn’t have the strength to respond. Though he was momentarily startled and all other thoughts disappeared, he was still dizzy.

“I’m dizzy.”

At the words that slipped out, Alexander grabbed Kalix’s arm and led him into the room. The moment their body heat touched, goosebumps rose and he reflexively tried to shake him off, but Alexander gripped harder, preventing him from breaking free. Before he could even think to stop walking at that forceful touch, Alexander forcibly dragged Kalix and carelessly threw him onto the bed.

As he lay on the bed with his arm covering his eyes, he felt someone’s presence beside him. Looking hazily with unfocused vision, Alexander was holding out a cup of water from who knows where.

Since he didn’t want to drink something given by someone else, he just stared without accepting it. Alexander drank the water himself. Seeing this, Kalix covered his eyes with his arm again. For a moment, no sound could be heard. When no sound came, memories poured out again. Memories that weren’t even his. If only some sound could be heard, he could focus on that instead.

“You, me,”

But what he heard wasn’t Alexander’s voice, but Kalix’s own.

“You killed me.”

Then no sound could be heard at all. Kalix just slowly caught his breath in that state. It’s not his. It’s not Kalix’s. But then, what is it?

His thoughts kept going in circles. He didn’t want to, but he had no choice. He didn’t know how to forget. No, was it even a memory he should forget? But it wasn’t even his memory. Why should he be troubled by such things—

“A nightmare?”

Along with the voice that suddenly interrupted, there was a dragging sound, then he heard Alexander sitting beside him. He must have brought a chair.

“Someone took my body.”

He had never once wished for someone to listen. No one could help, and it wasn’t something that should be told to anyone in the first place. Even so, without any thought of holding back, his voice just flowed out.

“But with my body, they did whatever they wanted, strange things.”

They took everything from him. Really, everything. Starting with his body, and all other things too. The body that had been his, relationships, and even the future that he should have rightfully enjoyed.

“Sleeping with all sorts of people, without taking any responsibility.”

No one knew. No one knew that what was inside that body wasn’t Kalix. Not even his family. What exactly is Kalix? What am I, if having just this flesh is the end of it all?

“You shouldn’t do that. You should take responsibility for everything. You shouldn’t do that.”

Would it have been better if they had taken his body and lived well with it? These were things that were precious beyond measure to him—if they were going to take his body, shouldn’t they at least have cherished those things? At the very least, that would have been proper.

“Do you think it would have been okay if that person had lived virtuously?”

He should naturally call Kalix insane, but instead Alexander asked what Kalix had been thinking about all along. Nothing could have been okay. Nothing could have filled that sense of deprivation. Along with that, the betrayal that never went away.

Of course it’s natural not to know. Kalix also knew that if he hadn’t experienced something like this and someone next to him had changed while keeping the same appearance, he wouldn’t have noticed. He’d just think maybe something big happened and their personality changed a bit. So, already understanding that was the most difficult part.

“Is that why you want to die?”

When he gave no answer to the calm question, Alexander was quiet for a moment, then spoke.

“Are you afraid your dream will become reality?”

He couldn’t tell. Whether it was because he’d already seen it become reality, or because he thought it might repeat again. If not that, then maybe because if it repeated in his current state, there would really be nothing left to blame. If I—if it repeated with me fully in my own body, what would happen then? It won’t happen. He clearly knows it can’t happen, but still he doesn’t know how to be certain.

Kalix had never once thought that someone else would take over his body. But that’s what happened. Then, what about other things?

“Do you think you’re someone who deserves to die?”

Along with those words, Alexander snapped his fingers. At that sound, like something demanding attention, Kalix reflexively looked at Alexander. Alexander was just leaning back in his chair, looking at Kalix.

“I don’t think having some sex is a mortal sin. Was it forced?”

Even as he said this, Alexander’s tone held no hint of reproach.

“No.”

That was more of the problem. There needed to be someone clearly to blame. Really, there absolutely had to be.

“The problem wasn’t the sex, it was that someone else took your body.”

It wasn’t just one problem—everything was the problem.

“Even if you did something terribly wrong in that state, that wasn’t your fault either.”

Kalix knows this too. None of it was Kalix’s fault. However, even though he bore no guilt, he had to bear the consequences. When he raised his gaze that had been lowered, his eyes met directly with Alexander’s.

“So why should you die?”

Then what should he do? Kalix couldn’t do anything—there was nothing he could do except eliminate the possibility of being used entirely.

“It was someone else, right? Then either find that person somehow and kill them, or kill the people who slept with you for not knowing who was in your body.”

At the suddenly violent topic, Kalix was momentarily startled and looked at Alexander. But Alexander seemed completely unbothered.

“Who was in my body—I’d like to find out too, but I probably won’t be able to. The people who slept with me, they didn’t know either.”

“Then what about you?”

He couldn’t immediately grasp what was being asked, so his brow furrowed slightly.

“Those people at least knew. That they were sleeping with you. It wasn’t forced, right?”

Alexander continued speaking as if it were nothing.

“But you didn’t.”

Alexander really did seem unbothered. Even after hearing all of Kalix’s insane words.

“For you, it was forced.”

It wasn’t a look of belief. But it wasn’t a look of disbelief either. It seemed like to Alexander, all such judgment was simply unnecessary.

“Either way, you have no reason to die.”

Alexander still just looked at Kalix, at Kalix’s words, without judging anything.

“You might still want to die despite all that, but that’s not a reason you should die.”

He was clearly saying strange things, yet Alexander’s calm attitude made it seem like really ordinary conversation.

“How do you think you’d feel sleeping with your brother?”

At Kalix’s words, Alexander’s expression, which had been calm until now, frowned.

“I don’t mean it that way—I’m really asking. How do you think you’d feel?”

Was Alexander calm because it wasn’t his business? Or could he remain calm even if he thought it was his business? What would Alexander think?

“I can’t. Absolutely not.”

Alexander answered firmly and continued speaking.

“How could you do that with family? The very thought of having to think about it is disgusting.”

It was blunt, as if the mere thought really made him nauseous.

“Then what if you had?”

“That won’t happen. I can’t even hypothetically consider it.”

“Even if your brother seduced you?”

“That won’t happen either, but succumbing to my brother is impossible.”

Jasper didn’t seem to think that way though. Did Alexander really not know? He thought Alexander must know somehow. But looking at Alexander’s attitude now, it seemed like he didn’t know at all. As if he couldn’t even perceive such a possibility.

Actually, that was natural. Really, Alexander’s attitude was perfectly natural. Sleeping with his own brother—that really was impossible. It was also natural that Alexander would feel disgust about it. That’s what it was.

“Did you sleep with your brother?”

Despite the question that followed, Kalix said nothing. Everything was the problem. First and foremost, having his body taken was the biggest problem, but all the things done in between were also problems. Touching all sorts of people, not even sticking to one person at a time. But it wasn’t his fault. There was nothing Kalix could do. He felt helpless, but he didn’t feel guilty.

However, among those people who were touched, his brother was there. It still wasn’t Kalix’s fault. But still. How could that happen? His brother, Cyrus, didn’t know. He didn’t know that someone else was inside his body. Why didn’t he know? They had lived together their whole lives, so why didn’t he recognize him? And why. If he couldn’t recognize him, then how could he still.

He didn’t even know who to resent. He had seen the deliberate seduction firsthand. Pretending to be vulnerable to draw out sympathy. Anyway, since Cyrus worried about Kalix as a younger brother, he had seen that being exploited. But even so.

Family is precious. Not just as a universal belief, but Kalix truly cherished his family. He always loved them, relied on them, they were the most important existence. Should he hate how his precious family was treated carelessly, or should he resent how it was possible to mix bodies with a younger brother, even if he was led to it?

Still, it wasn’t Kalix anyway. It didn’t happen either. Everything was nothing. So it’s fine. It’s nothing. He definitely knows all of that.

“In a dream?”